Beatrice knew what she had to do. What she had always done, move forward.
Whenever she closed her eyes, she could still see her smile, feel her by her side. They had shared only a few months, but they had grown so close. From their first meeting, Ava being lost and discovering the world, fighting for the world…they had a respite, their one-bedroom apartment in the mountains, their little cocoon. That spark could only grow when it was just pretty much just the two of them in the world. She couldn't believe in when Ava had wrapped her arm around her and moved in closer, when she kissed her. She could still feel the tension, how stiff she had been for a second, she had never shared such a kiss. It was so much and yet not enough. Ava had disappeared.
She could only hope that by carrying her through the portal with Lilith had saved her life.
They had brough the portal to a safe place, and for days she stared at it. It was strange to see the world move around her while she was immobile. A few times she could have sworn she had seen a flicker something…probably exhaustion. Mother Superion was building the OCS back from the ground with Camila and Yasmine by her side, even father Vincent was helping. Part of Beatrice wanted to beat him to a pulp, it was his fault…another part couldn't care less about him in anyway, what is done is done. Ava was gone.
As a nun she knew she should forgive. But after days staring blankly at the Arc she was wondering if she was still one. What was the point of anything. Days turned into weeks; weeks turned into months. She was functional, she was active in the reconstruction too, but she was hollow.
There was always at least one member of the OCS guarding the Arc. This piece of technology wasn't as big of a threat as before Adriel died. It was a door towards the unknown, that was it. It could be dangerous, but they knew someone on the other side had helped them, but most of all they weren't ready to destroy it until there no more chance that Ava could cross back to their side.
Two months had passed and Beatrice still felt like she had an Ava shaped hole in her soul. She had started to move, to help. No one said anything to her. She had caught Camila giving her sad looks, and every time she remembered that talk and hear her voice. "They never last long."
Beatrice knew, with time distortion, two months most probably meant her Ava was no more. Even if she was still alive, and Beatrice prayed she was happy somewhere. She knew after what was probably fifteen years for Ava, what they had was a long-gone memory.
She was starting to get sick in this place, she looked at father Vincent with the new girls and wanted to vomit, more than usual. This was not her place anymore.
She closed her eyes and saw Ava. Images mixing together.
"I'm doing this so you can have your life." Was always echoing in her head. "I love you."
Beatrice didn't want it to be goodbye but she knew it had been. She wished she responded faster; it had been to much too fast. Everyday she prayed, hoping Ava could hear her and everyday she finished her prayers by telling her she loved her.
She was looking one last time at Ava's sword, she tightened her hand around her bag strap. This was goodbye.
Mother Superion was coming behind her she could hear the cane, even if she didn't need it anymore.
"Beatrice."
She turned; Camila was there too. "The new recruits are waiting for you in the courtyard."
"I'm sorry mother Superion, someone else is going to have to teach them." They shared a look; they both knew it had been coming. Mother Superion nodded. And she walked away, touching Camila's shoulder on her way out. They'd stay in touch but Beatrice had to leave. As she walked though the courtyard, exchanging a look and a nod here and there. Once she had stepped out the front gate, she thought about her habit she had left neatly folded on her bad. That door closing behind her, she wasn't a nun anymore. She looked at the road ahead. One step at a time she was moving forward.
She kept on walking; she stopped in Madrid to do some sightseeing. Ava would have loved it; It was bittersweet. She still felt sick, to the point that she sometimes couldn't keep her food down.
She really needed to push past this. She went back to Switzerland. It didn't help either, it felt so empty without Ava there, and wasn't getting any better, to the point that she went to see a doctor, even did a blood test. She was waiting for the results, the doctor walked back in with a few papers.
He walked around his desk, sat on the opposite side of her and smile. "So good news you are not sick. However, you are pregnant."
Beatrice mouth dropped open; her eyes grew wide. "What?" She asked with a small voice. That was impossible!
"I take it, this not planned. It seemed the pregnancy started a little bit over two months ago."
Beatrice couldn't form words, her mouth opened and closed. She listened to what he said about options, vitamins…It felt like an out of body experience. She was a virgin!
She walked out in haze. She was a virgin! And a lesbian. This should not be happening. Two months ago, she barely got to kiss Ava. There was no…
Suddenly she froze. A halo bearer.
Mary mother of Jesus! She had an encounter with a halo bearer, mind you the scripture said he was an angel but who knew anymore! It was said they didn't have sex; it was the will of God. It was…
Beatrice hands went to her still flat stomach. Did Ava…?
They didn't even have sex?!
What the…fuck! What the fuck was she going to do?!
The same sentence was on repeat in her mind for the rest of the day. She was back in her small flat, sitting on a chair, leaning forward, elbows resting on her knees. She was making a twirling movement with the glass of water she had in her right hand. What the fuck was she going to do?
It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't supposed to happen at all!
The anger she had grown accustomed to was back. She was mad at everything, she wasn't sure she believed in the existence of God anymore, and if she did exist, she was mad at her. Like she was pissed at the rest of the world for being the way it was, full of hate and destruction. It had taken away Ava from her. It had taken so much.
And sometimes, like at that moment she was also mad at Ava, for choosing to sacrifice herself, for leaving her behind. For leaving…
Something else had to happen. She was pregnant and was pretty sure she could blame Ava for this one too. At least she hoped she was the one to blame.
What was she supposed to do now?
There was a religious war brewing, destroying Adriel didn't erase the past, the church he had built.
It seemed his death had pushed some demons out of the human bodies they possessed, however there were still some true believers, zealots. Adriel had left behind new scriptures, just what the First-Born-Sons needed to reaffirm his holiness.
She knew she could trust some of her former sisters, but could she really trust the catholic church? It was probably not as immaculate as one might hope, but still…Ava had been seen with her halo while fighting Adriel on live TV. If word got out Beatrice had gotten pregnant after an encounter with an "angel", she would end up right in the middle of it all.
She wanted so much to talk to Camila. She wanted…there are too many things she wanted. Life was so much easier when she was mindlessly working for the OCS, she found herself questioning so many things.
There was a small noise, a familiar light. She didn't think, she threw her glass as she got up.
Lilith wiped the water of her face, the shards of glass from her clothes. "What in fresh hell are you doing?!"
"Lilith?! What am I doing?! What are you doing here?!"
They stared at each other. Lilith looked like she did before, when they were all happy at Cat's cradle with Shannon and Mary, no more scales. Her hair was tied back in a loose bun and she was wearing dark blue jeans, a dark red button up shirt with a tight black jacket. She looked so normal.
Lilith for her part didn't really understand what she was seeing. It had never happened before. She squinted. "You are glowing."
"This is not funny. How did you find out?" Beatrice didn't need to really think about these things anymore, feeling slightly threatened her right foot moved back, she was setting herself up in a defensive position, ready for a fight. Her left hand going a little lower in front of her stomach.
Lilith knew her enough to recognise the shift, her body tensed and she started to glare. Somewhat feeling the sting of rejection. Whatever she was going to answer was lost on her lips as she finally realised that the glow emanating from her sister had a very specific point of origin. "You are pregnant?"
"You didn't know? What was that comment about?"
"It wasn't about anything! You are… " Lilith made a hand gesture towards Beatrice. "… literally glowing." Beatrice looked at her hands, her lower body, nothing. She gave a look at the woman in front of her.
"I see things clearly now, in more than one way. I can see demons' spirits and what not. I didn't realise pregnant women actually glowed, not just in a figure of speech."
"I didn't say I was pregnant."
This time it was Lilith who gave her a look. Really, she knew her too well. They knew each over too well.
Beatrice was slowly relaxing. "How did you find me?"
"I check in from time to time at Cat Cradle to see how things are going. I heard that you had left the order, renounced your vows. I had to come and see you."
"It's okay to you miss us. You know you still have a place with us."
Lilith always got a little aggressive when people got to close to the actual truth of her feelings, even more when she was trying to deny it all. "From what I see there is no us anymore, everything is gone, Shannon, Mary, the others…. even you left and for what, to become promiscuous?"
Beatrice jaw's dropped. "Prom…promiscuous?"
"I must admit I'm a little surprised, I always thought you were more interested by female forms."
"Did everyone knew? How did you…?"
"Every girl in our close group knew, none of us was blind. You know sometimes your eyes wandered, and it wasn't fighting skill observations if you know what I mean."
"I never!" Beatrice was appalled. She had always thought she had kept everything buried deep enough.
Lilith nodded. "I caught you looking at my arms and shoulders, and it became glaringly obvious once Ava appeared, the glances." She made a disgusted face as she spoke the last word.
Beatrice felt the blood rush to her cheeks. "Ava is special."
"She certainly was…" Beatrice's shoulder tensed as Lilith used past tense to refer to Ava. "She is strong and always looking on the bright side."
Lilith rolled her eyes. "She was annoyingly cheerful and selfish, always running after her own happiness, the others be damned."
"She might have been like that in the beginning, but you and I both know she changed. She sacrificed herself to save us all."
Lilith nodded. "I respect that. And she destroyed us all in the process, look at us now."
"You brought this on yourself. I am exactly where I want to be."
"In a tiny appartement, alone and knocked up. Should I expect a boyfriend to walk through that door?"
"There is no boyfriend. I…" What could Beatrice say?
"Had an accident? Slipped on banana peal and landed on a wild penis that was running around?"
"Lilith!"
"You and I both know what needs to happen in order to make a baby." There was a pause during which Beatrice was trying really hard not to vomit and Lilith was just observing.
"Beatrice? What aren't you telling me? What's wrong?"
Beatrice took a step back. "I…" She swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. "I'm not exactly sure how this happened."
"What do you mean?"
"I definitely didn't have sex. Not that I recall."
Lilith clenched her fists. "Do you think someone…?" Strangely she had trouble finishing that sentence.
"I was hoping that…it could be Ava."
Lilith's eyebrows rose as high as they could. "You had sex with Ava?"
"No, no but…it's the only possibility in my mind. I mean, we kissed and had this…moment. She wanted me to have a new life, so she gave me one in more way than one. Semantics."
"Wait, you think she got you pregnant by kissing you?" Lilith had grown scaringly pale.
"Well, what else could it be? We don't know the full extent of the halo powers. Let alone all the things and beings we were in contact with at the time."
"Do you think Adriel could have…"
"Oh my Go…sh! Don't even." Beatrice's right hand rose to cover her mouth.
"That's not what I wanted to say! I meant that, Adriel and I, we…" She stopped mid-sentence when Beatrice ran out the room, straight to the bathroom, she let herself fall to the floor in front of the toilet and retched.
Lilith ran after her, unsure of what she was supposed to do. She stepped closer to the other woman, laying a hand on her upper back. "There was a moment between Adriel…" Beatrice was once more emptying her stomach down the porcelain.
Lilith rubbed her friend's back. Once she stopped and seemed to have a better control of her breathing, no more spasm. "He helped me with my transformation, and one evening after I started to control it, we…" This time Lilith rolled her eyes. This was no coincidence that Beatrice kept on vomiting.
"Won't you let me say it?"
Beatrice wiped her mouth. "Maybe you shouldn't. It really upsets my stomach."
"You might be right, only Ava's spawn could be so dramatic as to not let me say that Adriel and I - " Beatrice glared before she was bending over once more, she had nothing left to expel, it hurt; but this time Lilith didn't stop. "- kissed." Then there was silence. Beatrice turned to look up at Lilith. "Just kissed?"
"Wasn't it enough?"
"No. No. It's…" Beatrice sighed. "I feel so much better." Lilith rolled her eyes again before walking out the door.
Beatrice brushed her teeth before coming out the bathroom. Lilith was sitting in her chair by a small table, like she owned the place. She always had that presence. Beatrice sat on the opposite side of the table. They remained there in silence for a few minutes.
"How did you know you were pregnant?" Finally asked Lilith.
"I…well I went to see a doctor." Lilith shot her a look. "There were signs before, my stomach was upset, I started to vomit regularly and now that I think about it my breasts started to get sore. With everything that happened I have to admit I didn't pay too much attention to any of it, I didn't get my period. In fine, I felt sick, went to the doctor and found out I was expecting."
"I didn't get my period since I came back, I thought it was a consequence of my transformation. Nothing else that I can think of."
"You mean other than the healing, the scales, the wings and the teleportation."
"It's like the scales are actually under my skin, they are prominent when I get hurt and heal quickly, then the skin grows back on it. I'm getting used to it."
"If you really are worried about the possibility of being pregnant, you just have to get a pregnancy test." Suggested Beatrice. There was a short pause before Lilith got up. "Fine, let's go."
"What if I had something planned for this afternoon."
"Wallowing into self-pity, that's not a plan, and it doesn't look good on you. Come on, get up."
Beatrice groaned but she did, following Lilith out the door. They went to the pharmacy, stood in front of a multitude of tests, they bought five to be sure.
A few hours later they were once more around Beatrice's table, eating take out.
"I guess easing your worries about being pregnant built you an appetite." Started Beatrice.
"If we believe the tests properly work with my new physiology."
"There is nothing we can do about that, even going to the doctor, we don't know what kind of results you'd get to a blood test. Or if an ultrasound would work through the scales."
"So we wait and see. You know I hate that."
"I don't think you're pregnant, it's been months there'd be signs. And if something crawls out of you, we'll figure it out."
"Like we always do." Stated Lilith.
"Like we always do." Repeated Beatrice before she asked. "What do you intend to do next?"
"What do you mean?"
"You checked on me, I'm not part of… well any of it, anymore. I'm just trying to live my life. Nothing interesting for you here. Aren't you still involved with the First-Born Sons?"
"Adriel wrote about me in his…bible. Portrayed me as some kind righteous right hand. I told you a religious war was brewing."
"I want no part in it."
"You and I aren't so different. We both came from rich families who expected a lot from us."
"The big difference being that your family always pushed you forward, they asked more of you whereas my family wanted me to be less myself."
"My family wanted to crush me into a mould, just like yours did, it was just a different one. Neither of us really chose this, this life chose us Beatrice." Finished Lilith, with a look in her eyes that made Beatrice uneasy.
"Do you really believe in fate Lilith? I'd rather not think I'm simply a puppet in my own life, I want to believe I have free will and I chose to stop this cycle. Life is bound to happen, what matter is how I chose to react to it."
"I was always meant to be more!" Argued Lilith.
"Maybe, yet when you did become more you chose to leave your sisters to join a cult. That was your doing."
"The only sister I have left is you! And I disappeared in the background of you life as soon as Ava appeared in it."
"That's not true. We still have Mother Superion."
"She is no family of mine; she was barely a boss."
"What about Camila?"
"She is new and she makes me feel…uncomfortable."
Beatrice smiled as she remembered some of the girls' interactions. "She unsettles you because she is so sweet and you have no idea how to respond."
Lilith rolled her eyes. "That's not it at all. I didn't spend enough time with her, we didn't build a good rapport."
"Because you wouldn't let it. You never do."
"You are the one to speak. Your shell can be as tough as mine to break into. You can be polite and accommodating but you know how to keep people at arms' length. I still don't know how Ava managed to get passed your armour so fast. "
"She didn't even pause when I was cold or distant, she just walked right passed my walls like they didn't even exist, taking it all in stride. She welcomed my true persona with opened arms. I could do nothing about it, it was scary, but now I wouldn't change it for the world."
"She didn't respect people's boundaries."
"I don't think she really perceives them, or maybe she just sees beyond. I don't know." Argued Beatrice.
Lilith made a face. "Annoying."
Beatrice smiled like a fool. "Cute."
Lilith rolled her eyes. "Anyway. It doesn't matter; and for your information I'm not going anywhere."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm not leaving my sister alone and pregnant at a time like this."
"I don't need protection Lilith." Beatrice was a little annoyed. "And I'm not sister anymore."
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You might not be a sister anymore, but you'll always be mine. As for protection, I know you are more than capable but being pregnant will change that. I mean, if you want to keep the future drama queen."
This was how Beatrice got stuck with a roommate.
It was a bright and shiny day when a woman walked up to Cat cradle's gates. She was stopped by a member of the OCS. "I am sorry Madam, but this is a private property. We are not open to visitors."
"I tend to be more a guest than a visitor. Would you tell Mother Superion someone want to see her."
"Who should I announce?"
"Ava."
The girl made a call but didn't leave her post, but her eyes were on Ava at all times. After a few minutes Mother Superion appeared, walking slowly with her cane until she stopped right on the other side of the main gate. "Who are you?"
"Shit. Did you get hit on the head or something?" Ava turned towards the guard " Maybe you should call someone else, try Beatrice."
The guard frowned. "Who?" She turned towards Mother superion to see if she knew who it was.
"Did I land on another reality or something?" Ava was getting a little frustrated. Not again.
"You claim to be Ava Silva, and congratulation you do look exactly like her. However, it is impossible for you to be my friend, she's been gone too long."
"Oh. You called me your friend. I'd be even more touched if you'd let me in. I know you expected me to looked different, decades older, but things are really not what you expect on the other side. They healed me, and slowed my aging rate, I probably look two or three years older. Call Beatrice, she will recognise me."
"Beatrice isn't with us anymore."
In a blink of an eye Ava appeared on the other side of the gate, right in front of Mother Superion. "What do you mean she isn't with you anymore?!"
Mother Superion fought herself to not take a step back. "She left the order."
"Why did you have to say it so solemnly? I thought you meant she died or something!"
Mother Superion was trying to look as deep into this Ava's eyes to try and see if this truly was their lost halo bearer. Could she really be who she claimed?
Camila came running. "Mother Superion! Sister Katya is trying to pick up a fight with Dora again."
"Why didn't you just deal with it?"
"You told me I couldn't just use my crossbow on the sisters anymore."
"Sister Camila, there are many ways to deal with someone troublesome other than knocking them unconscious."
"But…" Camila started to ague but stopped when the person next to Mother Superion turned to face her. "Ava?" Asked Camila in disbelief.
"Hola Camila." Greeted Ava with a smile on her face.
"How is that possible? You should be old, like Mother Superion. Maybe even more!" Ava laughed at the Mother's face, it came out of Camila's lips so naturally.
"Let's just say God works in mysterious way." Said Ava seriously, before she was laughing once more. "That's also true but mainly the halo made it possible to slow my aging in the other realm."
"That's amazing! How long as it been for you?"
"I'm not exactly sure, more than twenty years, maybe twenty-two."
"Wow, you must have seen so many things."
"I did, but I can't share everything that happened on the other side. It's…complicated." Ava winced.
All the women present turned as they heard a scream coming from within the courtyard. Mother Superion grabbed her cane, tensing as she watched the one who claimed to be Ava like a hawk, while Camila turned and started to run towards the scream. "I forgot about Dora and Katya!"