The only thing that Kurt knows is that he feels guilty; so very guilty. He feels guilty because he mocked and criticized her pain. He downplayed the utter torture that Quinn Fabray had obviously been going through, he just never thought she would fall apart this hard, this fast. And he guesses that maybe shes been falling apart for a long time. Maybe she never really ever was put together. He admires her for that because when he's sad everyone knows it. He suspects that Quinn has been sad forever.
All those bitchy comments seem to wipe from his memory because right now Quinn is broken. Because he discovers that maybe she never really meant them. He discovers that maybe she didn't know any better and he discovers that he really fucking hates the fabray's. He completely and utterly loathes them because Quinn Fabray is supposed to go to Yale. Quinn Fabray is supposed to be perfect all the time and he wonders how tiring it must be to carry around that facade. How heavy it must be to be someone else, someone who she didnt want to be and he admires her.
Kurt has always admired Quinn. He admires the way everything she does looks graceful. He admires her stunning beauty and the way that she always seemed to bounce back from everything life hit her with. Kurt guesses that all that bouncing had to get tiring eventually. Maybe that's why she did this. Maybe she was just tired.
Kurt's hand instinctively goes to his pocket and he stands up because he has the sudden urge to call his father. He steps outside into the crisp summer air and palms his face while trying to control his breathing. Burt Hummel answers on the third ring.
"Dad" Kurt says, voice low and trembling, "Dad something's happened"
"What? are you okay? is it Finn?" and Kurt signs feeling a fresh round of tears coming to his eyes.
"No...its Quinn, dad she, she tried to kill herself" he sobs out . He doesnt understand why he is crying this much. Burt sighs in the background
"Is she going to be alright?" he asks and Kurt shakes his head into the phone.
"We dont know." he chokes out. "But dad we think...we called the Fabrays and dad i think they used to hit her" Burt gasps. "so i just...i just wanted to thank you for being the best dad i could ever ask for" Kurt says full on sobbing now because he wonder if Quinn ever felt like this.
"I love you Kurt. You're my son and i love you. never forget that" Burt says and they say their goodbyes and hang up the phone.
Kurt wonders if anyone ever told Quinn that they love her. He feels guilty because he told her that the world never stopped loving her when really the world never started and he hates himself for telling her that, for downplaying her pain. He hates everyone else for being as oblivious as him but mostly right now he just really hates Quinn. He hates her for making them go through this over and over again. He hates her for trying to leave them so many times. He hates her for hating herself because Quinn Fabray is so very perfect and he just doesnt understand how she cant see that. He thinks that maybe no one ever told her because everyone assumed she already knew.
So he hates her. But her really really loves her too because Quinn fabray is just crazy enough to be sad. Just crazy enough to be the glue that holds them all together. Quinn wouldnt be Quinn is she wasnt absolutely insane and then he realizes that Quinn never really was Quinn; Quinn has always been Lucy. Lucy Quinn Fabray.
That two hundred pound thirteen year old that was teased and bullied and never really felt accepted. He guesses that even though she lost almost one hundred pounds and even though she died her hair and even though she got a nose job she never really stopped being Lucy Quinn. She never really became Quinn or at least she never really became the Quinn that everyone knows. He guesses that even though she lost one hundred pounds and died her hair and even though she got a nose job she never stopped hating herself and Kurt thinks thats sad because he knows that she told Mercedes that shes never felt at home in her body and he thinks that thats so incredibly sad but the very beautiful kind of sad. Quinn has always will be beautiful even when she is sad, especially when shes sad.
So he makes his way back into the waiting room and he can feel all the tears and he can feel all the anguish even before he sees them and it kills him to see all of his friends so very sad. This is not the beautiful kind of sad. This is the sad kind of sad and he doesnt like it.
Kurt sits down and puts his head in his hands and just really wishes that he had three wishes because he would wish for Quinn to get better, for her to love herself, for her to be alive. But he doesnt have three wishes and he hears a chair scrape against the ground and Santana is standing up and Santana is crying and Santana is talking to her father and he knows that right now this is all that matters.
authors note: three chapters in less then 24 hours? wow. so this is kind of short because i've never actually written Kurt before and it might be kind of ooc but i dont know. Review and tell me who you guys want me to write next.