oOo

Chapter 8

Loki began to shake and claw at Thor's grip, but Thor held on tight. Loki tried to kick his brother and inch back to that corner of the bed, but Thor wouldn't let him. Soon, Thor was holding onto Loki's shoulder, keeping him in place.

"Leave me be, Thor." Loki was pinned to the wall.

"Is that why you are grateful?" Thor continued. "Because you are far away from them and you wanted to be free, and you don't care about returning!? Is it? Answer me, Loki!"

"How did you—?!" Loki blinked the salty water away from his eyes.

"I told you, did I not? This world has our lives recorded as a mere story!"

Thor was shouting at him, and he was hurting him. Loki wanted to laugh at how true this was, on how reality crashed back into his life. It was unnerving, but Loki couldn't look away at those angry, disappointed blue eyes.

It hurt.

"Oh of course, how did I not know?" Loki chuckled. "What a brilliant deduction!"

"So it is true!?"

Thor shook him, slamming him to the wall as Loki winced.

"Thor—"

"Why did you not say anything!?"

"YOU'RE WRONG!" Loki clawed at Thor's chest, but only metal shackles crashed to metal armor. "You know nothing you stupid foolish OAF! UNHAND ME, YOU IDIOT!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Thor shouted, not releasing his grip from his struggling brother.

"WHAT TRUTH SHOULD I TELL THAT YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW!?"

Loki slumped back, biting his lips.

Thor gave Loki some time to compose himself until Loki finally stopped struggling.

"I always lie, remember?" Loki did not look up. "I keep lying. I always sprout lies, so why would I give you what you already have?"

"I want the truth from you." Thor said, as thunder roared in the skies above them. "I want to know why you changed and turned into a stranger! Into someone cold-hearted and dark."

"It's false!" Loki lashed out. "Cages bend, Thor! I will escape my bindings and you and your mortal friends will pay!"

"I will not let you go!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME! JUST STAY AWAY!" Loki's scream turned into sobs. "Are you not satisfied?"

That's when Thor loosened his grip but still firmly held his brother. Loki was quickly unraveling before him and Thor was not prepared to see Loki this way. It had been way too long since he last saw Loki break down, and that was when they were much younger.

The Loki in front of him looked like the Loki he knew, the little innocent brother that was afraid of everything around him. He was the one who trusted so easily despite what everyone thought of him. This was his Loki, his little brother and it pained Thor to see him like this.

"Are you not satisfied?" Loki repeated. "You have me bound, soon to be punished. What more do you want from me?"

"The truth."

"You already have everything you need, why must you torture me with it?"

"The things we cherished…" Thor started.

"Oh please!" Loki looked up, his eyes glossy. "Do not give me a crappy lecture, Thor. I warn you."

"Just tell me and it'll be over soon."

Loki closed his eyes, listening.

"Trust me."

That's when Loki laughed, opening his eyes. Thor could see rage inside of them; those bright green eyes were full of hatred and pain.

"Trust you?" Loki repeated Thor's words. "My question is, Thor… do you trust me?"

Thor was stumped.

"Do you know that I tried my best to stay sane for the past year? I always dreamt of strangers hoping to free me from that eternal abyss, but no, I was never allowed the pleasure and contentment of being saved. I was always left to suffering and pain."

Loki's words stained the silent as he continued to break Thor's heart piece by piece.

"How long must I wait, Thor?"

Loki looked up at Thor's tearful blue eyes, and that broke Loki even more.

"I am torn in time and eternity, and I want death." He laughed. "You don't know how much I wanted to die in your arms. Living is worse than death, brother. Everything we had was nothing more than a fraction of what it once was. The centuries I've lived with you meant nothing."

"It is the song before it is sung, Loki."

Thor pulled Loki into a hug as Thor leaned on the same wall, bringing Loki closer to his chest, cradling Loki's head. His fingers tangled in the messy black hair that was his brother's. Loki stared opposite the wall they were at, breathing heavily.

"Songs always sing praises of you." Loki's muffled voice echoed. "Tales told of Loki were always vile, and the day they sing my tales is the day I rule and burn a realm that will be mine."

Thor let his tears fall, and lowered his head to rest on Loki's.

"Are you not tired?" Thor muttered.

Loki felt the world sway heavily around him. How did it turn this way? He thought he could handle the bitterness, but the more those blue eyes pierced through him with sadness and anger, he couldn't help but think if he did the right thing. Loki always thought that the love Thor had for him will never sway, but now, he could see how easily it could break at any time.

"Enough of this, Loki." He called. "Please."

"You don't know what it was like to become undone." Loki cried out, clawing at Thor's arm. "This is my breaking point. I chose to die when I let go, and you're still so blind. I wanted to die, I wanted to die…"

Loki's voice grew little by little.

"My failures." He sobbed. "They echo around me. You know nothing, Thor. You're a heartless bastard, a stupid oaf that calls himself my brother! I hate you…"

Loki began to push at him.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! JUST KILL ME!"

Thor embraced Loki tighter as Loki tried to push away from his chest, but Thor would have none of it. He held Loki tightly as the younger one shed waterfalls of tears. Thor could hear Loki groan in pain, as he slumped back on his brother's chest, clearly exhausted.

"I want to die." Loki pleaded. "Please let me die… please let me die. Why can you not kill me?"

"Because I cannot."

"It wasn't hard when I tried to rule Midgard. So why hesitate now? Why not end me?"

"Tell me it wasn't you, brother."

Thor pulled Loki up to face him. Loki's eyes were red from crying, and Thor held onto the back of Loki's neck, just like old times.

"Just be honest with me this one time, Loki."

"It was me."

"Loki, please…"

"I did it. I did it, Thor. I caused it!"

"Enough. Enough lies." Thor thumbed Loki's neck as he stared at those green, absent and watering eyes. "No more lies, Loki."

"You still have the nerve…" Loki chuckled sadly.

"I want to hear it from your voice not from a story I had to get."

"No choice." Loki's lips quivered. "I fell, and they found me."

Tortured me.

"I did everything I could to get away, but it was too much."

Abused me.

"I fought them." Loki admitted. "But they were stronger."

Used me.

"That's all." Loki breathed. "That's it."

Like the toy that I am.

He couldn't say the 'exact' truth.

He just couldn't.

They used me, they did things to me, broke me.

But those words were left in the dark, for he could not begin to say those words at all. It was too heavy on him. It was a lump in the pit of his stomach that he could not claw away.

It stayed in him, like a shadow.

"You are not telling me everything, Loki."

"You will not stop, will you?" Loki plopped back on Thor's chest, closing his eyes. "Not until you pry me of my secrets."

"You are right." Thor said seriously. "I need to know."

"You don't need to know everything."

"I do."

"You don't." Loki fumbled.

Thor looked up at the ceiling, forgetting the camera that was there in the corner, watching them. All Thor was focused now on, was comforting Loki and still knowing the truth that came from his lips. He waited for Loki to push him, to lash out, but it never came. At least not yet, for now Loki was comfortably resting himself on Thor.

Possibly savoring the moment until it turns into hell when another conversation is struck.

"I agreed to everything." Loki continued. "It was me, all me."

"How?"

"My plan, my idea to stop you and it was my army. They gave it to me, Thor. I did all of it, you cannot deny me of my reign. It was what they wanted and I so happened to there to get it for them. Not my choice…"

"Heimdal could not see you."

"It was because I was too far away, inside the void. Many times, I begged death to claim me because I could not handle what they did to me. But it was me, Thor. I am proud of my achievement."

"By destroying a race?" Thor scowled.

"By claiming authority."

"Loki, this isn't—"

"Don't!" Loki raised himself up from Thor's chest. "Do not dare…"

"Loki."

"I don't want to hear it!"

Loki pushed away from Thor, getting off the bed and cowering to the corner by the door. Thor stared at his brother, looking their switched position. Loki stood there, hands bound in front of him, glaring like a hurt animal in a cage. Loki's eyes were stinging from the crying, and Thor could feel every resentment Loki had for him.

But Thor did not act, he just sat there staring at those feral eyes, waiting for Loki to say something. Loki winced, feeling his body tremble from his own weight. He was healing, sure, but the strain he exerted on his body was enough to ruin that healing process.

"I hate you." Loki growled, tears falling yet again.

He wasn't a coward.

He wasn't crying.

Loki kept telling himself that he would keep to silence, but now, why was it so hard to stop?

The long bottled up words just came out, and it won't still itself on his tongue.

"I hate you! I envy you, and I hate you." He spit out.

"I know." Thor answered.

"No, you don't!" Loki gritted his teeth. "You don't know half of it!"

"Then tell me."

"I just hate you so much."

Thor watched as Loki continued to mutter insults towards him. He stayed silent, letting all of Loki's anger wash away in front of his eyes as Loki could not stop talking. His brother went defensive, not letting Thor interrupt him. The words just escaped his lips as if Loki cannot draw another breath to speak.

"You took all the glory, all the love and honor." Loki breathed. "I wanted to be just like you… I wanted to prove to them that I can be someone, but not like this. Never like this! I never wanted a throne. Never had I thought myself to be on a throne, but my mind was changed. There was potential, I had potential. I can show you. I can show Odin, everyone, that I can rule just the same as you are. And maybe then, they could also see me worthy of it."

"Loki enough—" Thor stood immediately.

Loki flinched, backing away.

Thor halted his movements.

"I begged for you to save me!" Loki screamed. "I begged! I went onto my knees and screamed your name so you would hear me! So Heimdal would hear me!"

Thor stood, dumfounded.

"You did not come, you never did!" Loki inched back. "AND I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I hate you for allowing them to do those things. I will never FORGIVE you! NEVER! I WON'T! I haven't the heart to do so!"

Thor noticed Loki take a deep breath, swaying heavily to the side, using his bound hands to lean towards the wall.

"I'm tired." He sobbed, voice lowering. "I am so tired, brother. You don't know everything about me. You don't see it. You don't, brother. You don't know everything… you don't."

Thor stood there, eyes of a warrior.

"You are right."

"You... agree?" Loki's eyes widened. "I'm—?"

Thor took the chance of Loki's confusion to lock him into the corner of the room. Thor's hands were on either side of the wall, trapping Loki.

Loki didn't fight.

He stood there, staring at Thor's chest plate and waiting for Thor to do something to him, to make him feel hurt as he was, because he deserved it. Thor just stayed there, waiting for Loki to calm down. The silence was unnerving for both of them, but Thor was strong enough to put everything past him to see the truth.

"You are right." Thor repeated, staring down at him. "I don't know everything."

Loki froze, unable to move.

"That is why you are here, brother." Thor continued. "And that is why I am here."

The pain in Loki's chest was unbearable, and he hasn't recovered yet. The more he lashed out, the worse he felt. His lungs and ribs contracted against each other, making it harder to breath and to make it worse, he hadn't eaten in a while.

He hasn't eaten for a year.

He ate and drank few when he was captive, and Thor knew nothing of it.

"I hate you." Loki sobbed.

Thor hugged Loki for dear life, while Loki clung onto him like a life line, muttering "I hate you" without even meaning to. Loki was paler, and the emotional war had gotten to him. He lost the battle, he lost the war, but there was still something out there he hadn't yet lost.

"I will protect you, Loki." Thor promised. "Never again. Never."

Loki dug his face to Thor's shoulder.

He does not speak, for he knew argument would lead to more conflict.

He stayed silent.

Loki knew that the one thing he hasn't lost yet, was right in front of him.

He hasn't lost his brother yet.

He hasn't lost Thor.

oOo

Back in the main room, every Agent was teary eyed and some had hardened their heart. The Agents ignored each other, and were now pondering about Loki and Thor's situation. Their opinions didn't matter, but they had rights to believe what they will.

In that moment, their point of views changed.

It wasn't enough to change everything and forget the destruction Loki caused on Earth, but it was enough to move their hearts into considering an alternative.

Bruce was rubbing at his eye, slight tears formed and he wiped it off immediately. He really didn't want to fog up his glasses.

Clint pondered on everything Loki said, especially about being undone.

Natasha contemplated everything, and delved into it further, sensing no lies on both parts.

Steve was doing his best to keep his composure strong.

And Tony, he was crying, because he can't help it. He didn't care if anyone saw him like that, it was an emotional roller-coaster and in that moment, Tony knew what he wanted to do and his mind was made up of.

"What now?" Clint mumbled, his feet off the table.

"Thor can handle himself." Fury cut off the feed, letting the two have privacy. "We need our facts straight, and I think we already have enough evidence."

"Yeah…" Tony breathed. "Yeah, you're right."

Tony wiped his eyes and stared at the ceiling, taking deep breaths. This was an emotional roller-coaster and he couldn't get over it.

"Tony?" Bruce mumbled.

He could remember Afghanistan so well and his trip back home felt exactly like what Loki and Thor experienced in that room.

The tone in Loki's voice was relief.

The relief of being able to tell someone everything you've been burying for so long. And Tony understood that Loki had been like him, felt like crap like him, that they had both been digging a big hole for them to die in.

But Tony was glad that Loki managed to get a ladder and dive back into the real world.

"It's okay, Bruce." Tony shook his head, trying to compose himself.

"Let's take a break shall we?" Fury blinked twice and walked away.

Hill didn't bother to follow.

"We all need a break." Steve sighed. "But—"

Before Steve could continue, Tony stood up and walked away, the doors sliding for him to get out. Clint and Natasha could sympathize with Steve, and he could only nod at the assassins. Bruce patted Steve as he followed after Tony, who he was sure, was headed to the lab.

"I guess we can continue this another time." Steve tapped his finger on the table and stood up, walking away. "I'll see you guys later."

"Sure thing, Cap." Clint twirled on his chair and faced Natasha.

"Don't say it." Natasha blinked her teary eyes.

"I won't."

There was an unspoken conversation between all of them and it involved the words, "I believe him, and I feel sorry for him. But there's something else." Natasha and Clint noticed it, and they were sure some of the observant Agents did.

Loki's green eyes… they were the eyes of a victim.

This is nothing we were ever trained for.

oOo

TBC

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