It's Ok to Be Us Chapter 13
Disavowed
"Do you remember when we first met?" Her voice asked gently.
"I thought I had strayed into a dream,"
"I don't think I ever remember feeling so drawn to anyone in my whole life."
"And you were not going to take no for an answer. Even though that was the answer I really wanted to give."
"Not after our eyes met under a shooting star. That was one of those few moments in life that was completely perfect."
"Just like this one." Squall whispered, cradling her to him.
He was unsure how, exactly, they were talking. She was asleep. So was he.
What?
His eyes opened, but he did not move. He instead gently inhaled the scent of her hair, and flexed his arms that were wrapped around her. She shifted slightly as he did so, cuddling a little closer.
The "conversation," or whatever, continued, with Squall now aware that neither voice had yet broken the silence.
(Do you remember falling in love?)
Her voice rang threw his mind. Perhaps he was simply imagining it, but the question itself brought back memories, so he answered.
(I remember the moment I knew for sure that I had...
You were unconscious, and I couldn't get you off my mind. How your incessant complaining, your voice, your laughter, your tenacity in trying to get me to let you in, had all stopped. I was lost. And I really hadn't expected to be.
At Edea's, I begged you to come back to me. I had begun to realize how many things had changed. I would not waste a second chance.
I carried you all the way across the Horizon Bridge. I confessed my thoughts and feelings to you for the first time, though you couldn't hear them. I realized I, myself, had changed. For you. Because of you.
I was scared. Scared to act. Scared NOT to act. Then the decision was upon me. I could not hesitate. And I made the only decision my heart would allow...)
(And you jumped into space to save me.)
(I wasn't going to give up. Not then. Not ever.)
(I knew I was falling for you before then. I thought I might from the moment I saw you. The first time I fought at your side, I saw a different side to you. Passion, dedication, power, energy; the same energy I feel when we dance.
Our first dance was the beginning. Every time you would turn me down, I saw how hard it was. I saw how lonely you were. And I saw how much you liked me every time you looked at me. My affection grew every time you would come for me. During the battle with Galbadia Garden. Out in space. Being held by you in the Ragnarok was the moment I knew for sure I would love you forever. But at that point it felt like I was merely indulging a fantasy in my last few moments. But you came for me once again...)
(At the sorceress memorial)
"I love you, Leonhart. Why did it hurt so much to be away from you? It was only a few days..." Rinoa said aloud.
Squall had almost forgotten he had a voice. In this moment, having Rinoa in his head was perfect, natural, and comfortable, even though he didn't understand how or why.
"Because we needed..." He hesitated.
"...this" they said together.
"Squall, promise me one thing."
"Name it."
"Promise me you'll stay with me."
"Always, and forever" he said as she rolled onto her stomach and placed her folded hands on his chest and her chin on her hands.
"Sleep now"
Squall thought for a moment before he replied.
"I am asleep. This is a dream."
"Then it is a good dream. Sleep"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Squall opened his eyes. But pain blurred his vision before his eyes could focus.
"Ah... Fuck..." He said aloud, rubbing his eyes with his right hand.
Once he had collected himself, he saw how grim his situation was. The train car was on it's side, and Squall was trapped beneath it. His torso and face were covered in glass and cuts from the- now broken- window that must have landed on him. Pinning his waist down was the supportive frame between two adjacent windows. The adjacent window sat, not quite shattered, over his legs. Worse yet, his left arm was trapped under the train car proper, up to his elbow.
The pain threatened to make him black out again. But he wouldn't allow it.
"Rin?!" He shouted. He forced his mind to be quiet as he searched for her.
(Rin? Where are you? Are you ok?)
(I don't know.)
(You have to wake up. I need you to wake up, even though it hurts.)
He heard a scream from above him somewhere, toward the front of the car.
Squall summoned what magical energy he could. Sparks flew around him as he cast a float spell on the train car.
The car gave a screech as it was pushed upward. But the spell was not effective; the carriage barely did more than flex.
Squall screamed and tried again. Then a third time. He could not pick up the train with his magic.
But he had to. He had to free himself. He had to find her.
A calmness washed over him, as though she were encouraging him without words. Silver flames once again engulfed his body.
He cast float again, and the train rocked up, off of him, but only barely. He quickly removed his left hand.
He cast protect on himself, and became surrounded by it's spherical barrier.
The support bar at his waist snapped against his spell as the train crashed down around him.
He was sure he had broken a few ribs and his left arm, but after a curing spell, he paid his injuries no mind.
"Rinoa! Where are you?!" He called, rolling over and gingerly standing up.
The inside of the train was a mess. The floor, which was on Squall's left, had a large hole blown in it, and was singed black from the explosion. Little fires and embers still clung to life all around him, and many of the seats and tables now littered the wall, which had become the floor. On top of everything was another layer of shattered glass from the other set of windows in what was now the ceiling.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
"Rinoa! Where are you?!"
Where was she? Rinoa didn't even know herself. All she could see was what was visible through the gaps between the objects on top of her. She knew the objects were rigid and heavy, and she knew there was something sharp stabbing her in the back. But she had to call back.
"Squall! I'm here!" She shouted. Her voice sounded weaker than she had expected.
In seconds, she felt the presence of her knight getting closer. Crashing sounds could be heard until, finally, she could see him. His face was bloody, his shirt ripped and filthy, but he was, mercifully, alive.
He had come for her again.
Rinoa realized it was a large table that was on top of her; one with a broad, solid wood top, and a heavy metal base. Squall would not be able to lift-
She felt him do it; saw the silver flames. Float spilled from his fingers as he grabbed the heavy table and threw it across the room. Shining silver eyes looked down at her as he held out his hand. She took it, but felt a sharp pain as he pulled her to her feet.
"Squall, my back..." She said, unable to support her own weight. She leaned into him as one of his arms supported her, and the other gently reached around her.
"This is going to hurt..." He said. "...but I have to remove this piece of wood before I can heal you."
"Just do it Squall. I've had worse than this bef- aaaaah fuck!" She screamed as he removed the wooden spike.
"I'm sorry Rin." He said, his healing touch now over her wound.
"What the fuck just happened?" She shouted.
(I'm just glad you're ok) she heard him say silently.
(You too,) she sent back.
"The train blew up. I think Eli Tamem must not have heard all three explosions after all." He said in response to her question.
"Do you think he was mistaken, or lying?" Rinoa asked.
"No idea yet. Let's look around for survivors."
There were four other people in this room. None alive.
"These two are dressed the same. Galbadian secret service" Rinoa said. "That means-"
"Yes. Over here. One more secret service, and Vice President Massil."
"Squall! The Vice President?! Oh no! Who did this? Suru?"
"We've got to get out of here, Rin. I'm not sure how long we were unconscious, but there will surely be an army of secret service agents, soldiers, and emergency responders en route."
"What about the other car? We have to see if anyone is still alive."
"Rinoa, there's no time-"
"Yes there is. I'm going in to look. Are you coming or not?" She said and moved toward the second and last carriage of the train.
She forced the door open and climbed through.
This room indeed had been destroyed, and was similar to the first room, except that the floor had not been blown out.
Her energy was low, but she did as Squall had done moments earlier: cast float on the debris and threw it aside.
One body. No pulse. Chest cavity caved in.
A second body. Glass protruding from the poor woman's neck.
(Two more over here. Neither made it.)
Rinoa jumped when she realized that Squall, despite his own warning, had not only followed her, but was helping her rummage through the rubble.
They locked eyes for a moment. He gave her a look that said, in no uncertain terms:
(Of course I'm here. You didn't think I'd let you go alone, did you?)
A sound startled the pair of them, and they moved together towards the sound. Squall got there first and began moving benches and tables out of the way.
Sure enough, there was a body under the pile. But this one was a boy, no older than eight. What the hell was a boy this old doing on the Vice President's private train? Rinoa saw that his head was bleeding, his arm was bent at a grotesque angle, and a large piece of window frame was embedded in his stomach.
"Rinoa! Quickly. We can save him! Come here-"
She rushed forward to his side, but the sound of helicopters grew very loud very quickly.
(Keep him alive! Heal him just enough to keep him alive while I set his arm and remove this. Then we can heal him fully, at least as much as we can.)
Rinoa closed her eyes, and sent a weak but consistent steam of curing magic into the boy.
The boy snapped awake and began to struggle and cry in confusion and pain. Squall held down forcefully.
"Be brave, boy. This will hurt like hell, but only for a moment. I have to do this so this pretty lady here can heal you. Are you ready?"
The boy looked at Rinoa. She saw the fear in his eyes.
"Trust us." She said softly.
The boy looked back to Squall and nodded.
In an instant, Squall had removed the steel, and, with a sickening crack, reset the boy's arm. The boy screamed, and Rinoa intensified her spell. The boy would live.
"Listen up, you cannot tell anyone about us. People will be here shortly to help you and take you home, but you can't tell them we were here, ok?" Squall said, now hearing voices from outside the train. "Do you understand?"
"But you helped me-" the boy said, feeling his stomach where a fresh scar was all that remained of the wound.
"Promise me." Squall said urgently.
"Okay." The boy said.
With that, Squall gave Rinoa a meaningful look. One full of warning. She understood, an cast haste on the pair of them. Squall dashed to the back door, kicked it open, and sprinted away at top speed, Rinoa on his heels.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"The situation is worse than that, Commander. It seems that the story has gone public." Cid said, after Squall had given his report. "They are claiming that the attack on the Vice President was a direct attack on Galbadia by Balamb. Eli Tamem gave a statement, indicting the pair of you for the attack."
"What's our response?" Squall asked.
"Two options. We reveal some of the truth, and give up information about Suru Macenneth. That of course would alert him that Bavent is not dead and we're on to him-"
"In which case he would disappear."
"Correct. Our investigation would be all but compromised. Catching Suru is of paramount importance, as he could jeopardize our upcoming operation in Timber. So the other option is to disavow any knowledge of your actions. Even though this wouldn't be outright confirming their story, that's basically what the world would believe. If you don't uncover the true perpetrator AND catch Macenneth before classes resume next week, Garden would be forced to release a statement that you'd gone rogue. Do you have any evidence that Suru is involved with this attack?"
"No, sir. Only circumstantial. Headmaster, did the news release the name of the man who was murdered prior to the explosion?"
"The one shot by his accomplice? No. There was nothing mentioned. I'll leave this decision up to you. It's your investigation, and your reputation on the line."
"With respect, sir, I'd like some time to think it over. How long do I have before you have to give a statement?"
"Until morning, I expect."
"Yes sir."
"Cid out."
As Squall hung up his mobile, he turned to Rinoa. She seemed to sense his mood, because she stood up from the copilot's chair, crossed the Ragnarok's cockpit, stood behind his seat, and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Cid said-" he began, but she shushed him.
(I know. I heard. I'm so sorry) she said.
(I don't know what to do. I don't know how I could catch these guys at all, let alone doing it in a week.)
(Squall, let's tell the media about Suru. You don't have to do this all by yourself)
(We can't do that. This is all or nothing. We can't risk the mission in Timber. We can't risk letting Suru get away. Eight people died in front of me today, and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save them.)
(Squall, my love. Think of how many you have saved. In Trabia alone-)
(I have power and influence beyond most people. My love for you has only increased that power. I should have done more. If we had been there five minutes earlier...)
(Those thoughts will destroy you. Snap out of it. We can not afford the 'what if's right now. Only 'what's next?' If we are going to take this risk, we must be prepared for the consequences.)
(We will come under a lot of scrutiny. No doubt a task force from Galbadia will be sent to investigate us. If they find out you're a sorceress...)
(Our friends will not betray us. Have faith in them.)
(All SeeD over rank 20 have been briefed about Timber. And we're so close to mobilizing. There's no guarantee that it will remain secret anyway. So do we trust that four hundred SeeDs will remain loyal, or that one traitor will keep his secret?) Squall sent her, hanging his head.
(I trust your men and women. Suru Macenneth is the exception, not the rule.)
(So that's it then? Take our chances on our own, knowing that we may have to be exiled and disavowed?)
(It's up to you. It has to be your call. But yes. That's what I think. I'm with you no matter what.)
(...thank you Rin.)
Together they stood up. She wrapped her arms around his neck. The energy that passed back and forth was melancholy, but they found comfort in each other's presence.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The morning came far too quickly. Squall had given his decision to Cid, and together he and Rinoa set off to find Zeke Arbin, as attempting contact with Eli Tamem would result in their being arrested.
Arbin was a hunter by trade. He had set himself up a little shack in Centra to serve as his home base while touring in that continent. That was where the SeeDs had been deployed.
That was where they were heading: away from Galbadia.
"Approaching coordinates, let's land a little further away and go in quietly, shall we? I doubt word will have reached this far, but from now on, this is no longer just an investigation, but a covert operation. Stay in my head, feel my instincts, benefit from my training the same way I benefit from your power. We'll be fine." Squall said, landing the ship a few miles from the location of Zeke's shack.
Rinoa took his hand in hers and closed her eyes.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Hey! What are you gonna pick as your weapon specialization? I'm going with the gunblade. You gotta be a real badass to wield one of those fuckers."
"Seifer, you suck ass at swordplay. Your stance is terrible."
"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you. I suppose you think you can use one better than me? Prove it"
"Alright."
"What?"
"I was gonna pick the gunblade anyway."
"That's what's up! I need a good training partner to keep me sharp. Plus I'll get to kick your ass in the training center every day!"
"Leonhart! Almasy! Will you two please be quiet?"
"Sorry, Instructor Harrim. Squall was just explaining to me the proper technique for how to properly engage a large group of opponents when alone."
"Squall? Is that so? Let's hear it. I'd be very interested to hear what the two slackers in the back were talking about. Please stand; explain to the whole class." Instructor Harrim said.
"Yeah, please stand." Seifer jeered.
Squall stood.
"When in combat, isolated from team members, and facing heavy opposition..." He began. He hated speaking in front of the class.
"Out with it." The instructor said impatiently.
"..." Squall hesitated again. "...you run..."
The class laughed. Seifer loudest of all. The instructor raised his hand, and they fell silent.
"Continue."
"...you run. The fastest will catch up to you first. When you have eliminated that threat, run again, and wait for the next fastest to catch up to you. This turns a crowd into a series of one on one encounters, as long as you have the endurance to maintain."
The class stared at him, then back at their teacher.
"A sound strategy, actually. Wouldn't have expected such wisdom from a ten year old. Class, let's all write that down. As a general approach, that would be very effective. However, this class, Spec Ops Combat, is designed to teach you how to determine weaknesses as quickly as possible, and dispatch your enemy with minimal time and effort. Moving on-"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Squall, you're only thirteen, and you've been in here more than some SeeDs. Maybe the gunblade isn't for you. It's not too late to change your specialization." Doctor Kadowaki said after setting his broken forearm and healing it.
"It was the most effective defense against an angled downward swipe at close range. He was discharging his weapon. Moving back would have been worse. Stepping in at a forty five degree angle, deflecting the gunblade at the hilt with an inside block, and fading to a counterattack allowed me to win the encounter."
"It also broke your forearm. What did you think would happen when the solid metal barrel hit your bare arm?"
"I could have at least made it to the end of class."
"The bone was sticking out of your arm, cadet."
"...whatever"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"The Renzokuken? That's ambitious. Are you sure you wouldn't want to stick to the Rough Divide? You're already very good at it."
"With respect, instructor, I don't see why I have to choose. The Rough Divide could be added afterwards."
"That's one hell of a combo. Think you're going to have the energy for that every time?"
"Maybe not. But that's my prerogative. I'm choosing to master both. Why bother with the gunblade if you are not going to master it completely?"
"Renzokuken is all about timing. I will cast Aura on you to make it easier at first, then you sign this grat's death warrant."
"Yes sir"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Squall, this is your last exam before you are eligible for the fire cavern. Are you ready for the Survival Evasion Resistance Escape Course?"
"Yes, Instructor Trepe. Can we get this over with?"
"Very well. In front of you is a forest, a field by a beach, and an urban landscape. You objective is to infiltrate Balamb city hall undetected. And Squall, killing a fiend with a back attack still counts as being detected. You will find your route patrolled by both beasts guarding their habitat and our very own SeeD. You are to wear this monitor on your wrist, so we can confirm your success, and you must stay inside the course boundaries. It's twelve miles as the crow flies, and you have from now until morning. Any questions?"
"I'm not authorized to use any force at all, lethal or otherwise? Even on non-human targets?"
"Correct. Our SeeDs are expecting an attempt and are armed with high powered tranquilizers. Quite painful, despite being non lethal. As for the fiends you are authorized to use force as a last resort to protect yourself, but know that you fail as soon as you are spotted by anything."
"Understood." Squall said. He removed his jacket and dropped it at Quistis's feet. He then did the same with his gloves, ring, necklace, extra belts, and the black box worn on his left side. Quistis looked shocked.
"Squall, you're not even going to take your infinity sheath? What if you need your gunblade?"
"The gunblade can stay in the void. I have no intention of taking this exam again." He said, taking off and beginning his exam.
"Your stuff will be waiting for you with me at city hall, fourth floor conference room. Good luck."
After a beat, he was at the entrance to the forest.
(Step one, camouflage. I have to break up my outline. Cover my skin so it won't shine in the moonlight. Stick to the shadows, move quickly, but be patient.) Squall reviewed to himself.
Not far down the path was a puddle of mud. Perfect.
Once he was covered head to toe in the mud, he moved through the wood as quickly and quietly as possible. Ahead, a Caterchipillar raised it's revolting head.
(Damn it. Stop moving like a hunter. If I keep moving in straight lines at a steady pace, I'll be caught for sure.)
Finally, he escaped the forest unseen. Four miles down, eight to go.
Across the field he saw four... No... Five lights. SeeDs on patrol in this area. He dropped to a prone position to avoid having his silhouette highlighted by the night sky.
Crawling very carefully, he crossed the field. At one point, one of the sentries stood no more than three feet from where he hid. The dark brown mud against his white shirt provided an advantageous shade of camouflage, as it looked like moonlight against the grass and dirt.
(Checkpoint. Damn it.) Squall thought, observing the lockdown around the entrance to Balamb. If he climbed the walls, he would be seen very easily by anyone looking. There had to be another way. To the north was out of bounds, and to the south was the sea.
The sea? Perfect.
When he was sure he had passed out of sight of the SeeDs behind him, and after carefully studying his surroundings, he stood up and sprinted for the water. He waded in as deep as he could while still maintaining his footing.
It seemed Cid had thought of this too when he designed the course. There was a team on the beach, not far ahead. In addition, a small boat with an outboard motor patrolled the area.
(Remember how visible I'm going to be when I get out. White shirt or bare skin makes little difference. I have to stay underwater as long as possible. Time my breaths to be hidden behind the waves. Figure out a way in. Come on. Think.)
He remained out of sight, but neck deep in water was hardly a good vantage point.
Wait. He saw the vehicle the SeeDs had been dispatched with. But he did not see a trailer for the boat. Which meant there was a dock nearby.
Time was beginning to work against him. The sky began to lighten with the first signs of dawn.
He kept moving, minimizing his splashing.
(Fucking finally.) He thought, reaching the dock. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when, after climbing up the side of the dock, he was face to face with a second SeeD vehicle. The person in the drivers seat, however was asleep.
Squall moved quickly. The tailgate was open. It was safe to open the door, if he was quiet. The light would not turn on. He moved to the backdoor and, oh so gently opened it. Inside were two standard issue Balamb duffel bags. Squall opened one and stole the top layer of it's contents.
Two bags had to mean two guards. Sure enough, within seconds, a second SeeD walked up and sat on the tailgate, mumbling something about "last shift watch," and how much it "sucks ass."
(Don't look right at him, he'll feel it)
Carrying his still unidentified stolen gear, and moving as soft and quick as the shadows, he retreated from the vehicle. Keeping a wide arc around his one inattentive obstacle, he crossed the beach and entered the city streets. Once safely concealed in the shadows, he examined his contraband. It was most of a SeeD uniform.
(Hiding in plain sight works for me.) He thought. But when he tried it on, it was so large on him that he would stick out drastically.
(Fuck. Okay. Enough of this.) He said, discarding the uniform in the dumpster of the back alley he was hiding in.
(Down to an hour. At least a mile of urban landscape to cover. Gotta move fast. Stay out of sight lines. Easiest way to do that...)
He jumped onto the dumpster and up to a fire escape ladder. The ladder took him to the top level, but he wanted the roof. He climbed onto the railing then jumped toward the roof, hanging briefly before pulling himself up.
"Zell cannot see footage of this next part. He'll ask me to go 'free running' with him and get all pissed off that I did it in his hometown without him." He whispered into the monitor on his wrist.
Time to see if the plyometrics, or "jump training," paid off. Squall was a reasonably accomplished gymnast, but his skills were more suited to direct combat than this.
Still, as he jumped, flipped, and climbed between rooftops, he began to understand the appeal.
(This is kind of freeing. Actually.)
The device on his wrist began to make noise, meaning his time was up. Unfortunately Squall was already committed to his final maneuver.
He crashed through the fourth floor window of city hall and landed, hard, on the conference table, directly in front of Quistis and Headmaster Cid. They both looked at him, then at his wrist.
"I think that counts. Well done Leonhart. Let's get you cleaned up. You passed, but you're going to have to pay for the broken window."
"And the stolen SeeD uniform you threw out." Quistis added when the headmaster had finished.
"Whatever." Squall said, brushing glass and dirt out of his hair.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Author's note: Finally got this out of my system. A little fluff, a little plot, and a good look at what, in my mind, it takes to be a SeeD, as well as Squall's decision making process.
It's important to me that Rinoa benefits from Squall, the same way he benefits from her powers. Otherwise the balance and symmetry between them is thrown off, if you follow me. Having Rinoa dive into his memories seemed to be a fun way to do that.
Side notes:
I re-watched The Lord of the Rings movies recently, and lovingly incorporated some of my favorite quotes. Bonus points to people who recognize them.
The strategy for fighting large crowds comes from a manga called Rurouni Kenshin. But I like the explanation, and thought it fit.
An "infinity sheath" is whatever device Squall and the others use when they put their weapons away and suddenly they vanish completely. Haha.
As always thanks for reading, and please review.
Noble Falcon