Even though most of South Park couldn't stand Sheila Broflovski, everyone always went to her PTA meetings, especially the ones she made last minute. You'd think they would learn from the time she blamed Canada for their sons swearing and nearly caused World War III. But, she did serve excellent punch at the meetings. So there was that, I guess. Even though she called everyone at four, the meeting had to take place at nine because Kenny's parents were doing something that didn't involve selling meth.

"I'm glad you could all make it on such a short notice," Sheila said from her podium on the stage. Why was this even considered a PTA meeting?

"What is it this time, Mrs. Broflovski?" Principal Victoria asked, cleaning her glasses against her shirt.

"Yeah, mom, why did me and Stan have to come?" Kyle inquired nervously. Nothing could be good if his mother wanted him and his friend to go to one of these lame meeting.

"Quiet, Kyle. This is about you." Sheila took a deep breath, gazing at the crowd. "Everyone, tonight I discovered these two young boys...kissing in Kyle's bedroom."

The gasp spread throughout the entire audience. All except for two men.

"I knew those kids were homo. God, is anyone even surprised?" Mr. Garrison said to no one in particular, happy his gay-dar was still fully functional.

"God damn it, Sharon! I told you we shouldn't have let them hang out alone too much! I told you!" Randy Marsh shouted at his flabbergasted wife.

"Mom! How did you see that?!" Kyle shrieked, his face beet red.

"It wasn't what it looked like! Every guy in our class wanted to do it!" Stan explained desperately, exchanging worried glances at Kyle.

"What what what? Why do you children want to kiss each other?" Shiela screeched, glaring at the boys in that scary mom way.

"Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak did it!" Both of them blurted out at the same time, earning another gasp.

Thomas Tucker, Craig's father, immediately stood up. "Bunch of liars! My son is not gay, especially not for Richard's fucked up kid!"

Richard Tweak, Tweek's father, smiled at Thomas. "Thomas, I understand your anger. Perhaps you should try some fresh brewed coffee. Calm those emotions down." He brought out a portable cup with coffee, which came from seemingly no where.

"Fuck you. Your son kissed my son!" Thomas flipped him off.

"Ah, yes. Tweek is a very complicated boy, Thomas. His medication is trying to do its job though. Isn't that right, sweetie?" Richard glanced at his wife, who smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Now, now. Let's all calm down," Sheila commanded, in a tone that was not at all calm. "I think I know what the problem is. The homosexuals in this town are poisoning our children's mind!"

"What?" Mr. Garrison exclaimed as the crowd cheered in agreement.

"Wait, mom! It isn't the gay people's fault!" Kyle tried to say, but he was drowned out by the cheering.

"From now on, we will convince the mayor to send all the homosexuals to a work camp, to help with their perversion on these kids!" Sheila proclaimed, and the crowd went wild.

"Oh fuck," Mr. Garrison muttered, getting out his phone and dialing Mr. Slave's number.

xxx

Meanwhile, Tweek was in his bed, all the worries swimming in that twitchy head of his.

He couldn't say he hated the kiss Craig gave him, but it was making him more of a nervous wreck than ever. Even the underwear gnomes didn't upset him this much.

Did it mean Craig liked him? Like, like liked him? Tweek wasn't sure how to feel about that. Did he like Craig that way? Craig was always kind of nice to him ever since they fought and put each other in the hospital. He even let Tweek be part of his gang with Clyde and Token. That was very nice for Craig, actually. Oh god...

Tweek was interrupted from these thoughts from a tapping at his window. His first thought was that Satan was here to buttfuck him for thinking sinful thoughts, but he saw that it was just Craig at his window. Wait, fuck, Craig was at his window...

"Craig? AH! What are you doing here?!" Tweek opened the window, despite every single voice telling him not to in his head. One of them was also suggesting he kill his parents, but that was for another time.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend or something?" Craig asked, voice flat as ever. What the fuck was wrong with this kid.

"You...You want...AH I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!" Tweek hit his head against his wall a few times, then looked at Craig. "Uh, okay!"

"Cool. That's all I wanted. Okay, bye." Craig kissed Tweek again, before climbing out the window.

Tweek had no fucking idea what just happened, but now he had a boyfriend. Alright then. Time for some coffee.

xxx

While that was happening, Damien was having visions of the PTA meeting, and he was very pleased. This was exactly what his father needed to take over. Now he had to make a plan to find the blood of an innocent person and-

"Damien! Would you like any more scones with your tea?" Pip walked from the kitchen, a frilly apron over his clothes. His adoptive family left the house after he died, and Damien killed the family who moved in after.

"I hate this tea! And your British food!" Damien knocked the teacup over, levitating the plate full of scones and throwing them out the window.

"Oh. I apologize, then. My bad." Pip was upset that he wouldn't get to eat any more scones. He had about twenty in the kitchen.

"Come, wife! We must plan for the apocolypse!" Damien cackled, grabbing Pip and running upstairs.

"Oh, joy, I love this game! It's almost as fun as 'throw the wife into the knife collection'!" Pip cheered, a smile on his face.

This chapter was almost too gay to function.