It's Ok To Be Us Chapter 11
Falling Into Darkness
Squall sighed. He ran his gloved hands through his hair. It was cold.
"Seriously, fuck the snow!" He said to himself. He didn't always hate the cold. On the contrary, he used to enjoy it. The winter was cold, icy, and unforgiving, everything he strived to be. It was an environment where only the strong and resilient could survive. Part of him still wished to be like that, but he knew Rinoa couldn't handle it.
Rinoa. She was the key. She was the flame that had melted the ice around his soul. Even though it was simpler and easier to shut everybody out, he found that he was happier with all the chaos and new experiences her warmth had brought.
And he needed her warmth right now. It was like he was poisoned, and she was the antidote. The longer he was away from her, the more it hurt. He had to get back to her, and soon. If he could just...
"There, finally." He said aloud again. He didn't usually talk to himself, but after spending the whole day searching through the snow, he allowed himself this strange method of coping with such harsh conditions. Perhaps he was pretending he was speaking to her...
Squall snapped out of his daze as he studied the object he had pulled from the snow. It was the size of a tennis ball and made from steel, or perhaps an alloy. It felt very heavy in his hands. As he studied it, he saw that there was a screen with four round, unmarked buttons below it. With shaking and nearly numb fingers, Squall pressed the buttons, one at a time. Nothing happened.
"...Whatever." He said, as he placed the metallic sphere in his pocket and made his way back to Trabia.
When he arrived at his room, he immediately dropped the object on his desk and headed for the shower. But even after the shower, Squall still couldn't shake the cold.
He sat at his desk, switched on his tablet, and began to study the object closely. It had no markings. It had a single port, for what Squall assumed would be the uplink cable. Beyond that, it was seamless and blank.
Squall sighed. What could he search for, if he had no identifying marks, or symbols, to use as clues? He focused his attention on the uplink port. It didn't look like anything he had would fit. In fact, the port was a strange shape, curved to what looked like a crescent moon shape. He did an Internet search for 'crescent moon uplink bus.'
Squall scanned the results. It seemed to be a pretty standard format around Esthar, until something caught his eye.
"...was originally developed by... Dr. Odine," he said to himself. Well, at least now he had a destination. But that would mean he would have to deal with his father. He groaned at the thought.
After reporting to Cid, he was on his way. After landing in Esthar, he answered the call he'd been dreading.
"Commander Leonhart, welcome to Esthar. President Loire has insisted on meeting you in person. Please remain with your ship until your escort arrives."
"Whatever. Thank you Kiros."
Squall didn't have to wait long. He had been leaning against the Ragnarok for only a few minutes when several people disembarked from the nearby hover lift and made their way over to him. Laguna, of course, was in front.
"Squall! So good to see you." He said, arms wide as though to hug his son. Squall gave him a look, and Laguna switched tactfully to offering a handshake.
Squall hesitated, but after considering his options, begrudgingly shook hands with the older man. After all, it wouldn't reflect well on him or Balamb to refuse the president of Esthar. Laguna seemed satisfied, and continued.
"What can I do for you? Nobody told me the purpose of your visit."
"That's because I didn't give one, sir. It's a... sensitive issue. One best discussed in private."
"Oh, ok then. Back to the palace I suppose." said Laguna. Squall noticed that he seemed a little deflated that this wasn't a social visit. Squall also noticed that he himself didn't care.
Once on the lift, Laguna turned to his son.
"Squall? Are you okay? You look pale as the snow."
"I did spend all day in the snow." Squall muttered in response.
"You look sick. Maybe one of our doctors could-"
"I'm fine, but thanks for the concern." Squall interrupted. He hated when others would try to tell him about himself. As if they knew anything.
As they arrived at the Presidential Palace, Squall had to stop and evaluate his own thoughts. Why was he so angry? He was sure these feelings were his own. They lacked the special... something... that indicated they were Rin's. His longing for her was beginning to overpower him, and he deduced that his weariness, irritability, and inability to shake off the chill that still clung to him, were all a result of their separation. If he had learned anything from his research, it was that this was a sign. A sign of her declining health, or stability, or something.
One way or another, this had to be resolved. His feelings for her went so far beyond simply being in love, or missing her, that they were now a tangible threat to the mission.
Laguna dismissed his escort when they arrived at his personal chambers, and beckoned Squall inside.
"I hope this is ok, it's the only place in the palace not under surveillance." Laguna said when he had shut the door behind them.
"Laguna, do you know what this is?" Squall asked, ignoring his father's previous statement and handing him the metallic sphere.
"No... What is it?"
"I'm not sure, but there was an incident during the reconstruction and outfitting of Trabia Garden. I believe one..."
Squall hesitated.
"...one of my SeeDs betrayed the others. A witness claims the traitor personally murdered one of them, and then threw this device toward the front gate. When we arrived, the whole place was overrun with the Forbidden, and Blue Dragons. I'm just trying to figure out what happened, and what this device is. I was hoping you could allow me to speak with Dr. Odine. And Laguna, please know this is to remain completely confidential. If we have do indeed have a security breach, lives are at stake."
"I understand. We can call him from my office, just through here." Laguna said. Squall saw that his face had hardened at the news. For the first time, he saw the resemblance between them.
Squall followed him into the adjacent room, where a large screen was mounted to the wall. Laguna pressed a few buttons on the touch screen control surface, and, after a beat, Dr. Odine appeared on the screen.
"Vat iz it? I am very buzy."
Odine's eyes widened as he turned his gaze to Squall.
"Ah! Ze knight! Vere iz your sorceress? You zeem ill vizout her."
"I am fine. Tell me about this." Squall said, holding up the device.
"Idiot! Put it under ze scanner."
Squall turned to Laguna, who took the object and placed it on a glass table near his desk. After inputting the commands, Laguna stepped back. A spray of lasers descended from a lens, which was at the end of a mechanical arm attached to the wall above the table. Squall watched as a three dimensional model appeared on screen, and then separated into an exploded view.
"Ah! Vere did you get zis, knight?"
"That's 'Commander.' And where this device came from is irrelevant. What is it and what can you tell me about it?"
"Zis iz a high frequenzy pulse generator vith adjuztable range. You zee, it vas dezigned to attract all of ze wild beasts in ze area to one spot, zen it would detonate, clearing ze area in one fell svoop. It zeems zis one has been tampered vith."
"What do you mean?" Laguna asked, now standing beside Squall and studying the schematics on the screen.
"Ze core. Ze eksplodink core. It haz been deactivated."
"I need the sales record of these devices. Who bought them and when." Squall said, turning to Laguna.
"Is that going to be a problem, doctor?"
"It iz very inkonveenyent."
"I don't care if it's inconvenient or not. Please doctor; we can do this the easy way or the hard way." Laguna said, a little more sternly.
"Fine! Fine! Very vell!"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Rinoa had fallen. All that existed in her world was darkness. And cold.
She remembered dismissing her class early. She remembered Selphie helping her walk back to... somewhere... But Rinoa didn't remember where, or even when that had happened.
But all, now, was dark. Rinoa lay perfectly still, clutching her blankets around her. She couldn't see, but in her mind, she could almost hear something if she really tried.
"Seriously, fuck the snow!"
She knew that voice. Something about it rang with familiarity, but she couldn't quite place it. Despite the outburst of profanity, she longed to hear the voice again. She had no idea how long had passed, but the voice spoke again.
"There, finally"
Rinoa felt a jubilation at the statement, but a nervous excitement soon took its place. What was happening? What would the voice say next?
Suddenly the feeling disappeared in a very anticlimactic way.
"...Whatever."
All was quiet once more. All was frigid. As though whoever was speaking to her had gone. She no longer cared to know who it was, or why she could hear him. She was all alone in this world.
Try as she might, she could no longer hold on to her own identity. Who she was, where she was, what had happened today, or any day, had all slipped away like water from her cupped hands. Now, all that existed was this paralysis...
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Squall had downloaded the list of people who had purchased the high frequency pulse generator to his mobile. Suru Macenneth was not on the list, but Squall was not really expecting him to be. Squall wanted to focus on the list to see if any were familiar. His logical next step would be to cross reference this list against the Garden Master's database of SeeD, clientele, and civilians that Suru had encountered on his missions.
That's what he SHOULD have been thinking. However, at that moment, he was having trouble standing. He felt like he was going to pass out. Laguna noticed, and jumped forward to catch his son before Squall fell to the ground.
"You are definitely not ok," father told son. "Let me call my doctors to come have a look at you."
"No!" Squall said defiantly. "I'm fine. I just..."
He hesitated. He almost said 'I just need to go to Rinoa' to his father. While his father was certainly aware of his relationship, and indeed that Rinoa was a sorceress, the matter of their bond was still new, and potentially dangerous. He wouldn't betray that secret to anyone, even his father. Matron would keep the secret. Who would she tell? She was still wanted by much of the world for her actions when she was possessed. Laguna, on the other hand, had a big mouth.
"I just need to get back to my ship. Thank you for your time." Squall made to push Laguna off of him, but could not even support his own weight.
"You are so full of shit. Come on. You're in no condition to fly anyway." Laguna said, half carrying and half dragging Squall across the room toward the desk chair, and the intercom.
"Laguna, really-"
"Squall, you can't even stand. You're moments away from passing out. And you have no idea the severity of your condition. You're not going anywhere until my doctors take a look at you."
"Dad... Please..."
Laguna stopped dead, and his eyes widened.
"There are things happening that I can't tell you about. And even things I don't understand. But I need to get back to Garden. I need to look into this list, and I suspect there is only one person who can help me. She is waiting for me there." Squall pleaded.
"What can I do?" Laguna asked, his voice shaking slightly.
"Send someone to my ship, as discreetly as possible. I have potions, remedies, and adrenaline on board. That should be enough to get me on my feet. Hurry. I'm going to black out any second."
Laguna nodded and sat Squall down in the desk chair. Squall's vision blurred, so he offered one last statement.
"I'm counting on you. I know you'll take care of it. Thank you... Dad"
And with that, he faded. Eternities passed in mere moments. He was trapped. He couldn't move or think. He felt chilled, but had no concept of having a body. Could your mind literally be cold? Despair began to creep over his consciousness like an evil fog. He was alone again. There was nothing but this darkness. He couldn't remember when, or how, but he clung to the knowledge that he wasn't always alone. Damn it. Focus. Remember.
An image of someone appeared in his mind, but the more he tried to make out the details, the more blurry they became. He was not even sure if he was looking at someone or perhaps some wraith of his own creation. He studied it closely, despite the futility. He could make out a chain.
Chains. What a dark place he must be in. Chains are an implement of imprisonment. They are used to control. To bind. To hold together forever. And what was this chain binding together? He took an almost sick pleasure in reveling in his own despair. Yes, this chain was binding two objects together. He could see that. This chain was binding together two...
Wait a minute.
This chain bound together two rings.
His ring. And hers. Who? Around her neck. Whose neck?!
It all came flooding back to him painfully fast. He screamed her name as he sat up.
Ward's strong hands prevented him from moving too much. Laguna carefully but quickly removed the needle from Squall's exposed chest. His breathing was labored, and he felt that his heart might explode.
"Squall..." Laguna began cautiously. "Your eyes are glowing..."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Rinoa awoke with a start. She was screaming. Her whole body hurt. Her heart was pounding.
She stumbled out of bed to the bathroom, where she threw up in the toilet. She had never been sick like this. It felt as though her blood was burning as it circulated through her veins.
After what seemed an eternity, she pulled herself back together. She still couldn't stop her own shaking, but she at least had an idea about whom and where she was. As more time passed, her mind became clearer, but it did nothing to heal the damage in her heart. Where was he? She was going to die from this. She was sure of it...
And then...
All at once her energy was restored to her. It was as though her angel wings had picked her up and were guiding her. Her mind was focused.
The front gate!
Rinoa threw her door open and sprinted along the corridor. As she reached the main hall, her speed increased, until, finally, she approached the front gate and the large red aircraft she knew would be there. She didn't even break stride as she jumped onto the loading ramp that hadn't even fully descended. She lunged at him, but his body was not as sturdy as she remembered. Together, arms wrapped tightly around one another, they fell to the floor of the Ragnarok.
She didn't care. She knew he didn't either.
"Hey," he said to her. His voice was feeble, but Rinoa was sure that she had never heard such a beautiful sound in her life.
"Hey." She responded, with tears in her eyes. She clutched him tightly and felt the chill of the afternoon fading, even though the evening air was far from warm.
They lay together for what seemed an eternity. It wasn't until Quistis called to them from a distance that either of them realized how strange this must seem. With their strength returning, they stood up together, but neither would let go of the other completely.
"Gather Zell, Irvine, and Selphie in the headmaster's office. I have highly classified information to disclose." Squall said to Quistis.
Rinoa was sure Quistis had responded, but the raven-haired sorceress was not listening. She could feel his pulse through his gloved hand. Like hers, it was forceful and violent.
"What am I feeling?" She asked.
"Adrenaline. I will explain shortly. But I must report my findings. More lives than ours could be at risk."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Some things would never be easy. No matter how practiced one was, it would always be hard to talk about death, murder, and betrayal. Squall reasoned that if it ever became easy, then he would be truly lost. Neither the soldier nor the legendary guardian could block out the feelings of despair that washed over him as he spoke of Suru; how he had tampered with a government regulated weapon, murdered a comrade, attempted to murder a second, and endangered the lives of fourteen others.
What hurt Squall the most, what nagged at him in his mind to the point of driving him mad, was...
Why? Why had this young man throw away everything he had worked and trained for since childhood? Squall knew Suru. Perhaps not well, but well enough to know that Suru had always been dedicated and hard working. If Squall had to come up with a personality flaw, it was Suru's ambition. He had always wanted more. More strength, magical prowess, power, responsibility. Squall had commended him for this trait, as it gave him motivation to work harder than his peers, but Squall had never seen any malice behind it.
Squall finished his report, intentionally omitting his condition and the incident in Laguna's office.
"-so, as I'm sure you're all aware, finding Suru should be our top priority." He concluded, hanging his head.
"Agreed," said the headmaster. "But I think you've done enough for the moment. We will convene again to determine the next move. For now, Irvine, would you cross reference this list against our database of clients? We need somewhere to start looking." The headmaster said to the six of them.
"Yessir," Irvine said, as he stood to leave. "You okay Squall? You look kinda... Well... Pale."
"I'll be fine-" Squall said, but choked on the words as he said them.
"I'll look into Suru's dispatch history and try to determine everyone he had contact with. If any of our clients who bought one of those pulse generators had a known associate Suru encountered on a mission, which might narrow the list even more." Quistis said, as they all stood. "Please take care of yourselves, both of you look like death." She added to the couple.
"Man, I just can't believe this, I mean, why?" Zell said, scratching his head. "What the hell? What did he have to gain from this?" Zell said.
"That's why we've got to find him." Selphie said simply, squeezing Rinoa's shoulder as she walked by.
"Squall, Rinoa, a moment, if you would please. The rest of you are dismissed."
Squall and Rinoa sat back down in their seats at the large oak table that sat in Cid's new office.
"You got sick, didn't you?" He asked directly.
"Yes." They said together. Squall looked at her, and saw the worry in her eyes.
"I should have warned you. You two will be facing a lot of uncharted territory. Rinoa is much more powerful than Edea was. You have Adel's power also. But I do remember the illness and feeling of dread at our initial separation. When we founded Garden, Edea was forced into hiding. And the distance between us felt very heavy indeed." Cid said.
Nobody spoke for a moment. Then Rinoa spoke up.
"Sir, I appreciate your insight, it's very valuable to me, to us, but I think our situation is unique. I actually ended up-"
"-blacking out and becoming paralyzed." Squall finished for her. He noticed she wasn't exactly shocked he had finished her sentence. "I was in Laguna's office. He had to administer a shot of adrenaline to my heart to wake me up."
"To wake us up. I came back at the exact moment and could feel it pumping through my veins as well. I still can. Which means you-"
"Are both on sick leave for the moment. You will resume your classes and regular schedule when I deem you fit to do so. We will know if we have any leads by tomorrow. If and when that time comes, we will discuss our next move. For now, get some rest and stay close to one another." Cid interrupted.
"Yessir" Squall said. He stood and saluted his commanding officer. Rinoa mimicked him, and they headed for his quarters together.
Author's Note: Hello again to all FF8 faithful. No I have not died, merely a case of writers block, and an extremely difficult and hectic several months. This story is not over, nor have I given up on it. The bulk of this has been sitting around on my tablet for months, so I decided to wrap up the section I was on and post it. Hopefully it will inspire me to keep writing. If ever there was a time for a standalone one shot sex scene, it's between now and the next chapter. I may surprise everyone and do it. Thank you for reading, and as always, please review. I love hearing from all readers, old and new.
All the best, and happy holidays this winter season
-Noble Falcon