Alec's POV

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. Of course she doesn't want me to take her hunting. No, not when she has that mind reading good for nothing boyfriend of hers around. Nope. Doesn't want anything to have to do with me. I'm just the prison guard, her worst nightmare…and I am absolutely falling for her. Ugh, why? She's been here for four days, four days! Three of those days she was writhing in pain completely unconscious as I stood over her every second making sure she was taken care of, holding her hand, wiping the sweat off of her still human body.

The change was something that was never easy for me to watch, no matter how many horrors I've gone through, but I stayed with her…and willingly. What is it about this girl that has me so bothered? What is it about Isabella Swan that has all of us going out of our minds? I hear Aro talking about her all the time. Edward is always around her and was willing to die thinking she was dead…and then there is me, insignificant guard Alec. A nobody, really.

I despise her and care for her all at the same time. I, who have absolutely no right to her, I who am nothing more than a watchdog, want to just touch her, just hold her. Why?!

I don't like her! She's absolutely annoying. I can't take how noble she is. I've lived through too many years of shit to care about just about anything anymore. And this need she has to be so kind all the time – it drives me insane. Is it really necessary to care about everything? She can't drink human blood without wanting to gag afterwards, she doesn't want to live here, she doesn't want to be Aro's mate – which that I can totally live without – but all the same, she doesn't have the same idea of vampirehood that the rest of us do and yet I want nothing more than to be around her every second of the day. I fight and fight these feelings but for what? To have them overtake all rationality at the end of the day? I'm doomed, 100% doomed. There is no way that I can hide this from Aro. There is no way that I can keep the way I feel about Bella a secret from Marcus. There is no way I can hide the fact that I want no harm to come to Bella from Jane. Even little warlock Ulric can see right through me. How long can I survive here as long as I feel like this about her? How long can I avoid my two masters? I can't. It's not possible. What will they do to me? Who am I kidding? I know exactly what will happen.

'Kneel before me.' Then hands on the face and snap, snap, snap – off with the head arms and legs and then it's to the fiery pits of hell for thousand year old Alec. Nice. Wonderful. I hate her.

Why did she have to come here? Oh, that's right, for Edward. I can't stand him - so righteous, so noble and pure. He makes me want to bash my head repeatedly against a stone wall. He makes me want to dance around in the fire. He makes me want to punch his face in. He makes me want Bella twenty times as much when he has his arms around her and his lips on her skin. I just want to rip his perfect little head off of his perfect little body and-

"Alec?"

Her voice was like the calm in my ever raging storm. I turned around on my bed facing the door and she stood in the doorway with a long, white, thin nightgown. She was barefoot and her hair was down in loose girls around her shoulders.

"May I come in?" she asked in a voice so sweet I had to blink twice to make sure she was actually there and not just some sick image that my imagination was conjuring.

"Um, yeah. Sure." I stood up, but she held up her hand motioning me not to move.

"No, you don't have to get up. I just… I don't know what I'm doing here actually, I can't sleep. It's a weird feeling. What am I supposed to do when I can't sleep?"

She looked honestly distraught by this and I wished that there was something I could tell her to ease her discomfort, but unfortunately that is something I have battled with for all the years since the transformation.

"When you find the answer to that question, will you let me know?"

She rolled her eyes and dropped her hands to her side.

"Aren't you supposed to help me?"

"No." I said rather more coldly than I intended to be. "I was told to make sure you didn't get into any trouble and to make sure you're…comfortable. I'm not your teacher or your helper." Well damn it what is wrong with me? It's like I can't be nice even if I tried.

"Oh, ok. Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll be leaving…"

"No." I said appearing by her side instantly. I caught her off guard and she staggered backwards. Luckily I caught her in time. Unluckily for me, I was inches from her face and her nearly naked body was in my arms. She looked at me and reached out a hand caressing my face. I felt my cold heart warm, something that has never ever happened.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I said ruining the moment.

"You're skin, I was…I don't know I was just-" But I couldn't take it. I leaned down slowly and left three centimeters between her lips and mine.

"You feel it too don't you Bella?" she didn't move although I gave her more than enough time.

"Alec…" she breathed.

"Bella." I whispered, just as breathless.

"Please, don't." I brought her up instantly and sped to the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry, Alec."

"You shouldn't be here…especially not looking like that."

"Alec! Why does everyone here have to be so darn evil? Is it like a requirement or something to be mean? Why am I being held prisoner? I know you have a softer side. I saw it today!"

"Shut up Bella, you're not living with humans, you're living with vampires and if you speak any louder the entire castle will be able to hear you."

"Well then answer me, Alec. I need answers…please." She walked at a humans pace over to me and stopped way too close. Something about her made me want to reach out. Was it her scent?

"Bella, when you've lived as long as we have, with the same desires and blood lust, it's really hard to keep your humanity…especially those of us who didn't have a choice in the life that we are now living. I've seen too much evil and very rarely any good. It's not like you, for example. You're…honest and sincere and kind." She let out a breath that hit my face like a lust potion. I wanted her. There was no more denying it, there was no more fighting it.

I reached out and touched her bare arms. Her eyes traveled to my hands and she took a step into it, her face close enough for me to take into my hands…which I did.

"What are you doing Bella?"

"I'm scared."

"Of me?"

"No. Not of you. You're not the same around me like you are around everyone else. You're the only one who can help me Alec. Please help me leave."

I dropped my hands and pushed her gently away from me.

"Is that was this is about?" I motioned to her lack of clothing. "You've come here to try to seduce me into helping you? Really, Bella? Why would you do that?"

"I am not! I want to go home, but that's not why I came here. I wanted your help! I don't know what's going on with me. Becoming a vampire, its changing things I never knew could changed…Edward. I still love him and I want him and he's my love, but isn't it true that a mate…I don't know. If he truly is the person I'm supposed to be with for all eternity, then shouldn't he be the only person I think about?"

"Yes. Your mate is your mate. You only think about that person. You only ever love that person."

"Then why can't I get my mind off of you, Alec? You're mean and evil and repulsive and abrasive and you take orders from a total creep and his cronies. You hate and despise me and you throw me around like I'm a rag doll when I try to fight you and you say the meanest things and you won't help me when I'm going through the toughest thing I have ever had to face, but…When I close my eyes…" she reached out for my face again and it was only her total bluntness with me that caught me off guard that held me back from taking her in my arms and claiming her lips as my own.

"When I close my eyes, Alec…all I see is you, your face even your crimson eyes that give confirmation of the monster you are, even they make me want to be near you."

I reached up and took the hand she rested on my face and brought it to my heart as she continued.

"You're an ass, a complete dick. I just got to know you today and really, in my human life, that would be nothing, but now that I am what I am I can feel every second of every minute of every hour of the day and I feel like I've been dwelling on this for months when in reality it has been no time at all. Alec, why do I want you to come back so bad when you walk out the door? Why did your hand in mine earlier today help me leave the room of humans I wanted so badly? Why did your voice wake me up to the horrific thing I was doing to Natalia? Why you? I should be afraid of you for keeping me prisoner and for handing me over to Aro, but I'm not – not really, because I saw something different in you. You…we…there's something here, isn't there, between us?"

I brought her into my arms unable to take the ache I was feeling from being even a millimeter apart from her. She rested her head on my chest as I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back.

"I don't like you, Bella – you're killing me and you don't even know it. This, right here, will be seen by Aro. Marcus and his power, he will notice my relationship tie to you and I will die. But do I care? No I do not, because having you here, everything you've said to me, this emotion I feel – it's never happened before. I've never wanted to be with anyone as bad as I want to be with you. I want to hold you like this without having to think about dying, but would gladly do so if it meant you felt the same about me. And so I say again, and I say it boldly and without knowing how you will accept the truth of this statement; I don't like you Bella, but I do believe that I love you."

I stood absolutely still as I said this waiting for her to break her hold on me, waiting for her to tell me I was as insane as I myself thought I was. I waited for her to push me away or smack me even. What I did not expect was her to hold on to me tighter and say, "I think I love you too, Alec, and I'm scared because I love Edward too."

I pulled back just an inch or so to look down at her and I placed both of my hands on the side of her face, pushing her hair back. I lifted her chin and bent down and stopped just a breath away from her lips, again giving her a chance to have me stop if she wanted me to.

"If you don't want this," I whispered my eyes holding hers captive. "Then please tell me now, because I do not know how much longer I can hold back from you, Bella."

"Don't hold back." She whispered and that I was all I needed. I kissed her gently at first, taking in her scent and the feel of her lips against mine. She tangled her hands in my hair and deepened the kiss. She licked my bottom lip and I opened up inviting her in and she took the step that drove me mad. I picked her up in my arms and laid her down on the bed as I ran my fingers up the length of her leg. She moaned and I was dangerously close to forgetting who I was in that moment. All that was in my mind was Bella, beautiful Bella.

"Are you sure?" I asked stupidly. She nodded her head and tightened her little fists on the collar of my shirt as she pulled me down.

"Don't hold back." She said again.

I wanted her. I wanted her more than I have ever wanted anything ever in my existence, but something pulled at the back of my mind. There was an uncomfortableness creeping up into my consciousness.

"Bella, stop." I said releasing her and prying her tiny fist off my shirt. "Bella, no. We can't do this."

"Yes we can." She said breathless and lust crazed.

"No, not like this, Bella." She frowned and I know that she was confused and hurt.

"Bella, you…you don't belong to me. As much as I want you to, you just don't. I'm sorry, but I can't do this with you. You're…Edward's." Saying his name felt like physical agony.

"Alec, please. Don't."

"Bella, you think I want to stop? You think I want to be away from you? You think I don't want to just take you here? I want you so bad and I hate to admit that because I hardly even know you! But I just can't do this. I'm a selfish person. I want you all to myself. I can't share, I won't share…I'm sorry, but I think you should leave."

"Alec?" she said hurt laced in her voice. I pulled her up by the wrists and sat her facing me as I kissed her hard. I let go too soon and rested my head against hers.

"I don't know what this is between you and I but you are still a prisoner, you are still Edward's girlfriend and you are still destined to become Aro's mate. I have a loyalty to this court as a Volturi. As much as it pains me to know that you're with either of them, it is the truth of the situation….and if I'm going to die, Bella, which I am once everyone finds out, I want to know that I had you…all to myself. Now, please, go. I can't look at you anymore. I can't take anymore or your scent that calls to me so. Go. Please."

She put her head in her hands and then looked up at me.

"It's crazy. I know. I'm sorry."

She stood up and ran out the door at top speed taking my cold, dead, heart with her.