Tony hadn't realized how tense he'd been until he entered his workshop and felt the anxiety slip from his frame like a heavy shroud. It felt good to be back, even if it was only a day…two days since he'd been here last.
"Welcome back Sir. I am aware that you cannot, or, rather should not speak just yet, and have taken the liberty to download, modify and install a virtual writer with touch screen interface hardware. It will work with the holographic programs. Should you prefer to type, however, that is certainly still an option."
One of the holographic screens over his workbench came to life, luminous and undulating as it awaited his touch. He could cry with how much he loved JARVIS in that moment, no questions, no judgments, no emotions, and no pity… just intelligence, pure and simple.
Tony reached out and touched the glowing screen, slowly moving his fingers in circles and watching the shapes form. This was an adapted version of the art program he'd been designing for Steve in case he ever wanted to hang out down here while Tony was working. Obviously that wasn't going to happen now and JARVIS could have mentioned that but chose not to in a telling show of where his AI's loyalty was. Not that there was ever really a question, Tony was his creator after all, but Steve seemed to inspire unwavering loyalty in just about everyone.
"I have also been reviewing footage of past interactions between us, Sir, and have compiled a database cataloguing certain repeated gestures as well as facial expressions and your intentions when you make them. There are many things I can infer, therefore, without you having to trouble yourself to say." There was definitely softness to JARVIS' tone, and were he not so overcome with gratitude at the moment he would marvel further at the sheer genius of his creation. Without realizing it he bowed his head and raised his hand slightly.
"Though I have always appreciated your flair for the dramatic Sir, the Lawrence Olivier impression was overdone, the head nod was sufficient to indicate 'thank you', but I assure you no thanks are needed."
Tony had to fight the smile he knew would hurt too much, but as it turns out, restraining a genuine smile was just as painful as succumbing to it. Once he had his facial muscles under control again he did take a moment to bask in the glow of his own brilliance. JARVIS could speculate, he could theorize, even improvise in certain situations because that was Tony Stark level genius at work.
That's what he needed to concentrate on. Fuck all the other shit…people and relationships—the human equation?—seriously, who came up with that term? There were far too many variables for people to be considered as pure as math. He would take real equations any day. Math he could do. Science he could do. And that's exactly what he would do for the next few weeks.
He would be alone again with Dum-E and JARVIS, personalities he had created, more or less, to suit his needs. He had made them to help, sure, but they had always been a source of comfort, a way to combat the loneliness and isolation as well. The bots that came along later were more helpful and less quirky than Dum-E, and he knew you only got one first time, one first try, one first love, but he was going back to the beginning anyways, back to Boston. Maybe he could start over there, do things better, do things right this time or clear his head at the fucking very least.
It was an inspiring thought and he needed that right now. He took a deep breath, swiped away the careless shapes on the screen and simply wrote bots?
"They are charged and ready to travel. Sir, Miss Potts is approaching."
He wasn't looking forward to this, but he knew it had to be done. He pulled a deep breath in through his nose and turned towards the door just in time to see her place her hand on the scanner. She was dressed casually in jeans and a sweater, but the fact that her hair was elaborate, that she had enough makeup on to cover her freckles, and that the earrings dangling from her ears cost more that some people's cars belied her attempt at informal attire. If he had to guess he would say she had changed out of her gown so it wouldn't serve as a reminder of where she'd been tonight and who she had most likely seen there, and not just for the sake of comfort. Pepper was just as relaxed in gala finery and six inch heels as she was in jeans and sandals.
"Tony…" She didn't look or sound as angry as he'd expected. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as he thought. "I can't believe you think its okay to just leave, to just walk out of a hospital. I'm used to it, I am, but…"
On second thought, maybe it was going to be exactly as he originally thought.
"…Okay, I know what you're thinking and lucky for you that Bruce, though grudgingly, agrees that with supervision and check-ins with a doctor you can recuperate away from S.H.E.I.L.D., but why can't you stay here with us? We'll keep him away from you; you don't have to worry about that."
She didn't need to clarify the "him".
He snorted derisively. He didn't care that it hurt and he didn't care if it even sounded like a snort to her, it was and that's all that mattered. He stepped to the hovering screen and began to scrawl… I feel so stupid, Pep, and that's new for me. I really, really need to be away from here. Someplace where I'm around smart people, where I can forget exactly how stupid I've been, how inadequate he makes me feel. I want to go someplace where I can be useful and brilliant again. Please understand and accept that. Please. Yeah, he was laying it on pretty thick, but he knew that she would see through any bullshit he tried with her, that he had to be absolutely honest, no matter how much of a pussy he sounded like. If he needed to beg for her approval, so be it. She wouldn't judge him for it, and he looked at her imploringly before he turned back to the screen to continue, deciding a little bribery couldn't hurt. There are so, so many new pairs of shoes in it for you if you don't give me a hard time about this.
She laughed, thank god, and that little furrow that he hated to see between her brows disappeared. "No planes, no armor, not more than a few hours drive and not so remote that we can't find a highly reputable oral surgeon within a few miles. I want JARVIS there to monitor you and I will have updates from him multiple times a day, more if necessary."
"I shall monitor him constantly and provide scheduled updated as you wish, Miss Potts. And I believe Sir has chosen a location that meets your criteria." JARVIS replied smoothly.
If it wasn't for the fact that the person he was in love with didn't love him back and had put him in the hospital, he would feel pretty lucky right now. He pulled over a stool, as much to distract himself from those thoughts as to actually sit, because his head was starting to pound again.
"Thank you J. So where are you two heading off to?" She grinned, knowing how much Tony loved it that she treated JARVIS as a person.
"May I, Sir?" Tony nodded in answer and JARVIS continued, "MIT."
"That's actually perfect Tony." She smiled at him and it was beautiful. He cleared away the small lump of fondness in his throat and turned again to the screen, wiping away the weak words he had previously written and began again.
You were right, all that stuff about open lines of communication… He owed her at least that much.
"I'm always right, Tony, and your life would be a lot easier if you would just accept that." She gave him her patented one dimple smirk and cleared her own throat before adding, "Nothing with straps below the ankle. I went to Catholic school, and twenty years later I still can't wear anything that even remotely resembles a Mary Jane."
It was his turn to laugh, and Christ it hurt, but it was so worth it.
"Bruce and Clint are going with you, to help get you settled. Your plane will be at Logan to bring them back. Happy is driving and he's staying in Boston with you." She paused, letting him make whatever dramatic gesture she knew he couldn't resist. "And JARVIS and I will work on finding a suitable doctor, the confidentiality agreements, and getting you an appointment for Monday."
God, could she be any more perfect? He doubted it. It had been like thirty seconds—forty tops, since she even found out where he was going and she already had the lives of four people planned for the next few days. She was incredible.
"I'm so not used to having a conversation with you and hearing only the sound of my own voice. No arguments, no protests, it's not nearly as pleasant as I always imagined it would be." She turned her face away as she spoke, but he knew it was to hide a smile.
"Dr. Banner and Agent Barton are approaching in the elevator." Tony found it interesting that JARVIS had only given him a moments notice when Pepper was coming but at least a one minute warning when it was someone else. Huh, he would have to ask about that when he was alone with the AI again.
"Tony, if you need something, anything at all, please ask. I know how you are about asking for anything, but I'm begging you not to be like that while you're away. I really worry about you, and I can't do my job, which is running your company by the way, if I'm worried about you." He nodded, ouch, spread his hands innocently and looked back up for her to continue…he knew she would fill as much of the minute as possible before the others came.
"Good. You saw him agree, right J?" Tony seriously loved the fact that Pepper called his AI 'J'.
"I most certainly did, Miss Potts." Tony flipped JARVIS the bird behind his back; he didn't love the fact that JARVIS kissed anyone else's ass but his.
"If I find out you've been hiding anything from me Happy will drag you back here and you will be in meetings from dawn until dusk, I don't care if you have to type every word. Right now I want you to give me an override code for J, only pertaining to anything that happens between now and you're return, that you can't override and that the three of us agree on." When he didn't make a move fast enough she said a little louder, "as in, Right Now." She gave him the raised eyebrow stare, daring him to argue.
He sighed dramatically and typed yes, mom…o-07041918 on the virtual keyboard below the holographic screen. He hoped she wouldn't recognize it as Steve's birth date, but it was all he could come up with because he was out of time and his head hurt. He could be clever and original with the next one.
"Tony…" Pepper said, frowning faintly, obviously spotting the significance of the code.
He was spared the rest of her pity filled speech by the arrival of Barton and Banner. His head was throbbing and his brain felt like it was swimming in mud. Usually he welcomed a slow down in brain function for a little while, most of the time it came at the cost of copious amounts of alcohol, or back in his crazy days, drugs, which were both fun and made the pulsing hangovers kind of worth it. This, though, there wasn't anything even remotely fun about this.
"Okay, the gang's all here. What's the plan, oh resident genius?" Clint said loudly, clapping his hands together. Whether or not it was intended to dispel the melancholy air in the room or not, it seemed to do the trick. Pepper glanced briefly at the code still displayed on the screen, then knowingly at Tony, indicating she had committed it to memory and he could erase it.
"Dr. Banner," Pepper said, turning to Bruce, but not before Tony saw the small furrow return. "Would you mind examining Tony, just make sure he really is okay to leave?" She was speaking to Bruce, but had turned back toward Tony, looking at him pointedly, challenging him to object.
She needn't have bothered; he knew better than to argue with her when she was like this, and the sooner she gave the all clear for him to go the sooner he could get the fuck out of Dodge.
As Bruce came towards him, Pepper motioned for Clint to follow her over towards the small sofa.
"Tony, I'm going to lift the bandages to see exactly what we're dealing with." Bruce said sympathetically. Tony knew it would hurt but it needed to be done. He braced himself mentally and steeled himself physically before giving a tiny nod to indicate he was ready. The doctor's hands worked quickly and gently, peeling back the strips of medical tape and turning his head to see the injuries in the best light possible. Through his one good eye Tony could see a brief flash of anger in his friend's eye, directed at Steve no doubt, and the engineer decided to let it pass without figuring out a way to defend the supersoldier. When he could speak comfortably again he would explain that it was his fault, not Steve's, but right now he wanted to get this over with so they could leave.
That thought made him realize that his throat was definitely sorer than he remembered from the first time he'd broken his jaw. That he couldn't mumble through his lips, clear his throat, or even swallow really without a fair amount of discomfort in the back of his throat. Maybe it was that Steve hit a hell of a lot harder than Howard and clearly more damage was done this time, or maybe it was that he was older and slower to heal, but he figured he would ask anyways.
He could write his question on the screen, but he and his teammate seemed to be on the same wavelength, at least they hadn't needed words earlier, so he tilted his head back and pointed to his throat, just above his Adam's apple.
Bruce took a harsh breath and the anger was back in his eyes.
Fuck! He should have kept his thoughts to himself.
"Apparently this isn't your first fractured mandible." Bruce said it quickly, matter-of-factly, meeting his eye with less judgment than if he'd known the truth of the first time. Tony breathed a telling sigh of relief before he realized it, and tried to cover it with a look of exaggerated question so Bruce wouldn't read too much into it. He didn't expect it to work, same wavelength and all, but thankfully the doctor let it go. "We'll discuss that another time, but the plate they used back then was broken and a piece lodged in the soft pallet. You escaped any vascular damage, just a laceration they were able to close, but it'll be sore for a week or so. The soft tissue in the mouth heals quickly, but don't overdue it with trying to speak too quickly."
Great, one more wound to add to the list.
The exam was over quickly, thank god, and as Bruce stepped away from him, he saw Clint and Pepper rise from the sofa, their conspiratorial discussion apparently finished, and Clint, as usual, broke the awkward silence that had fallen in the lab. "I figure we have about two hours until the benefit ends. Fury wanted everyone but Banner to stay until the end, so we know it'll be late and they'll most likely just go to bed when they get back here." Clint had purposefully avoided mentioning Steve's name and Tony wasn't sure if he should be grateful for that or not. Again, in a manner so unlike him, he just let it go. It would take too much work, too much painful brain activity and too much time to set them all straight about Cap right now.
"How does he look, Doctor?" Pepper asked in a falsely cheerful voice. Even in his concussed state he saw it as an attempt to have her say alone with Bruce now, her 'divide and conquer' tactic, trying to ensure the others were all on the same page she was. Clint and Bruce were the unknowns in her plan; Happy would follow her blindly into a fire if she asked. It was frustrating, being treated like a child, but having good decisions made for him right now by someone he trusted implicitly was oddly comforting and therefore worth the aggravation.
"The wounds look just like they should after two days, starting to heal with no outward trace of infection. His throat is sore, and that's to be expected, he needs to rest it, and I'll do my best to make sure he does. He'll be ready for a dose of antibiotics and pain meds before he leaves, so hopefully he'll rest on the way. Has he told you where he's going?" It was Bruce's turn to be led by Pepper to the couch while Clint was left to either distract or entertain Tony, depending on whose side you were looking at it from.
"Boston. MIT specifically, he has a building there for his scholarship kids. Will you go with him, spend a day or two making sure he's settled and has everything he needs to recuperate?" She didn't wait for an answer before adding, "I will get him an appointment at a qualified maxillofacial surgeon on Monday, but until then I'd like you to be there for him." There was no way he could say no to the earnest worry on her face and in her tone. He didn't like the idea of keeping this a secret from Steve and Natasha, but he understood the reason for it. He knew Steve well enough to realize the soldier was suffering from guilt, and he'd looked pretty uncomfortable with that woman earlier, but he was willing to concede that if Tony wasn't ready to see Steve than he shouldn't have to face him just yet.
"Yeah, I'll stay with him until he meets with a doctor." That was the easy part. He scrubbed a hand over his face and down his neck to pull at the bowtie that suddenly felt constricting. "Steve is going to be more than mad when he finds out we helped Tony leave without telling the team." He was well aware that he was stating the obvious, she was a very sharp woman, but he needed to say it, needed it out there for her to consider.
"I figured as much, but that's not my concern right now. I know Steve's upset, I spoke with him yesterday after Tony woke up. I know he feels guilty, and rightfully so. I also know that even though he is guilty of many things, I don't think intentional callousness is one of them. I'm sure there is a misunderstanding between them, but that aside, he did hurt the one person I care most about in this world and if that person feels the need to be away to recover emotionally then so be it." Pepper Potts was definitely a force to be reckoned with and he could easily see why Tony had made her CEO of his company.
"I do agree with you," Bruce said with a deep intensity, because even though he liked Steve, he was sure a confrontation between the two would not help Tony at all, especially because he couldn't speak. Putting it off might ease a little of the hurt he'd heard through Tony's comm. and a little of the anger from Steve that had brought them together like this in the first place.
"Good, that's settled then. Tony, I'm calling Happy now," She said walking towards him while pulling out her phone. "He can help pack DUM-E, how much time do you need?" He'd be damned if he let Happy touch his bot, but she didn't need to know that.
"Six hours, give or take…" He typed; looking to Clint to make sure the time frame was okay with him. It wasn't really enough time unless he did let the others help with the bots, but he needed to be gone before Captain Early Morning Run was up and about. That would mean they left around 5:00 am and traffic would be very light on a…whatever day tomorrow was. Happy was driving, so that meant the full five hours, maybe more, to Boston. Happy might break a few traffic laws here and there but unless they were being followed he refused to exceed the speed limit by more than 5MPH. It had frustrated Tony to no end on the countless occasions he'd had a gorgeous girl giggling and ready in the back of the limo and Tony had begged him to hurry to their destination, only to see a smirk on his driver's face as the privacy screen was raised and the tortuously slow pace continued. Granted, he'd gotten some fairly amazing blowjobs thanks to Happy's ridiculous ethics, but…okay, getting off track here, Focus!
When Pepper ended the call she came over and put both hands gently on either side of his face and leaned her forehead in to rest against the un-bandaged side of his. "Remember what I said about asking for help." She whispered, pulling away slightly and placing her lips softly against the spot where her forehead had just been. "I'll be out later in the week, but I expect to hear from you as well as J." She pulled him into a soft hug before stepping away and saying good bye to his two teammates, but just as she reached the door she looked back at him over her shoulder, "I wear a size eight and in addition to the classics, Prada's fall line is out. I'm thinking boots." She winked and exited the lab.
"That woman is amazing Tony." Clint said, looking a bit awed. Tony could certainly sympathize; he was continually staggered by her. But enough already with the sympathy hour, it was exhausting and starting to get boring, and he had work to do if they planned to leave before the sun came up.
What he really wanted to do was ask J if Steve had returned to the tower, but as much as he wanted to ask, he didn't really want to know. He figured the answer would be no, that Steve was with that woman and just thinking it was hurtful enough, he didn't need the truth spelled out for him. He'd just taken his meds and his head was actually feeling all right, why open himself up to a wound no medicine could help?
Regardless, he didn't have the chance. Bruce and Clint stayed with him constantly and the three worked through the rest of the night.
Finally the borrowed Stark Industries SUV was loaded and they were underway at last, pulling a bulky trailer containing the robots, because Dum-E was almost as recognizable as he was, well, not really, but he'd shared more than a few magazine covers and news articles with his creator. It was actually a horse trailer, which seemed odd until Bruce explained that renting one would leave a paper trail and Pepper had secured this one paper free. And anyone who was looking for them would be much less likely to suspect a horse trailer as a U-Haul. Clint had urged him to only bring one of his bots, and he almost gave in, but the pathetic "whining" that came from the charging stations as he worked on getting JARVIS ready was too much for even Clint to take. "Nice, Stark, you gave them the ability to be pathetic enough to get what they want, like creepy metal puppies." It was said facetiously, all in the spirit of good fun, and pure Barton.
Happy was driving, too slowly for Tony's taste on the nearly deserted highway, and Bruce occupied the other front seat, leaving him in the back with Clint. They bantered back and forth, mostly using the tablet, but after the first hour he leaned his head back against the plush seat and closed his eye. He wasn't sure if he would be able to sleep or not, but he needed a little time to himself.
He was excited about returning to his Alma mater for more than just a presentation or a commencement address. An extended stay would be nice and his brain wouldn't stagnate for lack of things to do. Christ he couldn't remember when he'd last had so much time just for science. Sure he worked in his lab everyday, sometimes continuously for multiple days if he was in the zone, but there was always other stuff—meetings, paperwork, battles, a tower full of superheroes, and Fury breathing down his goddamned neck.
There wouldn't be anyone, no Pepper or Clint (after two days) or Steve, to drag him away from a project. Well, JARVIS would rat him out to Pep if it was one of those all-science-no-food type benders, but he'd been working around that for years. The thought about Steve in his lab, though, brought with it a flood of memories, like that first time when the supersoldier had kissed him, so incredibly unexpected but so, so awesome nonetheless. Tony remembered only the slightest hesitation from the soldier, and then the mind blowing kiss. He knew Steve didn't have a lot of experience, but that kiss wasn't an example of something he'd learned, a trick someone had taught him, that was Steve doing something he wanted to do, kissing with his entire self and holding nothing back. No compartmentalizing or strategizing, just instinct. That kiss was in Steve's very nature, an outstanding example of one more thing he excelled at.
Obviously Cap had been overcome, a guy from the forties didn't just kiss another guy without some kind of hint that it would be welcome, but he had. And though Tony had been nursing a crush on the man since puberty, he was certain he'd given no indication of that to the star spangled man with a plan.
Hell, he'd realized he was bisexual when he was fourteen, jerking off to a picture in one of his dad's Playboy's when he'd caught sight of his Captain America poster while reaching for the lotion. He'd stared at that tight uniform, the curve of that ass and come hard while imagining those big hands all over his body, the blond centerfold in the magazine completely forgotten. He'd been embarrassed about it for days afterward and refused to give into the urge again, but he'd never looked at that poster the same way again.
It had been his secret until his second year at MIT when a big, blond football player from Boston College had hit on him at a party. He didn't care to relive that memory, what little he had of it; he'd been wasted out of his mind, they'd both been too high and too horny to care about adequate prep and it had been very unpleasant. He'd been with men since then, more than a few, but never again as a bottom until Cap. Steve was the only one he had trusted since, decades later and the difference in the experiences was nothing shy of a quantum leap.
It had taken them a long time to get to that point because Tony refused to rush things. It had only been a few days since that stellar first kiss when Steve had come down to his lab again, looking unsure but kissing him again anyways. Tony wasn't about to stop the kissing, but Cap had started getting a bit handsy, and though it had been the fuel for more than one jerk off session, this was real life and he did not want to scare Steve away by moving too fast. The soldier had been confused and a little frustrated by Tony's reluctance the next few times they'd been together but it was important for Steve to be comfortable and he remembered how hard it had been to turn down the man's continued attempts to move things along.
Tony knew he had to take this slow, very slow, slower than his spoiled rich kid instant gratification obsessed personality had ever taken anything of this nature. Sure, he was capable of being careful, meticulous even when it came to all things math, but even then it wasn't particularly slow, his mind whirred through the calculations in a blur of brilliance. This thing with Steve, though, wasn't an equation with a simple solution (not that he was implying the equations involved in his work were simple, usually it was some downright daunting, not for the faint of heart, not many people on the planet could solve it math, thank you very much). Okay, back on track, though the thought of Steve and math together was starting to steal the blood from his brain and move it to other places, well, just one other place, really.
Christ.
Anyways, this was all new to Steve, and not just the whole man on man thing…Steve was new to all aspects of sex, as in the farthest he had ever gone, at least with another person, was their heated make out sessions with some light, innocent petting. It was obvious that Steve wanted more, and Tony definitely wanted to be the one to give that to him, but not by rushing it. He wanted to savor every touch, share every new sensation with Steve, catalogue every gasp and moan and he wanted it to be perfect for Steve.
Tony could barely remember his first time. He'd been a young, drunk, and ridiculously horny teenager surrounded by classmates years older than himself. The only special thing about it was that he'd lost his V card; he didn't even remember her name. Steve was too good for that, and obviously he'd waited for a reason. Tony knew how Steve looked pre serum, and okay it was the forties, so people had a bit more restraint than nowadays, but after the serum, looking like that and with all those USO girls, and soldiers too (hey, it may have been a repressed time, but that didn't mean there weren't still homosexuals), who had to be throwing themselves at him, Steve had still waited. And, yeah, he knew what Cap had been waiting for was Peggy Carter, but the point is that Steve wanted it to be special too, at least back then.
Too many things had changed for Steve, and he was handling it well, but Tony knew that deep down Cap's outdated ideals were staunchly rooted in the 1940's, and, though he considered himself a futurist, he was surprisingly willing to work with that. So, Steve may want to rush things and finally experience everything right away, but in an unprecedented turn of events, Tony was going to take this slow and make it as wonderful and memorable for Steve as he could.
That being said, in his usual and overly verbose way, it was anything but easy trying to keep his own libido, never mind Steve's more than healthy, serum enhanced and much younger one, in check. His only other meaningful and more than a week or two relationship had been with Pepper and they had known each other for so long before the actual dating thing. He had no clue, absolutely no fucking idea how to begin a romantic relationship where the outcome he wanted was so much more than just great sex. He had no choice but to figure it out because he would not fuck this up. He would make sure Steve knew exactly what was happening every step of the way, and not through a lust filled haze led by his body and not his mind. He wanted all of Steve and he wanted him forever, and regardless of whether Steve wanted that as well, Tony would not let his adolescent fantasies get the better of him and let him ruin this.
If that meant, on occasion, that he had to tear himself away from the warm abyss of Steve's eager mouth, stop their tongues ravishing in a tango of slippery heat, and halt the large and insanely warm hands wandering to his hips, slipping under them hem of his shirt, then he would. He would stop himself.
Jesus Christ, he was going to have to rub one off because he was thinking about not having sex with Steve…what the fuck?
Yeah, those first few months were hard, but not nearly as difficult as he expected the next few to be. He had more thoughts and memories like that as the seemingly endless drive continued, but he must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew he was looking out his window at the Charles River and the small but welcome reflection of the Boston skyline.
A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has made it this far and plans to continue, and especially to everyone who has taken a minute or two to let me know what you think, I really can't thank you enough :)