Hey guys I'm back! I have to make a HUGE apology for taking this long to update. Sorry everyone! I hope this massive chapter makes it up to you.

Enjoy :)

CHAPTER 13: AWAKENING

My fingers drum nervously against the tray table of the airplane as the pilot explains the landing procedures over the intercom. Furtive glances are being shot my way although through my nerves I barely notice the other passengers' annoyance. An airhostess walks down the aisle, her eyes honing in on any rule breakers of the landing procedures. She looks down at me and shortly remarks that I need to put my tray table in the locked position. Reluctantly I follow the request, unhappy about losing my last thing to fiddle with. To distract me I try to determine whether the sigh of relief I heard beside me was real or just my imagination. Judging by the supremely pressed suit, laptop bag, and taut expression of the businessman in the next seat, I was not imagining things.

It takes a good twenty minutes before we touch down, the landing causing me to jump. I wait in my seat impatiently as people begin to rise and retrieve their bags. I don't see the point in standing so soon to only have to wait another ten minutes in the aisle. I can visibly see the businessman's distress towards me. I hide a snicker before my nerves take hold again.

The walk down the corridor to baggage claim is familiar but long and I feel like I'm about to burst in anticipation of seeing Prim. I tap my foot as the baggage carousel winds around, impossibly slow, my bag seemingly the last to appear. I wrench it off, teetering slightly, and pull out the handle making my way expertly towards where the crowds of people are waiting for their loved ones.

I don't see Prim straight away and it takes her shout for me to finally locate her, standing off to the right. On seeing my baby sister every dreadful emotion leaves me and I run towards her, sandwiching her in my arms.

"I missed you so much." I tell her, pulling back to look her in the face. She'd cut her since last time I saw her and it now hung straight around her shoulders. There was also a pink streak towards the front that I frowned at. She was a little taller than I recall but she was still Prim.

"I missed you too, Kat! I can't believe you're here."

I smile genuinely and we walk out together and towards the parking lot. I'm looking for Haymitch's blue sedan so when Prim stops behind a sleek silver car my eyebrows knit together.

"He let you drive the Jag?" I ask incredulously, eyeing off its sharp curves. I had never been allowed to drive the Jag. Actually Haymitch had always been reluctant to even hand me over the sedan. But then again he always liked Prim better.

"Actually he, uh, gave me the Jag."

"What?" I screech. "He gave it to you?"

She sighs. "He bought a new car and he gave it to me so I wouldn't have to keep pestering him about borrowing cars."

"Why didn't he give you the sedan?"

"Because he drives that into town."

I shake my head in astonishment, lifting my suitcase into the trunk and then sliding into the passenger seat.

As Prim pulls out of the parking space and navigates her way out of the airport I ask, "So how's med going?" We hadn't talked about her schooling for a long time. "Still straight A's?"

"Um…" She looks distractedly at the road, waiting for her chance to turn. "Yeah, it's okay."

"Just okay?"

"It's a lot of work." She admits.

"Exactly why I think you're crazy." I smile.

She laughs and speeds down the highway. I look out the window admiring the dark dense forests that surround the roads. They weren't as nice in State 4. This was the one part of the trip that promised me sanctuary. The forest.

"So you didn't let Peeta come." She states, her eyes never straying from the road and once again my mood crashes.

I glance at her and let out a breath. "It just didn't seem right Prim."

"He is your boyfriend."

"Yes I am aware of that."

"Why won't you let him in?"

I look towards her in irritation. "He doesn't need any more things to worry about." I say although we both know that isn't the problem.

"I understand why you didn't let him come Katniss but I think you made the wrong decision."

I roll my eyes. "Well it's too late now Prim."

"Yeah." She sighs.

Prim keeps on driving and I note that I don't really remember the way home from the airport anymore. Green flashes past and we begin to get further from the city. I see the rickety old wooden sign that leads to our old hometown the Seam. But we whiz past it and it's gone in the next second. Prim barely spares a glance. Had she already forgotten? She makes a few more turns and eventually we wind up in the merchant neighborhood where Prim and I had spent our former childhood years growing up.

Finally we pull up to the house I recognize. It was grand, anyone could see that. It was white and huge and Prim pulled into the four car garage. This house had never been Haymitch's style. But back when he was married to Maysilee they had bought it together. Of course when she died and he fell into a drunken stupor it was sold, but years later when he began to take care of us, he bought it back. The last connection he had to Maysilee.

We enter the threshold and it looks more or less the same than it did last summer. We head into the dining room which has its usual ten seat wooden table. I liked this room though because the table was unfinished and raw, the edges eaten away, reminding me of the trees in the forest outside. There sits Haymitch, running his hands over the grooves, nursing a tumbler of some sort of amber liquid. He'd been good to me and Prim back in the day, handling his alcohol, but these days when we weren't so dependent he didn't deem abstinence as necessary.

"Well hello there sweetheart. You enjoy your flight?" He asked in his usual sarcastic manner.

"It was alright."

"No boyfriend?" He asks although I'm sure Prim had already said he wasn't coming.

"Nope just me."

"I suppose Gale will be happy." The comment is almost inaudible but I catch it and raise my eyebrows at him.

"My room still up there?" I ask maybe a little harshly.

"Collecting dust." He mutters and I take no time in heaving my suitcase upstairs and back to my old room. It's a lot barer than my one back in State 4. There's the bed with an old green comforter I remember picking out myself when I was 13. An empty bookcase with a few lone knickknacks sits in the corner as well as an abandoned desk. A few articles of clothing still hang in the closet but the room is pretty much empty. I place the suitcase at the foot of the bed and then retrieve my phone from my carry on.

Prim walks in as I'm texting Peeta to say I arrived safely. "Happy to be back?"

"I'm happy to see you." I smile. "How's Rory?"

I slow blush creeps up her cheeks. "Rory's good. Please don't say anything bad to him Katniss! You can be really intimidating, you know."

I roll my eyes, throwing a sock at her. "Relax little duck, I'll be good."

"Do you want to see Mom?"

I tense as the words pass her lips. I was childishly hoping that my mother wouldn't be brought up until tomorrow and I could just revel in the happiness of being with Prim again. But I came here because of her and I would have to face her eventually.

"Fine."

Prim leads me out to the east side of the house, away from our bedrooms that sit on the west. We enter what used to be the guest room that never actually housed any guests. It's changed since last summer and was now very obviously my mother's room.

The door is ajar but Prim knocks softly announcing our presence. I see the rigid form of my mother on the bed through the small opening. Panic overtakes me, a reflexive response, and all I want to do is run away. I grit my teeth and plant my feet, staying next to Prim.

"Mom?" Her head raises slowly and I have to admit that was an improvement from last time. Before I left in the summer she would barely acknowledge our presence.

"Primrose." The whisper quietly leaves her lips.

"Guess who's here?" Prim opens the door a little wider and steps back allowing our mother to take me in. "Katniss came like I told you she would."

Prim nudges me expectantly so I take a step into the room. I watch as my mother's eyes slowly travel up and down her eldest daughter. The blankness in them is off putting and I cringe while wondering how she was ever released.

"Katniss." She says very slowly and Prim beams as if this was a great feat. I suppose it was.

"Hi Mom." I say quietly. My voice quavers.

"Katniss came all the way from State 4." Prim says, her voice dripping enthusiasm. "Just to see us."

I watch my mother as Prim's words hang in the air. Just as I think she won't respond she says, "State 4?"

"Yes. I go to university there, did you know that?" Of course she didn't. The last few years she'd been wrapped in her own mental world moving in and out of the Institution.

Her attention seems to have waned because my last comment seems to have no effect. I look back at Prim and she frowns sadly. Carefully, she wanders over to mom and places a hand on her arm. "Dinner's going to be soon, mom, okay? I'm going to go talk to Katniss now."

My mother's head jerks slightly in what could be interpreted as a nod or just a flinch. We leave the room, Prim closing the door tightly.

"She's usually better than that." Prim says to me hopefully.

I feel awful for it but I have to doubt her. Because that person in there is the same mother that we've had for years. I begin to worry that Prim is out of her element and seeing things that aren't really there.

"Does she eat with us?" I ask.

Her head bobs forward. "Yes, usually."

"Usually?"

"Sometimes she doesn't come down. When she's in one of her moods."

I wondered whether 'moods' referred to a flying rage which was what I was left with last summer or a comatose state similar to what I just witnessed. I wasn't sure which was worse.

I walk back into my room and see my phone flashing on my bed. I already know the text is from Peeta.

Good to hear, have fun. Love you.

Short and sweet. Just like him. Prim eyes me with a satisfied smile on her face.

"What?"

"The way you just looked when you were reading that. I never see you like that."

I roll my eyes. My sister, the romantic.

Before I can respond a garbled yell comes from downstairs.

"Dinner time." Prim smiles.

000

"So I hear the house is working?" Haymitch asks, digging into mash potato prepared by my mother's caretaker, Cecelia. We were all seated around the large wooden table.

"Where'd you hear that?"

"Blondie." He says, pointing to Prim. "And stories about Lover Boy."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, blonde boy, curly hair, boyfriend…what's his name?"

"How much have you told him?" I accuse Prim, whipping my head around.

"Not much!" She raises her hands in my defense. Our mother is staring at this exchange but doesn't utter a sound.

I sigh. "Yeah, it's okay. How are your houses?"

"Still selling."

The conversation lulls, the only sounds are the clinking of the silverware against the plates.

"Mom, tell Katniss how we went to the market the other day." Prim pipes up, looking expectantly at our mother.

There's the standard pause before her eyes move to Prim's. "Where?"

I frown and glance at Prim with a worried expression. "Sometimes she gets confused on her meds." She tries but my frown only deepens. "Remember we went to the market?"

My mother just stares at her, blank faced. Prim's disappointment is tangible. Shortly after this exchange Cecelia takes our mother upstairs. I look at her plate and noticed that the food's barely been touched.

I sigh, thrusting my face in my hands.

"You okay, Katniss?" Prim asks tentatively.

"She's not better Prim." I groan, moving the food around on my plate aimlessly. I feel like that's all I've said or thought this year. And this was why I didn't want to come.

"Don't say that Katniss! You've been here for less than a day."

I chance a glance at Haymitch but his face gives nothing away. He's just watching us intently.

"Prim I don't want you to waste all your time on this. You have other things to focus on. Less futile things."

"Futile?" Her voice rises an octave. "That's our mother Katniss!"

"Yes, who is not getting better and will not get any better!" I yell.

She glares at me with a murderous hatred. "Why have you given up?"

Her question catches me. I have given up and I can't even remember when it had happened. And I didn't even care. "Because we have to live our lives too."

Haymitch clears his throat. "Katniss is right Prim." His voice has taken over his parenting tone.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Prim!" I reprimand.

"Not about everything!" Haymitch qualifies. "But you do need to rearrange your priorities. First priority is school. Got it?"

His voice has a menacing tone and I look between the two for a moment before I remember Prim's hesitation in the car when I asked her about med school. "You're not failing are you?"

I can tell I'm right by the way she stares at Haymitch before answering me. "I'm not failing, I'm just…behind."

"Prim you were on the Dean's list last year."

"I know that!" She bursts out. "A lot has happened, okay?"

"This is ridiculous…" I mutter. My mother was causing more trouble for everyone than it was worth.

"Katniss, just stop!" Prim begins to yell again.

"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Haymitch's voice suddenly bellows across the table. "I've had enough. Go upstairs. If you two carry on like this I will drink myself to death by the end of the week."

Silence reigns down on the table. I consider my options before jerking my chair roughly and heading up one of the two staircases that lead upstairs. Prim takes the other and I hear her door slam from in my bedroom. Nothing had changed.

000

I wake up after a restless night's sleep. I feel like a zombie. Sun streams through my open blinds and I shield it with the back of my hand. My phone flashes with a message and I open up another text from Peeta.

Morning, beautiful. I'm missing waking up to you already.

Despite everything that has already gone wrong the text makes me smile. I type back a quick response before rummaging through my bag for some clothes.

Another text comes through: How is everything?

I glare at the phone for a moment, feeling as if it's taunting me. I debate over whether I should tell him the truth but I decide it's too much to just text and I don't want to worry him so soon. Besides, I think naively, maybe things could turn around.

Everything's fine. Just normal stuff going on.

Another minute. Another text. Sounds good. I call you sometime soon.

I stare at the text before closing my phone. I wouldn't be able to lie to Peeta if I was talking to him directly on the phone.

The morning routine is like the way it used to be. Haymitch sleeps in and Prim cooks breakfast. Prim seems to have cooled off considerably and apart from a few silences in the beginning of the morning she's either forgiven me or put the issue aside for later.

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Don't care." I mutter.

She throws me a look, rolls her eyes, before scrambling them.

"Does Peeta cook for you at home?"

"Oh yeah. He's a brilliant cook."

"Peeta sounds like an amazing guy."

My mouth turns up. "He really is." I think about just how amazing he was a few nights ago and a blush floods my cheeks.

I glance at Prim and notice she has that look in her eyes, similar to the one she gives Rory and I know how happy she is over this new development in my life. Of course she doesn't know the half of it. She doesn't know that Peeta's mother was a conniving bitch. Or that I was breaking the law in more ways than one to win this court case for Peeta. She doesn't know the constant on edge feeling that seems to be all I feet these days.

No. To Prim I just have a perfect boyfriend in a perfect house. And I guess that's the way it seemed to a lot of people.

As I watch her slave away at the stove I realize that I feel trapped, returning back here to 12. I didn't want to burden Peeta with my problems here, not yet anyway, and I wasn't able to divulge anything about State 4 to Prim, other than the trivial little details.

"Are you guys going to stay in the house next year?" She asks, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"I…I don't know." Honestly I'd never even thought about the future. Even if it was only next year. She places a plate in front of me. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Well we'll all be graduating, we'll be getting jobs in different places. It's just not logistical."

"Will you move in with Peeta?"

Even though I was 22 these types of questions still caused nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm not ready for that yet, Prim." I admit.

"You're the one that gave me that whole talk about not wasting my life last night."

I frown at her. "Do you see me wasting my life?"

"I see you being afraid of commitment. I know you Katniss. I don't want you to move away from Peeta when things become too hard."

"I'm not doing that."

"See I might believe you, but you didn't let him come here. You need to open up more."

I huff in annoyance and shovel my breakfast into my mouth. I hate getting advice from Prim, because usually she is right.

"You can give me advice when you pick up your grades."

That's enough to shut her up for now.

The doorbell rings just as we are finishing breakfast. I ignore it until I notice the stricken expression across Prim's face.

"What? Who is it?"

She bites her lip. "I forgot to say to you that you have a visitor today."

I eye her carefully. "And who might that be?"

"Gale."

"Ugh," I sigh. But I'm not angry with her because I already expected this to happen. "I suppose I have to go down and make nice."

"It might help." She agrees.

I walk over to the door, take a deep breath, and pull it open. He looks the exact same as last time. Tall, broad, olive skinned, brown haired. Just Gale.

"Hi." My voice comes out higher than intended. He doesn't seem to notice.

"Hey, how are you?" His smile is easy going but I suspect this is as hard for him as it is for me.

"I'm alright. You?"

"I'm okay."

He shoves his hands in his pockets and shifts nervously on his feet. "I've missed you." He says, as if testing me.

"I've missed you too." I say. Because truthfully I have missed my best friend even if I haven't had much time to think about it lately. I missed our easy friendship before we complicated it with sex.

"Do you want to, uh, go on a walk?" He gestures half-heartedly to the line of woods towards the back of the house as if I already said no.

I feel guilty, so even though I have my reservations I smile and say yes.

I slip on a pair of shoes that sit in the hall and quietly close the door behind me, following Gale towards the woods. Our woods.

It's quiet as we walk but not too uncomfortable. Once we've entered the greenery he begins talking.

"Prim said something the other day…"

Oh god, what did she say?

"…I don't think she meant to. But it was something about you…and Peeta?"

I draw a breath steadily through my nose. I hadn't told Gale yet because I felt bad enough about his last visit. But I wasn't surprised that Prim had accidently let something slip.

"We're together." I confirm, earning a wince from him.

"I guess it's not that surprising." He mutters.

"What does that mean?"

"You act differently around him. You can tell you care about him."

Damn, why was everyone so perceptive? "I care about you too."

A small smile graces his lips. "I know. Friends?"

I gaze up at him, his shy smile and worried expression so different from his usual cocky manner. "Friends."

It wasn't perfect yet but it was a start.

We trek higher and higher into the woods until he stops suddenly. I look around at our surroundings.

"You still come here?" I ask in astonishment, gazing up at the large oak tree, its trunk heavily knotted and extremely climbable.

"Not often." Gale admits before cupping his hands low. I gaze at his crouched position for a moment before taking the boost, placing a foot in his hands and allowing him to propel me up the tree. Once I'm up he jumps up with the ease that guys seem to have with all things physical.

While we might be a little old to be climbing trees it felt nice to be back up here. As friends. You could see the entire forest from our perch, the lake where we used to fish and various trails where we used to hunt.

"We used to come up here every day." He reminds me.

"Back when we were teenagers."

"Remember when we fell in the lake?"

"You dragged me in, clumsy."

His grin is contagious and soon we are both in fits of laughter, causing the birds to fly out of the tree.

"Are the berries still over there?" I ask, pointing my finger in the distance.

"Oh yeah, they're taking over the forest. Come on."

He jumps down straight from his spot and I wonder how he doesn't break his ankles. I scamper down the tree a little way before jumping off myself. We walk over to where the berries have always been and I'm thankful that he doesn't take my hand like he used to.

The berries aren't hard to find and I notice that he's right and the plants have expanded tenfold since the last time I visited them. I sit on the log we always used to occupy and run my hand along a vine, stripping the plant. Gale does the same, throwing a berry high in the air and I open my mouth to catch it.

"So how is everything in State 4? You know, before I fucked it up?"

I grimace but his voice is teasing so I try not to look too affected. "It's good. It's busy."

Gale was used to my short manner so he didn't seem aggravated with my answer. "You still on that big case? What is it? Like a murder or something?"

I snort. "No, no, it's theft and fraud. It's part of a big company. We're going to trial soon. All the details are nearly set, we're just refining things now."

"It's a lot of work considering you're in your final year too."

"I really wanted to be on the case."

"What company is it?"

I pause. "I can't tell you."

For once I wasn't breaking the law.

His nose wrinkles but he doesn't push it. I throw a berry high in the air. I think he's about to let it drop when at the last moment he tilts his head and opens his mouth. It falls in perfectly.

"I'm glad you're here." He finally says after a prolonged silence.

My mouth tilts up but I don't say anything. I wasn't sure yet if I was glad to be here.

We stay hidden in the forest most of the day, exploring, finding our favorite spots. At one point we duck back to get our bows and arrows and we trek into the forest in search of animals.

"I haven't done this in so long!" Gale exclaims as he hikes higher and higher up the hill, bow at his side.

"What?" My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "You live here! You can go whenever you want."

He throws me a lopsided smile over his shoulder. "I don't have that much time Catnip. And besides, it's not as fun by yourself."

I don't really see his point, I like being by myself but I shrug my shoulders and move on.

He stops by the trunk of a tree and I can hear birds chirping. He crouches and finds a stone. I load the arrow in the bow and draw it back preparing for when the rock is thrown into the tree. Birds fly, very quickly, but I get one and it falls to the ground.

"Still got it, then."

"Surprised?"

He shrugs. "You've been away for a while."

I check my watch, noting how the sun is beginning to dip lower and lower in the sky. It was nearly 5:30.

"You think we should go back?" I ask, my head tilted back, gazing at the scraps of sky I could make out of between the trees.

He sighs dramatically and smiles teasingly. "I suppose Catnip."

Even after all these years that damn nickname has stuck. He marches up to me, pulling on my elbow to make me follow. We make our way back down the slope. I'm still scanning the trees, trying to memorize my forest for when I have to leave again, when my foot slips on the leaves. I shriek but Gale's arm has already shot out, catching me before my body and bow crash into the dirt.

I gaze up at him. His hand still wrapped around my forearm.

"We make good hunting partners."

000

Our laughter echoes as Haymitch's house comes into view. We race towards the fence childishly, seeing who could run faster. I was fast, always have been, but it was harder with our gear. I ditch the bow at the fence line, jumping it, and race towards the house, slapping my hand against the brick.

"I win." I say smugly as Gale comes thundering towards the wall.

"You wait until next time."

I jog back over to the fence and pick up my bow and arrows.

"I have to go home. I'll see you tomorrow?"

I turn and his eyebrows are lifted in question. "Yeah, tomorrow." I smile.

I watch him walk through the garden heading back out onto the street. A small smile graces my lips. We'd found our way back, just like the old times. It was refreshing in the midst of all this change and chaos to have a constant like Gale back in my life. One small victory.

"Well, well, well." The voice comes from the backdoor and from the corner of my eye I see Haymitch. He leans against the doorframe, arms folded. "You two are looking pretty chummy."

And like that, I snap back to my sour mood. I glare at Haymitch and march through the backdoor, stuffing my gear in the back closet.

"If you didn't have a boyfriend I'd think there was something going on between you two."

I know Haymitch is looking for a rise but what he says bothers me. "That's not funny."

He laughs anyway and when I stalk my way over to the kitchen he follows. I dig around in the fridge and pull out an apple. I bite into it and stare down Haymitch. I wait patiently, knowing he has something to say.

"That boyfriend of yours treating you alright?" He asks gruffly.

My mouth falls open. "Oh my god…"

"What's his name anyway? Paul or something…"

"Peeta." I roll my eyes taking another chunk from the apple.

"Oh so you do know his name!" He exclaims with fake enthusiasm. "I've been meaning to ask you this since you came."

My eyebrows knit together, wondering where he is going with this.

"And you know his last name too?"

I nod cautiously, chewing the apple slowly.

He nods vigorously, his fingers tapping on his chin. "Yes, because I was beginning to think that you had no idea who this kid actually is. Because surely if you knew, you would have connected Peeta Mellark with Mellark Bakeries. And surely if you were smart enough to connect that, you would realize that Mellark Bakeries and other Mellark owned companies are in a law suit! So I'm pretty sure you are able to realize that the current case you are working on is in fact the Mellark's!"

I feel the blood drain from my face. I'd never even considered Haymitch knowing about the case, but of course he did! He was friends with the higher ups. That's how I got the damn job!

"So what I'm really trying to ask you is why the fuck are you dating and living with this boy?" He screams.

"Haymitch-"

"No! I gave you a chance. I got you into that a prominent law firm while you were still studying and you are wasting it!"

"I'm not!" For the first time I defend my decision to stay on the case. "They don't know! And I've gathered information from Peeta, collected evidence that has pushed this case forward! I found leads, I've worked hard. It's not like I'm breaking the law!"

I leave out the part where I had actually broken the law. He didn't need to know that.

"You do realize that if – when – they find out, you'll be done for."

"They don't know." I repeat.

"You're doing an awful lot for this boy. More than you've ever done before. Why? What's so special?"

I couldn't quite put it into words but I had to try. "I'm helping, Haymitch. Trying to help someone make sense of their life, like I try and do with mine. I want this for him. I want to win it. The firm doesn't know and they won't know."

He shrugs his shoulders with one last glare in my direction. "It's your life sweetheart. Do as you please."

000

The next morning is standard. Haymitch makes an appearance though he doesn't direct any conversation towards me. I knew he was still angry, I understood why. But I didn't care. I made the decision a long time ago to go through with the case. There is no backing out.

Gale comes over for breakfast before he is due at work. He brings Rory and I eye off he and Prim perhaps a little too suspiciously.

Gale nudges and leans into my ear. "You might want to stop staring." He whispers.

Reluctantly I move my gaze to my bowl of cereal. "So what are you doing today, Katniss?" Gale asks, louder than usual and Prim and Rory look up at us, their couple time ceasing.

"Go into town?" The statement comes out more like a question. "I suppose I should say hi to Greasy Sae."

"Mom's got a checkup this afternoon." Prim pipes up. "Do you want to go with us?"

My immediate gut reaction is no. But I pause and I realize that perhaps I could gain some insight into why the hell they released my mother.

At my silence Prim says, "It's at 3, you could meet us at the clinic if you're already going to be in town."

I stare at my baby sister's hopeful eyes. "Okay."

Gale leaves within the hour but Rory stays. As I see them snuggling on the couch I now more than ever want to escape the house.

I sneak out of the house, pulling on a jacket, and carefully shut the heavy front door. I take the normal footpath that eventually leads towards the town center, pleased I recall the way. I watch other people go by and I even get a few hellos from people that have grown up here like me. I enjoy the smell of pine that lingers in the air and the small dirt roads that lead off to farms. Although at some points I find myself listening for the lost sound of the ocean.

I reach the square within a half hour. It was situated between our neighborhood and my old one, the Seam. A large market called the Hob occupied most of the square. I make my way over where I remembered Greasy Sae's stew stall to be. I'm guided by the delicious smell until I end up right at her counter.

She doesn't look up right away, but once she does lift her gaze, her wrinkled eyes turn bright. "Katniss! Dear, I thought I heard from someone that you've come home!" She pulls me into a fierce hug before pulling the lid off her giant pot and pouring me a bowl without needing an affirmation.

"How are you, dear?" I hop up on her counter like old times.

"I'm okay. How's the stall going?"

"Going good as always." She winks. "Although I miss the game you and Gale used to always bring me."

I grin at the memories from my teenage years with Gale; hunting every day and trading with Greasy Sae the meat we didn't eat.

"Well I had to move on some point." I grin.

"And you're living in State 4, yes?" I nod. "I heard it's nice there."

"It's hot." I chuckle.

She turns to a customer and spoons them out a bowl, winking at them before taking their money. I take the time to dig into my own bowl, appreciating the rich and homely flavor that she manages to get in there.

"How's your mother doing, kid? That little sister of yours was telling me not long ago that she's back at the house."

I swear I nearly choke on the stew. After I get over the question I mumble, "I don't really know how she's doing. I can't tell anymore."

Sae looks at me with something close to sympathy before tapping her fingers impatiently against the counter. "Well I'm sure you have a lot to do today! Why are you still sitting here talking to an old hag like me?"

I laugh but remain planted on the counter. "I like your stew."

She laughs gruffly, giving her pot a big stir. "I heard Haymitch talkin'. Saying you were doing some fine things back in 4."

I narrow my eyes. "What things?"

"Said you were workin' at a pretty fancy law firm. Well done, kid. Soon you'll forget about our tiny town here in 12. You'll be up in the Capitol earning all ya money."

I roll my eyes. "That won't ever happen." I'd never want to live in the Capitol.

"You watch, kid. I never lie do I?"

I thank her for the stew and jump off the counter, promising I'll be back later in the week. I weave my way through the market noticing the small changes in stalls and owners. Eventually I come across a redhead that I'm more than familiar with.

"Katniss!" Darius calls out to me from where he leans against a small stall that sells fruit. He leaves the stall owner and strides over to me. "Back to the homeland I see? Heard Sae say something about you returning."

"Only for the week." I mumble. I liked Darius. He worked for the mayor but he had a boyish manner and wasn't afraid to make a fool of himself.

"You still hanging in there, all the way in 4?"

"Still going." I smile tightly.

"How's university?"

"Not bad…when I go." I admit with a half-smile. When was the last time I'd actually entered the lecture hall?

He laughs. "Oh how I miss my college years." He flicks my braid that lies across my shoulder. "Keep at it. I suppose I'll see you around."

"See you."

I spend the next few hours chatting with various sellers from the Hob and becoming accustomed to being back in 12 again. I was astounded by how much I missed living here and stopping by the market every day. It was refreshing to be back. To where I was completely comfortable. Well, almost.

All too soon 3 o'clock rolls around and I find myself outside the clinic waiting for mom and Prim. I wring my hands nervously, wanting to just go back home.

I see the Jag roll up, looking far too ostentatious, though I suppose it sort of suits this side of town. Prim and my mother exit the car and I have to say I'm a little surprised Prim even got her here. Prim smiles and waves and nudges my mother, muttering something in her ear until a small smile moves her lips.

The clinic is nice and pristine and plush looking chairs line the walls of the waiting room. We sit and wait for mom's name to be called. I chat idly with Prim about what I did today and mention Greasy Sae and Darius.

I ask mom how she is and I actually get an answer. Surprising. It takes a while but finally mom gets called in. I move to go in with her but Prim shakes her head.

"She'll assess her first and then talk to us." She explains.

"Oh…okay." How little I really knew about all this.

I sit back down and I gaze around the room, noting the kind of people that are here. It wasn't at all surprising that the room looked totally normal. It was almost impossible to tell who in here was getting treatment. A few were dead giveaways; a male and a female sat side by side their bodies freakishly thin and their eyes large and sunken. Their bodies screamed drug abuse. There was also a man pacing, mumbling incoherent words to himself while another read a book upside down. But they were the minority. All the other patrons simply looked like me or Prim or my mother.

A long time passes in between my mother being called in and observing the waiting area. Eventually Prim and I step into the pristine office of my mother's doctor. My mother isn't here. For a moment I look around, confused, before I shrug my shoulders. I already dodn't have much faith in these practitioners but right now it was their job not mine.

"Good afternoon Prim." The lady smiles. She had long brown hair and a kind smile but I wasn't going to bend that easily. "Who's this?"

"This is my sister Katniss, Katniss Dr. Aurelius." Prim introduces as swiftly.

"Nice to meet you Katniss."

I nod and take my seat, eyeing the woman carefully.

"So Katniss, what brings you here today?"

Was it not obvious? Or was she just an idiot? "I wanted to discuss my mother's health." I say flatly.

She smiles and nods and I'm beginning to think her expression is not at all genuine. "I've never seen you here before."

"I live in State 4."

She nods and laces her hands together. "Well it's good you are here now."

The doctor gives us a rundown of mom's 'progress' and talks about her medication. She talks more to Prim than she does me.

I'm losing patience by the time I blurt out, "Why was she released from the Institute?"

She appraises me with a curious gaze for an impossibly long time. "It was deemed that she was fit enough to return home. You have to know that the Institution is not an ideal place to spend long periods of time."

"She's spent the last four years in and out of there."

"Yes, and we wanted her to become re-accustomed to the world outside of the Institute."

I grind my teeth together frustrated by her very reasonable argument.

"Do you have a problem with her being released Katniss?"

I glare at her. "Yes."

"And that is…?"

"She's not functioning like a normal person!" I burst out. "She barely acknowledges me, barely talks to anyone, and she wouldn't function if it wasn't for our 24 hour care!"

The doctor purses her lips.

"She's functioning well enough. She seems to be coping with being at home."

"You call that coping?"

She sighs deeply as if she's choosing how to phrase something. "Your mother doesn't do well with change. I'm sure you're aware of that. Perhaps she is struggling to adapt to you being home."

Anger flares up inside me and I clench my hands in fists to stop them shaking. "You think I'm the problem."

"There are many problems Katniss but you have not been living in State 12 for a while now and from what I understand you've had little contact with your mother."

"I was here the entire summer trying to help her!"

"Yes but back then she was in the Institution. Give her time, she has to learn to adjust. She's had to adjust a lot between the move and now. For now though, she is coping, she is eating and sleeping and communicating. There is no reason to imprison her in the Institution again."

I don't have a rebuttal. Was she really blaming this on me? I sit in a sullen mood while the doctor finishes explaining everything to Prim. She wants me to give her time….time I didn't have. I was going home this weekend. There was never enough time when I was here.

I don't talk the entire ride home. I'm trying to decide whether mom is getting better or if this is the best she'll ever be. This couldn't be the best she'll ever be, I decide. It's too hard. Too hard on me, too hard on Prim, too hard on Haymitch. She needs to get better.

Cecelia happens to be in the garden when we pull in the drive and escorts mom upstairs. I take my time exiting the car, still in a sullen mood. Prim is standing on the pavement but hasn't made a move to go inside.

"What's wrong?" She demands once I slam her car door.

"I don't like the doctor."

"Dr. Aurelius? Yeah, well that doesn't surprise me." She grumbles and takes a few steps towards the house.

"What does that mean?"

She sighs and turns on her heels. "You never like any doctor if they are treating mom. You have this weird prejudiced thing."

"I do not!" I want to try and argue this reasonably but my voice is far too loud to try and act like I am.

She rolls her eyes. "Can you just accept that she's living here now? You grumbling about it isn't going to change anything."

I pinch the bridge of my nose in a futile attempt to stay calm. "Well she shouldn't be here Prim! She can't cope and she probably never will!"

"Why are you so angry about this?" She yells. "Why can't you just accept that she's living here now?"

"Because she's ruining your life!"

"No, you're letting her ruin your life!"

"My life is perfectly fine!" I scream.

"Oh, yeah?" Her whole face is red and I can see the veins in her neck strain as she screams. "I don't hide away on the other side of the country every year and then come home to pick fights with everyone because I can't handle that my mother's sick!"

"That's not what I'm doing! I'm not hiding! I'm not picking fights. I'm just stating what everyone else is too scared to admit!"

"Why is it so bad that mom is getting better?"

I pause, glaring at her, my jaw working roughly. "You think I don't want her to get better? There's nothing more I want than her to get better Prim! But it's just not feasible."

She's not having it. I'm not sure if she's really listening to me either. "If you just stopped focusing on the negatives maybe you'd have a shot at being happy with your life."

I scoff at her. "Happy? I'm not unhappy Prim! My life is fine but you are screwing yours up waiting for something that isn't going to happen! What about school? Prim you need perspective."

I hear the front door open but before I can look at Haymitch Prim is off again. "Perspective? I need perspective? Why don't you look at your own life for once instead of worrying about everyone else's!" She screams and I can see the tears threatening in her eyes.

I want to backpedal at that point but Haymitch is already striding over our way. "What are you two fighting about? The whole neighborhood can hear!"

Prim glares at me and then turns to Haymitch matter-of-factly. "Katniss is having a temper tantrum."

"Yeah well at least I don't see everything as rainbows and sunshine! Get back to reality Prim!" I yell after her as she storms towards the house.

"Fuck you Katniss!" She yells over her shoulder before slamming the door.

I feel my eyes prick and my throat close. I stare at the door for a long time wishing I could redo those last moments.

"What happened?" Haymitch sighs, as if this is our fifth fight for the day and he's over it.

I need to displace my emotion so I whirl around to Haymitch. "Why are you letting this continue?"

"There's not so much I can do sweetheart." He says, already knowing what I'm referring to.

"Of course there is! Send her back to the Institution!"

He looks at me as if I I'm a child. "I can't. Her doctor's let her out. Unless she admits herself or they deem it necessary she is admitted she won't go back there."

I'd never actually thought of it that way. Did I really have no power over this? "You can't do anything?"

"No. So why don't you quit the temperamental teenage thing and put your mind to something else. Your court case maybe? That is if you don't want to interact with your mother and I'm assuming you don't."

"Why isn't she getting better? Am I really the problem?"

He huffs in annoyance. "No you're not the problem." He says impatiently. "You're just impatient. And stubborn. And a bit of an idiot."

I smile grimly in his direction despite myself. "I don't know what to do." I admit.

"Neither do I half the time. Not like I've been the world's best parent."

"You've been okay." I say almost inaudibly.

"Decide what you want to do." He says after a short pause. "Decide whether you want to give your mother the time of day like Blondie or decide whether you want to go home and focus on other things. I'm sorry to say but you've screwed it up a little sweetheart. I respect your decision at the firm but I also think you're crazy. You've chosen the impossible and done away with the possible. You chose the case because you couldn't control what was happening here. You can't control it here, but you can help it. Think about that and decide. It's your choice." He turns towards the door, scurrying up the path.

My mind is a mess. I consider entering the house but I don't think Prim's cooled off and there really isn't anything in there for me anyway. I don't have a car and I don't know where Haymitch keeps the keys. My last option is the woods. And it's probably the best option too.

I head to the back of the house, sneaking past the windows and take the short walk to the line of the woods. I enter at a random point, not my usual trail, and walk. I don't even care where I'm going. The incline begins to steepen; steeper than my usual path so in no time my breathing becomes heavy. I plough forward ignoring the tightening in my chest.

I reach a clearing, and have to maneuver my way through broken branches to enter the small grassy circle. I look at out and realize I'm on the peak of a hill, below me a jagged drop off of rocks.

"How have we never found this?" I mutter to myself before I steel a glance back down the hill I trudged up.

Maybe that was why. The adrenaline from the fight is slowly draining from my veins and in place a semi sick feeling roots itself in my stomach. Damn, how was I ever going to get back down? I fall down into the grass and lay on my back trying to steady my breathing and my thoughts. I'm nearly there when the vibration in my pocket scares me half to death and I jerk violently smacking my head against the ground.

It takes me a few seconds too long to realize a call is coming through my phone. I stare at it and see the blonde curls of Peeta, and his wide smile flashing on the screen.

Decisions. Haymitch said I have to make them. Problem was I don't what decisions to make.

I force myself to think of the decision at hand. It should be an easy one. Answer it. Ignore it.

Then were my hands shaking? I stare at the screen as it keeps flashing and buzzing and on the seventh ring I've had enough of myself and jab the green button too forcefully, answering the call.

"Hey." My voice is rough from all the yelling.

"Hey, is this a bad time?"

I want to laugh but instead a sort of choked sound erupts from my throat. "I think anytime would be a bad time honestly."

Silence. Had I scared him off? "What? Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" I whisper, weighing the question. Another decision. Lie or not to lie? "No." I finally admit.

"Why, what's happened?"

I squish my eyes shut, warding off the tears. Deep breaths Katniss, deep breaths.

"I don't know what to do." I say finally.

"Katniss I don't understand."

I lick my lip, my head bobbing up and down although he can't see. "Neither do I, really. They say mom's okay but she's clearly not. They won't send her back and I have no fucking control over it! Prim hates me right now because I can't fucking leave it alone and I can't even ask my mom what I should do because the damn problem is her! How did this happen?" I cry, my cheeks wet under the sudden flood of tears. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Hey, hey, it's okay." I can tell he's trying to be calming but his tone is slightly panicked.

"No it's not. I don't have the time to try and fix mom."

"Then trust Prim."

"She's failing school. I can't trust her she's already put too much time into mom."

Another pause. "Katniss you do know it's not your job to make your mom better?"

I don't answer. When he realizes that he continues. "Your job's to be there for Prim, to be there for your mom. You don't have to do everything. And it's not your fault if your mom isn't getting better."

"I'm sorry I didn't let you come." I say suddenly.

"Katniss I know that already, it's okay. Really."

"No it's not! I should have let you come Peeta! I shouldn't have pushed you away. I shouldn't have yelled at Prim for caring and I should try and help mom…but I can't." I hear the pitiful crack in my voice as I say the last word.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't figure out…whether I care enough. To help her." It was ugly but it was truth.

"Katniss that's not true." Peeta says emphatically. "You do care. You care an awful lot about people. And yeah, sometimes you're stubborn and sometimes you're angry but that's okay! You wouldn't be there right now if you didn't care on some level. Katniss believe me when I say that I know you love your family more than anything else."

I try to accept his kind words but I feel as lonely as ever in this clearing where I can't even hear the birds. But something in hearing Peeta's voice makes me feel a little closer to home.

"Katniss are you there?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah I'm here." I rasp.

"Where are you exactly?"

"Ah, the woods." I mumble.

"Are you alone?" I can hear the worry laced in his words.

"It's okay."

There's a long pause. To try and add some normalcy to the conversation and quell the flow of tears down my cheeks I ask, "How's everything over there?"

He coughs slightly and says gently, "Everything is fine. They're tying the loose ends together back down at the firm to get ready for the trial."

"Good." I nod trying to take this in. "What about your mother?"

"That's okay too."

As silly as it was I felt the tiniest bit better knowing that at least things for one of us were going right.

"I, uh, should get back to the house." I finally say. Embarrassment was beginning to settle into me for how pathetically I just acted.

"Okay. I love you."

I try and smile. "I love you too."

I hang up the phone and the clearing now seems even more deathly quiet. I don't make a move to trek back down the hill.

I've hit the wall, I realize, as I stare at the vast expanse of forest beneath me. I have to change something. I couldn't keep fighting, crying and struggling to hold on. Safety and security wouldn't come galloping over the horizon either. I had to change. But what?

I think back to the fight with Prim, my sweet little sister, yelling such horrible things to hurt me. How had I gotten to this point on this trip?

Her words tumble through my head; Why can't you just accept it… hide away on the other side of the country every year… can't handle that my mother's sick… stop focusing on the negatives…. you'd have a shot at being happy with your life…

Was I unhappy with my life? I think about that. Maybe I was and I was too scared to admit it. I think about State 4 and Haymitch's house. Neither really felt like home.

I think about Peeta and how I pushed him away in the beginning and now again when he told me he wanted to come here with me.

I was good at building walls, I'd done it my whole life. Maybe what I needed was a bridge. I had stop running away. Stop ignoring State 12 when I was back in 4, stop escaping to the woods for refuge. Like Haymitch and the alcohol.

Peeta was right. It is not job to fix my mother. And if she doesn't get better it's not my fault. But that doesn't make it any easier…but I could help. Haymitch said so. This wasn't the end.

I stare off into the distance searching the expanse of trees as if to find exactly where I went wrong. If I wanted to start on the right path I'd have to let go.

But how?

I look out at the distance, towards the west, and see the gap between the trees. Where trails of black smoke leak into the sky.

And then I knew exactly how to do it. And where the closure might just be.

000

I didn't immediately go to the Seam. I knew I had to visit it to try and accept what everyone else had been preaching to me. To try and take a turn in the right direction and stop letting my own feelings suffocate my life. But I couldn't do it immediately.

Instead I had gone home. I'd found Prim, apologized, cried and done it all over again. It was a long agonizing process but by the end I felt like we were on the same page. Or the closest we'd ever been.

The days began to trickle by and I tried my best to keep the depression out of my head. It was hard because healing was not an easy process. Particularly not for my mother. Some day's she was responsive, other days, nothing. It was infuriating beyond belief. But I tried. Haymitch gave me a stress ball and I laughed in his face. I called Peeta more often and gave him the play by play. He was one of the most helpful.

And even though I still hated my situation, and I still had a lot of the hurt and anger toward my mother, I felt different. As if I'd woken up after a bad dream. And I thought yes, maybe, just maybe, I could go on from here.

I would stop trying to control every person, situation and outcome. I would try a little harder if not for my mother's sake than for mine. I'd try to be happier.

Of course it was easier said than done, but you had to say it first to even begin to believe you could do it.

Finally on my last day I face the Seam. I enter the small broken village with the black smoky sky. Where my happiness was uprooted and my life was turned around.

There are few people out and about in the Seam. A few women wander through the meager amount of shops but everyone else is either at school or working in the mines. In my grey hoodie, torn jeans, and battered converse I fit right in to the dingy surroundings. I navigate the town as if I had always lived here, taking all the right turns even though street signs are absent. I find my old house, hiding behind overgrown shrubbery and grass, abandoned and alone. Haymitch never sold the house. Just left it to rot. I preferred it that way honestly.

I open the gate, the metal brittle and squeaky, and pick my way through the overgrown and rocky front path. As I approach I can still picture the original house, the one that was inhabited, before vines crept up the bricks or rocks had broken the windows. I can picture seeing the fire through the window, promising warmth in the harsh winter, or seeing the little blonde girl teeter her way over to the couch.

I open the front door carefully, the wood slightly soft and weathered. I can almost see my mother cooking and my dad's old boots cast away in the hall, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he flips through the channels on the old T.V. I imagine the rich smells of dinner wafting through the small area and our old cat mewing by the fire. I imagine these things so vividly, so vibrantly that I can almost feel the heat, smell the food, hear the voices.

A sweet moment passes through the house while I'm stuck in my own imagination, feeling the weight and responsibility dissipate through the air. I was home. This was home. Not State 4, not State 12, but here in the Seam. But thinking of those other places brings me back to the reality. To the cracked, moss covered floorboards, the spiders creeping up the walls and the distinct musty smell permeating the air. This would never home again.

While I know that, thinking it still hurts. I could make these other places feel close to home, almost right. I could forget and pretend that was where I belonged. But it would never be the same as here, in my dilapidated house in the poor town of the Seam. No amount of money, kindness and flashy things could fix that.

I sit on the floorboards, holding no warmth, and think. I was alone. Not even the cat, Buttercup, remains. I sit there for a long time, feeling the breeze go in and out of the glassless window, until I feel the last of my happy memories evaporating into the cold.

I know that at this moment it's time to go. I wander back out the house noticing the light has long since been leeched from the sky and stumble my way back to the gate. I step onto the street and turn back once more.

"Bye." I mutter, my voice carrying into the night.

A/N:Thanks for reading! And thanks for your patience, I'm currently in the middle of exams so once I finish them I can update more frequently.

So this was a pretty huge chapter, both in size and storyline. I felt like this was really important and Katniss really grows throughout this chapter. I really hope you guys liked it.

I read a poem called The Awakening by Sonny Carroll when I was writing this which really helped me shape the chapter and I even paraphrased a few lines from the poem in Katniss' dialogue as well. I recommend reading it, it's long but it's really lovely.

Note - Prim's car is the Jaguar XF Premium Luxury which was released in 2008.

I'd really love to hear what you all think, please leave a review :)

Have a great day!

-Elli