Santana Lopez's first reaction is that she cant breathe. Her chest feels like it is collapsing inwards and she struggles to force air into her not cooperating lungs she swallows down bile that was quickly rising into her throat and gasps for air. This cant be happening. It just cant be.
Its June 3rd, three months after Quinn's accident, one week after nationals and two weeks before graduation when she gets the call. Its a Tuesday during Glee club and Mr. Schuester is teaching a lesson about expressing yourself through music and she stopped paying attention awhile ago when her phone vibrating in her pocket brings her back to earth. It's her father and the the last time he called her was when Quinn got in her accident so she answers her phone ignoring the shouts of protest from Rachel and the rest of the club. Santana can feel her heart pounding in her chest because she has a bad feeling that something had happened, and her intuition is never wrong.
When he tells her she doesnt want to believe it, She cant believe it and she starts hyperventilating, she thinks she is gonna pass out because this was the last thing she thought was gonna happen. She wants to puke. She can still hear her father's words ringing in her ears; suidcide. Quinn. hospital. Her brain cant seem to process this information and her phone slips from her hand shattering on the tile floor. The next three seconds are a chaos of questions, questions that she doesnt want to answer because she cant be the one to break the news to them but she doesnt have a choice.
"Quinn tried to kill herself" she says in a voice that she can't even recognize and its happening again. There are gasps and tears and Rachel looks like she wants to curl herself inwards and Puck turns a weird shade of green and purple and looks like he wants to punch something and Kurt just looks guilty. And Santana really just hates that its happening again, That three months ago they were in this exact something situation except Rachel was in a wedding dress and Finn was in a tux.
And at that moment Santana hates Quinn because shes always trying to leave them and she just really really hopes that this time its not for good because even though she's a bitch to Quinn she really loves her and she doesnt know how she would cope if Quinn...if she didnt make it. She doesnt think she would be the same.
She feels a small soft hand tug on her arm and sees her tall blonde girlfriend staring down at her. There is a flurry of movement and all of a sudden everyone is making their way to the door, everyone is crying, everyone is devastated that once again they were going to sit in those damn straight backed hospital chairs. Once again they didnt know if they would ever see Quinn again.
The ride to the hospital is silent each person thinking about the last thing they said to Quinn. Quinn who tried to kill herself, Quinn would wanted to die. Quinn who didnt realize how fucking much she meant to all of them. And it killed her to imagine how sad Quinn must've been to want leave this earth. And she thinks that maybe Quinn has always been sad and maybe thats why she didnt want to live anymore. She wonder how much she doesnt know about her blonde friend and she just cant believe that she missed the signs because she knows them. They teach them in school every single year and she hates herself for not noticing them and she hates everyone else for not noticing them either but she guesses its hard to notice when someone is falling apart when they havent been put together in a long, long time.
As they arrive at the hospital Santana cant help but cry because here they are again. The eleven of them and Mr. Schue sitting in that damn waiting room and in those stupid chairs and you just want your father to come out from behind the emergency room doors and tell her that this is all a joke. That her best friend didnt really try to kill herself. She wants Quinn to round-off backhandspring out from behind those doors and make fun of her for crying but she knows thats not going to happen and it makes her cry even more.
Mercedes is the first one to speak since you all left the choir room and her voice cracks and breaks before she clears her throat and tries again choking back a sob. "I think...shouldnt someone call her parents?" she says and Santana squeezes her eyes shut because something tells her that that really really isnt a good idea but she knows that if she opens her mouth she will throw up and she doesnt want to deal with that right now so she just grimaces while she hands over her cell phone with Mrs. Fabray's number typed into the keypad.
The moment Judy Fabray answers everything goes to hell because she is out of her mind drunk and doesnt even give a shit when Mr. Schuester tells her that her that her daughter tried to kill herself. And Santana really wants to hit someone when Judy says that she was the one that found Quinn and that even if her slut of a daughter survives this she's not welcome back at that stupid house on Dudley road because Quinn destroyed her expensive white floors with her blood. And she actually does punch a wall when she hear Mr. Fabray in the background yelling that his worthless daughter deserved to die anyways.
When Mr. Schue hangs up the phone she looks around at all the shocked faces around her and suddenly it hits her. Judy and Russell are the reason behind all of this. They are the reason why Quinn hates herself so much, they are the reason why Quinn never invited her over unless her parents were away, they are the reason why Quinn didnt ever change unless it was in private, and why there always seemed to be more scars and bruises on Quinn everytime Santana saw her and she hates the Fabrays.
Santana hates the Fabrays. She hates them so much but the only thing she can really do right now is sit in that straight backed chair, ignore the throbbing in her hand and wait for her father to come out from behind those stupid doors and tell her that her best friend it going to be okay.
authors note: heres chapter two. Review if you want me to continue