Author's Note: My favorite chapter of all time.
Michel & Josette
Chapter 27: Passing Notes
"You got the notes?" Michel questioned Faux who was sitting across from him at a restaurant.
Faux rolled his eyes and replied, "Yeah."
Michel and Faux had come to some…sort of another agreement. So, here Faux was, helping Michel out yet again with getting with Josette, which he was reluctant to do.
The plan was (which was Michel's plan) that Faux wrote the notes and gave them to Michel so Michel could pass on to Josette. Currently, Josette was sitting at another table with Marie and Raphael, engaged in a deep conversation while they ate.
"So…what should I write on the notes?" Faux questioned Michel, looking bored.
Michel whipped his head around to look at his…accomplice. He thought about the question for a moment before snapping his fingers and grinning brightly. "I want it to say…Josette, you are the most beautiful flower in all of Paris, France! You are like the sun in my glorious mornings! You are like the moon lighting my path in the night! You are very beautiful and oh so ravishing!"
Faux stared at him for a very long moment, watching as hearts blinded Michel's eyes. He slowly shook his head and took out a pen, ripping a note off of the notepad and writing all of that down, well as much as he could remember.
"That was so corny, but okay," Faux shrugged, handing Michel the note after he finished writing that down. "If you want to make yourself look like a complete idiot, be my guest!"
Michel gave him a dark look. "Why do you have to be such a scoundrel about this, you ungrateful fiend?" he queried dangerously, put off by what Faux said.
"Shut it, you fat old man!" Faux snarled back hatefully. "If you keep badmouthing me then I'm not going to help you!"
Michel growled.
"There you go again, sounding like a deranged lion." Faux pointed out with a smirk.
Michel immediately stopped and snatched the note out of Faux's hand, contempt burning in his eyes. "How dare you call me fat? Do I look fat to you! And I am NOT old!"
"Could've fooled me." Faux folded his arms, waiting for Michel's comeback.
Michel couldn't think of one right now so he ignored the younger man. He then looked over at Josette's table and the table beside him where an old couple sat. The old couple's table was right between his table and Josette's table, blocking some of the view.
"Luckily I was smart enough to wear a disguise!" Michel thought with a proud smile, clutching the note in his hand tightly. Unfortunately, Faux refused to get dressed up and came as himself, uncaring.
Michel tapped the old man on the shoulder, handing him the note. The old man looked at him like he was crazy until Michel asked if he could pass the note onto the other table. Being kind, the old man obliged and gave the note to Josette.
Michel watched in glee as Josette looked at the note. She read it out loud before bursting out laughing, passing the note over to Marie and Raphael so they could read it. Raphael only shook his head in disappointment and Marie looked interested.
Michel quickly looked away and lowered his head when Josette turned his way, trying to find out who really delivered the letter. He peered upwards at Faux and saw him snickering.
"What are you laughing about, you incompetent fool?" Michel demanded to know, irritated.
"Nothing." Faux sang.
Michel narrowed his eyes at Faux and gestured for Faux to get ready to write again. "Right. Anyway, I want you to write what I'm about to say. Ready? So…"
Faux had torn another note off of the notepad and took his pen out again, not listening to a word that came out of Michel's mouth. Instead, he started writing something else entirely down, grinning evilly as he did.
As Michel giddily chattered on and on about how wonderful and beautiful Josette was, Faux wrote something like this:
Your face looks like someone's rump. You also smell like someone's butt crack. I sure as heck wouldn't date someone as ugly and smelly as you. Besides, I think you'd be better off with…someone's ugly rear. Hardy, har, har!
Sneakily and smiling, Faux handed the note to Michel after Michel was through rambling on about Josette. Just as Faux expected, Michel didn't even glance at what was written on the note. Like the fool he was, Michel handed the note to the old man again and asked him to pass it on to the next table. The old man kindly agreed to do so again.
"I can't wait until she sees that!" Michel gushed, clasping his hands and watching eagerly. "I said so many sweet things that she will immediately fall in love with me!"
Faux rolled his eyes at that and looked at the table where Josette was sitting. He let an amused smile curl his lips as he watched, ready to see what would happen.
As Michel watched, he was completely horrified to see Josette stare down at the note in shock and contempt. She slammed the note down onto the table hard and got to her feet, looking around the restaurant for the one responsible. Raphael and Marie managed to calm her down and they both took a look at the note, horror evident on their faces.
"What in the…world…?" Michel spoke softly, dread filling his entire being.
"Looks like things aren't going so well over there," Faux pointed out, trying to play oblivious.
"I don't understand!" Michel wailed, tears filling his eyes as he looked down at the table. "My words were sound, flawless! They were beautiful and full of truth!"
Faux rolled his eyes.
"Those words came from the bottom of my heart, the very, deepest part of it, might I add!" Michel went on and on, complaining. He shook his head in confusion and blinked back his tears.
"So now what?" Faux asked, looking bored once again.
"Another note! Quickly!" Michel said, suddenly sounding different now, his mood drastically changing. "I think I was a little too thick and deep on my words before! I'll rearrange them to say something much lighter, mixed in with some apologies as well!"
Faux gave him a look, but grinned mischievously, tearing out another note and taking out his pen. He was definitely going to put some slandering words on the note again.
As Michel began to convey his message, Faux wrote something else entirely:
Your neck is so long that you would put a giraffe to shame! You are so skinny, skinnier than a piece of lead! Don't get me started on your hair! Your hair is just…it reminds me of someone's butt hair. Overall, you are unworthy of a partner!
Faux held in a laugh as he gave Michel the note. Michel snatched it out of his hand and did the same routine with the old man, asking him to pass it on to the next table. The old man agreed as usual and gave the note to Josette.
Josette took it and Michel watched on in complete terror as her mouth plopped open in utter shock. She squeezed the note so hard that her knuckles turned white.
Overall, she looked extremely ticked off.
Michel quickly turned away so he would not be suspected. He was so puzzled as to why he was getting those kinds of negative reactions out of his lovely and wonderful Josette.
"I don't understand…" he breathed.
"Neither do I," Faux input.
Michel looked at him suspiciously. "Faux…"
The Faux Phantom looked at him with narrowed eyes. "What is it, stupid?"
"Don't call me that, you impudent, ignorant, little…" Michel didn't get to finish because someone slammed their hand onto the table between them.
Startled, Michel flinched and looked up, horrified to see an angry Josette standing there, one hand on her hip and the other hand on the table, the three notes underneath it.
"J-Josette!" Michel squeaked.
Faux rudely ignored Josette, choosing to smile in elation at Michel's predicament.
"Hello, Miles…" Josette seethed, narrowing her eyes dangerously at Michel.
"Um…it's Michel, actually…" Michel said very quietly, afraid because of how angry Josette appeared to be at the moment.
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't be able to recognize you in this cheap getup?" Josette questioned him, gesturing towards his disguise which was only a leather jacket, some sunglasses, and a hat.
Michel blushed in embarrassment, feeling very foolish. He could hear Faux snickering from across the table, obviously enjoying his pain and embarrassment.
"Anyway, this is not what I came over here for," Josette calmly added, throwing the notes in Michel's face. "These are the reason! I can't believe you had the nerve to actually write something like this about me!"
Michel blinked a few times in bafflement. "What…?"
Josette rolled her eyes, backing up some and crossing her arms. "Don't play dumb with me!"
Michel had no idea what she was going on about, but was starting to get very annoyed by how she was acting. "What? Are my sweet words too sugary for you to handle?!" he hollered. "And make sure you don't call me anything else other than my name!"
People were looking in their direction now and Faux was cracking up in his seat, holding his stomach and trying to breathe properly. Marie and Raphael were coming over too, concerned.
Josette growled and seethed through her teeth. "You've got a lot of nerve, Malcolm!"
"It's Michel!"
"In my book, it isn't!"
"You are just jealous because I can come up with extremely and beautiful sweet words and you can't!"
"What? Sweet? More like insulting and disgusting!"
"I have no idea what you are rambling about, woman!"
"Playing dumb, hmmm?"
"Playing smart, actually!"
"You are so stupid! You seriously need some help!"
Michel was about to retort, but Raphael told them to shut up. Michel and Josette turned to the red haired man, annoyed and heated.
"Michel, take a look at the notes," Raphael calmly ordered, putting an arm around Marie's shoulders.
Reluctantly, Michel picked up the notes and looked at them. When he did, his face paled and he got a very horrified look on his face. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.
"I-I…!" Michel was speechless.
"Exactly," Josette snarled before turning and walking off, still looking seriously ticked off.
"What is wrong with you?" Raphael asked Michel with a disappointed look on his features. He shook his head and took Marie's hand, walking off with her. Marie looked back over her shoulder at Michel and gave him a sympathetic look.
Michel was just staring down at the notes in complete shock, humiliation, despair, and disgust. All he could hear was Faux's laughter from across him.
Suddenly, realization dawned upon him.
Michel got to his feet and slammed his hands down onto the table, glaring in Faux's direction. "You!" he seethed.
Faux looked up, trying to play innocent. "Me?"
"Yes…" Michel hissed. "You!"
Faux grinned slyly. "What about me?"
"You know what you did, you callous buffoon!" Michel hollered like a madman. "You've ruined my relationship with my wonderful Josette! Now she hates me! She thinks I…I wrote those disgusting things about her! You've ruined me!"
"So? It's what you deserve," Faux shrugged nonchalantly. "Besides, I had fun."
"I'm going to get you for this, you disrespectful cretin!" Michel promised, growling like a wild monkey.
Faux got up from the table, casually slipping his hands into his pockets. "Whatever, idiot," he turned and then walked off.
Michel contemptuously watched him go for a very long moment before looking down at the table and crying his eyes out.
Bad things continued to happen to him. Why? He will never know.