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Warnings: strong language; Sirius can´t stop being a drama Queen; Remus can't stop being a kicked puppy.
17 Beginning or end?
A month had passed and the pair was celebrating their first anniversary. Sirius had invited the Potters to join them and celebrate the occasion. They had much to celebrate along with their anniversary; the Pettigrew Family, most of the Lestrange members, and other Death Eaters got their convictions several days ago. The future was shining bright for all of them.
The reunion took place in a family restaurant near St Mungos' because Lily was about to deliver the baby in a few days and had to prepare everything before staying there. James was chatting about a Death Eater Remus didn't know about, he said the man had committed suicide in his cell before going to Azkaban. Sirius cursed loudly wishing the unknown man had met the dementors for what he had done to an innocent seventeen year old boy.
The children's laughter in the restaurant made them remember the orphaned baby. Little Neville Longbottom would need extra love and support that his parents' friends were going to give him. They were going to help his grandmother in taking care of the child. Lily rubbed her belly with tenderness, hoping that her baby and Neville would become best friends one day.
The playful giggles of the children came from a magical shooting game at the back of the eatery. Remus had never seen anything like that, so James took him there to try to teach him. Lily smiled at the sheer cuteness of the scene when she was left alone with Sirius.
'So, what do you think?' asked Sirius, flashing a charming smile at his boyfriend.
'You look very nice together. I'm happy for you,' Lily answered though she seemed to be repressing something. That didn't go unnoticed by Sirius.
'There is a 'but', tell me what it is, I want to know,' Sirius told her, tensing a bit.
'Please don't get me wrong but I think you will end up in an abusive relationship very soon,' the red hair bit her lip, knowing that she was being harsh when Sirius expected support.
'Abuse? Are you fucking kidding me, you think I'm capable of hitting him?' Sirius responded indignantly.
'Oh. Not physical abuse; you are not that kind of a guy, I meant emotional abuse,' Lily clarified, 'even you know you are unstable and tend to make cruel comments casually,' she explained.
'That won't happen in this relationship, because I love him,' the dark haired man defended his point.
'And I don't doubt it! You love him, but for how long? How long before you go crazy and throw him to the streets?' When she said that Sirius's eyes widened in shock. He tried to talk but Lily cut him off to continue the explanation.
'Please, just listen to me, then you can say whatever you want. Remus has much more to lose than you if this doesn't work. He doesn't have a family or friends, basically no one to give him support in case you dump him. It's the first time someone is interested in him, of course he will let you treat him as you please in order to keep you,' Sirus stared at the floor while she talked.
'Have you ever noticed the look into his eyes when he must decide something by himself? Its fear, Sirius. He desperately wants to please you and he avoids making decisions that could make you mad. He loves you but fears your tantrums. You won't have a long term relationship if you don't become real partners instead of being master and servant,' the witch sighed. Sirius was still and his face was red.
Those words wounded Sirius deeply…Was it true? Would his anger problems rip his life apart again? Why the love between them was not enough to make them live happily ever after?
'Sirius I didn't want to be so harsh but this can only change if you-' Lily got shut up by a very angry Sirius Black.
'Stop! You don't know what you are talking about!' The very angry man stood up and threw the money to cover the bill on the table before he took his boyfriend and led him home. During the trip to home Lily's words worried at his mind, and his impulsive behavior at restaurant had confirmed her theory. Now he had something very important to prove as soon as they arrived home.
'Remus, love, can you bring me some warm milk?' Sirius rested his head on the couch seeking comfort.
'Of course, Sirius,' Remus said as he went to the kitchen. He warmed the milk without magic and went to join his lover in the living room.
'Oh, sweetheart, I asked you for tea,' Sirus dismissed the milk and Remus looked confused.
'But I'm sure you said…ok, sorry, I will get you tea,' the boy hurried to make tea.
'Love, leave that shit, I have wine in here. Come back please!' Sirius called just when the tea was ready.
'Right, can we watch a movie?' Remus asked cuddling next to his boyfriend.
'Of course, you choose this time,' he kissed the boy on the forehead.
'I would love to watch this.' Remus held up a copy of a French movie.
Sirius snorted. 'Come on sweetheart, it has an elaborate plot, you will get bored. Let's watch something you can understand,' added condescendingly.
'Oh, alright,' the smaller man sank into the couch but he really didn't mind whatever Sirius wanted to watch.
They watched a concert peacefully when suddenly Sirius spoke again, 'Remus I have something to tell you.'
The serious tone made Remus's skin crawl and he asked what the matter was.
'I'm not happy with our sex life,' Sirius paused to glance at Remus's worried expression, 'I think you are a boring frigid partner, I'm not quite attracted to you. I want to invite someone to bed, maybe another man. I want to watch you being fucked by a huge, fat, sweaty man. What do you think?'
Remus was speechless and horrified; he finally managed to construct a sentence, 'I don't like that idea.'
Sirius leaned over his lover, 'But I want it so much. We can even take pictures to remember everything.'
'I-I'm not sure.' But as Sirius held his hand, he softened. 'Though, I would do anything for you.'
The honey haired boy tried to hug the other man but he instantly rejected him. Sirius was in shock, maybe he was going to throw a tantrum; it had been a while.
'What the fuck is wrong with your stupid head?! Why do you let me treat you like garbage?!' Sirius yelled almost at the top of his lungs.
'I'm sorry,' Remus answered as always.
'Don't you dare to apologise!' Sirius pointed harshly at the boy.
'I don't know what else to say.' And it was true, once Sirius was enraged there was nothing right to say to calm him.
'Lily was right,' Sirius buried his head in his hands in despair, 'this relationship won't work.'
'I know…'paused Remus and the silence became overwhelming, 'I already knew this wouldn't last. I'm so grateful for all the time we spent together.' Remus was leaving the room holding back the tears that were already clouding his eyes.
'What? Where are you going?' Sirius ran up to Remus and stood in front of the smaller man.
'I'm packing. We both know that you would eventually ask me to leave.' Remus avoided Sirius's eyes.
'You think I'm kicking you out?!' Sirius asked incredulously, 'no, love, I'm sorry! I was just testing how far you would let me…I mean, I-I was expecting you to tell me to shut the fuck up. I shouldn't have done it, it was a stupid experiment. I didn't have the right to make you go through all that shit,' Sirius confessed, deeply embarrassed before finding his boyfriend's eyes. 'In fact I'm sorry too about all that you have gone through since you arrived here.'
Sirius recalled many situations in which he had yelled, insulted and abandoned Remus.
'I can't stand the low-class parasites like you. Understand?'
'You worthless shit, where have you been?'
'See why this werewolf is beneath me?'
'Ungrateful, shut the fuck up, useless…'
For every hurtful word Sirius apologised. Remus's eyes were full of pain that he had uncovered all those months. All those times he had pretended that Sirius's words didn't hurt, but now he was able to heal as his abuser acknowledged all he had done wrong.
'I have never apologised in my life, I think it's going terribly,' Sirius said, embarrassed.
'It's alright, I appreciate it.' Remus pecked his cheek timidly.
'I love you, Remus, don't go please. When I said things wouldn't work between us I didn't mean that I was giving up. I talked to Lily and she said you still see me as your master, don't you?'
Remus nodded softly. How was he going to be able to think otherwise when all his life he had been nothing.
Sirius continued, 'And I still have lots of emotional issues. I'm rude, selfish, and a loud bastard. I will change; I will get help from a professional so I can learn to control myself. And for you, love, I will help you and support you if you want to learn magic.'
'What?' Remus's face lit up. 'You would do that for me?'
'Not only that, you can also have a job, one that you want to do,' Sirius told him with a smile.
'But I'm a werewolf, Sirius, nobody would employ me,' Remus voiced out as his sudden joy dropped a little.
'It's time to change people's hearts and mind, don't you think?' Sirius asked him in an optimistic reply, 'I will stand by your side all the way to your dream job,' Sirius held Remus's hand in a gesture of reassurance.
'I love you so much,' Remus replied lovingly.
'I love you more, I shouldn't have treated you like that, but now I will change all of that,' Sirius told him.
'And I will work hard to be independent. I will be successful like you,' Remus promised.
Both sealed the deal with a kiss.
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