CHAPTER 12
Disclaimer: Does it really need saying?
Hermione landed near the gates of Hogwarts at the same moment she realized that it was close to midnight.
She grabbed her wand to disillusion herself, and then cast a warming spell because she forgot her jacket. She sent off her patronus and hoped Severus would be awake like she assumed he would be.
Hermione stomped around for a few minutes outside the gates, trying in vain to keep warm. The spells could only do so much. She had just stopped mid-stomp to berate herself for her stupidity to not just apparate into her own room back at the house, with the boys downstairs, when she saw a bright light coming towards her.
The patronus stopped in front of her, taking the form of a stalking panther. When it opened its mouth, the hushed voice of her former Potions Master hissed out.
"What the bloody hell are you doing outside this late, alone?! I'm on my way to the gates to get you, and you had better have a good explanation," the panther spat out in a whisper.
Looking up, she could barely make out a shadow moving beyond the gate which she assumed was him slinking about.
She crept closer to the gates, and watched as they clinked open only far enough to allow her to squeeze in. Once on the grounds, she dropped her disillusion spell and looked around. A strong hand clamped down on her upper arm and she looked up into the face of an angry Severus. He didn't say a word, but instead started dragging her towards the castle in silence.
He steered her off to the side, which she correctly assumed was a secret exit or entrance, probably making it easier when he had to leave for meetings with the Death Eaters. Going into the entrance, she found herself in a dark tunnel. Only then did Snape decide to speak.
"Foolish woman," he spat, turning to glare at her before continuing to drag her along. "What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't," Hermione confessed.
"Obviously."
He opened a door and she found herself in his private quarters. Still gripping her arm, he led her to a pair of tall wingback chairs in front of his fire. Thrusting her into one of them, he stalked over to get tea, muttering to himself the whole time. Coming back, he gave one cup to her and sat in the matching chair, gesturing to the tray with sugar and milk.
As soon as Hermione fixed her tea and sat back, Snape fixed her with a steely look.
"Explain."
"It's really nothing. Honestly, Severus, it was my stupidity. Draco and I surprised Harry whilst he was, er, otherwise engaged. Draco was upset. So I stayed and talked to Harry. Then Draco came back and wanted to talk to Harry alone, and I didn't think. I just apparated here to see you," she explained.
Snape was quiet for a few moments with an unreadable look on his face.
"I didn't think Draco would have such an issue with Potter's sexual preference," Snape said.
Hermione froze. She had explained what had happened so nonchalantly that she forgot her place and forgot that there were people outside of her circle that didn't know about Draco.
"I'm not entirely sure what his issue was," Hermione said, taking a large gulp of tea.
Snape snorted. "You're a lousy liar, Hermione. But if you are withholding the information, knowing you, it must be a good reason. So you set off into the night to be in my company? Are you under a curse?"
Hermione laughed at that, peeking at her partner and seeing him trying to hide his smirk behind his cup.
"I was actually extremely excited to see you. I've been looking forward to it for a week now."
"Yes, and what exactly are you doing here?"
"It's Thanksgiving holiday in the States, so Draco and I get four days off. We were both homesick, so the Headmaster worked with us to bring us home, even if for a short visit. But, for obvious reasons, we couldn't tell many people."
"Meaning me, mainly."
Hermione looked at her former professor guiltily, but he didn't seem upset. More like resigned.
"Yes, unfortunately. But I still expressed my interest in seeing you to the Headmaster, and he assured me that once I was here, I could come visit because I would be on the grounds of Hogwarts, and thus easier for you to have a story of why you had no idea until I was here."
Snape sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "The Headmaster is correct. It was the only way. But this does make light of why he was so damn jolly as of late. He will never let me live this down. A former student actually excited to see me, of all the professors? I shall be hearing about this for years to come."
Hermione tried and failed to stifle a giggle behind her hand. "I'm terribly sorry," she said with a smile.
He smirked again. "No you're not. You really are a terrible liar."
The duo sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Hermione sighed unhappily. "I suppose I should head back before they get worried. I had hoped my reunion with you would be different."
"Oh?" Snape lifted one eyebrow.
Hermione blushed automatically. "Yes, actually. I had pictured flowers and chocolates, and you opening your arms so I could launch myself into them," she said dryly.
Snape startled her by barking out a laugh before he could stop himself. The site of him covering his mouth, trying to hide an actual smile, made Hermione start laughing.
Wiping her eyes, Hermione stood.
"Can I come back this weekend? I really would like to visit with you for longer. I have so much to tell you about my classes, and I had some more questions that I think would be easier to understand in person."
Snape stood as well and started to usher her back to the entrance they had used.
"You may come back whenever you wish to, Hermione."
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Apparating back into her room, Hermione snuck over to the stairwell. She could hear Harry and Draco yelling, so she figured they hadn't noticed anything wrong with her apparation. She stuck a note on both of their doors telling them that she was in her room, and headed off to bed.
It seemed like she was only asleep for a few minutes when she was awoken by her bed being jostled.
"Wake up, gorgeous. We have breakfast," she heard Harry say.
Cracking open her eyes, she squinted at the blurry form of her best friend standing over her.
"What time is it?"
"It's almost ten. If you slept any longer, I was going to be afraid you slipped into a coma."
Sitting up, Hermione stretched and yawned. "All of that portkeying gets to you. And so do the time differences. Draco is probably feeling it too."
As if mentioning his name summoned him, the blonde stuck his head around her doorway.
"Yeah, it's hell. But I still woke up at a decent hour. Come on."
Harry watched Draco disappear, and then turned back to Hermione. "Decent hour," he said, rolling his eyes. "He woke up maybe a half hour ago."
Standing up, Hermione stretched again. "So, is it safe to assume you aren't fighting anymore?"
Harry flushed slightly and cleared his throat, avoiding her eyes. "We're working it out."
Crossing her arms over her chest, she arched her eyebrow at him.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
Darting his eyes back to hers for a second, they narrowed at her tone before looking away again.
"Possibly. But it wasn't any of your business, really."
"Well, when I live with one of the party, I think it is partly my business!"
He finally looked straight at her, and she almost recoiled from the coldness in his eyes.
"No, actually, it still isn't. Living with someone doesn't automatically give you rights to know about their personal life, Hermione. Just like being friends doesn't entitle you to know everything."
"How can you say that? I know everything about you!"
"Exactly!" he snapped loudly. "You and everyone else in the bloody wizarding world know everything about me! Even the shit that I would rather keep private, people know! I can't leave the house for anything except for work because I'm suddenly on the cover of another damn magazine or newspaper! One week I'm a hero, the next I'm the villain! Then I'm the most eligible bachelor, and the next week I'm apparently secretly married! Is it really so surprising that I would want ONE BLOODY THING TO HAVE TO MYSELF?!"
Hermione's mouth was slightly open and she was frozen, watching Harry panting and attempting to calm himself down.
"Harry, I'm sorry. I was just hurt-," she started but was cut off.
"Because I didn't tell you I had sex? Seriously? How many guys have you kissed, Hermione? Have you ever slept with anyone? What do you write about in all those letters to Severus," he sneered the name, "that makes you giggle like a little girl?"
Hermione just stared at him.
"What? No answer? Or is it private? Or personal information that is in no way my business? But, Snape was my teacher, so that makes it kind of my business, right? Especially when you write about me, which I know for a fact that you do," he said, glaring at her.
"That's not the same thing-," she started again.
"Yes it is! It's your business! You have your reasons for keeping things from me, and I have my reasons for doing the same thing!"
The two friends stood glaring at one another for a few seconds before Harry sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Draco's waiting for us downstairs for breakfast. Let's go," he said, turning and walking towards the door.
"I've lost my appetite," Hermione snapped.
Harry paused in the doorway before coldly answering, "Fine."
Then he slammed the door and was gone.
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After the argument, Hermione tried to fall back asleep, but just as she was nodding off, her door slammed open and Draco stormed in.
Hermione peeked out from under her covers at the blonde. "I'm in no mood for a lecture."
"When have I ever considered your wants?" he snapped. "You're a bitch, you know that?"
That had Hermione sitting straight up. "Excuse me?"
"I could hear you two up here arguing, and for you to even assume you have a valid argument is laughable! You're mad because, for once, you don't know EVERYTHING. Well guess what, Granger? Get over it! That man down there has been through HELL for his entire LIFE, and he finally gets some measure of content and you get upset because he didn't run it b you first? How selfish are you?"
Hermione glared at him. "This is none of your business."
Draco's eyes went comically large before he barked out a harsh laugh, devoid of any humor. "This is more my business than yours! If you have forgotten, I was one of the people that engaged in the sexual acts. You were in your room. This has more to do with me than with you. But never mind that. We're talking about Harry. And how you are going to apologize."
It was Hermione's turn to laugh. "I'm not apologizing for anything."
Draco just stared at her hard for a few seconds until he finally sighed and closed his eyes. He looked at her once more before turning to leave.
"Then you don't deserve him."
He was gone.
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Hermione stayed holed up in her room for a few more hours, reading ahead on her textbooks for school and rechecking all of her homework. Finally, she couldn't delay any longer. She needed to leave her room.
Glancing at her desk, she got an idea. She grabbed up a piece of paper and jotted down a quick question:
"When is good for me to come?"
She sent it through her mini floo and waited, hopping he wasn't busy. Less than a minute later, a reply shot out:
"Now."
A minute later, she was standing outside the gates of Hogwarts and sending her patronus up to Severus.
Casting a warming charm on herself, Hermione waited to see the dark figure she longed to see. It was strange how eager she was to see a person she once could barely stand, but over the months, Severus really had become one of her closest friends.
Even if he was loath to admit it.
Catching movement out of the corner of her eye, Hermione glanced up through the gates and, to her surprise, saw two figures moving towards her.
The stealth, cat-like movements of the shorter one could only belong to Severus, which meant that the one gliding along in front must be the Headmaster.
When the pair finally reached her, Dumbledore unlocked the gates and held them for her, looking behind her a bit, as if searching.
"I had hoped you might persuade Harry to join us, and young Mr. Malfoy, of course."
Hermione stiffened a bit. "Sorry," she bit out. "They were busy, and as it was clear my intent was to see Severus, they wouldn't have wanted to join."
She saw Snape raise an eyebrow at her tone, and Dumbledore just peered more intently at her.
"Indeed," the Headmaster finally said. "It is good fortune that Severus is done with classes for the day. Well, do not let me disturb your reunion."
As he turned to leave, Hermione felt a twinge of guilt at how she had treated the old man. It wasn't his fault she was in a bad mood.
"Wait, Headmaster," she called, and trotted after him. He paused and turned slightly. "I'm sorr for snapping at you. It hasn't been the best of days and I was just looking for somewhere to escape for awhile. Professor Snape is being kind enough to deal with my prattle, and I didn't even think to ask the boys if they wanted to join me."
Dumbledore seemed mollified by her apology, and she saw a hint of a smile beneath his beard.
"Please extend to them an invitation for dinner tomorrow, if you would. I would send it, but my correspondence has been getting ignored."
"Join the club," she muttered. Dumbledore just chuckled and walked away, leaving her with Snape.
"Well, let's get inside then. It's not safe for you to be seen alone with me out here," he said, striding past her and to the area she took with him last night.
When they were finally in his chambers, he turned to stare at her.
"What?" she said, fidgeting under his gaze.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
He just glared at her.
Finally, Hermione sighed and went over to one of his comfy chairs by the fire and plopped down.
"I'm not sure how to tell you because it involves things you don't know."
"I'm clever. I'm sure I can figure out the gist of it," he said, starting on tea.
Sighing again, Hermione rubbed her hands down her face. "Ok, let's see. Harry got involved with one of my friends."
She heard him go completely still, and then he walked into his room. When he came back, he was holding a flask that, even from where she was sitting, she could feel radiating magic.
"What's that for?"
"For me," he said, putting it down on the tray before going back to making tea.
"Okay, but what is it?"
"I refuse to obliviate myself, and there's no way I'm letting you in my mind to do it. That only leaves the Headmaster, and I assume you want to keep him out of this. So, I'm going to take the memory of this conversation out when we're done, and then I can dispose of it at a later time."
Hermione was still confused. "I appreciate the lengths you're going to, but I trust you to keep my confidence."
He walked back over to the chairs with the tea set and sat down. "It's not for your trust, although I appreciate your trust in me," he explained, pouring her a cup. "It's for the Dark Lord. I have enough to be keeping from him without adding on that the man he wants to kill is secretly shagging the man he sent to go watch over you."
Hermione gasped.
Snape leveled a look at her as he handed her the cup and started to pour his own.
"Come now, Hermione. You're obviously upset at both of the men, given your attitude to the Headmaster earlier. You said that Potter got involved with one of your friends. Forgive me, but you don't have many friends and even fewer are male. Given that I already know of Potter's sexuality, it would have to be a man. You were here last night explaining how Draco wanted to talk to Potter after you caught him and some mystery man together. So, it stands to reason that Draco is a homosexual as well, and he and Potter foolishly got involved with one another. Now, tell me why you're upset," he finished, stirring his tea.
Hermione was still reeling from realizing her mistake of talking, but there was nothing else to do now but continue. So, she told him the whole story. She told him everything that Harry had told her, about Draco coming back and her going to come see him last night, and about both scenes this morning.
"And then," she said angrily, brandishing her spoon, "he said that I don't deserve Harry! I mean, what the hell does that mean?" Finally, she sat back and started to drink her tea, her throat a bit raw from the constant talking.
Snape looked away from the fire he had been staring at and took a breath. "You were in the wrong, Hermione." He held up a hand when she opened her mouth angrily. "Hear me out. Would you rather me agree with you and lie, or be honest? You must see this from his perspective. And as much as it pains me to agree with anything Potter says, he is right. And so was Draco. What business is it of yours, really? And Potter brought up a good point when he mentioned our correspondence. You have mentioned him numerous times, and I have replied just as many. In your logic, he does deserve to know what we're saying. But, they are letters between us."
She turned her head from him and stared at the flames.
Sighing, Snape straightened up in his chair and turned more fully toward her. "Hermione, you can't even begin to imagine how it is for him. Nor can I. And being so far away, you don't see the Daily Prophet like we do. He wasn't exaggerating when he said he can't do anything without winding up in there. I try not to read that rag, but the other professors do and I hear them discussing it every morning. The only explanation they haven't landed on is that he's gay, mainly because it's so taboo and no one wants to be the one to point fingers."
He waited for her to speak, but when she stayed glaring at the fire, he got irritated.
"Listen, if the tables were turned, you would be as upset as he is. And I believe Draco got it right when he said that you're mad because you like to know everything. It's one of your fatal flaws, and it always has been. I should know, because I'm the same way. If something is happening and you don't know about it, then it upsets you and makes you uneasy. One day, you'll have to learn to get over that. And Draco meant that if you can't see why he's upset and why you're wrong, then you don't deserve him as a friend. I may not be an expert on friends, but I do know that they're supposed to trust one another. And you showed your distrust in him today. And you're also upset because you feel like it made you look like a fool not knowing, so you're covering your embarrassment with anger."
He turned back in his seat and sipped his tea, letting her stew.
After about ten minutes, he summoned the book he had been reading.
Twenty minutes later, she shifted in her seat and he glanced up.
"Maybe I could have handled it a bit better," she said.
Snape stared at her for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.
"Good lord, woman. You sound as if you're pulling teeth. I know it's hard to admit when you're wrong but come on."
She finally cracked a smile, and then chuckled alongside him. He had a deep baritone chuckle, and it washed over her, soothing her nerves.
He grabbed up the enchanted bottle, but paused at the look on her face.
"What?"
"It's just," Hermione began, and paused. "It's just, I know you can't know this information. And I would hate to put you more in danger than you already are. But I really enjoyed this. And it's going to be really shitty that you won't remember it."
Snape looked at, his eyes softer than normal.
"I can remove the words, but leave the...emotions. I won't remember what we talked about, but I will remember that we talked and everything that happened. Will that work?"
"Will you be in danger?"
"No more than usual," he said, smirking. "I will know that the information is missing for a reason, so if he sees it, I can conjure up some useless prattle."
"I want you to keep it. The bottle. No," she said, cutting him off when he opened his mouth. "I'm serious. When this whole Dark Lord business is over, and you're safe, and we can talk openly...I want you to fully remember all of this. And all of what I'm saying to you. I want you to remember this conversation and know that someone cared and wanted you to hold out hope of one day, this all being over."
He stared at her silently with an unreadable expression before, finally, he agreed.
Taking his wand, she watched his remove the memory. He looked almost surprised to see a flask in his hand, but must have realized why he was holding it, and put the memory strand in there, before sealing it with complicated wards.
He looked back at her. "I have no idea what we were talking about. But it must be important if I told myself to keep this safe instead of destroying it." She only nodded, and watched as he got up to safely conceal the memory.
Laying her head back, she spent the rest of the evening sitting with Severus, chatting about school or reading in companionable silence.
XXXX
Popping back into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Hermione looked around for her friends so she could apologize.
"Harry!" she called, unwinding her scarf, and dropping her purse onto the kitchen table. "Draco! Where are you?"
Hearing muffled noises coming from the drawing room, Hermione started towards it, taking the elastic out of her hair and shaking it out.
"If you two are shagging again, I'll come back later!"
Laughing, she opened the door to the drawing room and saw Harry and Draco.
And a repulsed looking Remus Lupin.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Good news is: I'm not dead! Also, I got a new job! After 6 years, I finally don't wake up every morning and pray to get into a car accident just to avoid work. I'm finally not depressed all the time, or as bitter towards people I meet. I started about 3 weeks ago and I absolutely love the people.
Bad news: the training is extensive, so when I get home at night, my brain feels like mush and I immediately fall asleep. Then I wake up and do it all over again. But today, on my day off, I told myself that I would sit and write an entire chapter.
AND I DID IT! I finally set a goal in this story and hit it!
I have big things planned for these characters! But it's GETTING there that's the issue. I have the ending almost completely written out (well…a couple pages of notes). But it's the middle.
Thank you if you've stuck by me this long.