Chapter 18

Three days later...

Gibbs woke up to the sound of Tim walking around in his bedroom, the clicking of Jethro's claws on the floor. After spending this much time in Tim's home, he was getting more and more a sense of what it took for Tim to maintain his independence. Granted, Tim wasn't back at his best yet, but he was steadily getting there. Today, he was going back to work for the first time since his breakdown.

He hadn't realized how organized Tim had to be. His clothes, his shoes, his whole routine. It's wasn't just a routine. It was a rigid schedule. Tim had said he needed his routine, and Gibbs had accepted that, but he was only now seeing that it was a real need, not an exaggeration. Tim had days when he was disoriented. Just the day before, Tim had awakened feeling so unsure of where he was that Gibbs and Jethro had both been required to ground him. It was a new understanding of Tim's life and what made it work. ...and how easy it would be for Tim to be lost again.

And Gibbs himself was starting to think about a suggestion that he was sure Tim would hate. The only issue was the timing. When would be the best time for him to broach the subject? When would Tim be most likely to at least hear him out? It wasn't about forcing him to accept what Gibbs would say, but about getting him to give it a genuine consideration.

"Good morning, Boss," Tim said. "I'm going out with Jethro."

"Enjoy," Gibbs said with a smile.

Like clockwork.

Tim and Jethro left the apartment, and Gibbs took the opportunity to call Ducky.

"This is Dr. Mallard."

"Ducky."

"Jethro, good morning. It's rather early."

"Tim's already out taking Jethro for a walk."

"Ah. What is it?"

"I want to ask him this morning."

"Today? When he's just getting back to work?"

"He's happy about that. Maybe his mind will be more open."

"I'm not sure...but you could be right."

"I'm not going to push, but I want to start trying to get him to think about it."

"Very well...as long as you don't push him to accept or reject what you'll say. If he refuses to talk about it, let him."

"I will."

"Then, I'll support you in this."

"Thanks."

Gibbs hung up and got ready for the day. He was out of the shower before Tim got back.

The door opened and Jethro came clattering into the apartment. Tim went through the same routine he had every morning. He had settled more and more, and Gibbs could see that trend continuing. ...hopefully. They all knew that Fornell was chomping at the bit to get Tim back to open the site. Whatever he'd done had well and truly stumped the tech people at the FBI, embarrassing as it was for them to admit. Tim knew it was coming, too, and he said he could do it...as long as they didn't make him do it alone.

In fact, Vance had pulled some strings to allow Tim to take Jethro with him, and they were trying to get Tim's dog designated as a service animal. It was clear that his presence helped Tim's state of mind, moreso now than before. He was happier, more relaxed...more stable, when Jethro was with him.

"How far did you go?" he asked.

"Just to the park. Jethro likes chasing the birds. It gives him more exercise."

Tim knelt down and filled Jethro's food dish. He smiled.

"Are you ready to go back?" Gibbs asked.

Tim looked up at him and paused for a moment with that familiar expression on his face. Deep consideration.

Finally, he nodded.

"Yes. I want to go back. I want to get back to work. I know you're worried about that, but I want to go back, and I can help Fornell. I don't need to do much. I just wasn't ready before, but I feel like I'm ready now."

"Okay."

Tim nodded again and went into his bedroom to get ready. Gibbs looked at his watch.

When Tim came out, he had taken the exact same amount of time as the day before. He didn't say anything about it. They had breakfast and then, Gibbs drove them to work.

They were walking into the building when Gibbs decided to ask his question and then let the chips fall where they may.

"Tim, before you go in..."

Tim paused, clearly unhappy about it. He wanted to go in and get back to work, no matter what the capacity was.

"Yeah? What?"

"I need to ask you a question."

"Okay."

Tim stood and stared at him, giving Gibbs his full and complete attention.

"As I've been staying at your place the last few days, I've seen some things. Have you ever thought about not living alone?"

Tim's brow furrowed.

"Why?"

"I think it might be a bad idea to keep on that way."

The furrow deepened.

"I'm fine. I have been fine at home. I don't want to give up my home. No!"

"Will you at least hear me out?"

Tim shook his head quickly.

"No. I won't. I can live by myself, and I don't need to have someone else taking care of me!"

Tim turned on his heel and strode into the building. Gibbs sighed. He'd known that Tim wouldn't be happy about the idea, but he'd hoped that he'd be willing to talk about it.

Still, it had been said and it couldn't be unsaid...and Tim wouldn't forget what had been said. He'd think about it. That was a start.

Another sigh and Gibbs followed behind Tim and went inside.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was upset by what Gibbs said, but he tried to pull his mind from that and to getting back to his office. He really wanted to be in his office.

"Agent McGee!" Henry said happily. "I'm glad to have you back here."

"Thanks, Henry," Tim said.

"I'm really happy to pass you on in."

Tim smiled back and walked on through. He walked up the stairs to the bullpen.

"Tim! You're back!" Tony said.

"Yeah," Tim said.

Ziva and Tony both came over. Ziva kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly. Tony gave him a quick thump on the back.

"Abby was going to be here to knock you over with a hug, but she got called down at the last minute for a test, and Vance wouldn't let her stay," Tony said with a grin.

"Saved me, then?" Tim suggested.

"Exactly."

Tim felt a momentary unease as Gibbs' words came back to him, but he tried to keep his focus on the happiness of being back at NCIS. Yes, happiness was the right word. He was happy to be here.

"And Fornell is up in your office, waiting for you to get up there."

Tim smiled.

"I won't make him wait, then."

"We will see you at lunch, Tim," Ziva said.

"Sounds good," Tim said, nodding.

He climbed up the stairs and headed for his office, Jethro by his side. At the door, he paused. It suddenly struck him that he was going into a room with an FBI agent. His last experience with that hadn't been so great. It made him tense up. He took a breath and tried to make himself open the door. Could he face that alone?

Then...Gibbs' words came into his mind again and they made him upset. Upset enough that he opened the door and stepped in.

Fornell had been sitting at the computer staring at the monitor. As soon as Tim came in, he stood up.

"Agent McGee! I'm glad to see you doing so well. I'm really sorry for what happened. I would never have guessed it of Wheeler and Blair...and Agent Russell..."

Tim shook his head. "I don't want to talk about that, Agent Fornell," he said quickly. "Can we not?"

"Of course. Are you ready to let us in?" He gestured to the computer.

"Oh, yeah. I don't really remember locking it up. Couldn't you get in?"

"My people tried...unsuccessfully. Whatever you did, I'm glad that you're on our side."

Tim smiled and sat down. He brought up the Allen site and quickly opened it, getting rid of the block he'd set up somehow. He didn't have any memory of creating it, but he could see the pattern that he had created before and followed it easily.

"There. It should be open for you now," Tim said.

Fornell leaned over and looked at it.

"Could you show me what you found or is that not a good idea right now?"

Tim thought about it.

"Not a good idea. Maybe later," he said.

"That's fine."

Tim furrowed his brow.

"It is?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Fornell chuckled.

"Because it's our fault that you're having this trouble in the first place. The least we can do is make sure you have the time you need to recover. If we can get in, we can find the data ourselves. Welcome back, Agent McGee."

"Thanks."

"No, thank you."

Fornell patted Tim's shoulder and then left the office. Tim looked down at Jethro who began sniffing all the nooks and crannies. Tim sat down and watched him as he investigated his space.

"Do you like it?" he asked. "Is it okay?"

Jethro continued to sniff. Then, he trotted over to Tim, licked at his face and then turned around a few times and settled on the floor. Tim smiled and turned back to his computer. He looked at the site and then got out of it. He didn't want to think about all that for the moment. It still made him afraid, tense, unstable.

...but then, his mind went back to what Gibbs had said.

Tim didn't want to give up his independence. It would be admitting that he couldn't be himself, and he could. He didn't want to give himself up and he couldn't understand why Gibbs would suggest that. It was troubling to say the least. He just didn't know how to take it.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Tim said.

The door opened and Vance came in.

"Agent Fornell told me that you opened the site for them."

Tim nodded.

"I'm not going to ask you about it. They have work they can do and they're trying to make up for what happened. I just wanted to say welcome back. Take today to get yourself back into the groove. Tomorrow, we'll have some projects for you to start on."

"Okay. Thank you, Director," Tim said.

Vance smiled. "I appreciate your skills, Agent McGee, and I don't want to lose them. I'm more than willing to be patient with your recovery."

"Thank you."

Vance turned to leave.

"Do you think I'm still me, Director?"

He turned back.

"What do you mean, Agent McGee?"

"Am I a different person to you?"

Vance's brow furrowed. He was quiet for a few seconds.

"I suppose there are arguments that could be made that you're a different person, but when I see you, I see Agent McGee. If your abilities have changed, that doesn't mean that your identity has changed. As far as I'm concerned, I still see Agent McGee in front of me. The details might be different, but who you are is the same."

Then, he turned around again and left the office.

Tim stared at the closed door. He leaned back in his chair and turned it around to stare out the window. He watched the swirls of patterns as they moved around in his vision. They were almost fractal-like and he enjoyed them.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"How did it go, Jethro?" Ducky asked.

"It didn't. He heard the first bit and then, he shut it down. He won't forget it, though."

"No, he won't, but I don't know that we should leave it there," Ducky said. "Because he won't forget it, it will cause unnecessary anxiety."

"You're probably right...but it shouldn't be me again. Tim's been avoiding eye contact all day. Every time he's come out of the office."

Ducky nodded. He could see that, particularly if Tim was as disturbed as Ducky figured he was by the suggestion that he live with someone rather than alone.

"I have some time now," he said. "I'll go and see if he'll talk."

"Thanks."

Ducky shook his head. "I'm only doing this because I agree with you, Jethro. I'm afraid of what might happen if Timothy has some trouble that we aren't aware of."

"So am I."

Gibbs left Autopsy. Ducky sat for a moment, gathering his thoughts. The key was getting Tim to think about it and talk about it without being afraid of the result of those thoughts.

He decided that he might be able to catch Tim and the others coming back from dinner and then talk to him outside if he would be willing to listen. None of the others knew about this idea yet. If Tim wasn't willing to entertain the possibility, then, it would do no good to tell the others and have them asking Tim about it as well.

Quickly, he left Autopsy and walked out to Willard Park. Choosing a bench with a good view, he sat down and waited for Tim to get back.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"...and then, she just kind of stared at us, like she couldn't believe we were real."

Ducky looked over and saw the group returning. Tim was being hugged by Abby and led along by Jethro who was positively dancing with excitement at all the animation in the group. Ducky smiled. It seemed like they'd all had a good time, and he did regret ruining that for Tim, but it didn't have to, if he'd only see it.

"So...is she going to come to work here, then?" Tim asked.

"I think so," Ziva said. "Gibbs seems to think she has potential."

"And she really wants it," Tony added. "She applied to NCIS once before."

"And didn't get in? Why not?"

"Don't know. She didn't tell us."

"Do you like her?"

"She's married, Probie."

Tim laughed. "Not like that. Do you like her to work with?"

Tony laughed, too. "Oh. Yeah, I think so. She's really green, but I think she'll be fun to break in."

"Dr. Mallard, what are you doing out here?" Jimmy asked as they neared the building.

"Waiting, taking in the fresh air, enjoying the day. Have a nice time?"

"Yeah."

And now, I have to ruin that.

"Actually, Timothy, I was hoping to talk to you. Would you mind?"

Tim shook his head.

"No. I'm not really working yet, anyway."

"Yeah, enjoy resting on your laurels," Abby said. "We'll get you to work soon enough. I'll see you after work, okay?"

Tim nodded and smiled as Abby let him go, kissed him on the cheek and then followed Tony, Ziva and Jimmy inside.

Then, Tim turned and walked across the road. He gave Ducky that intense, evaluating gaze.

"I don't really want to be out here, do I."

Ducky smiled. "You may feel that way, I admit, but there's no reason to be afraid. I simply want to talk to you...and I hope you'll listen."

Tim hesitated, looked back at the building and then, he took a deep breath and walked over. He sat down.

"Okay. What?"