This idea came from little-bast who wrote: "the birds and the bees talk... possibly awkward questions especially to Emmett like the difference between boys and girls when he's alone watching her while everyone else is out feeding or something!"

Hera is seven in this story

Baby Talk

"Emmett, what are those wolves doing," asked seven-year-old Hera as she sat watching television. The rest of the family had left to feed and it was the brawny vampire's turn to watch his sister. He never minded because, even though the child was spirited, she never caused him any problems.

He amended his thought once he saw what she was watching. Emmett squeaked with surprise at the sight of the mating animals and pounced on the remote, immediately looking for something innocent for the girl to watch. She wasn't too old for Sesame Street, right? Realizing she was still waiting on an answer, he racked his mind in the attempt to come up with something that wouldn't scar her for life.

"Um… well… they were," It was the eyes. Her bright green eyes full of love and innocence did him in every freaking time… they were like some kind of potent anti-lying lasers that pierced into his skull. "They were trying to make a baby." As soon as the words came out of his big mouth he'd immediately slapped his hand over his face and waited.

He knew it was coming… it was inevitable.

"How does doing that make a baby?"

Thank you and goodnight.

Emmett sighed and turned the TV off. "Maybe you should wait until dad comes back and ask him, munchkin."

Hera, intrigued by the thought of this forbidden knowledge, sat on her brother's lap. "Why? Don't you know?"

Emmett glared at the child. "Of course I know… do you know how old I am? If I were mortal I'd be a wrinkly prune by now!"

Hera perked up immediately. "Okay… so tell me. How do they make a baby by trying to give each other piggyback rides?"

The vampire groaned and glanced at the clock. The others wouldn't be coming back any time soon. Wait! Maybe Alice saw this and they were zooming to his rescue… no. If Alice saw it she'd be too busy rolling around on the ground in laughter to save anyone. She probably shared it with whatever beast she'd been stalking and they were both collapsed in humor. Laugh at him, will they?! He'd show the both of them that he could do this. He would give Hera the birds and the bees talk and Alice and her dinner would have to acknowledge his greatness!

Okay, so he has officially descended into madness, but that's okay. He would still be able to do this.

"Emmett?" Hera's sad eyes pierced into his with the aforementioned laser-vision.

"Yes Hera?"

"It's okay if you really don't know. I won't tell anyone else… well Edward would know, but I'm sure he wouldn't tease you too bad."

Emmett suddenly stood up, placing Hera on the couch as he began to pace. "No, I got this. Okay… they aren't trying to give each other piggyback rides. They're mating."

"What's mating?"

"What is mating? Well… mating is what a boy and a girl do when they want to have a baby."

Hera sighed in frustration at her brother's lack of information. Trying to understand better, she asked, "So if I want to make a baby I have to find a boy first?"

Hissing at the thought of anyone touching his baby sister, Emmett snapped out an immediate, "No!" He realized he had startled her but geez… Hera would be lucky if he let Edward touch her even after they got married!

"Sorry for scaring you, but no… definitely no, and if anyone dares to ask you, let me know immediately, okay?" Hera nodded. Steeling himself with resolve, Emmett began to deliver a technical viewpoint on the process of procreation. "Okay, first of all you know the difference between boys and girls, right."

"Yes. Boys have a prius and girls have an angina."

Emmett sighed… again. He was doing an awful lot of sighing for someone who didn't need to breathe. And was that sweat?! "Close. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. Well, after the boy falls in love with the girl, marries her, and checks to see if it's okay with the girl's big brother, then and only then he inserts his penis into the girl's vagina and they make a baby."

Hera thought about it for a while. "So the wolves were married?"

"Yep. And obviously the girl wolf's big brother gave the all clear." He ushered his baby sister off of the couch. "Now I think it's time for you to go play with your dolls for a while because I have a few things to take care of before it's time for your bath, okay?"

As soon as the disgruntled phoenix was out of sight, Emmett groaned and flopped down on the couch. That had been more difficult than enduring the pain of transforming into a vampire. And he hadn't even gone into very much detail!

Face set with determination, Emmett picked up the television remote and got to work.

Later that evening, after the family had all returned from a successful hunting expedition, Jasper sat down on the couch and picked up the remote.

He frowned after flipping through the available channels for the second time. "Hey Emmett… why are all the channels blocked except Nick Jr and PBS Kids?"

Thanks for reading/reviewing :)