It's Ok To Be Us Chapter 5
The Fight.
Squall awoke to pounding on his door.
"Dude! Wake up; you're the first match of the day! Come on, you've got an hour before the match begins." Zell called from the other side of the door.
Squall opened his door, and Zell came into his room. Squall studied himself in the mirror. His nose, mercifully, wasn't broken, but he certainly was developing some bruises on his chest and stomach, as well as the beginning of a black eye.
"I can't believe I woke you up. That must be a first, huh?" Zell said, studying Squall's disheveled appearance. "Anyway, I got the updated bracket. You're going against some guy named Wakka, then the winner of Cloud Strife and Sephiroth. God damn don't any of these people have last names? I go against Barthello, then the winner of Jecht and Basch fon Ronsenburg. Go shower and check in, I'll see you in the finals. I gotta go to the infirmary, I think my shoulder popped out of socket yesterday, and I have to make sure it's cured and healed before my match. Cuz you know how against the rules that is once we get started. Also, the others should be arriving soon, but you might be in combat when they get here. I'll show them in. I know they'll be excited to come and cheer for you."
Squall said nothing else as Zell left. He felt anxious about seeing Rinoa, and conflicted about going to meet her. She didn't come meet him, after all. But after what he had deduced about last night, maybe that wasn't the best course of action. He got into the shower, and hoped his fight would start before they arrived. That would take the decision out of his hands.
Squall stood at the edge of the ring, facing his opponent. He should have noticed Wakka's tall and muscular build, and the reach and power that would go along with it. He should have been paying attention to his opponents warm ups. Hell, he should have been warming up himself. But all Squall could do was scan the crowd. He knew Zell had gone to get them moments ago, and that they would be here shortly. But he couldn't help himself looking for them, for her.
"Combatants, positions please! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the beginning of our quarter finals. The matches will be six minutes long, and scored by our judges. Ready? Leonhart, Wakka, please bow, take your stances, and begin at the bell." The referee announced.
Squall and his opponent did as instructed. The bell rang, but unlike yesterday, the fighters didn't immediately charge at one another. They took their time and sized each other up. Squall was the first to strike. Roundhouse, side kick, back spin kick. His first two kicks were dodged, but as Vincent showed him, the back spin kick caught his opponent in the side of the head. Wakka was nearly unfazed, but it was a clean hit, and the judges would notice.
After his kick landed, Squall intended to follow through with his fists. But he realized, too late, he wouldn't be able to out muscle Wakka. Indeed, Squalls opponent unleashed a devastating series of close range punches. It was all Squall could do to parry and block, but it hurt. Even though his arms and shoulders absorbed the blows, Wakka's sheer strength was getting to him.
He had to get out of there. He scampered back out of range, and took a deep breath. He smirked. Maybe this was going to be more fun than he thought.
He leapt in the air, throwing a jumping snap kick. Before he could land his kick, Wakka threw a snap kick of his own. Wakka's longer legs had the advantage, as the ball of his foot landed in Squall's stomach. Squall was knocked backwards and landed hard on his back. He coughed hard, and tasted blood in his mouth. Without any more hesitation, he jumped up once more.
Squall changed tactics. He would have to move fast. He started bouncing on the balls of his feet, mimicking Zell's stance. He darted forward, and began to show a side kick, but instantly leapt up, swinging his other leg high and landing his heel on Wakka's collar bone. Before Wakka could retaliate, Squall darted back out of range.
Wakka followed fast and caught Squall in the stomach, hard, then, as he bent over, Wakka brought his knee to Squall's face. Mercifully missing Squall's nose, Wakka's knee collided with Squall's forehead.
Squall hit the deck again hard, but Wakka was right there. Squall rocked his hips up and launched both feet into Wakka's chest. Squall used the moment to regain his footing and bearings. He was dazed and winded, still spitting up blood. Then he saw her. About four rows back, in the middle of a standing crowd, she was watching him. She looked nervous, worried, and anxious. He never even thought of what it would be like for her watching. How she would hate to watch him get his ass kicked.
Wait what? That last thought brought him back to his senses. He would withdraw if she wanted him to. But he began this round, and he was going to finish it. When he looked back, he saw a fist flying towards his face.
He ducked, and rose back with an uppercut. Wakka was staggered. Squall swept his foot out from under him. Wakka fell. Squall pursued, and landed an ax kick to Wakka's stomach. Wakka was winded and nearly unconscious. Squall decided to allow him to get up. He wouldn't press his advantage. He wouldn't be brutal. He walked to the other side of the ring, and again caught her eye. Even from this distance, he could see tears in her eyes, but she was smiling.
Squall turned around and saw Wakka on his feet again. Just then the bell rang. The crowd roared. Squall turned as he and Wakka bowed. When Squall went to shake his hand, Wakka gently batted it out of the way and pulled Squall into a bone breaking hug.
"You earned that one brudda! Congratulations. I'm sure she's very proud."
"We don't have the score yet... Wait, who?" Squall asked as Wakka released him.
"Whoever you looked at. She made you fight so fiercely, then back off and show such mercy." Wakka said, patting him on the back. "She's a good one, ya? Don't forget what's important."
Squall walked into the locker room, and began to rewrap his wrists. He wiped the blood from his mouth.
"Dude!"
Ugh, Zell found him. He just wanted to be left alone for now. But Zell wasn't alone, as Irvine, Quistis, and Selphie followed him in. And then, tentatively, so did Rinoa. The others were cheering and clapping for him, but he didn't hear them.
God, he looked like hell up close. She could see his bleeding lip, black eye, and the bruises and redness forming on his arms. She was sure his chest would be worse, but his gi concealed most of the damage. She noticed he was staring back at her.
So did Irvine.
"Hey everybody, I think these two need to be alone to 'talk' with each other. And when I say 'talk' what I really mean is-"
"Talk!" Zell, Quistis, and Selphie said simultaneously. Selphie grabbed Irvine by the collar of his trench coat and dragged him to the exit, Zell and Quistis trailing behind.
Squall and Rinoa both watched them leave, until the sound of the door closing snapped them out of it. She looked at him.
"Hey," she said simply.
"Hey,"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, bruises, a little blood, nothing too bad."
Rinoa sighed. This was harder than she thought.
"Is there anything I can do?" She asked, meaning more than she would admit.
"You could wrap up my chest. It's kind of hard to do it myself."
Rinoa blinked a few times. She was expecting... Well she didn't know what she was expecting. Certainly not this.
"Okay" she said timidly. Without another word, she accepted the athletic wrap and tape he handed her, then stood transfixed as he untied his gi and let it fall from his shoulders. For a moment, she looked at him. His body was indeed very bruised, or else flushed red.
"Rinoa?"
Damn. He had caught her staring. Quickly regaining her senses, she indicated he should sit on the bench, and when he complied, she dove into his bag for the muscle ointment she knew would be there.
"This might hurt." She said, taking some in her hands. Tentatively she placed her hands on his chest. He inhaled sharply, but said nothing. She gently massaged his chest and abs with the ointment, but when her hands increased the pressure slightly, he cried out in pain.
"What's wrong?" She asked. Again he said nothing. How like Squall. "Oh, big man. Hiding his pain away. You're so intent on ignoring that the pain exists, that you don't even see it when you cause it."
"That's not true." He said, in almost a whisper.
"What's the first thing I did when I saw you in pain Squall?"
"You asked about it."
"Right." She said, resuming her gentle massaging of his abdomen.
"What's wrong?"
"What's wrong is that you have a broken rib. You have to... keep your elbows down... and..."
She broke down, tears spilling freely now. She felt his hand run through her hair, and she leaned her forehead onto the crook of his neck.
"No, Rin, what's wrong?" He asked again.
"It's honestly too stupid to even bring up again-"
"Tell me, please. How can anyone get any stronger unless they acknowledge the pain?"
She laughed through her tears. He was talking about combat. But it rang true in this case too. Perhaps arguing and fighting weren't so different.
"When we were talking about the GF's and the first years who junctioned them, you came off so... Commander. You didn't sound like my boyfriend. You sounded like you didn't care about the consequences of the Guardians. I thought about it later and realized that of course you care. You experienced it firsthand. You were the one who changed the rules. But in that moment I just- aah! I wanted to strangle you. And not even because of that. But because I thought I was making it clear that I was upset, and you didn't even care enough to ask."
"I'm sorry Rin."
She had expected him to interrupt her. She expected him to argue back. But to come out and apologize was something she didn't expect. She pulled back from him and looked him in the eyes. He looked... Sad.
"I'm sorry. I have a hard time switching between commander and boyfriend. I'm sorry that I can't always tell what upsets you, and even if I can, I don't know what to do about it. Hell, I can't even tell what upsets me most of the time."
"You've been keeping it inside for so long. So think now. Tell me what upsets you."
Squall took a deep breath as she began to wrap his chest.
"It upsets me when you could have met me at the Ragnarok, but didn't."
"You're right. I'm sorry. Really I am. That was wrong of me. I didn't mean to lie to you; I just didn't know what time I was required to be there for my exam. It was my first one, and I'm still not sure about all the procedures. Regardless, I should have made time. I could have come down when I found out, or I could have gotten up earlier. I'm so sorry, I just feel like such a..."
"Meanie?" Squall interjected. Rinoa smiled. She couldn't help it.
"Yes, exactly. It was immature of me not to be there to see you off. It will never happen again. Even if I want to kill you, I swear I will be there to see you off from now on. I promise."
There was a pause, as Rinoa finished wrapping him up. He stood and reached for his uniform.
"It upsets me that we have very little faith in each other."
Rinoa blinked. Now it was her turn to be confused. She had all the faith in the world in Squall. Did he not have any in her? As her emotions flared up, she remembered the earlier part of their conversation.
"Squall, what do you mean by that?"
"I was upset, Rinoa, more than I realized. And it, uh, it made me..." Squall said, seeming to become irritated at his inability to articulate.
"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"It made me insecure, Rinoa. I can't even describe to you the thoughts that were running through my head. I know how ludicrous they are, even then I knew, but..." Squall sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I gave an order. An order I had no right to give. I asked..."
"You asked the others to keep an eye on me, and make sure I was behaving myself." Rinoa finished for him. The memory still hurt, but she was glad he was admitting it before she had to confront him about it.
Squall looked shocked, but continued.
"... Yes. I swear it was only to make sure you were safe, from everyone else, and yourself. Again, I had all these crazy ideas about what kind of self-destructive behaviors you might get into and-"
"Squall, that's partially my fault too. I planted that seed of doubt. I made the comment about us getting into trouble. I should have realized. I should have known that you would go crazy trying to protect me, even if you were angry."
"Be that as it may, I showed absolutely no faith in you. I should have never questioned your strength, and should have known you would be okay, no matter what happened. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I caused you to lose faith in me. When I said 'don't do anything I wouldn't do,' I never meant it literally. In my messed up head, it meant the same thing as 'be careful' and I never wanted to ruin your night with another order I never meant to give."
Now it was Rinoa's turn to be shocked.
"Quistis?" She asked.
"Selphie actually. She sent me a text that said, in very formal SeeD language, that you were upset and following my orders. It wasn't hard to figure out what she was talking about, or what must have happened."
"Squall, I promise you, I never lost faith in you. Nor will I ever. It started as a sort of silent protest, but more than that I didn't want to upset you further by spending your money on frivolous things. I used our argument to cover my own insecurities. And I blamed you for it."
"Rin, please. Listen to me. It's not MY money. I promise you, it's OUR money. You can use it for whatever you want. It may be hard to believe, since I have such trouble with trust, but I trust you and your judgment about money. You are working your wings off training these cadets, and you're entitled to a shopping spree, or a girls night, or whatever. I trust you not to over indulge, I really do. That's not who you are. So please, don't ever be afraid to spend money, or enjoy yourself."
"Who said I didn't enjoy myself? It was kind of fun to be you for a little while. After we were done shopping, Selphie wanted to go out dancing, but Quistis and I just wanted to get drinks. So we went to this nice little place on the water-"
"The Waterfront?" Squall asked, starting to smile himself.
"Yes, actually. I sat on the end of the bar-"
"Where there's only one seat so you don't have to sit next to anyone?"
"-and ordered whiskey on the rocks. I talked with Selphie and Quistis, but before I knew it I was lost in my thoughts."
"Sounds like you know me pretty well." Squall said. He had already retied his uniform and belt, and proceeded to sit back down next to her.
"You want to know what I was thinking about?" She whispered in his ear.
He didn't answer, per se, but shifted his position slightly as he drew her closer to him.
"I was thinking about how much I missed you. I was mad at you for one day, and I missed you terribly. I kept looking at the bar, the seat, and the drink, and I wanted to laugh because it looked like you were there, and I was merely sitting in your seat, waiting for you to get back. Then I wanted to cry, because I knew it wasn't true. But God damn it Squall, I wanted it to be true."
In the next moment, he held her just a little tighter, and she held onto him for dear life. He started to pull away, but before she had time to be confused or disappointed, he kissed her. Nothing had ever felt more right in Rinoa's whole life. It wasn't full of sexual tension, or even excessive passion. Nor was it gentle, or sweet. This kiss was full of something else. Reaffirmation. And with all they had gone through, it was perfect.
"I love you Squall Leonhart."
Squall smiled at her, but didn't reply. They heard over the intercom that "Cloud" had defeated "Sephiroth" and that Zell and Barthello would be up next.
"You wanna go watch Zell kick some ass?" He asked her. Rinoa smiled and wiped away the last of her tears. She nodded. "Maybe we can go to the Waterfront to celebrate when this is over."
"You mean celebrate your victory, I'm sure."
Squall stopped and thought for a moment. Rinoa had only meant it as a joke. Then he spoke.
"Rinoa, I honestly didn't think what it would be like for you to watch this. I'm going to get hurt worse than this. It's going to be violent and the competition is only going to get harder. If you don't feel comfortable, I will withdraw. If you don't want to watch, you don't have to. I promise, it's okay."
"Squall Leonhart. Thank you. And you're right. It hurts to watch you be hurt. And I am going to worry myself sick about you. But... But don't you dare withdraw. No matter what I say later. I know your pride is on the line, and more than that, you thrive on competition. It makes you better, stronger. And that's what makes it fun for you. That's who you are. And it's okay to be yourself. Just like it's okay to be us." Rinoa said with a smile. She loved that it was becoming "their saying."
Squall kissed her again, very briefly, before taking her hand in his and leading her to the sidelines.
"You'll be able to see much better from down here."
"Am I even allowed down here? Isn't it against the rules?"
"Probably. Just stay close to me. We'll watch until somebody kicks us out."