Monday was supposed to be just another day in South Park. Craig Tucker managed to fuck that all up.

Specifically, he fucked up the day for Tweek Tweak by kissing him behind the trailers, which caused him to pass out. He was woken by the recess monitor, screaming at him that he had to get his ass back in class.

He was scared, what if Craig told everyone? What if he said that Tweek kissed him? Oh god, he would have to quit school! He would be labeled as a homo for the rest of his life! He would have to hang out with Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al!

Calm down, Tweek. Breathe. It didn't seem like he told anyone when he walked into class, ten minutes late. People giggled, but that was after Mr. Garrison scolded him and called him a slow ass retard. Craig didn't giggle. He didn't even look up from his notes on Drew Barrymore's awful chemistry with Adam Sandler.

Maybe he didn't have enough coffee and dreamed it? Yes, that was possible. Completely possible and not at all gay. Except he had his usual cup this morning. So maybe it wasn't? He was so confused!

He needed to talk to somebody. But who? Who was the most trusting person he knew? Hmm. Oh yeah! Butters! Of course, Butters would know what to do. He was nice and wouldn't tell anyone!

After school, Butters Stotch was walking home when Tweek ran to him. Butters had missed the bus due to Cartman giving him a wedgie and sticking him on the tether ball pole again. Luckily, Mr. Mackey let him down and told him that maybe if he wasn't so different he'd have friends.

"Butters! Gah! I need to talk to you!" Tweek looked around, just in case someone was watching and taking notes on his gayness.

"Well, sure, Tweek! Better than going home and getting grounded. Gosh, my dad's gonna be mad." He knew that being late would be worth a week of being grounded. Not to mention another week for getting bullied. So a little chat with Tweek was appreciated.

"Um, I have to tell you something! A secret! Yeah, you can't tell anyone! Not until you die!"

"Aw, shucks, Tweek! Butters Stotch is always a trusting guy!"

"Great! Thanks!" Tweek took a deep, shaky breath before whispering the sinful secret into the other blond boy's hair.

"Woah! Craig kissed you? Now, why would he do that?" Butters looked rightfully confused.

"I don't know! What should I d- GAH!" He screamed as his cell phone's alarm went off. "Aw, man, I gotta go to my parents' coffee shop! Bye, Butters! Remember, don't tell!" He ran off, pissed that he hadn't got any advice. But at least he finally told someone.

"See ya later, Tweek!" Butters waved, heading over to the Cartman residence. Eric would want to know about what happened for sure! Butters would remind him not to tell anyone. And he would, because he's a great friend!

By the next day, every kid in fourth grade knew what happened.

xxx

When Craig Tucker walked into school the next day, he was met with a chorus of laughter from his classmates.

"Hey, hey Craig!" Clyde Donovan called out, chortling. "Why are you late? Were you kissing your boyfriend some more?" The children laughed at this absolute sick burn.

Unfortunately, when he said this, Tweek walked in. Everyone lost it as the twitchy boy looked at Craig in horror.

"Craig and Tweek sitting in a tree! F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" The girls sang, all except for Wendy Testaburger. She couldn't get what was so funny about two guys kissing. Mr. Garrison did it when Mr. Slave was around, after all. What was the big deal?

"Gah! Butters, did you tell?" Tweek looked at Butters, trying to look angry and intimidating but failing completely.

"Of course not! Well, I told Eric, but I'm sure he didn't tell anyone. Right, Eric?" Butters looked over at Cartman, sure of himself.

"Aw, no way, Butters. I- heh heh- didn't tell anyone." He was trying to hold in his laughter, but it was coming out. He was so proud of himself right now.

"You're a real asshole, fat boy! So what if Craig and Tweek kissed? You put Butters' dick into your mouth once!" Kyle accused, glaring at Cartman.

"Hey, I did not! You...you photoshopped it, you fucking Jew!" Eric was in denial, even though he did in fact put Butters' penis into his mouth that one time.

"We-We didn't kiss! Haha, Butters was lying! Right, Craig?" Tweek looked at Craig, urging him to agree.

"No. We kissed," Craig confirmed, looking pretty calm considering all the teasing. He didn't even look like he cared.

Everyone stopped teasing and looked at Craig with as much surprise as Tweek. Tweek thought he was going to faint again. Even Mr. Garrison was interested in the drama.

"You kissed? And you aren't even embarrassed?" Token Black asked, confused beyond belief. The other kids were feeling that way also. "But you kissed a guy! Isn't that gross to either of you?"

"Not really. It's sort of like kissing a girl. Except hair doesn't get in the way," Craig shrugged. "It was good." Tweek thought he was going to be sick, his face was surely red enough.

None of the children were laughing anymore. They all looked puzzled. Craig liked kissing another boy? They thought you only liked that if you had the gay disease. Did this mean that any boy could kiss another without being gay?

"Alright, children. You can talk about what flaming homos Craig and Tweek are after class," Mr Garrison instructed, shooing Craig and Tweek to their seats.

The boys in the class felt very uneasy. None of them knew that day, but two of them would doom the entire world.

And two of them would nearly kill all the people of South Park.

Combined two woah