CHAPTER 15: NOT YET
For anyone that knew me well it was obvious that I never liked surprises. Never had, never will. And continuing to work on the case was like one big, never ending surprise. Like waiting for a bomb to go off. I couldn't handle it well but I had little options left. It's not like I hadn't considered just telling the firm straight up to get this mess over with. But every time I came even close to that I found I could never take the final leap. Because there was that awful little voice in the back of my head saying that it wasn't over yet. Yet. That word killed me.
I flick on the T.V. and am met with a picture of Mr. Mellark and one of his many bakeries. The images had been relentless for days - within hours of the case going public- another never ending reminder to my demise. I turn it off quickly feeling too much self-loathing to keep it on. I had played the blame game with myself for far too long. It was Finnick's fault for suggesting to take on the case, Peeta's for helping me, Annie's for covering for me…but the vicious circle of thoughts didn't last long before I always came back to me. I knew all along that if this all fell to pieces it would be my fault when it boiled down to everything. Mine and mine alone. But I had wanted to play the hero for once and now I was paying.
I hide the remote down the side of the couch just to alleviate any morbid temptations. The house is eerily quiet with all my housemates having left for classes. That's fine by me. Really I'm meant to be leaving for work now but instead I keep flicking the T.V. on and off. Sighing I grab my bag and march out the door with just a secondary glace.
My poor car doesn't deserve the roughness I inflict on it as I drive to work but I can't seem to escape my perpetual agitated state. I slip easily into my parking spot and try to wipe the agitation from my face. I am hoping that my appearance would do half of that for me, with my extra layer of makeup, dress and heels. Oh, how Prim would be impressed with me today.
I'm surprised to say the least when I spy Annie waiting for me at the elevator, my usual cup of coffee grasped in her hand. As much as I wanted to stay mad at Annie like all my other friends, it was a struggle. After all she'd been the one tearing Finn apart trying to tell me about Lora Mellark's latest move.
"I was half expecting you to bail." She says evenly when we enter the elevator.
"I don't run anymore."
"I wouldn't have blamed you."
"I started this mess. I'll finish it."
Silence fills the elevator, alleviating our tense conversation. The radio plays out between the elevator's small walls.
"Why did you do it?" She suddenly blurts out, turning to me with concerned eyes. I think back to the day Finn approached me and begged me to take the case, even against Peeta's will.
"I loved him." I shrug.
"Not when you took this on, you didn't. You hated him."
"Call it intuition." I wave it away. I'm not willing to waste my time mulling that over.
She takes a deep breath. "You know I'm implicated now. When they realize it's you at the bakery that night."
I turn to her, staring her square in the eyes. "You're not. If I go down I sure as hell won't take you with me."
"Thank you." She whispers. And then she goes in for the kill. "You know they all kept this a secret from you because they love you. They didn't want to hurt you."
The elevator dings and the doors open rapidly forcing us to step onto the 9th floor.
"I know."
God, did I know.
000
The meeting room is a frenzy to say the least. The case is quickly spiraling out of control due to the new media attention Lora Mellark brought on.
"Why? Why expose the case now?" Cinna demands. It was unnerving watching him so frustrated.
Mr. Mellark had told the firm about his wife's agenda about a day before it went public. When Peeta finally quit stalling with him.
"The odds weren't in her favor anymore." Someone says. "We were slowly burying her."
I'll bury her, I think viscously.
"You've been told this already, but if you are approached you are to say nothing about this case." Cinna addresses the room, pointing an accusing finger. "We're still trying to keep it under wraps as much as possible. We're working on a deal with the other side to try and lessen the heat on us."
"What deal?" I pipe up, suddenly scared.
"That's undisclosed, even to this office right now. What I can show you now is the CCTV footage we've pulled from Mellark Bakeries. This will hopefully ground assault charges against Lora Mellark."
My stomach plummets. My eyes catch Annie's from across the table. This is the end. I see maybe sympathy in her gaze? Or just plain fear. I can't tell.
Cinna clicks a remote and my death sentence pops up on the television screen in the corner of the room.
"This was taken about two weeks ago however we've only just obtained it. That man there is Peeta Mellark."
I watch as Peeta's figure exits the building, his unmistakable blonde curls illuminated in the light. I take a deep breath as I see the next body – my body – exit the bakery.
"This woman here is unidentified."
What?
This woman here is unidentified.
This woman here is unidentified.
I peer as closely as I can to the T.V screen. And sure enough my face is obscured by my hair and the angle of the camera. No…I couldn't be this lucky. I flinch as I see Lora Mellark strike Peeta and then suddenly we are both in the car and driving away.
Our eyes both wide, Annie and I take a moment to gaze at each other. Holy fuck, what just happened?
The T.V. shuts off abruptly. "This is our new evidence. Along with our other work from the last few months we have a substantial fight against Lora Mellark. Good job team. Now remember, secrecy is the key right now."
The meeting room empties quickly. Annie grabs my hand in a vice like grip and leads me into our temporary private office.
"What the hell just happened?" She demands.
I rake my hands through my hair nervously. "I was just bought a few more days."
I still couldn't quite believe it. If I had just turned my head a few inches to the left…I would have been a goner.
"You might still have a chance. They might not realize you know Peeta." Annie urges, pulling at my arm with a childlike excitement. "This isn't over."
I couldn't quite meet her excitement. "No promises yet."
Yet. Again the word killed me.
000
The house remains empty when I return from work. The more critical part of my mind assumes we are all avoiding each other. Really, it isn't an irrational thought.
The second my key slides into the lock my phone goes off. Sighing, I fish around in my bag, searching for the familiar rectangular bit of plastic while I shoulder my way into my home. The screen flashes with Peeta's name and loving smile which causes my chest to tighten briefly. For a fleeting moment I consider ignoring the text before I realize that is not exactly fair. He is in fact still my boyfriend, and even though I am mad he still deserves the time of day.
The words jump out in dark text against the white screen. Meet me at the coffee house. Please? I need you.
The bastard knew exactly how to get me there. I bound up the stairs to throw on something more comfortable, finding my familiar ripped jeans and a long top. I take off a considerable amount of makeup and slide my feet into a pair of beat up converse. Much better.
Only Peeta Mellark could make me run around like this for him when I still seething at his actions. Damn him!
I make the few short turns it takes to get to the center of town and slide my car easily into a parking spot outside the coffee house. It wasn't particularly busy and I recall the first time I had taken him here to discuss the court case. Once again we've chosen the most inappropriate spot for discussing covert court cases.
Rolling my eyes I push the door open quickly and take in the eclectic surroundings. I finally spy Peeta sitting at a small round table in the corner, his eyes on his phone. I can feel the anger I'd somehow lost during the car trip rise again in me. I sit across from him, stony faced.
His head lifts. "Hey." He smiles. Is he relieved?
"What did you need?"
"I needed to know what happened today…at the firm. Do they know about you?"
Oh. He wants to know if I've been found out. "You can't see my face on the CCTV footage. I'm safe for now."
The look on his face breaks my heart into a million pieces and all I want to do is take his hand. "You have no idea how relieved I am."
"Peeta it's still going to happen. I'll be found out-"
"No. it doesn't have to."
I pause for a moment and look around the room. "I think it does."
"Are you still mad?"
The waiter suddenly comes over asking what we would like in a chipper voice. Distractedly I tell her tersely to bring us two cappuccinos. I notice that Delly is working and she hasn't braved our table, probably due to the screaming match I inflicted upon her and all the others not that long ago. The waiter leaves again and I slowly lift my gaze to Peeta's.
"How would it feel if the one person you trusted most in the world, not only lied to you, but swore all your friends to secrecy over something that could change your entire life?"
"Katniss, I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it. I should have told you."
"I believe you."
"Then what?"
"Nothing." I shrug. "It is what it is."
"I want to make this better." He urges, his blue eyes begging.
I bite my lip, staring at his face, so laced with worry. "Peeta…"
"What can I do?" He demands.
I sigh, defeated. "Just…just don't ever lie to me again, okay?"
"I promise." He says immediately. "Katniss…I honestly thought that if I told you what my mother was planning when you were in 12 you would have fallen apart and I couldn't do that to you."
I hated the words because I hated admitting to weakness. But he was right. He was always right. If he had told me it would've killed me.
"I know, Peeta, I know."
The cappuccinos come and we drink them quietly. There was a lot of stuff hanging there between us.
"Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"I think you're safe." He says.
"What?" I ask in confusion.
"In the case. The footage is what would've identified you. What links you to me. You're fine."
His words sink in but I don't let the happiness sink in with it. "You're mother has still seen me. All it would take would be for her to realize I work on the case." I remind him. But for once he doesn't seem too perturbed. He drains the rest of his coffee and looks at me expectantly.
"Want to go home?"
I tired smile pulls at my lips. "Hell yeah."
Our hands find each other as we exit the coffee house, the pressure and warmth making me feel home again. I slip on my sunglasses just before I move past the door to avoid the ever present glaring sun. We get about two feet before Peeta looks back.
"Shit, I left my phone on the table. I'll see you in a few."
I smile and nod, heading to my car. As I put on my seatbelt I watch as he exits the coffee house and turns left down the sidewalk. He makes it about five steps before he's approached. At first my heart races as he is suddenly swarmed by people before I take in the microphones and cameras. I frown and back quickly out of the parking spot. I guess they were on Peeta too now.
"Fuck the media." I mutter as I speed all the way home.
000
After the non-incident at the firm and my talk with Peeta I found it took increasingly more energy to try and stay mad at all my friends. For once I took the easy way out and put it to the side. They'd all apologized profusely and had tried to make it up. If I was being honest I just didn't want to think about it anymore.
A few days later the Strip was abundant with college kids. It was one of those rare afternoons where I neither had work or class. The boys were training in the heat, looking deliciously hot as they dove in and out of the sand with sweat glistening down their bodies.
"It almost feels normal again, sitting here." Johanna says quietly to from my left.
I laugh. "Before the lies, deceit, court cases and media.
"We've come a long way, you know."
"Yeah, a long way." I repeat softly. "But the right way?"
"Don't dwell in on it Katniss."
"It's hard not to."
"You've done a good job this year." She tells me sincerely and I stare at her as if she were crazy.
"I'm a mess Johanna! I've messed everything up."
"No, you're a good friend. For helping Peeta. Maybe you could have found a less illegal way…."
I snort. "You know I think those are nicest things you've ever said to me in one conversation."
That successfully puts her in a fit of laughter and takes the heat off me. "Shut up, brainless."
We watch the guys play and the various other people walk along the Strip. Really I was very appreciative of the distraction. Particularly Peeta over there near the base line who keeps looking over and winking at me.
"I saw the news again today." Johanna says, sipping from a water bottle.
I groan, her words pulling me out of my boy induced haze. I know she's referring to the latest snippet of the Mellark's that I'm sure appeared sometime today on the television. "It'll be a top story until the case is over. I mean the Mellark's own a hell of a lot."
"Has anyone approached Peeta yet?"
"The other day at the coffee house. He got a little swarmed by some reporters." I admit, training my eyes back to Peeta in time to see him serve it straight over the net. I let out a cheer.
"Where were you?" She asks seriously. I don't understand her need to know but I tell her anyway.
"In my car I was going home. Now shut up and watch with me!"
She resigns but only just. I watch the boys hash out their fake game until they call time. Finnick and Peeta jog over with big grins on their faces feigning bear hugs with us as we try and squirm away from their sweaty skin. We push them away and they pack up their things laughing, not bothering to wear any extra clothing.
"You guys up for a few drinks? Celebrations?" Finnick asks hopefully, indicating the beach bar not that far down the sand. I look to Johanna then up at the guys.
When have we ever said no?
000
Many hours and many drinks later we stumble our way home. We aren't completely off our faces but we've found the right level. Johanna and Finnick walk together. Finnick keeps waving and winking to all the girls down the street while Johanna constantly hisses in his ear that he's currently dating Annie.
Peeta and I are more relaxed, walking behind the two. Peeta's hand runs up and down my arm, shielding me from the rare cool change that's invading State 4 tonight. For the first time in a while I feel safe.
Johanna unlocks the door and she and Finn disappear upstairs in a heartbeat. I have full intentions of following them up there when I feel the pressure on my wrist. In one movement Peeta's spun me around and I slam into him hard. I look up at him questioningly noticing how his eyes have darkened a few shades. His lips press against mine roughly, his hands pulling my hips toward him even further, his grip incredibly tight. His tongue traces my bottom lip and I grant him entry happily. Heat surges down to my core and just as I move to further it he pulls away.
He stills. When I meet his gaze his eyes are concerned. "Are we okay?"
I sigh and answer honestly. "I'm still a little miffed, really."
He looks chagrined. Like he's at his wits end.
"Look Peeta, I know it was a mistake and I know you guys have been trying to make it up to me so thank you. Everything is just a lot to take in and I need some time. I've barely kept my position together at the firm." I'd barely gotten away with it all. Skin of my teeth, literally.
He nods, his fingers drawing small patterns across my hips. A small smirk slowly creeps onto his face. "While I'm waiting, why don't I make it up to you some more?" He asks seductively, his hands inching high up my thighs. I can feel the warmth pooling at my centre.
In exactly two seconds my resolve crumbles. It always does when Peeta's concerned.
000
Waking up next to Peeta never ceases to brighten my morning. This morning I wake up first and I take a few minutes to simply stare at him and admire him. He looks peaceful, breathing deeply, a tiny smile gracing his features. Sighing I extricate myself from his arm and roll gently from his bed. Bending down I pluck his discarded t shirt from the ground, slipping it over my head, along with my panties.
The house is still quiet, so I tiptoe down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grab a bagel from the basket on the counter (homemade by Peeta) and spread a good helping of cream cheese on it. Wandering around, I flick on the T.V. in the living room. The news channel automatically pops up and the standard news reporter is going on about some electricity crisis in State 5. I watch absentmindedly, snuggling in Peeta's clothes, enjoying the smell and eating the delicious bread.
This was home.
The T.V. demands my attention again when I hear the name Mellark. I huff a little, sick of hearing the constant reporting of the Mellark case. I'm about to change the channel when a new picture appears.
"…son, Peeta Mellark is currently residing in State 4 where the case will be trialed…Peeta Mellark has withheld all comments regarding the case…"
I jolt upright staring at the screen in disbelief. There I was on the T.V. accompanying the report; a picture from the other day of both me and Peeta exiting the coffee house hand in hand. Hand in hand.
"PEETA!" I scream up the stairs, pausing the T.V. and running full pelt back up to his room. "Peeta!"
He runs out into the hall in his boxers, his eyes roaming the house wildly. "What? Are you okay?"
Finnick and Jo both burst out of their rooms at the sound of the ruckus.
"What the fuck is happening! Do you know how early it is?"
I head back down the stairs, knowing all three of them will come in tow. I run back to the T.V. and jab my finger at the screen. Their eyes go wide, solidifying my fear.
Before any of us freak out any further my phone rings out in the silence, erasing any words anyone might have said. We all freeze. I don't make a move to get it. All four of us stand and stare at each other. Once the ringing ends, I break the spell and walk over to my phone hesitantly.
1 Missed Call from Cinna. 1 Voicemail left.
Deep breath. I meet their eyes. My voice is thick and I can barely get the words out. "They know. It's over."
000
My final walk into the firm, late that afternoon, is as scary as I had imagined it to be. My limbs move slowly, dragging, as if I'm under water. The sounds seem like that too; muffled. Annie's not waiting next to the elevator with my coffee. That small detail is just about enough to bring on the first round of tears, though I choke them back. Not right now. The elevator ride is slow and agonizing and the music does nothing to reflect my mood. It dings and slides open at my floor and I contemplate just riding the elevator back down. Running. Hiding.
But no, I can't do that. I step onto the plush carpet and walk slowly to the office where Cinna's waiting. The doorknob feels cold against my skin as I twist it, opening the door. I don't bother to knock. He's knows I'm coming.
He sits behind his desk as he would on any other normal day. His hands are clasped, his eyes are trained on my face. But looking around there are more people than just Cinna in the room. I swallow.
"Please sit down Miss Everdeen."
Miss Everdeen. I can't recall the last time he called me that. I cast another cursory glance at the various other higher-ups in the room. They all sit as still as statues.
"Do you know why you are here, Miss Everdeen?" Cinna asks, incredibly formal. I don't like it. Cinna had always been more of a friend to me than anything else.
Naturally with so many eyes trained on me I get my back up. "Please enlighten me Cinna. I may be wrong."
A small murmur passes around the room. A computer screen sits atop the desk. It buzzes to life and in a blink the tabloid picture of both me and Peeta exiting the coffee house hand in hand takes over the screen.
"This picture has been in the media however I expect you know that." Cinna tells me. "Could you please tell the room your relationship to Mr. Mellark?"
It probably wasn't the time for snide comments but the sentence slipped out of my mouth. "I am currently working – very hard I might add – on his family's case and I also interviewed him months ago for evidence."
I know they're not buying it. I didn't think they would. But it feels better than just giving in.
"Does your relationship extend beyond a standard clientele relationship?"
I fidget. I can't lie, there's no use, but I can't seem to utter the word 'yes'. I choose to remain silent.
"This picture seems to suggest you may be in a relationship with Peeta Mellark. Is that correct?"
"It's one picture." I hedge.
"Actually Miss Everdeen there is more than one picture."
I shake my head minutely. I couldn't remember another moment that had been photographed. And in a compromising way at that. And then a still shot from the CCTV footage that night at the bakery flashes up.
"We had recently discovered this evidence as you well know and the woman in this footage had previously been labeled as anonymous. Now we know her identity." He looks pointedly at me. He then brings the picture from the coffee house and situates it next to the CCTV shot on the screen. In both pictures I was wearing the same clothes. My hair was the same. They didn't need my face to show that is was me.
I look down at my hands. "Miss Everdeen, you were in the meeting where we showed you this evidence. Yet you did not identify yourself. Why?"
Wasn't it obvious? I was trying to avoid this. Once again I choose not to answer.
"What were you doing at his family's bakery late at night? Alone?"
I shake my head again. God, I was so screwed. "I have no plausible answer for you Cinna."
The murmurs around the room return. "Could you please confirm your residential address for us, Miss Everdeen?"
I rub my face roughly. They know about that too? Cinna reads out Cato and Thresh's address to the room. "Is that your address?"
"No." I sigh, working up a good glare to flash at them. They've cornered me and they know it. Very slowly I say my real address.
"Katniss you do realize you have just admitted to living with Peeta Mellark who is a party to this case?"
"Yes."
The next moments pass quickly. I get asked whether I breached confidentiality on the case and I lie and say no one else knew about it until it went public. I knew for a fact they couldn't prove me otherwise on that small tidbit of information. They explain to me, very precisely, that if I had told them that I knew Peeta Mellark I would have been okay and they would have taken me off the case before it even started. I knew that, anyway. I didn't need to be told again. They then explain that as long as Mrs. Mellark does not identify me as working on the case this issue will be kept within the firm. I find that interesting.
"Do you understand everything that has been discussed today, Miss Everdeen? And do you understand your affiliation with this law firm has been terminated as of today?"
I sigh, ready to tear the room apart.
"Yes."
000
I'm striding down the halls when I hear his voice again. Cinna.
"Katniss!"
I whip around wondering what he could possibly want. He surprises me when he jogs up to me. "I'm sorry." He says.
I quirk an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry that had to happen Katniss. And I'm also sorry you didn't take this case more seriously."
"I did! That's why-"
He holds up his index finger. "I know. You have a lot of potential Katniss. You were valued here at the firm. You've made a mistake, a very large mistake but I don't want you to give up. Keep striving to become a lawyer and whatever else you want to do in your life. I know you can do it."
For the first time today I let my eyes tear up. "Thank you, Cinna."
"I didn't want it to end like this but you gave me little options."
"I know."
He gives me a weak smile and walks back to the elevator no doubt going back up to his office to deal with the mess I've left. I'm nearly to my car when the next voice stops me.
"Katniss!" I turn in frustration ready to tell the person to fuck off and leave me alone today.
But there is Mr. Mellark running towards me, the same blonde curls as Peeta bouncing as he moves.
"Mr. Mellark?" I ask in disbelief.
"I just wanted to say thank you Katniss."
My eyes bug out. "Thank you? For what? For nearly ruining your court case?"
"For caring about Peeta. I know what you did was wrong but I truly appreciate what you did for my son. He's the happiest I've seen him in a long time and it's because of you."
He gives me a quick hug and I'm too taken aback to reciprocate. Then he gives me an impish grin, waves and walks back towards the other end of the car park.
I shake my head and get into the car wondering what it is with the Mellark boys that make them so damn nice. And I also wonder whether they are slightly deluded because I am definitely not the best thing that happened to Peeta Mellark. I'm probably the worst.
000
They wait for me back at the house. I want to smile. They're always waiting for me. No one says anything when I enter the house but I can feel the questions hanging in the air.
"It's over." I shrug, the words burning my mouth. "I'm fired."
The tears finally come when I get enclosed in the group hug.
"I'm sorry." Finn whispers, looking as if he was about to cry himself.
"It's not your fault Finn. Every decision I made was mine."
"So that's it then?" Johanna asks.
"That's it. No more lies, no more hiding. I'm done."
As shattering as it was to say it, there was something distinctly comforting about being free. I could see it in their eyes too, in their smiles.
Later that night I lie closed up in Peeta's arms on my bed. It doesn't feel the same as it did this morning. I cry freely, soaking his shirt. I'd had a chance beyond any other law student in my year and I'd destroyed it right at the climax. I feel like I deserve at least a few tears.
Though in a way it sort of fitting; this whole legal mess. My whole life had been about self-deprecation and now this was the cream of my fucked up cake.
When Peeta speaks his voice is quiet, but it resonates in my body. "Thank you." He says it the same way his father said it.
Well if anything, I tried. And maybe I did a half way decent job. Peeta's life would become easier and that had been the whole point of it all anyway.
After all, I never did it for me I did it for him.
A/N: So Katniss has finally been found out! I've been waiting to write this for a while. But it's not the end yet, there's still one more drama-packed chapter to go :)
I appreciate all the comments you guys have been leaving and all the alerts so thank you! And also for sticking with the story all this way.
Only only one more chapter left!
-Elli