A/N: My greatest apologies for the delay in posting, I've had only limited access to the internet which has meant that I have been unable to post. Good news is, I'm on summer break from university now and I have more time for writing. The plan is to write as much as I can but continue to post once a month for the time being, if I can get enough written in the next couple of months, I will shorten that time to fortnightly.
Cookies, milk and many thanks to everyone who is reading, review, alerting and favouriting this.
Now enough of my waffling, on with the chapter!
- Persistence of Vision –
Kathryn had woken up late. She couldn't remember when she had last done that bur then again; she couldn't remember when she had last felt so loved. The memory of falling asleep in Chakotay's arms caused her lips to twitch and her heart to swell. Now though, she was hurrying through the corridors to engineering, still trying to pin her long hair up into her customary tight bun.
"Paris to the Captain."
Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Janeway here."
"I've done an analysis of our route through Botha space. Whenever you have a minute to check it out."
"I'm on my way to engineering. I'll be with you as soon as I'm done."
"Aye, Captain."
Kathryn let her hands fall to her sides as she finally managed to fix the last pin. She pulled a padd from the waist band of her uniform trousers and began reading over the details it held, allowing her feel to take her to her destination. She was so immersed that the sound of Neelix's voice made her jump.
"Ah, Captain, the computer told me I'd find you on deck eleven section four B, starboard side, and sure enough, here you are."
"What can I do for you, Neelix?" she asked without stopping or slowing her pace.
"I assumed you'd want to talk to me."
"About?" she didn't have time to play twenty questions with the Talaxian.
"About the Botha. We're headed for their space and as I've told you, they're going to have to be handled very carefully."
"I understand, and of course I want you counsel, but right now I'm late for a meeting."
"I wouldn't put this off too long. We're getting closer, you know."
"Yes, I know. And I will be with you as soon as I can." Kathryn called over her shoulder to Neelix as she entered engineering, leaving the ship's cook in the corridor.
"Sorry I'm late." Kathryn headed straight over to B'Elanna who was stood by the warp core. "What do you have?"
"I think we're ready to make out first attempt, Captain."
"If you're successful, will the Doctor be able to move freely around the entire ship?" Kathryn knew what Harry and B'Elanna wanted to do doe the Doctor but her brain was still a little hazy. 'I knew I should have had another coffee'.
"Not exactly." Harry was stood to Kathryn's left working at the terminal. She turned her attention to him. "The holoemitters would be set up in certain key areas, the Bridge, engineering. We'll be able to transfer him to those locations."
"In the same way we can transfer him to the holodeck."
B'Elanna nodded. "Exactly. But if he tries to move to an area where there's no emitter field, he'll dematerialise."
"I have the holoprojector online." Harry looked up at the two women. "We're ready to start."
Kathryn gave a sharp nod. "Proceed. I don't have much time."
B'Elanna didn't expect the Captain to be so harsh after she had fairly civil when she arrived, she understood. In the time that B'Elanna had known Captain Janeway she had never seen her flustered before, stressed, but not flustered. Chakotay had spoken to her when she was made chief engineer and a few times since and she gave the older woman much more slack because of them. "Engineering to sickbay. Doctor, we're ready here." She chose not to comment on her attitude and carried out her instructions instead.
"I'm standing by."
"Okay. Here goes."
"Initiating transfer. Here he comes."
The Doctor appeared in the middle of engineering just six inches tall. Harry bent his head to hide his smirk and B'Elanna allowed her lips to twitch. Kathryn bit the inside of her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing. Kathryn had always expected the best from B'Elanna and everything she had done so far had succeeded, only making this incident that little funnier.
"What happened?"
"I'd guess the imaging interface wasn't properly stabalised."
"Just a small oversight. No pun intended"
"Very amusing." The Doctor cross his arms and tried to look stern bit no one moved to try and correct the error.
"How long will it take you to correct this small oversight?"
"Maybe a couple of hours." Harry shrugged his shoulders as he spoke.
Kathryn rolled her eyes at his attitude. "Mister Kim, I have to assess our navigational plan and get ready to make contact with an alien species. I can't drop everything when you call."
"Tuvok to Janeway."
Kathryn wished that she could start the day all over again, but then she had slept so soundly that she was willing to play catch up for the day. "Go ahead."
"Captain, I would like a half an hour of your time to review the security protocols before we encounter the Botha."
"Yes, Mister Tuvok. Somehow I will find half an hour." Kathryn was about to walk out of engineering when the Doctor's voice wafted up to her.
"Excuse me, Captain. Would you come down here, please?"
Kathryn crouched down to his level. "Yes?" she stopped her true feelings from coming through her voice; she had always been good at wearing a mask.
"When did you last take shore leave?"
"About two months ago."
"Ah. How long since you've done something pleasurable, for recreation?"
"Doctor, I know I'm a bit testy today, but I assure you…"
"How long?"
'Does having dinner with Chakotay count? If so, then last night was wonderful'. "It's been a while. I have a novel that I've been reading but I haven't picked it up in weeks." 'At least that's the truth'.
"Well, I want you to, now."
"Doctor, I'm really very busy." Kathryn protested. I would have held more weight if it wasn't her automatic reply to all of the Doctor's suggestions, only this time, the man was having none of it.
"I've checked Starfleet regulations. The Chief Medical Officer outranks the Captain in health matters. Now, I realise that this is the first time that a hologram has given an order to a Captain, but I'm ordering you to report to your quarters, now."
Kathryn saluted and stood. "Aye, Sir."
The Doctor nodded and turned to B'Elanna and Harry. "And the two of you can get busy undoing this ridiculous blunder of yours!"
Kathryn rolled her eyes and allowed the faintest of smiles to grace her lips, despite her high stress level and B'Elanna openly chuckled at the Doctor.
Kathryn made a slow walk back to her quarters, fighting the urge to follow through with her Captain duties the whole time. It wasn't until she had taken her jacket off and curled up on her chair with her novel that she finally managed to start to relax. Kathryn's mind became completely lost in the words on the page.
Sir Robert was leaning down to whisper to the seated queen when Cecil walked into the presence chamber, and the queen was laughing up at him. The desire between the two of them was so powerful that for a moment Cecil thought he could almost see it, then he shook his head against such nonsense and went forward to make his bow.
'Oh, no bad news, Cecil, please!' Elizabeth exclaimed.
He tried to smile. 'Not one word. But can I walk with you for a moment?'
She rose from her seat. 'Don't go,' she said quietly to Robert.
'I might go to the stables,' he said.
Her hand flew out and touched his sleeve. 'Wait for me, I'll only be a moment.'
The ringing of the door chime brought Kathryn out from between the pages. She had no idea who it could be, nor how long they had been there, all she did know was that she wanted to get back to her book. The relationship between Elizabeth and Robert was getting really interesting.
"Come in," she called without taking her attention from the words.
Chakotay stepped in as soon as the doors had opened. He smiled at the sight of Kathryn relaxing with a book in her hands. The same book that had been sitting on the coffee table every time he had visited for the past three weeks.
"I see you've finally found some time to get some reading in."
Kathryn's head shot up and smiled widely. "Doctor's orders."
"And since when have you followed those?"
"Since he pulled rank."
"Ah." Chakotay took a seat on the sofa and watched Kathryn return to her book.
The pair sat in silence for a few minutes until Kathryn placed her book down on the coffee table and looked at Chakotay.
"And what can I do for you?"
"Nothing, I just came to see how you were. It seems that the crew are worried about their Captain."
Chakotay simply nodded and stood.
Kathryn frowned. "Where are you going?"
Chakotay remained silent and stood behind Kathryn's chair and placed both his hands on her shoulders.
"Chakotay?"
"Shh, just relax." He started to gently knead her shoulders.
Kathryn instantly turned to butter, melting into his touch. No one had ever made her feel this relaxed before. Her mask went up for a brief second, her brain trying to take control of her body, but she pushed her feelings down, allowing herself to enjoy this time with Chakotay.
When Chakotay felt he had done everything he could for Kathryn's tight muscles he stopped and went to take his hands away, but Kathryn stopped him, placing her hands on top of his.
"Kathryn?"
"This felt good." She looked up at him.
"I'm glad." Chakotay placed a kiss to her crown.
"But it can't happen."
"I know, Kathryn. I just wanted to help."
"And you did. I wouldn't say no to another one."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"You'd better."
Chakotay smiled down at her. "I think I'd better head off. I'm on duty shortly."
"Well, then you'd better go. I don't want you to be in trouble with your boss."
"Oh, I think she'd forgive me." He winked at her and left.
Kathryn placed her book up and carried on reading, her smile unmoving.
Kathryn was surprised to her Chakotay's voice over the comm system not long after he had left.
"Bridge to the Captain."
Those were not the words she wanted to hear. "Janeway here."
"We've been hailed by a representative of the Bothan government. They'd like to talk to you."
Kathryn signed and heavily placed her book on the table. "I'll be right there." She grabbed her jacket on the way out of her rooms and threw it on as she quickly made her way to the Bridge. Her last thought before stepping onto the Bridge was 'I'll never get to finish that book'.
"Captain, I knew we should have talked this morning." Neelix was waiting by the turbolift for her to enter.
"Tell me what you know, Neelix." She stopped on the top level above the command chairs.
"I've been in subspace contact with some old friends of mine. Nomads, collectors, much as I used to be. They're in a position to gather information during their travels. What they've told me doesn't sound good."
"In what way?"
"There are lots of rumors about ships entering Bothan space, never to be heard from again. My sources on Mithren say that they have lost a number of vessels. They say the Bothan protect their territory fiercely."
"But we aren't aggressors." Kathryn felt Chakotay come and stand behind her.
"I don't think they are with. Hey just don't want anyone crossing their borders."
"Will they negotiate? Will they respond to diplomacy?"
Neelix shrugged. "It's hard to say. There's some belief that they don't even have a legitimate claim to the space, that they're nothing more than pernicious, odious vandals. In which case, diplomacy would fall on deaf ears."
Kathryn nodded, quickly taking everything in that Neelix was saying. She needed to be prepared.
"We're being hailed again, Captain."
And she had no time to do so. She slid under the bar and took a few steps forward so she was standing in the middle of the Bridge. Chakotay followed and stood just one step behind and to the side of her.
"On screen." A shadowy back-lit figure appeared and she carried on talking to it. "I'm Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager."
"Why have you entered our space without permission?"
"We didn't realise that this was your space. On what basis do you claim it?"
"I have no intention of explaining myself to you. The fact is, you're violating our territory."
Kathryn didn't wish him to become aggressive, so she took a step forward. "I assure you, we mean no disrespect. We are from another part of the galaxy. We're trying to make our way home."
"We'll send a ship to rendezvous with you. If you meet the criteria, we'll consider your request."
Kathryn nodded. "Thank you. What are the criteria?"
"We'll discuss that when we meet."
The screen went black and Kathryn raised an eyebrow,
"Friendly fellow," Tom muttered.
"At least they're willing to talk."
"I wander why he wouldn't let us see his face?" Harry asked, intrigued.
"I suspect it was a calculated move. An attempt to intimidate us." Kathryn answered him before turning to Chakotay. "Commander, you have the Bridge."
Chakotay inclined his head once. "Aye, Captain."
Kathryn spun on her heel and looked over at Neelix. "Miser Neelix, join me in my Ready Room. We should talk about this meeting."
She head to her Ready Room, but Neelix stopped her. "Captain, if I may. When was the last time you ate?"
Kathryn was about to tell him that she had not long before being called to the Bridge, but guessed that coffee and biscuits with Chakotay didn't count. "Ate? Oh, I had some soup last night."
"Then let me suggest that we conduct our talk in the mess hall. We're serving a sumptuous repost for lunch."
Everyone looked directly at Kathryn, each waiting for her answer. She felt Chakotay's eyes settle on her. She knew if she didn't agree to go with Neelix, she would be in trouble later that evening. Kathryn nodded and smiled. "Right. Lunch it is."
The pair walked briskly towards the mess hall. Neelix was buzzing with excitement, so glad that the Captain had agreed to dine with him. Kathryn, on the other hand, was mentally preparing herself for what was to come. There was a reason she rarely ate in the mess hall. Each kept to themselves until they reached the mess hall and Neelix could no longer stay quiet.
"Captain, you have a nasty habit of skipping meals and that can do terrible things to your electrolyte levels."
Kathryn was impressed that he had managed so long. "I know, but sometimes I just get too busy to eat."
"All you have to do is give me a call. I'll be there in a thrice with a tray of food, so delectable you won't be able to resist. I do think I've outdone myself this time. An exquisite pâté made from Seltin wood fungus. Brine-soaked neccel strips. Deviled wood throk." Neelix pointed to everything as he named it.
Kathryn looked twice at the last item, a plate of cucumber sandwiches, plated in the exact same manner as in her current holonovel. "Where did these come from?" she asked Neelix, slightly confused, panicked and satisfied all at the same time.
"Lieutenant Hargrove asked from them." Neelix frowned when he saw Kathryn's expression. "Is something wrong?"
Kathryn shook her head. "No, just a funny coincidence. Something I saw on the holodeck. Thank you, Neelix. This all looks delicious. And it's bound to boost my electrolyte levels." She put a couple of cucumber sandwiches onto a plate and looked up to find Neelix pouring her usual cup of black coffee into a flowery mug; definitely not Starfleet issue. "Where did you get that cup?"
"Why, I'm not sure. I think I found several of them in storage. Unusual, isn't it?" Neelix looked up and handed the Captain her coffee, once again seeing her frowning. "Captain, is everything all right?"
Kathryn forced herself to smile as she heard the concern in his voice. "It's perfectly all right, Neelix. I just have to remind myself that coincidences do happen."
Neelix nodded and let it slip, leading her to a table. The pair had an enjoyable conversation and Kathryn left the mess hall feeling like she had actually accomplished something.
She was halfway to the turbolift when she spotted Ayala waiting for it. Deciding to be on her own, she carried on around the corner, thinking of taking a few Jefferies tubes up to the Bridge. She spotted something in the corner of her eye. Beatrice. The little girl from her holonovel. "That's not possible," she whispered to herself. The little girl starts to quickly walk off and Kathryn runs to catch up. Beatrice is standing around the next corner and Kathryn came to an abrupt halt.
"My mother is alive, and my father loves her, not you!"
Kathryn covered her eyes, hoping that this was all just a nightmare. When she took her hands away, Beatrice was gone. She sighed and desperately hoped that there was a technical reason for her appearance. She headed straight to engineering.
"In the course of your experiments with the Doctor, have you accessed any of the holodeck programs?"
Both B'Elanna and Harry spun around to look at the Captain, neither of them having heard her enter.
"No, we're bypassing the holodecks," B'Elanna answered quickly, not wanting to anger Kathryn.
Kathryn pointed to a black box on the side. "Where did you get this holoprojector?" She looked at Harry.
"We found several of them in storage. We've been configuring them one by one."
"So you haven't worked directly with any of the projectors on the holodecks?"
"No."
"Is they anything you've done, anything you can think of, that might have caused holographic objects and characters to appear outside the holodeck?"
B'Elanna shook her head. "Not that I'm aware."
Kathryn's shoulders dropped a millimeter as she drew concerned. "I was sure you experiments would explain it."
"Captain, there has to be a reason why you've had these delusions, and we're going to figure out what that is." B'Elanna too was concerned, but was more than willing to help in any way she could.
"The Doctor pointed out that I've been under some stress. I can't ignore that." 'But I thought I'd relaxed more than enough earlier'.
"I think we should check out the imaging systems on the holodeck. There might be a slight malfunction."
"Good idea." She felt a little calmer at the suggestion.
"We can run the diagnostic from here in engineering, but you should activate the program first."
Kathryn nodded. "I'll contact you from the holodeck." She turned on her heel and left, briskly walking to holodeck one.
B'Elanna and Harry watched their Captain leave, exchanging looks of worry once the doors were closed.
"I hope this is a technical error."
"Me too, Harry."
The pair started working, their hands moving quickly across the console.
Kathryn wasn't very happy about having to enter the holodeck, but she pulled up her Captain façade and did as she needed to. Once she had stepped in, making sure it was the right program, she tapped her comm badge.
"Janeway to engineering."
"Torres here."
"Have you set up the diagnostic?"
"We're ready, Captain."
"Go ahead."
"Lucy."
Kathryn rolled her eyes as Burleigh entered the room. This was the last thing she needed.
"Thank God you've come back. Why are you dressed so strangely?"
"It's a costume."
"You'd look lovely in anything. I've thought about you constantly. Remembered your touch, your perfume, your lips…" he started to quickly advance on Kathryn and she flinched back, putting a little distance between them.
"Computer, delete character." She sighed when the holocharacter dissipated.
"Torres to Janeway. We're finished, Captain, but we didn't find any malfunctions."
"Recalibrate and try it again. I'm going to check something else." She swiftly left, leaving the program running. B'Elanna's "Aye, Captain," ringing in her ears as she headed towards the mess hall.
"Captain! I'm delighted to see you. Do you want a snack?"
Kathryn walked up to the counter. "No, I'm fine. But I wanted to ask you about lunch."
Neelix frowned. "Didn't you like it?"
"It was delicious. I was trying to remember all of the dishes you made. There was the Seltin pâté."
He inclined his head. "Delectable."
"The neccel strips."
"Exquisite!"
"The devilled throk." Kathryn was counting the plates on her fingers.
"Sublime."
"And the cucumber sandwiches." She raised an eye brow and carefully watch his surprised face.
"Cucumber sandwiches?"
"Weren't there cucumber sandwiches?" she asked with a frown.
Neelix shook his head slowly. "I don't even know what that is. The other item on the menu was a fired mort cake. You ate one."
Nothing was making sense to her. "And the cup you served my coffee in?"
"One of these." He held up a normal Starfleet issue cup. "The ones I found in storage."
"I thought it had flower on it?"
"Flowers?" He frowned and inspected the mug. "Well, no, I don't see any flower. Maybe there was another cup, but I don't think so. Would you like a cup with flowers on it? I'm sure I can replicate one."
Kathryn smiled and gently shook her head. "It's alright, Neelix. You've told me all I need to know."
Neelix inclined his head as she turned and headed back out the way she entered. Kathryn was always touched by how thoughtful Neelix was, and even now, it brought her a little relief. She headed now for sickbay, having exhausted any other possibilities.
Kathryn was sat on the edge of one of the biobeds watching Kes arrange a tray just a few feet away. The Doctor came over the Kathryn in his usual manner; he hadn't even stopped in front of her when he started talking.
"I don't detect anything so far. No evidence of aneurysm, subdural hematoma, stroke."
"Could it be stress?" The Doctor wasn't giving Kathryn the answer that she was hoping that he would be able to provide her with.
"Possibly. Did you go to the holodeck as I ordered?"
"No. I spent the time reading a novel."
"And that was relaxing?"
"It was." Kathryn answered with a smile, remembering Chakotay.
"There are other possibilities we should consider. I want to scan for airborne bacteria and viruses. We should investigate the possibility of an alien intruder. And I'd like to so a cerebro-cortical scan on you."
Kes turned to look at Kathryn, wanting to speak to her, when she visibly jumped. Kathryn instantly slid off the biobed and stood next to the young Ocompan, a hand resting gently on her arm.
"Are you okay?" her voice was flooded with concern and worry for Kes and it showed clearly on her face.
"I don't know." Kes shook her head and looked directly at the Captain. "Strange. Oh, suddenly I felt cold, shivery."
"Someone was walking on your grave." 'At least I hope that's all it is'.
The Doctor decided to get involved, confused at the explanation of feeling that the Captain had given his assistant. "Hmm?"
"It's just an old Earth saying. A way of describing an odd feeling like that." Kathryn was happy that the main topic of discussion had moved onto something that wasn't herself.
"Hmm. How macabre."
"It's an human expression, Doctor. I'd think you'd have heard it."
"My programmers didn't clutter me up with Earth trivia. They programmed me with far more important data."
Kes chuckled at the conversation her two friends were having in front of her. Kathryn smiled at her laugh, she hadn't intended to do so, but she was happy to hear the joyous sound.
"Kes, would you please get my sub-neural scanner from the med lab?" The Doctor asked, not liking that he was being laughed at.
"Yes, Doctor." Kes glanced at Kathryn in time to see the older woman wink at her, before she did as asked.
Kathryn went and leant against the biobed she had not so long ago been sat on, knowing that the Doctor was about to do more scans. She watched him mess with his instruments and rolled her eyes. Just as she was beginning to let her mind relax a little, Beatrice appeared in front of her, causing her to jump. "Doctor. Doctor. Who do you see here?" she asked, almost frantic.
"What about my mother's grave? There's no one inside. The coffin is empty."
"Doctor." It was a stern command and made him turn around and seriously answer her.
"I see you."
"And I see you, but I also see a little girl from my holodeck program." Kathryn kept her eyes glued on the girl in front of her, almost afraid to move her attention on case the child would disappear.
Kes entered the room, the sub-neural scanner in her hands, and gasped. She straightened up and closed her eyes, concentration her mind. Beatrice disappeared and Kathryn looked over at Kes and the Doctor looked between both women, realizing something had happened.
"What happened?"
"I'm not sure. The image of the little girl suddenly rushed at me." Kathryn answered as the Doctor looked at her.
Kes nodded. "I saw it too. When I came in, I felt as though something hit me, bounced off me, then I saw the little girl moving right into you."
"As though you became a mirror. You reflected her back toward me."
"I've been doing some mental exercises with Tuvok developing my telepathic abilities, but we haven't done anything like this."
Kathryn was glad that something was being done to help Kes, she was relieved that she wasn't going mad, but at the same time, she was concerned that Kes hadn't been able to label what had happened. Tuvok had imparted the majority of his knowledge and Kes would inform Kathryn of anything that would help her without hesitation.
The Doctor frowned, not happy that he couldn't figure out what was going on with their Captain. "Captain, until I am able to determine the cause of these hallucinations, I'd prefer that you return to your quarters. Get some rest."
Kathryn nodded, knowing there was nothing else she could do, and had no more questions to ask. As much as she wanted to keep busy and join her Bridge crew, she knew she would be a risk to Voyager if she had an 'attack' while on duty. The Doctor was right, she had to rest and let him do his work. "Let me know the minute you get anything."
"Aye, Captain."
Kathryn smiled at Kes before briskly making her way to her rooms, her mind desperately trying to sort things out. Eventually, she managed to pull her mind to a much more pleasant topic, Chakotay. She entered her quarters with a slight smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She threw her jacket over the back of one of the armchairs and headed straight to the replicator.
"Vegetable bouillon. No, cancel that. Coffee ice cream." Her smiled grew at the sight of the desert and her shoulders dropped with the first bite. She curled herself up in the corner of the sofa, happily eating her favourite pudding, savoring every spoonful. A sound from the other room interrupted Kathryn's thoughts and made her pause in her eating, placing her bowl on the side table. Standing, she walked into the centre of the room.
"Hello, is anyone there?" she called out, hoping that Chakotay or Samantha had simply allowed themselves entry, as Kathryn had told them they could.
"Kath, are you there?"
Her heart jumped into her throat, she hadn't heard that voice since the day that Voyager left Deep Space Nine.
"Computer, is there anyone in these quarters except me?"
"Negative."
"Kath, are you there?"
Kathryn spun on her heel to face the bathroom. "Who's that?" 'Please let this be a joke'.
"Come look at the puppies."
'I'm going to kill Tom'. She headed towards the bathroom when she heard a dog yapp. "Mark," she whispered.
She turned on the bathroom light, but there was no one there. She turned with the intention of trying to get back to her ice cream, but instead came face to face with Mark.
"I have missed you so much, Kath. When are you coming back? I don't think you've missed me. Someone else is in your thoughts now."
Kathryn shook her head, mentally and physically denying the position Chakotay held in her mind, not yet ready to come to terms with the implications on her relationship with the man before her. She ran to the door, trying with everything she had to open the door, when it refused to do so, she took a step back.
"Isn't that true? Isn't there someone you're thinking of?"
Kathryn felt guilt rest heavily on her hear. "Computer, open the door."
The door opened and Mrs. Templeton came through, blocking the only exit, a large knife in her hand, effectively preventing Kathryn from escaping. "Everything was fine until you came here. I took care of him. He trusted me. But when you arrived, all that changed."
Her mind started to scream at her that all of this was about Chakotay and her feelings within their situation. Before she could think on it any more, she hit her comm badge. "Janeway to security. Intruder alert."
"You've done nothing but cause trouble. We don't want more trouble in our lives."
The two women started to fight, Mrs. Templeton having the upper hand.
Chakotay watched helplessly as Kathryn flailed about on the biobed, calling out for security as she fought against the invisible enemy. His mind was so totally focused on Kathryn that he was completely deaf to anything but her cries.
"Can you see the hallucinations?" The Doctor asked Kes, who was stood a short distance away, watching the scene.
"Yes, the woman with the knife is receding into the Captain, just like before." She said, her voice small.
The Captain came out of her 'fit' a few moments after Kes had finished speaking. Tears trickling down her cheeks as she relaxed back onto the biobed. Tuvok quickly herded everyone out of the room, leaving Chakotay and Kathryn alone together.
Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, before lovingly wiping away her tears with his thumb. Kathryn leaned into his touch. As much as she wanted to be completely alone so that she could sort out her head and her heart, she was so very happy that he was there with her, comforting her. The pair remained like that in silence for a long while; both trying to sort out their feelings until Kathryn decided that it was time to speak about business. She sat up and looked at Chakotay, a slight sparkle in her eyes.
"We need to get down to business. You'll need to handle first contact for me. I think Neelix can help you. No one knows much about the Botha, but he has some information."
"I'd much rather be here with you."
"Please, Chakotay. I trust you to do this for me."
"Only if you promise to have dinner with me tonight."
"Chakotay, I…"
"Kathryn, you need to relax."
Kathryn inclined her head. "Then you have a deal."
Chakotay was satisfied enough with her answer to carry on talking about work. "I know he's been doing research. I'll check with him."
"You'll probably want him on the Bridge with you when their ship arrives."
"Good idea."
"I'm not sure how Torres and Kim are coming. You know they're trying to find a way to transfer the Doctor out of sickbay."
Chakotay nodded, taking in everything that the Captain, for that was who she was currently being, was saying.
"It's not a priority, but you might want to stay on top of it."
"Of course."
"Let's see. There was a problem with one of the deflector shields. You'll want to follow up on that. And stellar cartography was hoping for a review of their latest report. I think Tuvok wanted to discuss something about weapons storage."
Chakotay placed a hand on top of Kathryn's, effectively stopping her speech. "Captain, you've trained you crew well. We'll be able to do without you for a few days. In the meantime, we're continuing diagnostics on all ship's systems. There's a reason for what's happening to you, and we're no stopping until we find it."
Kathryn smiled. "That you, Chakotay," she whispered, squeezing his hand.
Chakotay too smiled and went to say something, when the Doctor's voice rang clear through the room as he entered.
"My patient has to rest now. I'm sure you'll want to get to the Bridge."
Kathryn rolled her eyes, the mood having been completely ruined by the hologram.
"Call me if there's anything I can do." Chakotay squeezed her hand reassuringly before placing a discrete kiss to the palm of her hand.
Kathryn blushed but didn't know how to react, so she fell back into her Captain persona. "Just be sure to report to me after you meet with the Botha."
"Yes, ma'am." Chakotay inclined his head, squeezed her hand before standing and leaving.
The Doctor was glad that he finally had his patient alone, he signaled Kes to enter the room before approached the Captain. "Captain, if you'll lie down, I'd like to do some further tests." He turned to look at Kes, who was stood to the side. "Kes, please prepare the Captain for a cerebro-cortical scan."
"Certainly." Kes nodded to the Doctor who quickly bustled out to his office. The young woman stepped up to the biobed and smiled. "Captain, I saw your hallucination again."
Kathryn was intrigued. "What did you see?"
"You were struggling with a woman. She had a knife. She was trying to hurt you." There was a slight shake in her voice.
"That's right."
"As I focused on you, it was just like with the little girl. The image seemed to reflect off of me and move back into you."
Kathryn was once more assaulted with both pride and concern. "Your telepathic abilities must be improving."
"I think it's more than that." She stopped bustling about. "I think something strange is happening on the ship and it's not just happening to you."
Kathryn didn't ask what she meant by that, but that was exactly what she was afraid of. She could handle things happening to her, she hated when things happened to her crew. She was supposed to be protecting them.
It was almost an hour when Kathryn felt Voyager change course. She immediately stood to get dressed, needing to get to the Bridge. As much as she trusted Chakotay, her need to be in control of the situation was trying to take over. She was throwing on her jacket when the ship violently shook, sending her flying, she hit her hip off the corner of the biobed as she lost her footing. As soon as she could she headed straight for the Bridge, zipping up her jacket as she ignored the Doctor, pushing through into the corridor.
Kathryn reached the Bridge in minutes, but halted at the entrance, listening and watching.
"There's something weird going on, Commander. I'm not reading any life signs on the two ships that just decloaked."
"There's no crew?" Chakotay asked with a raised 'brow, rivaling that of the Captain's.
Harry shook his head. "Looks like the ships are automated. They're being controlled by the Bothan ship."
Voyager rattled again. Chakotay was fed up with sitting and taking the fire.
"Return fire, Tuvok." Chakotay ordered as he sat in his own chair.
"We have hit their weapons array, but not severely enough to disable it."
"Commander, the three ships are maneuvering to surround us."
'You should have left them firing, Chakotay. Our shields would have held'. Kathryn thought as she continued to watch things play out, mentally taking notes.
"Get us out of her, Paris."
Voyager shook and Tom tried desperately to move away and avoid the missiles.
"Mr. Paris!"
"I'm trying." It was no secret that Tom preferred the command style of Kathryn.
"The ships are powered up their weapons again."
"That last volley took our shields down to twenty one percent."
Kathryn shook her head at that and bit her tongue and physically held herself still waiting for the Commander's response.
Chakotay looked at Harry, who correctly interpreted his look and gave him a report.
"We've got damage on all decks. Reports of injuries."
"All stop."
Kathryn inclined her head in agreement, they couldn't continue the attempt to run.
Tuvok looked up from his terminal. "The lead ship is hailing us, Commander."
Chakotay stood centre stage. "On screen."
The Bothan appears on the view screen. "Your ship is damaged and your Captain incapacitated. I will accept your immediate surrender."
Kathryn rolled her eyes and stepped forward, heading for her usual spot in the centre of her Bridge. "You're not getting one." She drew all eyes to her as she descended. "The Captain is fine."
Chakotay inclined his head, a slight smile on his lips as he took a step to the side, allowing Kathryn to take her rightful place.
The Bothan smirked (not that they could see it) and shook his head. "I don't think so. I think the battle is over now."
The Bridge crew watched as the shadowed figure turned around and walked into the light. For a brief second relief flooded the Bridge, that is, until the Captain tensed, taking a step back.
"Kathryn?" Chakotay whispered, stepping forward and placing a gentle hand on the small of her back.
She didn't seem to notice the small touch, her eyes fixed on the view screen. "Mark?"
Chakotay frowned, not seeing anything on the screen. He looked 'round. The majority of people were staring at the screen, each apparently seeing something, with the rest were like Chakotay himself, frowning in confusion and worry.
"Don't you recognise the man you love?"
Kathryn shook her head. 'I love you. I'm in love with Chakotay'. She pulled her mind back to the present, working quickly through what she knew before turning to members of her Bridge crew.
"Mister Paris, who do you see on the view screen?"
"It's my father."
"Mister Kim?"
"I see my girlfriend, Libby."
"Chakotay?"
"Nothing."
Kathryn nodded and kept her eyes firmly on the handsome man in front of her. Chakotay returned her look, trying to help Kathryn out as much as he could.
"Mister Kim, shut down visual."
There was a tense silence that settled as Harry worked.
"It won't terminate, Captain."
Kathryn tore her eyes from Chakotay to Tuvok, but Chakotay's evidence of defensive weakness. And prepare the forward proton torpedoes for launch."
"I do not understand how this can be."
"Tuvok?" When there was no immediate answer Kathryn jogged up to his terminal, standing directly in front of him. "Tuvok? Tuvok, answer me. Tuvok!"
Tuvok remained perfectly still, barely breathing, barely blinking. Kathryn stood almost as still, not entirely sure on where to go from there. She felt slightly off kilter as a woman and it was affecting her captaincy. She didn't like it at all.
Chakotay quickly noticed her struggle and swiftly made the next move. "Mister Kim, run the multiphasic scan."
"Aye, Sir."
Kathryn turned and looked at Chakotay, thanks shinning in her eyes. Chakotay inclined his head. The Captain looked at Tuvok once more, hoping that he was moving, with no such luck she returned to her seat, activating the central console.
Chakotay followed her lead and took his seat. Leaning across the gap he whispered, "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," was the honest answer she gave him.
Any more hushed conversation was cut off by B'Elanna's voice over the comm system. "Torres to the Captain."
"Janeway here." Her voice betrayed nothing of the emotions raging inside, just the way she liked it.
"We're having problems down here…"
Kathryn's concern gaze flipped to Chakotay, who had the same look about him.
"…people are becoming delusional."
"It's happening here too."
Beeping could be heard over the system before an almost excited, "I think I know why." She left a short pause before continuing, not wanting to waste time on the Captain asking questions. "There's a massive energy field coming from those ships. Its bioelectric, modulating on a delta wave frequency, it has psionic properties, and it's permeating the hull."
"A psionic field has a psychoactive effect. That would explain the hallucinations."
"You can try remodulating the shields, but in the meantime, I'm going to set up a resonance burst from the warp core. That will probably block the field, but it'll take a while to set up."
"Notify the Doctor. If the field is bioelectric, he might have some ideas how to neutralize it." Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Commander, give Lieutenant Torres a hand in engineering." Even though she expected him to immediately stand and leave, he remained, so she twisted to look at Neelix, who was stood directly behind the command chairs. "Mister Neelix, if the crew ever needed a morale officer, now's the time. See if you can help."
"Aye, Captain." Neelix left with a slight spring to her step.
Kathryn looked at Chakotay, who still hadn't moved, and raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I can help you with, Commander?"
"Not at all, Captain." He stood, as did Kathryn. "Be careful, Kathryn," Chakotay whispered so quietly that Kathryn thought she heard it in her own mind. Before she could comment, the space in front of her was empty. She waited until she heard the turbolift doors close before turning back towards the view screen, and instantly wished she hadn't. There, clear as day, was her fiancé, Mark.
"Kath, do you always have to be the Captain? Can't you relax for a minute? I want to talk to you."
Kathryn's eyes remained glued to the view screen as she spoke. "Mister Kim, remodulate the shields on a rotating frequency. "When there was no immediate reply, she spun on her heel to see what he was doing, but Harry was stood stock still, lost to whatever or whoever he was seeing on the view screen. She needed someone on the Bridge with her who she hoped would be able to resist whoever was happening. She tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Kes."
"Yes, Captain?"
"Can you come to the Bridge? I think we could use you."
"Right away."
Kathryn turned to face the front of the ship, he eyes focused on the helm. "Paris, are you still with me?"
Tom nodded. "Sure am, Captain. I'm running the scans on those ships."
Kathryn sat in Chakotay's chair, pulling up their central console. "I'll work on the shields. I suggest you don't look at the view screen."
"Oh, it's not even tempting."
'I wish it wasn't for me'. She had to take a deep breath and pushed down her feeling on Mark, Chakotay and anything else that wasn't directly related to the job at hand. She wasn't very successful as thoughts continued to flitter in and out of the forefront of her mind, her heart and brain conflicting with each other, making it increasingly difficult for her to concentrate on the job at hand. For what felt like hours the pair continued to work in silence until Tom hit a brick wall.
"Captain, I'm getting results from the scans. No apparent defensive weakness. Metallurgical analysis is inconclusive." He spun around his chair and looked at his Captain who had leaned back into the Commander's chair.
Kathryn took a deep breath, the lingering scent of Chakotay calming her enough to speak to Tom. "I can't remodulate the shields. Try moving us out of here. If we can get some distance between us and those ships, we might be able to block the affects."
"Yes, ma'am." Tom turned back to his station to do as he was asked, but his father caught his attention and held him captive.
Kathryn looked away from her helmsman from a brief second, when she looked back, he was in much the same state as everyone else on the Bridge. "Tom? Tom? Janeway to engineering. Janeway to Torres. Are you there? If anyone in engineering can hear me, I'm on my way." Kathryn stood and headed over to the turbolift. "Computer, put the Bridge controls on security lockout." As soon as she heard the computer's confirmation she opened the doors to the turbolift and stepped in. Her heart jumped into her throat and her stomach plummeted at the sight of Chakotay stood as still as a statue. She stood still the dread following through her as she took in every inch of the tall man in front of her. Eventually, Kathryn managed to take a step to the side and voiced her destination. "Deck eleven."
"Now, maybe you have time to talk to me." Kathryn spun to open to face Mark, surprised that he was there beside her. "You're so strong, Kath. That's one of the things I always loved in you." Mark moved forward trying to kiss her neck. Kathryn flinched and took a step backwards, he followed her closely.
"What's the matter? You used to love it when I kissed you there."
Kathryn shook her head. "I don't know who you are, what you are, but I won't let you touch me."
"What about that man in your quarters? You didn't seem to mind him touching you, did you? In fact, I think you liked it. Now, I ask you, Kath, is that fair to me? I've stayed faithful to you. I've vowed to wait for you no matter how long it takes. Shouldn't you do the same?"
"I haven't been unfaithful." And she hadn't been. Every day she had been struggling with the conflicting feelings of her heart and head. Every turn she denied both Chakotay and herself. She was growing every more emotionally tired and this…encounter, was doing nothing to help.
Suddenly Mark's lips were upon her own. She hadn't seen it coming, too lost in her thoughts. His lips felt foreign, his wandering hands alien. Her brain and heart screamed at her, finally agreeing that Mark wasn't the one that she wanted. There was no spark, no passion, no love, no warmth. There was none of the feeling that she had previously felt with Mark. In all honesty, it scared her. She tried to push him away but found that she had lost all the ability to move.
Voyager appeared to be floating dead amongst the stars, not a life sign to be found, until a bright burst of energy erupts from the centre of the magnificent ship, blinking to life and waling all her occupants. Kes eventually hit her comm badge. "Kes to the Captain, if you can hear me, please report to engineering."
B'Elanna rubbed her head and looked around in slight confusion. "What happened?" she asked Kes who had taken a few steps away from the warp core.
"It's a long story, but I think everything's all right now."
B'Elanna went to ask something Kes, but a short figure transported to where Kes had previously been standing, changing B'Elanna's thoughts. "Is that who's responsible for all this?" she asked, crossing her arms and indicating the short creature with her head.
"Apparently. He looks so harmless. It's hard to believe he almost destroyed us."
As the creature began to awaken and scramble to his feet, B'Elanna instinctively aimed a phaser.
"You're a powerful little thing," he stated as he stood, brushing himself off. "I must say, you surprised me."
"Why did you do this to us?" Kathryn demanded as she entered engineering, hands on her hips, anger freely showing through her eyes.
"Because I can." He seemed non-pulsed by the phaser aimed at his head.
"Is it just telepathy, or is there technology involved?"
"Does it matter?"
"Oh, it matters to me, because I don't intend to let you continue preying on others."
"How would you propose to stop me?"
Kathryn took a few steps forward, confident that B'Elanna had her back. "We could destroy your technology. Or adjust your brain wave patterns to prevent telepathy. And then we could turn you over to the government of Mithren. We could keep you confined in our brig behind a force field.
"I'm sure you're very well-intentioned, Captain, and I'd like to be able to accommodate you but you see, I'm not really here." The Bothan vanished, like he hadn't even been on board in the first place.
Kathryn turned to B'Elanna. "Scan for those ships."
B'Elanna nodded and did so. "They're gone."
Kathryn frowned and looked around, briefly checking that everything was in other before stating, "I'll be in my Ready Room if you need me, Lieutenant."
"Aye, Captain."
Kathryn sat behind her desk, finger hovering over the record button on her portable console. She knew that any addition to her Captain's log would be short and was silently debating on adding anything. Her mind pulled her towards her duties as Captain, despite the strong urge to hide and go over everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. She needed to analyse each and every feeling; to pull the real away from the fake. Against the strongest of urges, Kathryn clicked the button and continued her log for the day.
"Captain's log, supplemental. We have no explanation for the mysterious disappearance of the telepathic alien. We can't even be certain that he was actually here. He seems to have left us with any number of unanswered questions." She ended the recording, not knowing what else to add.
She pulled her personal log, that she had yet to take back to her personal quarters, and began writing.
My experiences today have made me question more than just the science of what happened to us all. More personally, my feelings about both Mark and Chakotay have been challenged. What is Mark to me? Does he remain my fiancé? Or has he given me up for dead? I believe that my heart no longer belong to Mark, but to Chakotay. But why? Just a few months ago I was planning my wedding. I don't jump into things in a relationship as I do in my capacity as Captain. I don't trust easily. So why is it that this man has managed to break through all of my protective barrios in mere months, when it took Mark years? Could it be as simple as I love Chakotay and not Mark? I'm feeling far too emotionally wary to try and straighten up anything in my mind, let alone in my heart. I need to escape. Get away from Mark and Chakotay and anything that might remind me of either of them. That's easier said than done. My goodness, this is more complicated than following the Temporal Prime Directive. I can only hope that I can sort things out shortly. Perhaps conversation with a friend may help. I'll have to look into it. For now, it'll continue on as I always have, being the strongest person on board so that my crew may lean on me whenever any of them need me.
With care, Kathryn placed her journal into her desk draw before standing and heading for the mess hall.
B'Elanna was sat on her own and when she saw the Captain enter she stood to greet her. "I'm surprised to see you here, Captain. Isn't this the day you're usually in the holodeck with your novel?"
Kathryn smiled and took a seat opposite her chief engineer. "I thought, after our recent experience, that I'd take a break from fantasy for a while."
B'Elanna smiled. "I don't blame you. I think it had quite an impact on all of us. Do you think it's true? That the alien was reading out minds, creating images from our own fantasies?"
Kathryn inclined her head. "It seemed that way. He had uncanny ability to bring buried thought out into the open." She frowned. "Why?"
"Oh, it's just, I experienced something I'd rather not admit."
"I know. Me too. But, in a way, maybe he did us all a favor. Maybe it's better to look those feelings in the eye than to keep them locked up inside."
"I guess…I'll have to think about that. I have an early watch tomorrow, so I'd better turn in." B'Elanna stood. "Good night, Captain," she whispered.
"Good night, B'Elanna. Sweet dreams," she whispered back.
"Thanks. You too." B'Elanna headed off quickly, feeling slightly awkward around who she thought was Kathryn and not the Captain. Kathryn stayed in the mess hall for a short while longer, watching her crew interact with each other before leaving for her quarters.
When she reached the rooms she currently called home, she shrugged off her jacket and went to get changed. Relief flooded her as she slowly shed her Starfleet uniform and donned a casual dress and allowed her hair to flow freely down her back. It felt lovely to drop her Captain persona and just be Kathryn. With coffee in hand, she curled up on the sofa and gazed out at the stars passing by as Voyager traveled at warp, on their course for home…for Earth.
Chakotay too was in his personal quarters, just across from the Captain's reflecting on his own experiences. It didn't believe he could feel so heart broken, but his chest ached thinking about the fantasy that had captured him in the turbolift. He could never look at any other woman again. Before he could register his body's movements, he was entering Kathryn's rooms after presumably receiving no response to his chime.
There, curled up in a corner of the sofa sat Kathryn, beautiful as always, starring out to the stars. Her coffee cup lay abandoned on the other side of the room, a clear crack through the glass. Chakotay took his time taking all of her in. It wasn't until he got a little closer that he noticed her shoulders were shaking and tears were freely running down her cheeks. He quickly headed forward, pushing against all the warnings that his brain was kicking out about the possible reactions in store for him. All Chakotay cared about was providing comfort to the woman he now had no doubt held his heart. He sat on the sofa and placed a hand gently on Kathryn's knee, pulling her attention from the window.
"Kathryn," he whispered.
Kathryn blinked, her vision clearing slightly as she looked at Chakotay, a final tear made its way down her cheek.
"Kathryn, speak to me. What's wrong?"
Kathryn shook her head. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing." Chakotay had never seen her like this before and was a little unsure on what to say and do.
Slowly, Kathryn maneuvered herself so that she was properly sat on the sofa next to Chakotay. She was internally beating herself up. It was one of her strongest persona rules, don't let anyone see her weak. And that included crying.
When the silence continued, Chakotay decided he should say something. "You don't have to speak to me, but at least let me stay."
Kathryn was torn between what she should do and what she wanted to do. For a few moments she listened to both sides of the argument before relaxing into Chakotay's side, allowing his presence to calm her. It was another step in their relationship. Chakotay felt it was one in the right direction, while Kathryn didn't know what to think. Chakotay placed a hand on her back, soothingly playing with the tips of Kathryn's hair. Kathryn remained unmoving.
The relationship between them was growing steadily but strongly, it felt so right but went against everything she believed in. For the time being, she could only hope that things would become clearer and easier soon.
To Be Continue...