...I'm forced to look from him to the porch.
And there he is. The same as always.
"Hey Catnip."
None other than Gale Hawthorne.
CHAPTER 6: INDECISION
The minute I turn around he strides from the porch toward me. Forgetting Peeta I take a few steps in his direction.
"Why didn't you call-" I begin angrily before his lips crash down on mine.
I'm so taken aback I let him kiss me. Not even acknowledging Peeta he gives me a lengthy and fierce kiss. Once he pulls back I demand, "Why didn't you call me? I had to hear you were coming from Prim!"
"Well it was meant to be a surprise…" He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck.
I glare at him trying to convey he had no right in kissing me especially with Peeta right there. I look back now and see that Peeta looks embarrassed and unsure.
"Peeta this is Gale." I mutter sullenly.
They shake hands in an awkward, manly greeting. "I'll, uh, get the food ready." He mutters before retreating into the house.
Once inside Gale asks tenderly, "How are you?" His hand runs up and down my arm. I step out of his reach.
"I'm fine. You should've told me you'd be here." I rant again. Deep down I knew my anger wasn't fair. My most recent trip back home had been filled with sexual explorations involving Gale. I distinctly remember my legs wrapped around his waist, back to his office wall, and the ecstasy of having sex in such a risky situation. I had led him on to make myself feel better. And now I was paying for it.
He looks at me curiously. "Are you busy?"
"I actually am." I declare, crossing my arms. He was used to my hostile manner.
"With what?" He challenges.
My eyes flicker to the house as I realize I can't tell him. "The firm." I say.
"Or Peeta?" He suggests.
"Excuse me?"
His eyes flicker with anger. "I don't know. Whenever you come back you have no problem being with me yet you refuse to further it. Am I that disposable?" He looks sincerely hurt and I feel conflicted.
I sigh and roughly rub my face. "Gale…look just come inside, okay? I need to talk to you about home anyway."
He reluctantly follows me into the house where Peeta has laid out Chinese on the bench. Thoughtfully, he's placed a stack of three plates next to the containers. Once he spoons out his serve he turns and goes to take it to his room. I know what he is doing. Trying to give us space.
"Peeta!" I follow him down the hall.
He turns reluctantly with an almost hurt expression. "I'm sorry, can we finish this later? I won't be long."
He nods and then makes his way up the stairs. I feel the strange sensation that I have done something wrong. I reenter the kitchen to Gale's raised eyebrows.
"What?" I ask grumpily.
"Are you with him?"
I laugh at the absurdity. "Do you think I would have let you kiss me if I was?"
A hint of a smile takes over Gale's face. "It's good to see you."
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you too."
Silence takes over as we pick at our food. I build up the courage to ask what I need to ask. "Gale what's happening back home with my mother?" I swallow the lump in my throat. "Are they really releasing her?"
He's eyes soften. "Yeah they really are. Katniss it's okay. We're taking care of it."
Nothing these days was 'okay'. "When are you leaving?"
"In three days. That's how long the conference lasts." Gale was part of an old family business, Hawthorne Industries, which was extremely successful.
"I'll go back with you." I tell him.
For a moment sheer delight crosses his face. Then he comes back down to his senses. Realizing that I'm not coming home for him. "What? Katniss you have school."
I nod. "I know, but I have to sort out my mother." I say throw gritted teeth.
"Kat, no you don't. Prim said you're on a big case as well. Don't stress yourself out, okay? Everything back home is fine. Haymitch and Prim are dealing with it, there's nothing left for you to do. Sort yourself out here before you come back. Trust me, I'll look after Prim."
"But-"
"No buts." He says. "You'll wear yourself out. Just calm down."
When had I ever been calm? "I can't expect them to just do everything for me."
"And they can't expect you do to everything for them." He counters. I huff and shove fried rice in my mouth. "I won't let you come back." He tells me. "Not for a while at least."
"Fine." I resign realizing how he sounds incredibly similar to both Jo and Finnick.
"So are you actually busy tonight or were you just trying to piss me off?" He smiles, grabbing my hand. Normally I wouldn't resist but it felt so wrong here in State 4 and not back home. But as I stare into his grey eyes I feel the usual comfort that comes with Gale.
"Give me an hour or two. Then I'll be ready."
He grins. "Perfect." He finishes his plate and says he'll be back later.
"Bye." He kisses me on the cheek.
I make my way slowly back to Peeta's room. He's finished his dinner and is reading a book.
"Sorry." I mutter thinking how it was his idea for dinner and I just shared it with Gale.
"No problem. Where were we?"
We launch back into the interview however Peeta seems more resigned than before. His smile is not so genuine. I don't understand so I keep my thoughts to myself. We finish relatively quickly however I miss the playful atmosphere that was there before.
I suppose I was right. Maybe Peeta and I would never get on.
I'm waiting in the lounge when Gale knocks on the door. I call out to Peeta and then quickly leave.
"Where are we going?" I ask as he begins to walk us down the sidewalk.
"Just a walk." He says simply and takes my hand. I let him.
"So how is Prim and Rory?" I ask carefully.
He smirks at me. "Same old. Still joined at the hip, he's still crazy about her. He worked all night making this silly cake for a few days ago. She's a lot happier lately with the news about your mother."
I tense and he can feel it. "I wish she wouldn't."
"Katniss she is still your mother."
"She stopped being my mother the minute she backed out on me and Prim."
I hear him sigh. I look around and find we are walking near the Strip. The sun was now set though I was not cold in my singlet and shorts. There were a few groups of kids chatting in the sand. Gale leads me over to a quiet spot and sits down in the sand.
We chat about simple things, our lives since I left. It hadn't been that long, only a few weeks, but it felt like an eternity since I was last in State 12. We laughed remembering one of our hunting trips, when Gale tripped and fell into the lake and proceeded to drag me in with him. Or when we caught Prim and Rory making out on the couch. When he snuck me into his office at Hawthorne Industries. When we stashed all of Haymitch's liquor and got drunk.
The memories of last summer were welcoming as I could take my mind off my problems back here. It was Gale and Prim who had made the summer bearable. At many times enjoyable.
Somewhere in our reminiscing his lips find mind, and out of habit I go with it, enjoying the warmth and feeling. As his lips pry mine open and his tongue tangles with mine any thoughts about the inappropriateness or the wrongness of what I am doing is wiped from my mind. Like usual.
When we both become quite aroused we pull away, aware that it would be a bad idea to go further on a public beach. He walks me home and plans to drop by tomorrow night after the conference.
I quietly open the front door and enter the hallway but stop when I hear my name. I can hear Johanna and Finnick have returned home and are chatting with Peeta. The conversation continues so they obviously have not heard I have entered the house.
"…someone named Gale." That was Peeta. "Is that her boyfriend?"
I hear Johanna laugh and Finnick quickly says, "No, that's her fuck buddy." My anger mounts at Finn for so carelessly throwing around the term. I dig my nails into my palm to stop myself from disrupting the conversation.
"Seriously?"
"It's complicated." Johanna tries to amend. "They've been best friends since childhood and have gone through a lot of shit together. They're not just fuck buddies Finn."
Finnick like usual, is critical of the topic. "Are they dating? No, because Katniss won't. Do they have sex? Yes, they do. Hence fuck buddies. Or friends with benefits?"
"Be quiet." Johanna mutters but I can tell she is smiling. She'll defend me but she sides with Finn in the end.
"Why don't they just date?" Peeta asks.
"No one understands that but Katniss." Johanna says solemnly. "We've tried. I mean Gale has obviously loved her for a while but she's just completely oblivious. As you've seen."
"I didn't think she would be the kind of person up for that." Peeta says.
I hear a small surge of silence, heavy in the air. "She struggles sometimes, to deal. Gale helps her. We don't condone it-"
"That's a lie!" Finnick interrupts. "You always grill her on sex with Gale."
"Oh, shut up Finn!" Johanna tells him irately. "We know it's not good for her and I think she knows that too. I guess we just want her to find someone that will give her what Gale gives her but that she's prepared to be with." There's something odd about the way she says that last bit. As if her words are weighted.
I stand frozen by the door. For a moment I feel a little humiliated at my very common actions with Gale. What was I doing? I don't even have the energy to be angry at them for talking behind my back. I didn't want to do this with Gale anymore. It was good while it lasted but I always came back feeling hollow. I wanted something else but I couldn't name it just yet.
"Peeta you could-" I cut Finn off by opening and slamming the door again, signaling that I've come home. The conversation immediately seizes.
I walk into the kitchen pretending I hadn't heard anything. They really all should learn to lie better because I could see right through them any day. Between trying to look occupied they send covert glances my way.
"How's Gale?" Johanna asks.
"Good." I nod though I don't smile. I see Peeta staring at me with an odd expression. I shoot him one back and he breaks into a smile and averts his gaze.
"So you're not racing off to fly home to State 12?" Johanna asks me bluntly, arms crossed.
I give her a glare. "I talked to Gale. I'll head there in a few weeks."
Finnick and Johanna seem appeased and exchange a glance. I roll my eyes and look towards the kitchen bench tops.
"Where's dinner?" I ask.
Finnick shoots me an incredulous look. "We were just about to ask you that. It's your turn tonight and you spent it out with your boy toy."
"Shit." I mumble. "Fine I'll do it now."
I can sense the trepidation in the air because I know that they all dread the nights when I cook. I just simply can't.
I raid the cupboards while the others go off and do their own things. I find enough vegetables to make up a decent stir fry. Fifteen minutes later and I'm still chopping vegetables. I can hear the others' taunts from all over the house. I try to ignore it. Eventually Peeta walks in. He observes me destroy the vegetables before offering to help.
I sigh in defeat. "Fine, whatever." I could skin animals in minutes yet I couldn't chop vegetables.
"I'll cut them up, you get the noodles ready." I move to protest before realizing that it really is in the best interest of everybody if he does take control of the meal.
I watch in envy as his knife flies across the board neatly dicing all the vegetables.
"Where did you learn that?" I ask in disbelief.
He smirks. "I've had to fend for myself for a while now. Plus I learnt to cook from working at the bakeries."
"You work at Mellark's?"
He shrugs. "Yeah sometimes. It used to be a nice get away from my mother."
"Oh." I all I can think to say.
He laughs at my expression. "Okay, is the pan ready?" I point towards the hot wok on the stove; something I had successfully been able to do. He scrapes the vegetables into the pan. "What sauce are you putting in it?" He scans the bare counters looking for seasoning that I hadn't quite planned.
"Oh um…"
"You really have no idea what you're doing do you?" If it wasn't for his gentle smile I would have snapped at him right away. I simply groan in defeat knowing there's no way to salvage myself. "You hunt though with Gale?"
"Oh, so you guys have been talking about me again?"
"It came up." He says indifferently.
"Hunting does not mean I can cook. I collect the food. Prim usually cooked it."
"Not your Uncle?"
I laugh loudly. "If you think I can't cook you should see Haymitch. "
He smiles and I proceed to stir the veggies around.
"Hang on." Peeta says. Oh, so now I couldn't even stir the vegetables right! "Do it like this."
His hand wraps around mine and begins to flip the food around while simultaneously tossing the pan. The food arches high in the air before falling back into the pan. I can feel the heat of his body near mine but for once it's not uncomfortable. There's feeling. After a moment he steps away and plucks two types of soy sauce and ketchup from the fridge and also garlic and chili.
"This will do." He tells me shaking unmeasured quantities into the wok. "So you don't go hunting here?" He asks next to me, nudging me.
"Do you see any forests?"
"Okay, okay." He smiles. "Go on, put the noodles in. This is your dinner after all."
I roll my eyes and roughly shove the noodles in earning a wince from Peeta. My skills really were pathetic.
He helps me with the plates and gets the cutlery from the drawers. And I just come out with it. The question that had been on my mind for a while.
"Why are you so nice to me?"
"What?" Clearly, I've caught him off guard.
"Why are you so nice to me?" I repeat. "I've done nothing but be horrible to you but you're still nice. Why?" I demand. I decided that if I was going to be friends with him I would have to know.
He looks at me with something close to amazement. He chooses his words carefully. "Because you're not a bad person. And I think everyone deserves more than one chance." And then he turns away, as if he never said anything and dishes up dinner.
"There." He extends a plate to me. "Now we can pretend that you actually can cook."
I'm left to ponder anomaly of Peeta Mellark for the rest of the evening. And my denial that he fitted the criteria of everything I wanted.