Part 17
"I'm starting to believe that we can do that, Belle, that we can find a way to be together. It's just that..."
"What?" she urges him gently, having learned already that it's so very important to talk about everything, no matter how seemingly unimportant or unmanageable.
"I'm a difficult man to love," he mutters. He withdraws his hand, breaking the physical connection between them. He has said it before, almost to her bewilderment, but now that she has gotten to know him a lot more, she's beginning to see what he is referring to. "I'm not always a good man. I try, Belle, I really do, but I keep on disappointing you. You keep being hurt because of my actions. I can't stand it, but I can't assure you that it won't happen again."
"You don't need to. I don't think anyone can genuinely promise something like that."
He's staring at her, familiarly eager yet fearful and hopeful. It persuades her only more that any risk she may take by being with him, by loving him, is more than worth it.
Yet, she has far from forgotten about the darkness within him. The man who has declared that he would do anything to protect her, who cherishes her, is the same one who viciously manipulates others and who badly hurt her own father.
"Do you do your best to be a good man?"
"Yes. For you Belle, anything for you. But I can't do it alone... not without you."
"Don't you think it should be enough?" she asks, the question directed at both him and herself. "Doing your best? You can't do more than that, or can you?"
"I suppose not," he hesitantly agrees, not breaking his intent scrutiny of her. "But I'd rather die than fail you again."
"Don't say that. Don't... don't say those things, especially not because of me."
"But it's true," he mutters, lowering his gaze after all. "When I say I'd do anything for you, I mean it."
She doesn't quite know what to say to that and settles for looking at him instead. The power he gives her over him – over everything – is mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time.
Although there is a forbidden appeal to having access to such powers, especially after having none at all for far too long, there isn't a single part of her which might like to take advantage of his affections for her in such a way.
"You don't have to face this alone. You are not alone, Rumple," she says, much rather focusing on his attempt to tame the darker side of him, to overcome his tendency to hurt anyone around him, and especially himself. "As I said before, I'd love to come live with you."
"Yes," he replies, nodding almost furiously. "You can move straight back into your old room... or any room you'd like. Whenever you like."
"I'd love to come as soon as possible," she beams, almost jumping off the seat in her excitement. She can already see her new life – their life - right in front of her.
"I'll arrange for your release tomorrow, then," he replies, returning her smile with an equally broad one of his own.
"Tomorrow?" she echoes, her smile fading. He implied before that she would have to spend at least one more night in the hospital, but surely that won't be necessary any longer now that he offers her an already prepared room in his house? "I thought..."
"It's for the best," he says, doubtlessly aware of her disappointment. "You know now that there are a lot of people here who want to hurt us. They'll use anything they can to separate us. I won't want to help them with that. If we wait for tomorrow, we can officially arrange for your release from here. That way, no one will be able to claim later on that either of us did something wrong when you left here. There'll be nothing to use against us in at least this regard."
She is grateful for his consideration; she wouldn't have thought of this herself. Still, she isn't looking forward at all to staying another night in the very building where she has known such miserable endlessness, even now that she has such wonderful prospects ahead of her.
"I'll make you as comfortable as you can be. I'll make sure you're safe, truly safe. My magic will continue to protect you when I'm gone."
"You're leaving?" she cries out, intuitively clutching his suit jacket, as if making sure that way that he won't disappear from beneath her very eyes. "Surely you aren't leaving?"
"You don't want me to?" he asks, more contemplative than surprised. "Just for one night?"
"Haven't you learned anything since we started talking?" she asks, tenderly exasperated. "I don't want to be apart from you ever again, no matter for how shortly."
"I... I didn't mean it like that. I just supposed that it would be for the best if I..."
He just looks at her then, his words faltering, as if he still can't quite believe that she's real, not even after all this time.
"You really mean it, don't you?" he asks, almost sounding as if all his dreams have come true but that he has no idea what to do now. "You really like staying with me... being with me."
"Yes," she says, squaring her shoulders. "I really don't want you to go, Rumple. I've been alone for so long... but you know it's not just that. It's you. I don't want to be without you."
"I really think it would be best if you were to stay here one more night."
She is beginning to imagine that they might have more trouble communicating in the future than she suspected after this evening. It has become surprisingly easy to talk to him, but at the same time, she finds it difficult to disagree with him when he looks at her like this, all lost and longing. For all the cunning she has sensed within him, she is quite certain that he isn't aware that he has this effect on her.
Still, she isn't going to be swayed so easily, not anymore. They won't stop this conversation until they have reached an outcome which is acceptable for both of them.
"I wish you would stay. Those beds aren't all that pleasant I suppose, not compared to what you must be used to, but there are plenty of them. I'm sure that you could do something, with magic, to make them as comfortable as you'd like. You don't even have to stay in this room, if you don't want to. Just don't leave me here, Rumple. Not here, not with these people. Not without you."
"I'd love to stay. Really, I wish I could. I don't want to leave you out of my sight ever again... I don't want to let go of you, no matter how shortly. But I really think this is for the best. Please, hear me out, sweetheart."
"Of course," she says, calmer already and curious to what he has to say. His announcement shocked her to the extent that she almost forgot that, if anything, he's only more desperate for the two of them to be together than she is herself.
"You have to stay here until tomorrow morning before you can officially leave. In the mean time, I'd like you to get as much rest as you can. Mostly, I would like you to think carefully of the future, to determine what you want. There's nothing I'd rather have than you coming home tomorrow, to be together again. But there are other choices you can make."
His sadness is almost tangible then, but she is only more convinced of her connection with him, of her desire to be with him. As he reminds her that there are other choices that she can make, she knows that he truly has her best interest at heart.
"Maybe you want to live on your own for a while, or perhaps you'd like to stay with friends. I'd like you to thoroughly consider all alternatives, and ask yourself what it is that you want the most. I don't want to influence you when you do so, because the decisions has to be yours and yours alone. I don't ever want you to regret your decision to come with me if you do so. I don't want to pressure you in any way. This decision is yours and yours alone."
His reasoning makes her only more determined to come with him, but she supposes that this is not the right moment to inform him that she wants to be with him because, among others, he doesn't force her to do so and leaves the choice entirely in her own hands. He influences her by not wanting to have any impact on her decision.
"A single night," she says instead, needing to be absolutely sure that he only intends for them to be apart for the night to come. "Only tonight."
"Only tonight," he repeats solemnly, his tone making only more clear that he isn't the only one who is reluctant to be separated from one another, no matter how shortly.
It sounds reasonable, in a way, and after so long of having no choice in anything whatsoever, it means so much that he does this for her. Still, despite having been all alone for so long, this evening has made her so very fond and used of his company, that she doesn't quite know how she'll be able to get any rest at all if she were to be separated from him again.
"Could you come back, earlier, if I... need you?"
"Of course," he says, his face expressing his joy upon hearing the last two words. "I live only a few miles from here. I can get back here within a few minutes. And if it's very urgent... well, I am a sorcerer."
'Miles' and 'minutes' don't mean anything to her. As bizarre as the second half of his response might have seemed before, she is now reassured by it.
"But how would you know when I want you to come back? Can magic do that?"
She doesn't really doubt that - she's quite sure by now that there are few things which magic can't do - but she wouldn't know how, just like she doesn't understand the small boxes that she's seen people talking into, apparently speaking to someone who isn't there.
"We could... keep an eye on one another, as it were."
"We could?" she asks, not caring that she probably sounds almost desperate.
"Yes. It's... it might be better if we were to be completely separated for a few hours, but I must admit that I dread being away from you entirely... of not being able to look at you."
"Could we prevent that?"
"Let's take a closer look at that mirror," he says, giving her another of those small, precious smiles.
Ignoring the flutter of something unfamiliar inside of her, she picks up the mirror which he gave her earlier and takes a good look at it. It appears to be exactly the same as before, causing her to look back at him and raise a questioning eyebrow.
"We'll be needing two of them."
This time, she doesn't have to ask how he might achieve such a seemingly impossible feat. She simply watches with fascination - now that's something she supposes will never change - as he conjures a second mirror. The one which appears in his hand looks identical to the one she is already holding.
He mutters something, a spell she presumes, and there's some sort of light enveloping the two mirrors. It disappears within seconds, just like the purple mist has done so far, and he holds the mirror which he conjured as if he is inspecting his reflection.
She doesn't look away from him, eagerly watching him. She has grown very fond of doing so, just for the sake of it, but especially now that he's doing something which will somehow allow them to communicate with the aid of the two mirrors.
He smiles a little as he watches the mirror's glass, his lips twitching in the way they have so far only done when his gaze is directed at her. Wondering whether he seems something amusing of sorts in the mirror, she glares down to check her own.
She gasps in surprise when she comes face to face with him and realizes that he probably can see her in the mirror which he created for himself.
"How..."
"It's a simple enchantment," he says, sounding quite pleased about it nonetheless. "A connection between the two mirrors."
Her gaze is locked on the glass in front of her, watching in delighted bewilderment when she sees him speak, despite not looking at the physically present version of him.
"I can't hear you, though," she says, realizing that she hears him only once, despite being able to see two of him. She doesn't hear her own voice in twofold either.
"There is a spell for that as well. But I think it's better not to use it. This is merely intended for us to be able to continue looking at each other, to make sure that you are all right while you stay here. I really want you to think tonight of what you want for yourself for the future, Belle. After tonight, you can talk as much to me as you'd like, for as long as you'd want to."
Much as she'd love to continue talking to him right now, tonight of all nights, she nods her head in agreement. She'd really like to speak to him even as he has left the hospital, preferably until either of them falls asleep, but she supposes that this is indeed for the best.
She can't imagine that she'll change her mind, but some quiet will probably indeed do her good. If only to make her as rested as she can be for the day to come - for the whole new life ahead of her.