Chapter 6

Ziva went up to Tim's office at lunchtime...at Tony's request. He was still feeling the chagrin of having put Tim on the defensive and creating the tension. Ziva smiled when she got to Tim's office and he didn't answer her knock. That was normal. It looked as though they were going to get back to the usual pattern.

She opened the door, and Tim was sitting, facing his computer, but he had headphones. That wasn't usual.

"Tim?" she asked.

He didn't turn around. She walked closer.

"Tim?"

Tim's eyes were closed. He was listening to something, but was it music? Tim hadn't shown much interest in music...at least not here at work, not since he'd come back. She touched his shoulder gently. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She smiled.

"Tim."

He took off the headphones.

"Have you heard of Kansas?"

"The state?"

He smiled.

"No. The music group."

"No, I have not."

"It's a band from the seventies and eighties. Jimmy suggested them to me. I was listening. I've heard some of the songs before, but I didn't know many of them. I was listening to a song called 'Carry On, Wayward Son' and I like it. I think it's about me...even though they don't know who I am." He was quiet for a moment and then he looked at her. "Is it time for lunch?"

"Yes," Ziva said. She made a mental note to look up the song and see what Tim meant about it. Random statements Tim made could end up being important...or not.

Tim got up and walked out with her. They joined up with Tony, but Abby and Jimmy couldn't go. Ziva took on the task of making sure Tim didn't get distracted and wander away. They talked on the way to the food court. They didn't stay in there because it was too chaotic for Tim, but they got some food and then walked back to Willard Park.

"Tim, who is it that you've noticed staring at you?" Tony asked.

"It doesn't matter," Tim said.

"It does matter," Ziva said.

"Why?"

"Because it is wrong for them to treat you that way."

"They don't say anything to me, and we're not friends."

"That doesn't matter," Tony said. "You're an NCIS agent and you have been here for years. You deserve respect."

Tim smiled. "I have respect from the people I care about. You guys, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, Jimmy...Director Vance. Those are the people who matter. Everyone else? I don't care."

"Well, I'm glad, because they're beneath your notice, but still..."

Tim shook his head and looked up at the sky...at whatever it was he saw when he looked at the sky.

"If I don't need to notice them, you don't, either."

"Perhaps."

Tim smiled. "No, not perhaps. It's true. I don't care what they say and I don't want you to try and force them to look at me normally. Just because they changed on the outside doesn't mean they changed on the inside. I'd rather know which ones I don't need to notice. If they start pretending they don't care that I'm weird, I won't know which ones actually feel that way. I can't tell when people are pretending anymore. I can only tell what they do. Just leave it like it is."

Ziva was reluctant, but she could see that Tim meant it.

"Very well, Tim. We will do what you ask, but if they ever do anything..."

"Yeah, we're not standing by if they do."

"They haven't, but I'll tell you if they do. Promise."

"Okay," Tony said.

They finished eating lunch and then went back to work. Ziva went up to Tim's office with him, but she didn't linger. Instead, she went back to the bullpen.

"Tony, do you know a music group called Kansas?"

Tony smiled. "Of course. Who doesn't?"

"I did not."

"Well, I guess they didn't get a lot of airtime in Israel?"

"I suppose not."

"Why?"

"Tim was listening to a song by them when I got him for lunch."

"Really? Which one?"

"A Wayward Son?"

"'Carry On Wayward Son'."

"Yes, that is the one. He said it was about him."

"Really? I don't remember all the words. Really, I just know the chorus."

Ziva walked over to his desk and peered over his shoulder as he did a search for the lyrics.

"Which part do you think he meant?" she asked.

"I hope he's not saying that he's crazy," Tony said. "'Though my mind could think, I still was a mad man.' That's not so great."

"And yet, there are moments when he does seem a bit...unstable. He himself has admitted it."

"Doesn't make him crazy," Tony muttered.

"He does not claim to be wise," Ziva said. "Perhaps it is just the idea of needing to carry on. I hope that is all it is."

"Yeah. At least he wasn't saying that about 'Dust in the Wind'."

"Why?"

"That's about dying."

"Oh. Yes...I am glad it is this song instead."

Gibbs came striding in. He raised an eyebrow at them.

"Just looking up an old song, Boss," Tony said.

The eyebrow went even further up.

"Tim was listening to it and said it was about him," Ziva said. "You know how he is sometimes. He says something but either will not or cannot explain what he means. We just wanted to know."

"And?"

"It does not seem to mean anything...dangerous."

Gibbs smiled a little at Ziva's choice of words and sat down at his desk. Ziva looked at Tony and then went back to work herself. Perhaps they were being a bit overprotective of Tim, but better that than to lose him. After all that had happened, they all felt the potential loss much too keenly.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Dr. Mallard, it's my turn to make sure Tim notices the time," Jimmy said near the end of the day.

"Oh, is it that time already?" Ducky asked, looking at his watch.

Jimmy chuckled.

"Do I need to help you with that, too?" he asked.

"No, impudent boy. Go on and do your task."

Jimmy smiled and left Autopsy, but as he headed up to Tim's office, he felt the same slight disquiet that he always felt, knowing that Tim was like he was now because he had been protecting Jimmy. Ducky, too, of course, but Jimmy always thought about it in terms of himself. Tim didn't seem bothered by how he'd changed most of the time, but Jimmy could see the change and it bothered him a little bit.

"I don't want to go in there. You do it."

Jimmy looked down toward Tim's office. Two people were standing outside his door. One had a pile of files in her arms that she was trying to hand off to the other one.

"He doesn't bite."

"I don't care. He's weird! He freaks me out. There's something about how he looks at me whenever I go in there...as if he's not really looking at me. I think it's nuts that they let him be here."

"Maybe because he knows you think of him like that."

"If he doesn't bother you, then, you do it."

"If you want his help, then, you have to ask him. I'm not doing it for you."

The other woman walked away. There was an expression of distaste and even a little fear on the face of the woman who remained. Jimmy didn't recognize her. Maybe from Legal? HR? He didn't know, but the attitude bugged him. He wished things were different, but he wasn't going to take that kind of treatment...even if Tim wasn't there to see it. He stormed over.

"Tim McGee is ten times the person you will ever be!" he said loudly, not caring who heard him. "Maybe a million times! He saved my life when he got shot and he's fought back against more than you could ever comprehend! I don't care what you wanted him to do. Unless it was ordered by someone else, do it yourself! You don't deserve to talk to someone as great as he is because he's so many light years ahead of you as a human being that it's not even funny!"

The woman's eyes were wide open.

"Well?" he asked. "What are you going to do now? I hope you're going to go back to your little cubicle or whatever and rethink the idiocy that reigns in your life because you're not talking to Tim right now. Got it?"

She backed away and then hurried back down the hall. Jimmy looked around and there were people down in the bullpen looking up at him...and Vance was standing outside his office.

Jimmy flushed and cleared his throat.

"Hey...guys. Go on about your business. Show's over," he said awkwardly.

He waved a little and there were actually a few people who laughed but then, they went about their business...except for Vance who raised his eyebrows. He didn't say anything, but Jimmy got it. He held up a finger, asking for a moment. Vance nodded.

Jimmy walked into Tim's office. Tim was sitting there, not on the computer, staring at him.

"You were yelling," he said. "I heard you."

"Sorry," Jimmy said.

"You were saying a lot of things out there to her."

"I lost my temper."

"I know." Tim smiled a little. "Thanks for saying it."

"Really?"

"A lot of people think the things she was saying."

"You heard her?"

Tim nodded. "I was thinking. They were talking right outside my door. It's not soundproofed. I was listening."

"Oh, man. I'm sorry that you heard it."

Tim shook his head. "No. It's okay. It's good to know who thinks that way about me. Then, I'm prepared."

"For what?"

"For what I see in their eyes," Tim said. "Even when they don't think they show it...how they feel is in their eyes. It's the patterns."

Tim turned around and looked out the window for a moment and then turned back.

"I guess it's time for me to go home?"

"Yeah. You okay to make it by yourself?"

Tim nodded.

"I'm fine."

He got his bag and walked out of his office. Jimmy watched him go, took a breath and then walked out himself. He saw Tim talking in a low voice to Vance. Then, he turned to Jimmy, smiled and headed down.

Jimmy walked over to Vance.

"Sorry, sir."

"In my office, Mr. Palmer."

Jimmy nodded and followed Vance. Once the door was closed, Vance turned around.

"So you lost your temper, Mr. Palmer. I think it may be a first."

"It's happened before...but not usually so publicly."

Vance almost smiled, Jimmy thought.

"She was calling Tim a freak," he said. "She said he shouldn't be here. I'll apologize if you want me to, although it wouldn't be very sincere."

"I appreciate your honesty, Mr. Palmer. Please don't repeat your behavior today. If you have a problem with an employee, either speak to the person quietly or else report it if the behavior warrants that."

"Yes, sir."

"Agent McGee appreciated your intervention. He said that he hoped I wouldn't be too hard on you."

"He didn't need to do that."

"Maybe not, but I'd guess that he felt he should."

"I guess."

"There will be no punishment, but do keep in mind that you should stay in a bit better control."

"Understood."

"Good. You can get back to work, then, Mr. Palmer."

"Thank you, Director Vance."

Jimmy started to leave.

"By the way, I also appreciate your standing up for Tim. There's no need to treat him like that."

Jimmy turned around. Vance was already sitting down.

"Good evening, Mr. Palmer."

"Good evening, sir."

Jimmy left and headed down to Autopsy.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was relieved when he got to his building. He had almost missed his stop. In his haste to get out of NCIS, he had not taken the time he usually did to analyze how capable he would be to get home on his own. He would be glad to spend some time with Jethro who always managed to ground him.

He walked up the steps and to his apartment door. He started to pull out his keys and then, he saw two men. One of them had been following him around a lot the last few weeks. He looked at them.

...and then, he saw the gun.

One of the men was pointing it at him. He got as far as stretching his hand toward the lock before he froze in terror.

The men came up close to him.

"You come with us, don't tell anyone, and do what we say...you won't have anything to worry about," the man said.

Tim took a deep trembling breath.

"Don't say a word and you'll be fine."

The other man, the one he had seen, grabbed his arm and pulled him away from his apartment, away from Jethro, away from his routine. Tim felt himself getting more and more unbalanced.

By the time they'd forced him to get into the car, he was almost completely disconnected.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Suddenly, he was back at his apartment, staring at the door.

Jethro was whining inside, scratching at the other side.

Tim looked around and didn't see the men. His keys were in his hand. He had no idea what time it was or anything. He managed to open the door and was nearly overwhelmed by Jethro leaping up at him. Tim fell to his knees and hugged his dog tightly, shaking with fear. He couldn't say anything.

All he could do was hope that what he thought he remembered was a bad dream.