Part 15

After quite a while, there are no more unconnected pieces of china between them and the item that they are holding resembles a cup once again. It's not quite what it must have been like, with the far from invisible break lines and some spilled drops of glue coating the china.

The most noticeable imperfection of the cup is however a small but undeniable chip at the rim. She smiles fondly when she spots it, fully visible only now that the more recent damage has mostly been undone.

"It's not broken anymore, but it's not quite whole either," she murmurs pensively, eying the result of their efforts.

"We never were," he says quietly, just as thoughtful, almost absent-minded.

The remark draws her from her focus on the repaired cup, fixing her gaze on him instead. She finds him still staring at the no longer destroyed china.

It's the first time that she truly understands why this cup is so important to him, why he reacted the way he did when she broke it – why he is like this now that it is mostly whole again.

It's not just that the cup is an object that reminds him of her, of that long ago time when they fell in love and lost one another. It's more than an item that's there whenever something happens between them, whether it's the start of her life at his castle, their deepening friendship and blossoming love, or the symbol of their separation and regret.

More than all that, for him the state of their relationship and the condition of the cup are one. From the chip when she gained his full attention for the first time, to the fact that he didn't smash the china even when he doubted her sincerity of her feelings so very much and finally the despair when she broke it, no longer remembering either him or their love.

"We could be," she whispers, letting go of the cup with one hand to bring her fingers to the side of his face, caressing his hair and cheek. "I want that, for us to be whole."

"I want that too," he breathes, all sincerity and moist, honey brown eyes. "I've wanted it for so long, Belle. But there was always something keeping us apart. Myself, mostly. Our love means so much to me, but I just don't know how not to ruin it. I end up driving you away and I don't know how to change that, to be the man who you might deserve."

She would have wished just a few hours ago that she would have her memories back if only because they might help her find a response to his implicit plea. But now she finds that she knows exactly what to say, even without remembering anything of their past.

"I don't know what happened to us in the past," she replies, her voice just as tentative as her hand on the side of his face. "I don't know anything about a lot of things, especially not when it comes to this. It seems we are quite similar in that regard."

She is silent for a moment, taking in his half-closed eyes and his tilted head as he leans into her touch, eagerly awaiting whatever she's going to say next.

"What I do know is that both of us want to find a way to be together. That we really want to. I also know that everything that has happened tonight, everything that you did, did the complete opposite of driving me away."

His eyes are wide open now, his gaze boring deeply into hers.

"I suppose it won't always be like this, so... perfect. But if it is most of the time, or even sometimes... just as long as we truly try, I can't imagine wanting to be apart from you."

"Yes," he gasps, as if what she just described is all he ever hoped from life. "To try to be together like that... to try again. I've made mistakes in the past, so many of them, and I didn't think I'd get the chance to show you that I learned from those wrong decisions. It made me see that I truly can't bear life with you... nothing is more important to me than being with you."

"Well then," she says, for the very first time beginning to realize that there also might be an advantage to her memory loss. This might as well be the brand new start that both of them apparently needed so very much. "It looks like this time, for once, nothing is stopping us from being together."

The smile he gives her in response is wider than she has seen on him before, more radiant than she thought possible even after getting to know him throughout the past few hours. The same goes for the elated grin on her own face.

Hence, she isn't all that surprised when she ends up laughing, a genuine and cheerful sound straight from her belly. It's something she didn't know existed, let alone something she is capable of.

He joins her a few seconds later, his look of never ceasing disbelief and delight indicating that joy of this kind is something the two of them have never shared either. It makes her only happier to have found this with him now, more determined that the loss of her memories isn't necessarily only a bad thing.

Both of them quieting down eventually, but their smiles not fading entirely, she looks at the no longer broken cup in their joined hands. Recalling what he told her before, that the enchantment he put on the cup might help her remember, she focuses on the ever delicate china as much as she can.

It's not that she feels that she owes him to do as he requested her half a day ago now that she has the chance again; she simply wants to try anything she can to regain access to her memories. She already knows him so much better than she would have dared hope, but she feels that she can't have enough understanding of him.

Having accepted by now that she can't remember anything from before she woke up on the road in the forest, she isn't disappointed when nothing happens as she stares and focuses on the cup. She remains trying though, out of curiosity for a glimpse of the magic that might unlock her memories more than anything else.

There's nothing though, not the merest hint of something when the seconds pass in silence.

"What is it?" he asks, all concern and fear once more.

Blinking, she directs her attention back to him, realizing that it might have been unnerving for him to have her quietly looking at the cup for so long. The knowledge that others can see her now and will probably base thoughts and assumptions on her behavior and appearance is something else that she's going to have to get used to.

She wouldn't have it any other way, though. Difficult as adjusting to the real world is in all likelihood going to be, anything will be better than having to get back to her cell in the basement - especially when she has him at her side, guiding and supporting her with each and every single step. There is no doubt that he'll do exactly that, no matter how slow her adaption is going to be... and no matter how different she might turn out to be from the woman who she was.

"There's nothing wrong," she assures him. "Or at least, nothing more than before. I was just focusing on the cup, like you said earlier, when you showed me the cup for the first time. I tried, but I don't think it's working."

"I feared it wouldn't, to be honest."

"Because it was broken? Did that make an end to the enchantment?"

She doesn't have a clue how magic is supposed to work, what its rules and limitations are, but that doesn't prevent her from speculating. His gentle smile informs her that he's aware of that and that he appreciates her inquisitiveness.

"The enchantment was weakened because of the... accident. I could have cast the spell again, but I don't think that it would have made a difference. Especially not now. The magic has only grown stronger since I cast it. Whatever magic might have been able to bring your memories back to you, it would have already done so while we repaired it."

"So it wouldn't have worked before, either," she says, slightly relieved to find that she at least hasn't ruined a good chance of getting her memories back when she smashed the cup earlier that day.

"Probably not," he admits. "I... well, I never was convinced that it would actually work. It was a wild guess. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I never believed that it would really make a difference."

"Then why did you bring it to me? You seemed so certain of yourself when you asked me to hold the cup and look at it."

"I'm a foolish man, sweetheart. I was willing to try anything to help you remember, just as long as it wouldn't hurt you."

He winces and she doesn't need to ask why. He may not have hurt her, not physically at least, but he did leave her very upset. It's clear now though that everything has turned out for the better. They wouldn't be here now, together, if it wouldn't have been for the fear which led her to smash the cup.

She places her hand on his again, soothing him by reminding him that she isn't upset any longer.

"I was aware that it was probably no use to try. But I... I would have given so much just to see you again, to talk to you perhaps. And of course I hoped I could make you less afraid. The cup... whether it would work or not, it gave me an excuse to visit you again, to be near you. It had been just a few days since you lost your memories, but I missed you so much."

She can't speak for the woman who she used to be, but she only hopes that her past self has never taken his love for granted, never thought of his affection and dedication as anything less than special.

"I can't live without you, Belle."

His tone is apologetic, and she can't stand it. If it weren't for the circumstances, for the delicacy of the moment, she might have been angry at the woman who she once was. She doesn't know much, but the way her supposed True Love questions his very wish to express that love horrifies her.

She wonders what can possibly have caused him to be almost afraid to tell her just how much she means to him. But it's a question that will have to wait. For now, she wants to reassure him, to let him know as clearly as she can that his declarations of love and dedication bring her nothing but joy.

"I know I don't remember you beyond the past few days. I hardly know anything about love," she says, tightening her hold on his hand as she choses her words carefully. "But I do know that you mean very much to me. I want to get to know you, all over again. I think I could fall in love with you. Properly."

She looks him straight in the eyes when she says the last words, feeling particularly bold as she does so. But the more they talk, the more she feels that there was something thoroughly lacking in their earlier relationship, a trust and honesty that seems so very important to her. If they are going to be together, if they are going to try again, she wouldn't want to do so with the doubt and hesitancy that seems to have characterized their interaction in the past.

He doesn't say a word, doesn't move, just looks at her with those eyes of his, as if he can't believe that she's really saying this - as if he thinks that it's too good to be true. Looking at him closely, she is aware of the subtle change in his gaze as she pointedly holds it, of the unabashed hope that blossoms in its depths.

It's not the first time this has happened tonight, but she is convinced that his optimism grows stronger each time.

Then he is smiling at her, another one of those beautiful, truly happy smiles. He doesn't need to speak to convince her of his gratitude and disbelief, the way he clasps her hands between his own telling her all she needs to know.

Because she presumes that the same doesn't go for him - not yet, anyway - she does speak as he caresses her with his thumbs.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promises.

"I won't let go of you again. Never. Unless... well, unless you want me to."

She opens her mouth to object, to inform him in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want him to let go of her under any circumstances. But she changes her mind before she tells him so.

It's very true that she doesn't want to be away from him, that she wants to be never apart from him again. He wants that too, just as much as she does - and that's why it's only more wonderful that he offers her a way out, making very clear that he won't prevent her from leaving him if she where to wish to do so. It doesn't matter that this is the last things she would want, that she'll fight for their love.

It does matter that he's giving her a choice... that he's offering her freedom. Now, and always. So that's why she doesn't object after all when he insists that he won't unconditionally hold on to her.

"We're going to be together," she murmurs, "but we'll always be free."

Thanks so much for the lovely messages in reaction to the previous update! The site won't let me personally reply to most of them, but let me tell you here that your support means a lot to me =D