Shepard quietly snuck out of his room, making sure to pull the covers over Tali's sleeping body, than quietly sneak out while everyone was asleep. There was something he didn't tell the crew when he made that announcement. Santa was going to be visiting and his name was Shepard. The Commander just couldn't wait to dress up like Chris Kringle and put a smile on everyone's faces. First he had to go grab his outfit, which he hid in the air lock. He tiptoed into the airlock, removed the floor panel to the bottom right, and removed the Santa suit underneath. It had come with a beard and everything, including make up for the rosy cheeks. He put the suit on, applied the makeup, making sure everything was perfect. Shepard smiled, "Ho Ho Ho." He practiced, making sure he got his impression down. Once he knew he had it perfect, he exited the air lock. 'Hmm I better find a mirror, check and see if it's convincing." Shepard walked out of the airlock and into the elevator, pressed the button for deck 3 and headed down.
Garrus tugged on the bolt that just would not come loose on the cannon. He couldn't sleep and needed something to keep himself occupied. Unfortunately Gardner had put a heavily encrypted lock on the fridge, so it wasn't like he could get a warm glass of milk. Garrus took hold of the stubborn bolt and pulled with his entire body. However that attempt also failed. He quickly gave up and put the wrench down. "Maybe I can get Grunt to help me tomorrow." He soon got up exited the cannon room.
Shepard stepped out of the elevator and immediately headed to the bathroom. He checked out his costume in the mirror. 'Not too shabby if I do say so myself.' He thought with a smirk on his face. 'I look exactly like the real deal, I'm just glad I ordered the deluxe outfit.' Shepard stretched and left the bathroom. 'Hmm it couldn't hurt to have a midnight snack while I'm here.' Shepard turned into the crew deck and headed toward Gardner's fridge. He held up his Omni Tool and easily broke the encryption. 'And here Gardner thought he could keep me out of his food stock.' The Commander grabbed a slice of leftover pizza and a bottle of water, and then gingerly closed the fridge door. He sat down at the table between the two walls and ate his meal, carefully so he didn't get any on his costume.
Once he finished the meal he disposed of the waste. He smiled, and then started to head for the elevator. That's when he heard the elevator door open, "Shepard? Shepard are you in here?" He heard his lover ask. He quickly ducked and hid in the trench leading to the Thanix Cannons. Tali called out once again, "Shepard are you here?" She looked around for him but couldn't seem to find it.
"Huh, I could've sworn he would have been down here." She sat down in the chair and saw the door on the other side of the room open. "Oh hi Garrus!" She waved cheerfully. "Oh hey Tali." Garrus said with a smile. "What brings you down here?"
"Well I had a bit of a nightmare, so I woke up and I saw Shepard wasn't next to me in the bed. I thought it was weird so I came looking for him."
"Let me guess, you made him use those pink hand cuffs again?" Garrus joked. "YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!" Tali shouted, punching him in the arm. Garrus just kept laughing at her pitiful attempts to hurt him.
Tali laughed too and stopped punching him. Shepard looked over the trench and glared at Garrus. 'You son of a bitch.' He nearly growled. I mean he was just about to make a grand escape, Tali not noticing, then Garrus decided to show up and pretty much starts up a conversation! Damn it all, Damn it Garrus, Damn it Tali. "Hey Garrus do you want something to eat?" Tali asked her friend. "I don't see how, Gardner encrypted the fridge."
Tali scoffed at him and got up. "Just watch." She got up from the table and used her Omni tool on the refrigerator, two seconds later it opened up with a nice click. Garrus' jaw dropped. "But how did you….?"
"You really think Gardner was clever enough to encrypt the refrigerator with some strong encryption? It's just his name with a 123 at the end." Garrus chuckled. "Gee what a clever guy. Now would you mind getting me a warm glass of milk?"
"Oh sure, low fat or whole milk?" Tali asked curiously. "Just get whichever one, I really don't care." Garrus placed his feet on the table and watched Tali get his milk for him.
Shepard cursed Garrus and all his future generations. Maybe if he made a bum rush to the elevator, he could make it to the elevator. 'Yeah that sounds like plan.' Just as Shepard was about to enact it, another person came out of the elevator.
"Good morning, Tali, Garrus." Mordin said with a pleasant smile. "Oh hey Mordin." Tali said, handing Garrus his milk. "Hey Doc," Garrus said while raising his glass to the doctor. "what brings you here?" He asked.
"Was going over some notes on Genophage and as Tali asked, sent her the brochure on interspecies mating." Mordin chuckled as Garrus nearly lost it, but Tali was seething. "I never told you to send that!" Tali said, while pointing her finger angrily at him, but still holding back a laugh. "Was only a joke, Miss Zorah, still have full respect for doctor/patient confidentiality. But that doesn't mean your relationship itself is a secret." He said with a smile as Tali pretended to pout.
"Am I missing something or am I allowed to join the party?" Everyone turned and saw Jack walking toward them. "You know you're always welcome Jack, but what brings you up here? I thought you were in engineering." Tali enquired. "I was, but I had a nightmare and decided to grab a bite to eat." She said as she walked to the fridge and stole an apple.
'You have got to be kidding me….' Shepard thought, putting his face into his palms. 'What is this a bad sitcom? Why are so many people deciding to come down when I do?' He nearly face palmed at his idiocy. How was he supposed to escape now? There had to be a way….
Samara yawned and walked out of the starboard observation deck, then noticed the crowd in the main part of the deck. "What are you all doing out here?" She asked.
"Can't sleep." They all said at the same time. Tali ate some of her paste and saw Legion coming out of the Med Bay. "Hi Legion!" She waved at him happily.
"Greetings, creator Tali." He said then turned to Garrus. "Garrus, this platform has translated and saved those recordings you asked of." Garrus blushed and put his hands over Legions face. "Oh nothing about that right now, we can talk about that later." He said nervously. "But Garrus, it's those recordings with Tali a-". Legion was smacked upside the head before he could finish. "I said later Legion."
Tali glared at Garrus then looked at Legion. "Legion, override Garrus' orders and play those recordings." She said with a nervous look on her face. "Affirmative, Creator Tali." Legion stood still as the recording began to play.
"Oh right there Commander! Keelah!" The recording said, the voice clearly Tali's. The voices kept playing; Tali's blush went darker and darker red. "Shepard!" The recording of Tali cried. Garrus was blushing just as dark as Tali, wanting to escape from his current predicament. He just wanted to tease Tali and Shepard about it later, but that clearly wasn't going to happen now.
Shepard just listened as he heard the recording. He was also blushing, remembering that night. 'God now everyone is listening…that was Tali's kinky night too!' He thought to himself. 'Wait a second…' Shepard had an idea come to his head, suddenly now he wanted to kiss his Turian friend thank you and cheer. If he could pull this off, then he could get out without being caught. 'I just have to sneak past everyone while their listening to the recording. Thank you Garrus, I'll be sure to pay for your tab at purgatory for this.' Shepard quietly got out of the trench and shimmied past the med bay. He made sure to stay in the shadows so no one could see him. He crept closer and closer past the group. 'Yes I'm going to make it! I am the king, of everything, WHOO!' He gloated. As he was about to take the final steps, he tripped over the Santa pants he was wearing and fell with a loud thud. Suddenly all eyes were on him as he nervously looked at his crew mates. "Umm…." The Commander knew he had lost. He got up and brushed himself off. He sighed and looked at them, knowing they would never let him live this down.
"Santa?" Tali said clear joy in her voice. Shepard was taken aback by her statement. Then he realized, he never told them Santa wasn't real! To them, they think Santa really is real and standing before them. Oh thank god for his forgetfulness. "Well hello everybody!" Shepard said in his best Santa voice. Tali ran over and nearly tackled him in a hug. "SANTA!" The rest of the crew gathered around and hugged the Commander, all of them thinking he was the real deal. Shepard just wanted to groan at his crew's stupidity right now. Then again it was his fault, so he couldn't blame them. He was pretty convincing about Santa.
"Santa, I can't believe you're here!" Tali squealed. "But what are you doing here? It's not Christmas yet." Shepard's mind was racing for an excuse. "Well you see umm." Then he had it. "Well you see my dear Tali, I have never been on the Normandy before, so I decided to come on board and map it out so I can navigate it better on Christmas." He said, hoping he wouldn't burst out in laughter.
"Well that sounds reasonable, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Garrus said, chugging down some of his milk.
"Thank you Garrus, now I must be off, planning for Christmas and what not." Shepard said, wanting to quickly get out of there.
"Wait Santa! Since you're here, maybe we can sit on your lap and tell you what we want for Christmas, and give you our lists!" Tali said beaming. 'Damn it Tali….' Shepard thought to himself.
"That sounds like a good idea, someone go wake up Grunt so he can join in." Garrus said. Suddenly Shepard got the feeling he would have to visit Dr. Chakwas after this for a shattered pelvis. He couldn't just turn them all down though, what would they think of Santa? He couldn't just break their Christmas spirit like that. Shepard sighed and said "Yes bring that fellow here, you can all tell Santa what you would like for Christmas." He bellowed. Mordin pulled up a chair for him to sit in, and then they formed a line to take turns. First was Tali, sitting comfortably on his lap, her palms on her lap. "Well I umm….Santa it's amazing that you…I mean someone as powerful as you….and I'm babbling like an idiot." Tali sighed and took a deep breath. "Santa what I want is a," Tali thought for a moment then spoke again. "An X-34D engine component, the Nerve Stim pro Ultra edition, another copy of the Fleet and Flotilla movie, a Shepard plushy, Shepard VI, no I don't want the blue model, and I want the orange model because that's Shepard's favorite color." She rambled on and on about what she wanted, going over each detail. As much as the Commander loved Tali and her voice, he really wanted to get out of this suit, it was starting to get itchy and hot. "Oh dear Tali that is quite a lot, how about you give me your list and let Santa see what he can do."
"Thank you Santa!" She said and gave him a big hug. "Oh wait Shepard isn't here to see you! Santa could you do me a favor." Shepard gave a curious look to her and said "Of course my dear, what is it?" Tali sighed and looked up at him with those Luminescent eyes of hers, "Please give Shepard the best Christmas ever, it means a lot to him. And get him that model of the USS Roosevelt battle ship that he's been wanting. The rare model please." Shepard smiled happily and hugged her. "I'll be sure to do that Tali, Merry Christmas." Tali gave him one last hug and got off his lap. "I'm off to bed, night guys." She waved and left for the elevator. One by one everyone sat on his lap and told him what they wanted. Shepard hoped they would be easy and simple, but everyone wanted something strange and ones that made Shepard question his crew's mental health. Grunt came after Jack, jumping on Shepard's lap and sat up right. "I don't want much this Christmas Santa, but I want the Krogan shot gun known as the M-300 Claymore, I want it so badly but it's so hard to find in stores." Shepard was breaking under his weight. 'Good god Grunt cut back on all the food, JESUS CHRIST!' He shouted in his head. "Sure Grunt, anything for the Krogan." Shepard said with pain in his voice. "You are an honorable warrior Santa." Grunt got up and walked away back to the Cargo hold. After about 15 minutes everyone was done and headed back to their stations or beds. Shepard, when the coast was clear, collapsed to the ground in pain. Who knew the Turians had spikes on their asses too, barely noticeable but just enough to hurt his crotch. Shepard dragged himself to the elevator and took off the costume, neatly folding it. When he reached his cabin he washed the makeup off and put the costume in the hidden compartment in the bathroom, one he kept some of his stuff stored when he needed to. He undressed into just his boxers and walked out, collapsing on to his bed. Tali was already there, beaming with excitement. "Shepard you missed him! Santa was here! I got to tell him everything I wanted for Christmas!" She was so excited that she was practically jumping off the walls. "I was so nervous, I stumbled over my words, I was rambling and made a fool of myself. But I did get out what I wanted to say." Shepard groaned and pulled the covers over himself.
"That's great Tali, now please be quiet. I'm tired." He rolled over and closed his eyes. Tali wrapped her arms around him from behind and cuddled him. "Don't be so upset Shepard, I know this will be the best Christmas ever, whether you see Santa or not." Shepard smiled, flipping over and kissed the Quarian on her visor. "Thanks Tali." He smiled and held her in his arms, quickly falling asleep.