Chapter 9
Disclaimer: The characters still don't belong to me. You should know this by now.
Miss Granger,
I had (foolishly) thought that when Mr. Potter finally left this institution, that would be the last I would need to hear about him, aside from the obvious. Seems I was mistaken.
The Headmaster is worried about Mr. Potter, but only brings it up in private quarters. Minerva is worried for the Boy Wonder, and brings it up at every meal. Then I think that perhaps in my quarters I can escape, only to read letters from you describing your worry for him.
I'm almost desperate enough to call on him myself to find out the problem, simply to shut everyone up.
Is there any change?
S. Snape
XXXX
Professor,
I love how I have to read through an entire letter of acerbic "wit" to get to the genuine concern you so try to hide.
Unfortunately, the only change Harry is showing is to become more reclusive than before. When Draco and I returned a couple weeks ago, Draco said some stuff that was true, but still made Harry depressed. Since then, Harry has been keeping to himself and shrinking further away.
I think he's trying to prepare himself for when we leave, which is sad but also probably good in a way.
I'm still terrified to leave him, but I also feel selfish because part of me wants to ignore it. I mean, I have my own life to deal with, right? I'm leaving in less than a week to a new CONTINENT and I'm going to need to worry about myself.
Does that sound horrible?
I'm so nervous. I know that I had little way of a decision on where I was going for school but I feel as if maybe I still made a wrong choice.
Something Draco said (when Harry got upset) kind of got to me. And it struck home harder than I thought it would because it was also something along the lines that you and Ron had said.
I feel like I'm running. I feel as if I'm not important and that's why it's so easy for me to pick up and leave. Some Gryffindor, right?
Sorry for dumping this onto your lap. If you like, I can fill my letters with sweet nothings and pleasantries so that your time in your quarters is more relaxing.
Yours,
Hermione
P.S.- Sorry this is so late.
XXXXX
Miss Granger,
If you start filling your letters with useless pleasantries and unfeeling sweet nothings, I will be forced to send you a curse on the next missive and then stop all contact. And I do not mind the hour. Rarely am I sleeping at the normal time as others.
It is not selfish at all. There comes a time when you have to fend for yourself. Mr. Potter will need to learn that lesson as well. Checking in on him is different than completely abandoning him. Remember that, Miss Granger.
And…if whatever I may have said made you doubt yourself to this extreme, then ignore what I said. I'm used to most students doing that. I may have taken my frustrations out on you because you were the nearest person. I was not pleased upon hearing from the beginning about the plans the Dark Lord had for you, or when Lucius decided to go to the Headmaster. And when you informed me that you would be sent to the States, which surely meant that Draco would be as well, it may have upset me. I am used to protecting my charges, and it is what I promised all those years ago. But I felt a sudden rush of helplessness when you told me about Salem, knowing that you both would be far beyond my reach.
Foolish tripe, I know, but perhaps I am falling into maudlin ways in my old age. I blame Dumbledore completely, of course.
Do not doubt you are where you belong. If you had followed Weasley and Potter into Auror training, it would have been a waste, indeed. You may have gotten yourself killed and a mind like yours is better used for thinking up the unthinkable. You are exactly where you should be. If not for the war or being the best friend of a boy pinpointed for death, you would still be getting ready for University, would you not? Perhaps not as far, but still going to school.
You will do well, Hermione.
-Severus Snape
XXXXXX
Hermione stared at the letter that had just come out of her mini floo, focusing in on the end. She enjoyed the way her first name looked in his writing, which was unexpected. And there was an ink blot next to his first name which indicated that he had sat there and hesitated before signing it thus.
She didn't know what to do with it.
On the one hand, she wanted to write back asking if it was an invitation to use his first name, but something told her that was the sort of brash Gryffindor behavior he despised. A person like he would more likely want her to ignore it completely. So should she use his name anyway, not mention his use of it, and hope for the best? The worst he could tell her was to stop immediately and she would be embarrassed.
XXXXXX
Severus,
I understand about being awake at odd hours, albeit not for the same reasons as you're used to it, I'm sure. Mine stems from constant late hours spent studying or reading. It has gotten me into the habit of being up long hours and being able to function on little sleep. It's a practice practice that may help me whilst at Salem, though.
And who said my sweet nothings would be unfeeling? I could charm the pants off of you.
Thank you for your clarifying words, and I know you hate when people try to thank you, but suck it up, mister. You really did help. I feel much better now about leaving, and not nearly as guilty. If it weren't for the fact that I burn all the letters I get, I would want to keep that one just to read when I'm feeling down over there. But I feel like the safety of you, as well as my other correspondents who may send delicate information, are more important than my ego. I know that I could charm it to be unreadable, but I would rather not take the chance with something so important.
I still can't believe I will be leaving soon. Draco is becoming jittery, and almost acting as rude as he used to be. Nerves attack everyone in different ways, I suppose. He's also worried about his father, I know, even if he doesn't say anything. And he has a right to, of course. He could get word any day that his father has fallen, and it could be that it happened months ago. It's a horrible feeling, being concerned for those you care about because of this war. I know the feeling all too well, even if it isn't my parents I'm concerned for. It's the same fear that attacks me when I think of Harry. And it's the same fear that attacks me when I worry for you. (Again, I know you don't like hearing that someone worries for you, but suck it up.)
And you're not old. You know better than I do about the wizarding world and how age affects everyone. You're not even close to a mid-life crisis yet! You're still so young. Although I suppose being surrounded by hundreds of school children from eleven to seventeen or eighteen may make you feel old, or being closer in age to the students than to your fellow professors could do it.
That probably didn't help much, did it?
-Hermione
XXXXX
Severus sat chuckling at Hermione's letter, rereading the part on his age. She was certainly feisty, and had no qualms about stepping toe to toe with him, at least over paper and many miles away.
He was glad she didn't mention his usage of his first name, and rather liked how she made the first letter 'S' in his first name when she wrote it. He supposed that if Minerva had already given her leave to use her name, it meant the other professors would soon follow suit when Hermione finally wrote them. He may as well bow to it now.
She was no longer his student, after all.
He carefully placed her letter in the bottom drawer of his desk, the one charmed with enough curses to keep anyone except maybe Dumbledore out. And even then, the old man might break a sweat.
And the Dark Lord, of course, could probably get into it, but he didn't expect to see him coming through the fireplace any time soon.
XXXXX
Hermione, (he only hesitated slightly before penning her name)
No, bringing up the gap in my age compared to the students and other professors most certainly did not help. If that is your attempt at a sweet nothing, you leave much to be desired. My pants are still uncharmed.
I appreciate you disposing of the letters as you do. I had hoped that I could entrust you with what little information I put in them, but it is nice to be reassured anyway.
What Draco is going through is definitely hard, and I feel for the boy. He must suffer because of his father's sins, however hard his father is trying to make up for them now. Everything he is doing is to protect Draco, and to eventually save himself. Brave he may be, but Slytherin to the core.
You should save your worries for someone who needs or deserves them, foolish woman. I am neither. But Mr. Potter seems to be. I hear he has yet to return any letters. It will not be a pretty thing if the Headmaster feels it necessary to pay him a visit.
-Severus
XXXXX
Severus,
I fell asleep last night before you wrote back, but thank you for giving me my first laugh of the day. I shall endeavor to think of better sweet nothings to charm you.
Lucius is…definitely a Slytherin, but he's also a father who loves his son very much. At least he has seen some sort of error and is trying to make life better for Draco. So, whether I like the man or not, I have to respect that.
And I shall worry about you every minute of every day until this damned war is over and that horrible Thing-Who-Likes-To-Masquerade-As-A-Man is dead and gone. You can't stop my worry, so just deal with it. I'm sure others are worried for your safety, so just ignore me like you do them.
I almost wish Professor Dumbledore would come pay him a visit. Almost. Not enough to owl him and request it though. His last letter rubbed me the wrong way, even though I know I took it harder than it was meant.
-Hermione
XXXX
Hermione,
Yes, yes, Lucius is being quite valiant at the moment. Hoorah for him.
What is it that the Headmaster said that made you so upset? Forgive me for prying, and you are more welcome to not tell me, as it is none of my business. However, it seems odd that the Headmaster could say something to you that would cause that reaction. I admit, my curiosity mainly stems from amusement. It is refreshing having someone else that finds what he says annoying when he thinks he has said nothing wrong.
Only four more days until you leave, I believe. Feeling any better about it?
-Severus
P.S.- Bossing me around does not constitute as a sweet nothing. I'm starting to think you don't know what it actually means to charm someone. Ironic for a person majoring in Charms, is it not?
XXXX
Severus,
I feel like I should reiterate that you are also being quite valiant, and have been for much longer, but I know that you will simply roll your eyes. Or reply with something biting. So I will refrain, as long as you know that I believe you are extremely brave.
The Headmaster told me I should try to talk to Harry. It just pissed me off that he would assume I don't try to talk to him multiple times a day. He's my best friend.
I'm feeling nervous. Thanks for bringing it up.
-Hermione
P.S.- Did you just make a joke? I may faint.
XXXX
Hermione,
You're correct: I violently rolled my eyes. Moving on.
Albus can be an arse and not know it. He meant well, but for someone so incredibly intelligent, he can be extremely thick.
Three days now. And yes, I waited an entire day to reply just so I could remind you that you're one day closer.
And yes, even bats can make jokes.
-Severus
XXXX
Severus,
Violently rolled them? That doesn't sound pleasant at all. You should probably avoid doing that.
I agree on your statement concerning the Headmaster. Moving on. (Snape noticed the period was dotted extra thick, as if she stabbed the paper.)
Thank you for not forgetting my nerves. It's not as if they're shot or anything.
I never likened you to a bat, even if the other students did. I understand how your cloak billows and may remind them of the creature, but really, I've always found bats to be quite awkward and loud. You are anything but.
You're more like a panther. The all black is a dead giveaway, but more than that, it's the grace in which you move. You have an almost feline quality to you, how you can pad around the halls so silently, and sneak up on your prey. Or students. They're interchangeable for you. Even when you do potions or wand work, you have an amazing sort of grace in how you carry yourself, and it's as beautiful as it is intimidating. You're as agile agile as you are dangerous.
-Hermione
XXXX
Hermione,
Have you been drinking?
-Severus
XXXX
Severus,
No. Shut up and take the compliment.
-Hermione
XXXXX
Hermione,
You can't tell me to shut up after you compliment me. It's bad form. And is comparing me to an animal a compliment? You really don't know much about sweet nothings, do you?
-Severus
P.S.- ….thank you.
XXXX
My dearest Severus,
How I long to see you and your beauty once more. I miss your grace and your undeniable wit. I count the days 'til I see you once again.
Forever yours,
Hermione Granger
XXXX
HERMIONE GRANGER,
….Stop it. I didn't know if I should vomit or laugh. Seeing how I do neither on a normal basis, I decided to burn the letter, which gave me the twisted satisfaction I'm used to.
-Severus
XXX
Severus,
At least I still brought you satisfaction, in the end.
-Hermione
XXXX
Hermione,
Two days.
-Severus
XXXXX
Severus,
Bastard.
-Hermione
XXXX
Hermione,
I'll have you know that my parents were married when I was conceived.
This time, I did not intentionally wait to write you back but I had some matters to take care of concerning my side job. And now, as I sit here writing, I realize how late it is and that it is your last night in London for a very long time. And although I know that with the help of your ingenious floos you can still write just as quickly as now, actually knowing you will be so far is actually more difficult than I thought it would be.
Maudlin I tell you.
If I don't hear back from you tonight, for surely you're celebrating and it is quite late, I want to say good luck.
-Severus
XXXX
Severus,
Have you been the one drinking this time?
It is quite late, but I can't sleep. Nerves, I suppose. Harry, Draco, and I did have a small celebration earlier, but I could see how hard it was for Harry to keep it together so about an hour ago we all silently decided it was the end of the party. They both went to bed, and now I'm wrapped up in my blanket at my desk in my room. It's, surprise surprise, located near the library. The boys both chose rooms on an above floor, and I love the quiet.
I think I may like you maudlin.
And before you ask, yes, I am drinking. But I would say that sober.
-Hermione
P.S.- I didn't want to completely gloss over your mention of your side job, but I also didn't know what to say. Although I will tell you the amount of relief I feel every time there's a new letter from you, because it means that even as demanding as your other job is, you're still alive.
XXXXX
Hermione,
I may be indulging on some fine whiskey. It's a wonderful year. Albus gave it to me as a gift about seven years prior. I never drink enough to completely lose my senses, though. As you can imagine, someone with any of my jobs would not benefit from being inebriated.
I would tell you to save your relief as with your worry, but I know you would only ignore it. So instead, for tonight, I'm going to accept your relief and worry, and hold on to them. Blame the whiskey and the old age.
And before I drag myself to bed and completely sober up, I would like to say something else:
I'm proud of you, Hermione Granger. You continuously prove everyone around you wrong. You're going to do well at Salem, and in a few years when you finish, you're going to become an excellent Charms Mistress. If you're unlucky enough, you may even come here to teach when Filius eventually retires.
Please take care of yourself. The Headmaster would have you believe that you and Draco should watch out for one another, but Draco is his own man. You are your priority. And no matter what Albus says, there is nowhere too far for the Dark Lord's minions to go.
I find myself extremely relieved now, and happy, that you will be so far, away from the front lines. But be careful, Hermione.
Please.
Good luck at Salem.
-Severus
XXXXX
Author's note:
Quick chapter, I know. But it just seemed right to have a chapter of just exchanges between them.
I promise I will touch on the night in more depth. But for now, I thought this was simple and perfect.
Thank you all for sticking with me, reading, and reviewing.arHafedfawsef