Chapter 7: Douche Ex: Machinima
"Nemesis." Jensen made a fist and recalled his flashbacks with Pritchard. He recalled Pritchard being a jock in high school while Jensen was but a lowly nerd. Pritchard constantly beat the shit out of Jensen and gave him wedgies. Jensen had a crush of Megan, but Pritchard stole her at prom from him! Oh wait, it was the other way around, haha! Jensen remembered. -TRANSFERRING- Pritchard prickly stated, "Hah. You imbecile, you fell for my plot once and for all you no good -sexy- douche!" "You won't get away with this." Jensen Jensened. "Oh, but I already HAVE JENSEN." Pritchard cackled in a gay way. "Show yourself coward." Jensen monotoned. "Fine. I'd like to finally murder you, as I've always fantasized about in high school!" Pritchard blasted a beam of light and then he appeared. Jensen took out his blades and prepared for battle. He used all sorts of guns and typhoon BOOM BOOM BOOMS on Pritchard but nothing was working. "HAH! My super high-tech Aug shield is impenetrable." Pritchard snickered in that way that makes you want to kill babies. "Damn." Jensen slumped over, bested by the nerd. Pritchard rose high into the air and revealed...three options! "Jensen, I've rigged this whole continent to blow in2 minutes, and you only have time to save one person. You can either save Malik, who I've tied to a Walmart, Megan, who is currently working as a zookeeper, or Taggart, who has the cure for cancer!" Pritchard laughed. Jensen looked at each option carefully and panicked over which person he should save. Jensen pounced on Pritchard instead. "Pritchard. I know why you did all this." Jensen...took off his glasses. Pritchard GASPED. "J...Jensen?" Pritchard asked worriedly, as Jensen NEVER takes off his glasses EVER. "Jensen...I've never seen your eyes before. Ching Chang Chong?" Pritchard said. Jensen pushed Q to slap Pritchard. "Pritchard...I'm sorry." Jensen said. "For what?" Pritchard asked. "I realize that I...forgot your birthday." Jensen said. "W...WHAT?! JENSEN NOOO STOP NO NO NO!" Pritchard panicked, but his weak nerdy body was no match for Jensen's cog powers. Jensen then SMASHED THE Q BUTTON FEROCIOUSLY AND MADE PRITCHARD WISH HE WAS NEVER BORN AS HE ATE HIS FLESH. When Jensen was done, he took a look at the options for the rest of the game. "Jensen! Aren't you going to save us?!" Megan screemed. Jensen pushed a button and his glasses came back on. "Sorry, but I think I'm too much of a Douche-Ex to let that happen. Jensen cracked a 1mm smile, which was outside his parameters, and proceeded to walk out of the continent as explosions went haywire.
Dumb Epilogue Scene
There was pictures of baby elephants from 1897 and died from plague and douche Jensen said "Godspeed illuminati."