A/N: All info located in chapter "Over" posting.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
Bella was right.
This weekend was turning to shit.
They arrived at the house which was an impressive size as Bella knew it would be but she still gaped like the rest of them.
Five bedrooms, five bathrooms, HUGE kitchen, large deck and patio, pool, beautiful ocean view being right on the beach. Oh and did they forget to mention that they have their own private beach? Bella stared around in shock as Ness mentioned the last fact to the other guests. Yes. Yes, they did.
Edward and Bella were put in one of the bedrooms upstairs, being the last one on the right side of the hall.
Emmett and Rose were put in a bedroom that was right near the top of the stairs a little to the left.
Jacob and Ness stayed in their room down the hall, last room on the left.
When Bella had asked in passing where Ness' parents were going to stay, the girl giggled. "Silly, they have their own house down the beach. And it's even bigger than ours. Didn't Edward tell you?"
Bella laughed and shook her head good-naturedly. "Um, no. No, he didn't."
Bella couldn't believe it. Their house was bigger than this one? Man, these people had money. And lots of it.
She and Edward settled in quite quickly, unpacking their clothes for the weekend, using the drawers of the dresser that Bella was sure cost more than her college education. When Edward went downstairs to make a quick call outside, Bella began to sink deep into thought.
Jacob hadn't once looked at her, texted her or made any indication that he knew she even existed since that glare he had given her in the car.
It bothered her.
She knew he had said he didn't like it when Edward touched her, but what was she supposed to do?
She was tired! He had worn her out, he should know. And it wasn't exactly comfortable sitting in the back seat of that thing. Plus, the car ride was not at all fun for her. He should have known that. All she wanted to do was be up there next to him instead of Ness, holding his hand, seeing him smile, hearing him laugh and she couldn't. And it's not like she was making out with Edward back there or anything.
Bella shook her head and her hands flew up to her forehead.
God! This is why when you're married, it's supposed to be only two people and no one else. One man and one woman. Or one woman and one woman or one man and-Bella face palmed herself. Her brain was all crazy, messy; disconnected rambling thoughts were running a thousand miles a minute in that head of hers.
She shook her head and continued to unpack.
And her mind continued to torment her.
Had she made a mistake earlier today?
Should she have ended it and not begged him to stay?
This couldn't end well.
It's not like he would leave Ness for her.
And she didn't even dare think how her life would be without Edward.
She wasn't leaving Edward.
Period.
So what the hell were they doing?
Her right hand reached up to her hair and grabbed it in frustration. She closed her eyes.
What the hell was she doing?
Or better yet...what the hell was she going to do?
"Knock, knock."
Bella opened her eyes and spun around, dropping her hand, and in effect leaving her hair messier than before, to find Jacob and Ness staring at her.
"Bella, I hope you don't mind. The door was open."
Bella pulled out her small smile. The bigger one could be used later when needed.
"That's okay." She cleared her throat. "So what can I do for you guys?"
Jacob didn't look at her; just let his eyes scan the room.
Inside, her heart clenched.
Ness smiled wider and spoke again.
"We just wanted to make sure you were getting settled in okay. Is the room alright?"
Bella nodded. "Oh yeah, it's perfect. This is a really beautiful house, Ness."
Ness beamed at her. "Thank you, Bella. That's so sweet of you. It certainly took us a lot of work. Didn't it, honey?"
"Yep, it sure did."
He still wouldn't look at her.
Bella wanted to crawl under the bed and just stay there until Sunday.
Ness shook her head and laughed at his strange behavior. "Anyways, so you're okay? Everything's alright? Where's Edward?"
Bella unzipped a side pocket on the bag she had been rummaging through in order to keep herself busy so she wouldn't have to watch Jake deliberately ignore her any longer.
"He, uh, had to make a quick phone call outside. Something about work." Bella shrugged her shoulders and laughed at Ness' eye roll.
"Work, work, work. It seems that's all we ever do. But now that we're here, we should relax and have some fun. I'll go get him off the phone for you."
Ness turned to leave and then Jake spoke up. He still didn't look at Bella.
"Actually, babe. Do you remember that leak we had in the bathroom in here? I should check it out before they use it. We don't want to have a flood in here like last time."
Ness shuddered. Apparently, it had been a traumatic experience for her.
Bella had no doubt it had to do with a ruined carpet that clashed with a color scheme and/or cost a pretty penny or two to redecorate. Bella bit her lip to keep herself from laughing at the mental images.
"Well, honey. Let's let them get settled in first. You can check it later."
He sighed. "Babe, it will just take a second. I'll be done by the time you get Edward back up here."
Oh shit. No, no, no. He wanted to get her alone? Already? With everyone awake, inside and close by? Fuck no. She didn't want to face the wrath she was sure to come. Not now. She could deal with it later.
All afternoon she had been hoping for even five minutes alone with Jake once they got here. And now she was trying to make sure they weren't alone? Whereas she couldn't wait for Ness to leave and get out of her hair before, she now wasn't too keen on the girl leaving her alone.
Bella interrupted and looked straight at Ness.
"You know what, Ness? I'll go with you. I'm sure he's done by now, anyway. That way Jacob can check the bathroom and we won't get in his way."
She took a step forward, motioning for Ness to lead and she to follow.
Ness smiled.
"No, Bella. Stay. You're still getting settled in. Relax. Besides, I wanted to talk to him about something quickly, anyway. It won't take but a minute. Plus, if Jake here needs a tool, I'm sure he'd rather someone who knows the difference between a wrench and a screwdriver help him than someone who would just grab that silver-thingy."
She laughed at her own joke and Bella smiled.
Jake grinned at his wife. "Aw babe, you're not that bad." He leant down and pecked her on the lips.
Bella lowered her eyes to give them privacy and so she wouldn't have to look at them.
Yep, she knew Jake would try to get back at her for before.
Ness kissed him once more and then looked to Bella who recovered well (surprising herself actually) by the time she did, smiling widely.
"Okay. Be right back, Bella. See you in a bit, babe."
Bella nodded, her heart in her throat. Please don't leave me here.
Jake had walked into the bathroom, looking back at his wife as she left. "Okay, sweetie."
He then turned his head back to his destination and went in.
He hadn't looked at Bella once.
Bella swallowed and debated how fast she could make it to the open door, chasing after Ness to go find Edward.
She turned around, placing some things on the nightstand and into the drawer afterwards.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she suddenly so nervous to be alone with him? He had just made love to her a few hours ago. They had been sleeping together for five weeks. He admitted that he cared for her today. Why was she feeling like this all of a sudden?
Had he been right? That by him admitting certain things to her would make her want to run as far as she could from him?
Or was it just that she was afraid of getting caught in these large but tight (with both spouses being there on top of them, it was tight to Bella) quarters?
Or was it because she didn't want to deal with his anger at her?
Bella felt like screaming in frustration.
Why the fuck was she all over the place?
Six weeks ago, everything had been so clear. She and Edward were going to start a family in the next year, depending on that promotion he was hoping to get. Which is why he was working so hard now. She loved no one other than Edward Cullen. And he loved no one other than her. Their marriage was a solid one, built on love and trust and mutual respect. They had always been faithful to each other. Bella was never tempted to look anywhere else before. She never wanted anyone else.
And then fucking Jacob Black walked into her life.
And everything went to shit.
Bella didn't know who she was anymore.
"Looks like I was right. The leak is still there."
Bella jumped at his voice. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't heard him step into the room. She turned around to find him staring coldly at her.
She frowned in return.
"I gotta grab a few tools. I'll be right back."
Bella nodded and lowered her eyes to the floor and turned back around to what she was doing.
She heard him leave and when she knew he was gone, she then sat down on her side of the bed and sighed, placing her head into her hands.
She needed a drink. A Valium. Anything to calm her down and slow her speeding heart.
She heard someone come into the room and her head shot up.
It was Edward.
She was relieved to see him.
"Hey, love, I'm sorry. I just had to get Tanya to help me get into some files. You know me and computers." He rolled his eyes and she laughed. Yeah, she did know.
"How are you?" He walked over to her and put his arms around her. She hugged him close and laid her head on his stomach. She closed her eyes.
"Okay. A little tired."
Edward stroked her hair.
"But you slept in the car on the way down here. Are you sure you're feeling alright, Bella?"
She sighed contentedly. When he stroked her hair like this, her mind stopped its screaming thoughts and all was calm. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just need to get some sleep tonight and I'll be good."
Edward hugged her tighter. "Okay, honey. Why don't you lay down and rest for a while before we have dinner?"
She nodded and then looked up at him. He bent down and kissed her chastely.
Suddenly a voice rang out in the room.
"Ohh. Hey guys. Sorry. Don't mind me. I'll just be in here. Keep it down, though, will ya?" He laughed at his own joke, walking into the bathroom.
Edward laughed lightly. Bella could tell he was annoyed but only because she knew him so well. If she didn't, she wouldn't be able to tell.
"Ness kick you out, Jacob? And you're staying in our tub? Surely, that can't be too comfortable. What, there aren't any couches downstairs?"
Bella winced and then rolled her eyes. Great, here we go.
Jacob chuckled in response.
"Nah, man. I'm just here to fix a leak. See, that's what I do. Something springs a leak, I'm Mr. Fix-It. I fix it so well that it runs better than it ever did before. I'm real good with my hands." He winked at them and then walked into the bathroom.
Bella could feel her blood boiling.
Was he fucking serious?
Edward looked down at her and frowned. "Oh, well, Bella here was going to lay down and rest so can it wait until later?" He looked back up at Jacob who appeared in the doorway. "She's a little tired and I think some rest would do her a world of good."
Jacob gave them a grin that was clearly saying 'Yeah, I bet she is.'
Bella felt her chest heaving in and out. Oh my God! Oh my God! I have to do something quick!
She looked up at her husband. "Edward, sweetie, it's fine. Jacob's being nice, helping us out. Let's let him get back to work. He won't be too loud. Will you, Jacob?"
They both looked at Jacob and Bella arched her brows pointedly.
He smirked. "I never am."
Her eyes narrowed. Oh, he did not want to be alone with her. She was going to kick his cocky smug-smirking ass!
Edward narrowed his eyes at Jacob, too, but in confusion. Then he looked down at Bella.
"Love, I have to run to the store. Ness and Emmett are going with me. I have to get a new wireless card. Or at least that's what Tanya tells me. I think she said wireless card. Not sure. Ness knows what I need, though. And Emmett's gonna go for the ride."
Bella started hyperventilating. No, no, no. This was not was supposed to happen. She saw Jake smirk wider out of the corner of her eye and go back into the bathroom.
She gulped and tried to sound casual. "Oh, and Rose isn't going with you?"
Edward sighed. "You know Rose. She's out laying by the pool. Even though Em told her there's barely any sun left, she still wants to be out there and soak up as much as she can."
He chuckled. Bella forced a smile onto her face and nodded, looking down. "Good old Rose."
"I was gonna let you stay here and rest but maybe, you'd like to come for the ride and then rest when we get back."
She heard a bang in the bathroom which made her and Edward both wince. Oh, that was it! She understood how he felt but this was getting ridiculous. Fast.
Edward looked down at her pointedly, trying to convey to her his discomfort at leaving her here. With a person he didn't particularly care for it seemed. In their room. Alone.
Bella smiled and put a hand up to his cheek, cupping it.
Just a minute ago, she had been hoping against hope that she wouldn't be left alone. Now she wanted nothing more than to stay and confront Jacob, put him back in his place so she could have at least a shot at a somewhat peaceful weekend. At least in that respect.
"I'll be fine. I really am tired, baby. So I'm gonna lay down like you said. Just go and hurry back, okay?" She stood up and pecked his lips.
He stayed near her lips and whispered. "Well, at least...stay in one of the other bedrooms, alright? The other two aren't being used this weekend so..."
Bella nodded. "Okay."
He gave her his crooked smile. Then he kissed her forehead. "Okay, love."
He grabbed her hand and walked them towards the bathroom. "Jacob, we're going into town and Ness is coming with us. Do you need anything while we're out?"
She heard a tool drop and winced again. He emerged from the small room, wiping his hands on a rag, looking levelly at both of them.
"No, I'm alright, thanks. Just tell Ness I'll see her when she gets back, I guess."
Edward smiled politely. "You got it." He then turned on his heel and walked to the door, pulling Bella with him. She looked back to see Jake glaring at her. She glared right back.
Edward led her down the hall to a closed door. He opened it slowly, letting the door fall open. He led her into the room and shut the door. "No one should disturb you in here, love. I'll be back as soon as I can."
She nodded her head and looked at him gratefully. Some nice peace and quiet was just what she needed. After she spoke to Jacob, that is.
He smiled and then kissed her once more. "Okay, I'll be back, Get some rest, honey. Call me if you need anything."
She smiled back. He opened the door and closed it behind him.
She sighed and then went over to the king size bed. She took her shoes off and laid down on top of the large comforter. It was so comfortable! She smiled and closed her eyes.
She would wait five more minutes before tiptoeing out the door and down the stairs to see if the others were really gone and to make sure Rose was still out by the pool. Then once it was determined that the coast was clear, she would go and deal with Jake. Who the fuck did he think he was? He acted like she was cheating on him for Christ's sake! This was getting out of hand and fast.
She should have never told him that it was more than just sex for her. She should have been strong enough and ended it. She was wrong.
Tears began to slowly trail down her cheeks as she thought of how Edward would react if he ever found out. How hurt and broken he would be. He loved her, she knew he did. He would never cheat on her. He would never betray her the way she had him. She was worthless. A worthless piece of shit. She didn't deserve him or his unfailing trust or his abiding love. She was scum and she knew it.
She sniffled and wiped the tears off her cheek. Three more minutes to go before she needed to draw up whatever strength she had left and take care of business.
She wouldn't end it today. She couldn't. She would wait 'till they got back. Guaranteed if she did it today or tomorrow, Jake would make it a hellish weekend for both her and Edward. And as much as she might, Edward didn't deserve that. No, she would take care of this Sunday night when she was back in her own home, safely away from him, where he couldn't throw these nasty glares at her and make her feel like the worthless tramp she felt like she was. Where he couldn't break down her defenses at the speed of light, keeping her coming back for more. No, she would take care of it then.
She sighed and closed her eyes again. Just a couple of minutes more...
~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~
Bella felt fingers pulling through her hair. She slowly opened her eyes to find a dark room. She realized she was laying on a chest as she felt it breathing in and out, moving her up and down with its rhythm.
She blinked and tried to get her eyes to adjust. She didn't move just yet. She was too comfortable like this.
Then she felt a kiss on her forehead.
It was a tender kiss.
One of reverence.
She smiled.
Wait, a minute.
Those lips were really warm...
And then she recognized his scent.
She gasped and shot upright.
Her eyes were still adjusting but she could make out his large form beneath her.
"Relax, Bells. It's just me. Relax, honey. Relax."
He was rubbing her back soothingly.
She gave herself a minute to think.
It was dark out.
She obviously had fallen asleep.
And she was out way longer than she intended.
Jake was in her bed and not Edward.
Jake was being sweet to her again.
What the fuck was going on?
"Where's Edward?"
She felt him stiffen but she didn't care. She needed to know what the hell was happening.
"Still out. Along with her and Emmett."
"What? No, they were supposed to be back already. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I mean, what's taking them so long? Edward was supposed to only be out for a little while."
Her eyes began to adjust so she went to move off the bed.
Jake grasped her arm gently.
"Bells, I thought you were supposed to be resting." She could hear the hurt in his voice but right now she couldn't cater to that. She had to get her brain back on track and work everything out. She felt very disoriented still.
She went to pull her arm away when he pulled her back into him.
"Shh. Come on, honey. Just lay down for a little while, okay?"
She grimaced. "I've been laying down all night. It was still light out when I fell asleep."
He chuckled and raised his hand to bring her head down to his chest. She was still out of it and didn't fight him.
She could hear his heart beating underneath her. She closed her eyes and sighed. She loved that sound.
He began to rub her back again and kissed her head.
"Ness called me. She said they ran into some friends...clients...whatever and got a little sidetracked. She just couldn't refuse their offer for drinks so Eddie and Emmett went with her."
She lifted her head and glared at him. She didn't know if he saw it or not. It was so dark.
"She asked me to check on you. Imagine my surprise when I found out you hadn't left. I told her I did, that you were fine, not to rush on my account, then got off the phone with her, dropped everything and came in here to find you."
Bella's glare softened a bit and she laid her head back down.
"So I guess that leak wasn't fixed then."
He laughed. "Honey, there never was a leak. I was just trying to get you alone, you know that."
She smiled weakly. She knew.
And then he stopped rubbing her back.
"And you seemed damn determined to make sure that didn't happen."
Bella flinched. This is exactly what she had been trying to avoid.
There was nothing but ice in his tone.
She didn't say anything. She felt his breathing increase. She knew he was mad.
"I shouldn't have told you that today."
She lifted her head and looked at him in confusion.
"Told me what?"
"That. I knew it was a fucking mistake. I should have just kept my mouth shut."
His tone was even harsher than before.
She scoffed and then moved to get off him. This time, he didn't try to stop her.
"A mistake huh? Nice, Jake. Thanks."
She wanted to get up off the bed and move to the door and slam it on her way out but she knew they still needed to have this conversation, whether this ended here and now. Or not.
He sat up, bringing them face to face with one another. Bella didn't know if it was a trick of the moon light coming in from the window but she could swear she saw fire in his eyes. And not the good kind.
"Yeah, a mistake. I knew this would happen. You're trying to push me away, aren't you?"
Bella's mouth hung open. "What? I am not trying to push you away."
He moved closer to her.
"Yeah, you are. Ever since I told you how I felt, you've been looking like a rabbit caught in a snare, just waiting to get loose and run. You've been pulling away from me. You fucking lied to me, Bella."
She was angry now!
"I did not! And you know that's not fucking true, Jacob!"
"Bullshit."
She growled. Yes, she, Bella, growled. Even Jacob was shocked. Well, only for a moment.
"It is not bullshit and you fucking know it. I told you how I felt; I was nothing but completely truthful with you. Don't try to put this shit on me because I can't return what you want me to. I told you I couldn't, that I didn't feel the same way you did. So, go fuck yourself!"
She got off the bed and stood up, facing him.
"And if I look like a 'rabbit caught in a snare', it's because of you. Acting like a complete asshole. Like in there before. Did you really need to be such a dick?"
He went to retort but she cut him off.
"No. You didn't. I don't give you shit when you kiss your wife, when you hug her or call her 'babe' or 'honey'. Yeah, it bothers me, I don't like it but I deal with it. You don't see me throwing tools around or acting like a cocky bitch to either of you or doing my fucking best to make sure you feel like a piece of shit because I don't like it. You need to grow the fuck up, Jacob. Stop acting like a goddamn two-year old throwing a temper tantrum because he's not getting his way! And that is why I want to 'get loose and run'!"
She quickly walked to the door and was about to open it when he pulled her back roughly into him. She hadn't even heard him jump off the bed. Man, he was fast.
"Let me go!"
He breathed into her ear. "Quiet down. Rose is down the hall. Do you want her to hear you?"
Bella closed her eyes and formed her lips into a thin line. Dammit!
She gritted her teeth. "Let me go then."
"Not until you hear what I have to say."
She tried to free her arms unsuccessfully.
"I don't care what you have to say."
"Too bad."
He then clamped his hand on her mouth and dragged her to the bathroom, her protesting all the way.
He pulled her inside the smaller room and shut the door, locking it. He then flicked on the light and let her go. She turned around to slap him and he caught her wrist in mid-air.
"Enough with the damn slapping already! Christ! And I'm the one that needs to grow up?!"
She pulled her hand free and began to move towards the door. He blocked her way and stared down at her.
"Get out of my way."
"No. Not until we talk this through."
"Goddammit Jake! I said move!"
He put a finger to his lips.
"I don't care!"
"You will care if he finds out."
She crossed her arms and 'harrumphed', refusing to look at him.
He chuckled and made his way to the shower, turning on the water.
She rolled her eyes.
"Oh that's smart; lock yourself in a bathroom here with me that anyone can just walk in on anytime. And now, we can't even hear them coming. Good thinking, Jake."
He glared at her and she was more than happy to return it.
He moved to stand in front of her. She continued her glare up at him.
"Listen, smartass, the door to the room is locked so it buys us a little privacy. Rose hasn't come out of her room since she came in from outside. Ness is going to call me when they're on their way home like I asked her to so we'll have some warning." He pulled his cell phone out and waved it in the air to illustrate his point. Bella's glare intensified. "And the shower is just in case your little episode out there made Blondie's ears perk up. So as much as I might be the dumb one in in the relationship, you've obviously got shit for brains."
Her mouth formed into the tight little line again.
"Did you just say relationship?"
He looked a little taken aback but recovered quickly.
"Yeah. And your point?"
She narrowed her eyes even further.
"You know what my point is."
He looked a bit hurt but lowered his eyes and bit down on his bottom lip.
"So, what? You want to end it? Once and for all?"
She scoffed and dropped her arms to her sides. "Is everything always all or nothing with you, Jake? Jesus."
She turned away from him and ran her right hand through her hair while placing her left hand on her hip as she lowered her eyes to the ground.
She had been wanting to end it. Not now, but when they got home. She couldn't do this. Jake was in deeper than she was. That much was obvious. And she couldn't get any deeper than she already was. They were married to other people for God's sake!
"If you mean, am I not going to continue an affair behind my wife's back where I'm just being used to get you off on a regular basis?"
She snapped around, her hands falling to her side again, this time in angry shock.
"Then the answer is yes. I'm an all or nothing type of guy, what can I tell you? I'm not in this to get laid. I thought I made that clear earlier."
He stared her down.
She was about to say something, anything, nasty that she could come up with. But in the end, she just sighed, shook her head and sat on the counter, letting her feet dangle.
She ran her hand through her hair and stared around her.
"I know you did, Jake. But this...this is getting to be a bit too much."
She looked over at him and his eyes were to the ground, his jaw clenched.
She groaned in frustration. "I mean, we're both married! You can't be making demands on me like that. Just like I can't on you. And you can't be making me feel like I'm in the wrong, like I'm cheating on you every time Edward kisses me or has his arms around me. I saw that look in the car."
His eyes flickered to hers.
"And so did everyone else. And then you act as if I don't exist, clearly making it obvious that you're pissed at me, making me feel like shit because I took a nap in my husband's arms. And everyone saw that, too. Then as soon as we get here, what's the first thing you do? You make up some stupid excuse so you can get me alone while your wife is right there. One that didn't really make sense and you know it. She even knew it. Then Edward's there and you start banging things, throwing things around, making inappropriate comments and don't even try to deny it."
He didn't say a word, just kept looking at her. His eyes looked a little glassy but maybe it was just a trick of the light. At least that's what Bella was telling herself. She continued, never once taking her eyes off him.
"And then Edward says we're leaving, which was a slip of the tongue by the way as you can see, and you didn't even try to disguise what you were feeling. Jake, Edward saw all that! You're not being careful."
She sighed and closed her eyes quickly before opening them and raising her hands to accentuate the meaning of what she was going to say next.
"I can't...have you doing that. And do I want to run in the other direction? Fuck yeah, I do. I can't have another relationship while I'm still in one! It just isn't going to work. And it's not fair to Edward and it's not fair to Ness. I really don't want to hurt them, Jake. I actually happen to like Ness, she's a good person and she's been nothing but gracious to me, time and time again. And I love Edward. That's not gonna change."
His eyes flashed. "Funny, you weren't thinking like that when you were begging me to fuck you in the car last night. Or when you were screaming my name that day in the park. Or even when I was making love to you this afternoon. You used those words, not me."
His eyes were even glassier. Shit, it wasn't the light.
She closed her eyes and held her head in her right hand. "I know I did, Jake. But that's because that's what it was. You held my hand during the entire thing and didn't let it go. You told me to keep focused on you and nothing else. I mean, you moved the slowest you've ever moved. You were gentle and tender and...loving. That wasn't fucking. That wasn't sex. And you know it."
His mouth dropped open. "So let me get this straight, it bothers you that I made love to you, Bella?"
"No."
"That I didn't mindlessly fuck you like an animal?"
She moved her hand to cover her face.
"No."
"That I didn't just fucking take you on the kitchen table, right there and then? Is that what you want, Bella? Just a good rough fuck?"
She felt the tears start to drop into her hand. She could only whisper now.
"No."
"Then why the fuck would it bother you that I made love to you? Why is that so bad? I mean, was it that bad? Was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought you liked it..."
His voice broke then and she moved her hand away and lifted her head up to look at him. He was biting his lip roughly and he had his head in his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.
She sniffled. "No, it's not that, Jake. It was amazing, the best anyone's ever made me feel. It truly was. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is why it happened."
He let his hands fall from his head and looked up at her in shock. Tears were at the corner of his eyes.
She didn't want to say it. She really didn't. She just knew it would hurt him. But she didn't have a choice. It had to be said.
"You're in this much deeper than I am, Jake. That's obvious. You're looking for something that I can't give you."
Tears fell down her face as she watched his expression crumble.
"B-But...you said..." His voice was breaking and she wanted to throw her arms around him but she couldn't.
"I know what I said. But, Jake, I can't do this. Not anymore. This means more to you than it does to me. So I need to be fair to all of us, before anyone else gets hurt. It's over. I'm sorry."
She choked back a sob. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks.
Jake dropped his head and Bella saw a few tears spill out of his closed eyes. He brought a hand up and wiped them. He took a deep breath and then raised his head to look at her.
"You don't mean that."
She nodded her head. "Yes. Yes, I do."
He mashed his lips together and nodded, looking at the floor.
"You never really cared about me, did you? I was nothing more than a good lay, wasn't I? What was it you said, 'a dick walking around'? That's all I am to you, aren't you? A dick walking around with a five week shelf life?"
Bella gasped. He sounded like a vulnerable little boy. She could hear the pain in his voice.
"Of course not, Jacob! I never said that! And I do care about you!"
He looked up at her, a tear dropping onto his right cheek.
"Then why? Why are you doing this? Why would you make love to me? Let me make love to you? Let me tell you how I feel about you and then just...walk away? Why?"
She could see the agony in his eyes. She was breaking him. She couldn't take it anymore. This was all her fault. She let it get this far. This one was on her and her alone.
She closed her eyes. She whispered her plea to him.
"You know why, Jacob. Please don't make me say it."
"Because you love him, right?"
Bella opened her eyes. She forced herself to look at the devastation before her, to see what she had done. It killed her to do it but she deserved it. This was all her fault.
She nodded.
Jake moved forward a little, his dark eyes glistening with tears that would surely fall in the next few seconds.
"I know that, Bells. I do. I get it. And I'm sorry if I made you feel like...like you had to choose. I'm not trying to make you do that. I didn't mean to freak you out today. But...I don't want to lose you. I need you, Bells. Please. Please don't do this."
He grabbed her hand, begging her with those eyes.
"Please."
His throaty plea broke her heart.
He squeezed her hand and swallowed thickly.
Bella lowered her head.
"I can't."
Jake dropped her hand.
She looked back up at him. His eyes were blank and he stared down at the floor.
"I'm sorry."
Bella wanted to break down and cry. She wanted to beg him to forgive her, to not be upset. But she couldn't do that. They needed to do the right thing. Other lives, marriages, were at stake here.
He nodded slowly.
"Okay."
He turned around, headed to the door and unlocked it. Before he pulled it open, Bella spoke.
"Jake,"
He froze but didn't turn around.
"I'm-so-sor-ry." She could only whisper it, unable to stop the sobs that accompanied it.
He stayed there, not moving, not making a sound. And then she heard his broken strangled voice whisper back to her.
"Me, too."
And then he opened the door and walked out.
Bella put her head into her hands and cried. She didn't care that the shower was still running. She didn't care if Rose or anyone else heard her. She didn't care that Edward would be home soon, wondering why she was crying hysterically in another bathroom that wasn't their own.
She only cared about one thing right now.
Jacob Black was gone.
And it was all her fault.