A/N: All info located in chapter "Over" posting.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
The chirping of Jake's cell phone woke Bella up.
He reached for it and tried to mute it but it was too late.
Bella was already awake.
She groggily watched him flip the phone open and stare at the screen. He then typed a quick response with one hand (the other being wrapped around her shoulder, holding her against him) and shut his phone.
"Who was that?"
He looked down at her and smiled. "Hey you."
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "How'd you sleep?"
She closed her eyes and buried her head further into his chest, gripping his shirt tightly in her fists. She didn't know why but she started to feel as if she needed to hold onto him, not letting him go or else he was going to slip away for good. She hated feeling that panic, that fear response, but for some reason, the feeling of dread wouldn't leave her.
"Okay, I guess. Who just texted you?"
She winced at the question. She sounded like a pushy mistrusting girlfriend. She hadn't meant to. She hoped Jake wouldn't think she was like that.
"It was just them, letting me know they're gonna be back in about a half hour or so. They stayed longer than they initially thought they would."
She held her head up and looked up at him.
"Them? Where are they?"
He gave her an impish grin.
"They're all out grabbing something to eat. I elected to stay behind and take care of you." He punctuated the last statement with a soft kiss to her hairline.
Her eyes widened. Wait, hadn't he just told her not that long ago that Ness was suspecting them of having an affair? Hadn't he said they needed to be careful?
Almost as if he read her thoughts, he began to calm her fears.
"Don't worry, honey. It's all worked out. As far as they know, I went into town to take care of some things and I wasn't hungry." He gave her a little wink.
She didn't really think it was a strong enough excuse but for now, she decided to let it go. She'd worry about it later. The only thing that surprised her was Edward had gone without her. Normally, he would have been concerned, checking with her at least once before he left. And this time, he had left without a word. Not that it bothered her, but still, it was so odd.
Again, he read her mind. "He knew you needed to rest. Rose told him how tired you looked coming in here. He was going to wake you up just to see if you wanted him to stay but the others convinced him to let you sleep."
She laid her head back down. "Oh."
She yawned and rubbed her right eye sleepily. "When do we have to go to this party?"
"Soon."
She lifted her head once more to look at him. His tone had been harsh, roughly edged with venom. She arched her eyebrows questioningly.
"What's wrong?"
He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly with his free hand.
"Nothing. I just...hate these things. That's all."
He cupped her cheek gently and began to stroke her hair on the side by her ear. He stared at her reverently.
She laid her head back down on his chest, but this time resting her chin on her hand and looking straight up at him.
She narrowed her eyes at him in scrutiny.
"There's more to it than that. Isn't there?"
He sighed again and began to brush his fingers softly against her cheek.
"Honey, I need to talk to you about something."
She rested her eyes on his chest, refusing to look up at him. This definitely didn't sound good. The feeling of dread that had been hovering over her, threatening to overtake her and consume her into its nothingness now began to take root in her stomach, spreading slowly throughout her body, into each of her limbs.
"Okay. What is it?"
Two fingers reached gently under her chin and pulled her up to look at him.
"Baby, look at me. This is important."
She nodded and rested her chin on her hand, this time, her eyes on his.
"Okay."
He rubbed his face again, sighing heavily at the end in frustration.
"Okay, do you remember how we talked about...these types of things at your house yesterday?"
She nodded again. Yes, she remembered. Where was he going with this?
He repositioned himself and her so they were both laying down on their sides, facing each other. She didn't like it, being out of his arms, but she kept her legs tangled with his so at least some parts of their bodies were still touching.
"Well, there's probably going to be a lot of that going on tonight. And I just don't want you to get upset when it does."
She mashed her eyebrows together in confusion. "Jake, we talked about this already. We don't need to go over it again. I know you're only doing what Ness asked you to. It's fine, so don't worry about it, okay?"
She gave him a small smile and reached her hand up to thread her fingers in his hair and massage his scalp.
He closed his eyes.
"I love it when you do that."
She chuckled.
"I love you."
His eyes flipped open and he stared at her. But instead of seeing the smile she expected to see, worry, fear and...shame flooded his features.
Her smile fell.
"Jake, what is it? What's wrong?"
He lowered his eyes to the bed in between them.
"There's something else I have to tell you."
He brought his eyes back up to hers and began to bite down on his bottom lip.
She swallowed. This was bad. Whatever it is he needed to tell her, it was bad.
Her heart started to pound and her breathing became shallow.
He had just told her he loved her in the kitchen before. He had said he wanted only her. That he would do anything she wanted. That he loved her. That he would wait for her, if need be. Then why did she get the feeling that this was all about to come crashing down on her?
She began to pull her hand back when he grabbed it and brought it to his chest.
"Bells..."
Bella shut her eyes. Oh God.
"Honey, look at me."
She shook her head.
"No?"
She shook her head again. Whatever it was he was going to say, she didn't want to hear it. That dread was back in full force. It coated every breath she let out of her body. It flowed in and out of every pump of her heart. Something was wrong. Very wrong.
"Baby, please. This is important. I need to tell you this."
She felt a hand begin to stroke the side of her face, a thumb over her lips and over her nose.
"Please."
His voice sounded broken. Against her will, her eyes opened.
She took in his expression. He was scared now. Oh crap.
She wanted to get up and run into the bathroom, locking the door and refusing to come out. She wanted to clamp her hands down on her ears and chant the childish "Na-na-na-na I can't hear you!" She wanted to pull away from him and curl up into a ball until Edward could pack her into the car and take her home. Every impulse she had to run as far as she could only got stronger and stronger with each second she saw the fear in his eyes deepen.
He picked up his head and leaning in, kissed her.
She began to melt into him, letting all her worries and fears begin to subside with every movement of his lips against hers.
Her free hand found its way up into his hair and tugged gently to pull him closer to her. He obliged.
She felt his tongue brush against her lips and she opened them, allowing him inside.
He began to move his tongue with hers slowly. He pushed himself off the bed and moved her to lay down on her back, him going down with her on top.
He let her hand go and let his snake behind her back and pull her up into him.
Their kissing became more frantic, filled with a silent longing. He needed her just as much as she needed him.
He pulled away so they could get some air.
"Bells, I need-"
She put a hand to his mouth, gently cupping it. "No. Don't, just..."
He stared down at her helplessly.
The farther he was away from her, the more the dread set in. She needed him.
"Make love to me."
His eyes widened and he slowly moved his mouth from beneath her hand.
"Sweetheart, I can't. Not right now. They're going to be back soon. And I still need to tell you-"
She raised her head in a flash and crushed her lips to his.
No, she couldn't let him speak. She knew her end was on the tip of his tongue, the words he so desperately wanted to let out.
He pulled away from her again, this time gasping for breath, looking down at her, pleading with her.
"Baby, I want to. But we can't. They'll catch us. We only have a little bit of time left."
All reason had gone out the window. The need for him was back and was guiding every one of her movements, every word that tumbled out of her mouth. She arched her back into him and let out a small whine of lust.
"Touch me."
She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her left breast and squeezed. She arched her back again and moaned. She began to trail his hand in hers down her body slowly. She brought them to a stop right near the crotch of her jean shorts. She arched her back once more when she forced his hand to grasp her through the material.
"Feel me."
He hadn't moved. His eyes followed their hands as they worked her way down her body. He never took his eyes off them but his breathing had become ragged. She could feel his hardness against her thigh.
She began to move his hand back and forth in a rubbing motion and she moaned again. She then lifted herself up until she met him. His eyes snapped to hers and she leaned forward and licked along his closed lips slowly. At the same time, she brought her other hand to his erection and began to rub him through his shorts.
She kissed his lips for a second and pulled away before he could return it. She removed both of her hands and heard him groan in response. She pulled her shirt up a little and popped the button on her shorts. She lowered the zipper and then grabbed his hand and pushed it down with hers past the waistband of her underwear. It was a tight fit but she made it work. She didn't stop moving them until she reached her folds. She pressed two of his fingers in with hers and they both gasped at the dripping moisture they found there.
She closed her eyes and threw her head back. Her eyes flipped open and she brought them back down slowly to look at him. His eyes were dark, just as much as she knew her own to be.
She whispered to him.
"Love me."
His eyes darkened even further. He stared at her for a moment and then in a quick fluid movement, leaned forward and crashed his lips into hers. His other hand splayed its fingers onto her back, holding her as he laid them back down. His kissing was more frenzied, filled with as much need as she felt.
New Bella, Jake's Bella, smiled against his lips.
She knew she had won.
She removed her hand from around his in her underwear and brought it to slip under his shirt. Her other hand joined it shortly and they both caressed the taut muscle they found there.
His hand that had been resting on her back moved up to cup the back of her neck and pull her up to meet him more fully. He sucked her tongue into his mouth, rubbing her folds gently, making her moan.
She moved her hands to the hem of his shirt and began to pull. Knowing what she wanted, he broke the kiss, sat up a little and lifted the shirt off his head, throwing it to the floor.
Before he could lay back down and resume kissing her, Bella began to lift her own shirt. She sat up and he helped her take it off. It got stuck for a minute when it was about to come off her head and Jake had to stop her movements to unsnag it and pull it the rest of the way off. They both laughed and shook their heads. She grabbed his face and pulled him back down with her, latching her mouth onto his.
She reached down and quickly undid his shorts. She brought her feet up to help push them down. He broke the kiss to help her and she whined petulantly.
"One sec, Bells. Sheesh, so impatient." He chuckled and she pouted.
He took his shorts and boxers off and threw them on the floor as well.
"Now, let's see what we can do about yours."
He grinned wickedly at her and lowered himself down until he was face to face with her lower half.
He began to place gentle kisses on her bare stomach as he slowly pulled down her shorts.
Bella's eyes rolled in the back of her head. He was going slow, way too slow for her right now.
"Jake."
He stopped his ministrations and looked up at her and she cupped his right cheek.
"Please, baby. I just...need you right now. Please. Make love to me."
He smiled and kissed her stomach again.
"I am making love to you, honey."
She winced. Here he was, trying to make love to her sweetly and she was rushing him. She knew she was being greedy, selfish even, but the need was too strong. She needed him and she needed him now.
She lifted his face to look at hers.
"Jake, I...need to...feel you. Right now. It hurts."
He stared up at her, his eyes narrowing.
Shit, she hoped he wasn't mad. It's not that she wasn't appreciative of his gestures of love and tenderness but right now, her body ached for him. It was almost as if he didn't fill her this second, she would explode. As if that dread would take up space inside her instead if she didn't feel that connection with him right now.
He hadn't said a word or moved an inch, just kept staring at her.
Eventually, she turned her head to break his gaze. Shit, she had pissed him off.
"Baby,"
She reluctantly turned to look down at him.
"What's wrong?"
She turned her head again, refusing to look at him.
She felt him lift himself up until he was face to face with her. Well, almost face to face. She still couldn't bring herself to look at him.
But his fingers did the work for her, grasping her chin and bringing her to meet his concerned stare.
"Hey. Talk to me. What's wrong?"
She felt her eyes brim with hot unshed tears, blurring her vision. Dammit, why was she crying so damn much lately?
She shook her head. "Nothing, nothing. Just...I need you. That's all."
She could feel it.
She had been right. Sure enough, that damn dread was filling her up, taking her over, causing such fear and panic inside her, worse than she'd ever felt before.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
He shook his head. "No. It's definitely something. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, baby."
She shook her head again and the motion caused a few tears to shake loose, trailing down her cheeks. Dammit!
She sighed and sniffled. His hand let her chin go and began to stroke her left cheek tenderly.
She looked up at him. "This weekend really sucks." She let out a laugh that turned into a sob and then she began to cry.
He began to kiss her forehead. "Shhhh. Baby, it's okay. Don't cry. Everything's gonna be okay. Shhh. Honey, please don't cry. Shhh."
She grabbed him and pulled him down to her and she buried her face in his neck. She felt bad because she knew he was getting wet from the mess that was now her face but she couldn't help it. She needed him to hold her.
"Shhh. Honey, what is this all about? Come on, you can talk to me. Please tell me what's going on."
She took a deep breath and let it out which sounded like a strangled sob. She swallowed and began to gasp for air.
"I-I d-don't know-w. It's just-ev-verything's so f-fucked up-p."
She took another deep breath.
"I fe-el like I'm gon-na lose y-you. An-And it h-hurts. Badly."
He raised himself up, away from her and she began to sob again as he looked down at her.
"Hey, hey. You are not gonna lose me. Not gonna happen." She tried to take a few deep breaths to calm down in response. She felt so bad that only two minutes ago she had been the sexy, confident, strong Bella, Jake's Bella. And now she was a muddled mess of tears and annoying sobs, completely killing the mood.
He sighed and began to wipe her tears with his hand. "Honey, haven't you been hearing anything I've been telling you? Didn't you listen to a word I said in the kitchen earlier? I love you, sweetheart. I love you and I want you. No one else. Just you. I'm holding onto you so tight, you're gonna have to beat me off with a stick just to get one minute to yourself. I can't keep my hands off of you. But knowing you, you'd probably just use your fists."
He laughed and surprisingly enough, so did she. He did always know how to make her feel better.
She took in a deep ragged breath. "I am sorry about that, by the way."
He shrugged and smiled. "Ah, it wasn't a big deal. I deserved it. I was being a real ass. Besides, you can't punch worth a shit anyhow, so it didn't really hurt."
His smile grew wider and she smacked him in the chest. "Now, see, slapping? That's more your forte."
She smacked him in the shoulder this time and he laughed. "But baby, I'll let you hit me a thousand times every day if it means I get to hold you even for just one minute."
He lowered himself down and rested his chin on her stomach, looking up at her, grinning.
She allowed her fingers to work their way into his hair and massage his scalp again, just the way he liked it.
He smiled warmly at her and then dipped his head and placed a reverent kiss on her stomach before resting his chin on it once again.
She sighed. "Jake, you know this isn't gonna end well."
His smile melted off his face but instead of the anger she expected, instead he stared up at her earnestly, his eyes soft and pleading.
"That's where you're wrong, honey. This is going to end well. I promise you that."
He again kissed her stomach and turned back to her.
Honestly, she didn't see how it could. They were both married to other people, good innocent people at that. People they were reluctant to just up and leave. Well, people that she was reluctant to up and leave, anyway. Yet, she was in love with this man. This beautiful, warm, loving, kind-hearted man. And he was in love with her, too. And he was willing to do anything for her. Anything.
"Jake?"
He smiled up at her, obviously enjoying her ministrations on his head.
"Yeah?"
She didn't want to voice this. She didn't know why, but she almost felt that by vocalizing this fear out loud that it would somehow make it real. That the dread would somehow become solidified and follow them around until that very fear was realized. But, she trusted him. She needed to ask him. She needed to know.
"What if we don't make it 'till the end of this weekend?"
His eyes went hard and he sat up, forcing her hand to leave his head, and he positioned himself to hover right above her, staring down at her.
"We will make it, Bells."
She nodded. But the nagging feeling was still there.
"Well, what if something happens or someth-"
"Bella!"
She flinched at his harsh command.
He brought his hand to her cheek and cupped it tenderly, brushing his thumb back and forth over the smooth plane of skin.
"We will make it. I will do whatever it takes to keep us together. Okay? Whatever it takes."
She looked up at him. His voice had been lower, softer, begging for her trust and belief in him.
She lifted her head up and kissed him. She then laid her head back down and stared up into his eyes.
"I trust you."
His eyes looked down for a second, breaking their intense gaze but he brought them right back, the dark surfaces now glistening.
"I love you, Bella. Above anything else, anything that happens, I want you to remember that. Replay it over and over in your head if you have to, but remember it. And know that everything I do is for you, for us."
She stared up at him confused. What did that mean, everything he does?
"Promise me, Bella. Promise me that you'll remember that."
Her eyebrows furrowed further and she thought about asking him to clarify what he meant. But then that feeling of dread came back, tormenting her, laughing at her, tempting her with its dark whisperings. And so she acquiesced.
"I promise."
He moved in closer until he was right above her lips. His fingers had cupped her chin again, not allowing any room for movement or escape. He stared right into her eyes, almost as if this connection would coat them with a magical protection of some kind made of the sincerity of the words that were about to be spoken.
"You do that and I'll take care of the rest. I promise. I will keep us together. I know things are difficult right now; we're both under a lot of pressure. But once we get home, things will go back to normal and we'll be able to spend more time together, okay? So hang in there and remember what I told you, no matter what. Deal?"
She nodded, the only movement his fingers did allow.
"And tonight, while all of this stupid fucking shit goes on, I want you to remember that I love you and I am always thinking about you. That there's no one else I'd rather be with more than you. Got it?"
She nodded again.
"So, we're going to go to this party, we're going to keep those stupid shit-eating grins on our faces and please the masses, you're going to dance with Emmett-"
She flinched. She had forgotten about that. A godsend for sure.
He chuckled. "Don't think I've forgotten about that. You know Emmett hasn't, so you're not getting out of it." And as quickly as the smile had appeared on his face, it disappeared and he was serious once more.
"You're going to dance with Emmett. You're going to have fun with him. You're going to be fine. You are not going to worry about anything else. Absolutely nothing else. Okay?"
She nodded once more and sniffled. He let go of her chin and began to brush her hair away from her forehead.
"Listen, everything's gonna be okay. Like I said, I know it's tough right now, but we'll get through it. You just remember what I told you and leave the rest to me. Promise me, baby."
"I promise."
He smiled. "Good. Now kiss me and make it a good one. It's gonna be a little while before I get to plant one on those beautiful lips of yours."
She laughed and pushed her lips to his.
He kissed her long and slow, slipping his tongue inside, touching it to hers in languid strokes, stoking the fire within them once more.
But before they could go any further, his phone chirped again.
He broke away and she whimpered. He smiled and reached for his phone. "One second, baby."
He flipped it open, read the message quickly and then shut it again.
"They'll be here in five minutes. They're just around the corner." He sighed, placing the phone back on the nightstand and began to move off of her.
Even though he had just taken the time to calm her down and reassure her, Bella still felt that damn dreaded feeling. She couldn't shake it off. It was so powerful that it controlled her actions next.
She grabbed his arm and began to pull him back down to her. He tried to pull away.
"Baby, we gotta get dressed. They're gonna be here soon."
"No. Please stay. Please."
She knew she sounded like a whining petulant child but she couldn't help it. For some damn reason, she couldn't shake this awful feeling that this was the last time she would get to hold him, to feel his skin against hers.
He finally let her win and laid on top of her, resting his head against her as she buried her face in his neck. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and held him tight.
"Bells-"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and buried her face deeper.
"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this, but I just...I can't help but feel like something's gonna go wrong tonight. I can't help it."
He tried to lift up so he could look at her but she wouldn't let him. Everywhere he moved, she moved with him, always keeping safely buried in his neck.
"Bella, I just-"
She sobbed. "I know! I know what you just told me and I remember it! But I still don't feel right, I'm sorry! Can you please just stay with me a little longer? You said you would do anything I want, right? So please, please stay with me. Don't leave. Just stay here...with me."
She felt him take a deep breath. "Bells, that's not fair."
He lifted himself and pried her arms from around his neck and stared down at her. She couldn't read his expression.
"If they come home in the next three minutes, they'll catch us."
Her mouth spoke before she could think. "I don't care."
He gave her a small smile. "Yes, you do."
She looked straight up at him, trying to convey her meaning with her eyes.
"Jake, I want you with me. Please. Stay."
He looked down at her, his smile fading. His eyes were concerned.
"You really want me to stay?"
She nodded. "Yes. I want you with me."
He still looked unsure and she knew her next statement would be hitting below the belt, playing completely unfairly to get what she wanted. But she just had to.
"If you love me, if you really want me like you said, you'll stay."
His eyes narrowed.
"Bella, you know that's not playing fair at all. You know I love you. You know that I want you. What's gotten into you? What has you acting like this?"
The blood rushed to her cheeks and she huffed. She instead wriggled her arms free and pushed him back, attempting to get up and move past him to get off the bed.
"Forget it."
She was about to place her feet on the floor when she felt his large hands grasp her arms gently and pull her back into his chest.
"Hey, hey. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you mad but I need to know what's going on here, Bells. You're never like this. You've always been the one to worry about getting caught, not the other way around. So talk to me. What's going on here?"
She wriggled to get out of his grasp again but he held her firmly. She wasn't getting out of this one.
"Bella..."
She winced at the warning in his tone. Dammit, why couldn't she have controlled herself before? She still refused to look back at him.
"Honey, tell me what's wrong. If you don't tell me, then how can I ever fix it?"
She sighed. "It's nothing, Jake. Just please let me go. I need to find my shirt."
She waited and only silence followed.
After about a minute, he released her and she scurried off the bed. "Thank you."
She bent down and grabbed her shirt where he had dropped it. She zipped up her shorts and slipped her shirt on. She began to make her way to the bathroom.
She heard him get off the bed behind her and begin to get dressed. She didn't glance back.
She went into the bathroom and closed the door. She turned the light on and lowered the switch until it was nothing more than a soft glow. Then she began to wash her hands.
She heard the door open behind her but still she wouldn't look up. She just focused on the soapy lather on her skin as she ran her hands under the flowing water. She still didn't look up when she felt big strong arms wrap around her and warm lips place a soft kiss to her shoulder.
The kisses trailed up onto her neck and to the side of her face. She finished washing her hands and grabbed at the towel on the counter, drying them but still never looking up.
She heard him sigh.
"Bells, are you ever gonna look at me again?"
She didn't answer him, only shrugged.
She laid the towel back down on the counter and then stood there, her eyes trained on the faucet. She didn't know why she was acting so stubborn. Maybe it's because she was pissed that he wouldn't stay with her like she asked. Or maybe it was because that fucking dreaded feeling was still hanging over her damn head, hovering like some little rain cloud, just waiting to burst and drown her in its misery.
She felt his arms lower and tighten. He picked her up and sat her down on the counter to face him. She still wouldn't look up.
She heard him sigh again, this time angrily.
He cupped her chin firmly and forced her eyes up to meet his.
She could see he was angry but at the same time concerned, worried even.
"Bells, you've got me freaking out right now. What the hell is going on?"
"Nothing. I just don't want to be here."
He looked stricken, almost as if she had slapped him. He took a step back, his mouth hanging open.
"What the-what-what the fuck, Bells? After I just told you I love you and I'll do anything for you? What the fuck is that?"
She frowned at him in confusion. Why should he be so mad about that? And then a light bulb went off in her head.
She shook her head. "No, no. That's not what I meant. It's not what you're thinking, I just..."
She took a deep breath and placed her head in her hands. She could feel the tears threatening to overtake her again. Damn those tears! What was with her?
"I hate being here, Jacob. I hate how things have so drastically changed. And I don't mean you telling me you love me or me telling you. I mean, everything else. I hate that we're here, stuck in this goddamn house where I can't even send you a text message without someone getting suspicious. I hate having to see her arms around you and clinging to you like she did this afternoon. I hate worrying who's gonna notice something or who's going to find out. I hate that Edward's demeanor has changed since he's been here and it makes me fall out of love with him even more and feel less guilty about what we're doing. I hate that we have to go to this thing tonight and now I have to watch you flirt and be affectionate with all these damn women and I can't do a damn thing about it. I hate that I feel alone and like I have absolutely no one here in my corner. I hate this bad feeling that I have about tonight, like I'm not gonna be able to make it the next three days no matter how many times I remind myself that I should. I hate all this lying and deceiving and secrecy and underhandedness and...God! I just hate it. I hate it all. And most of all, I hate being away from you. Not being able to see you when I want to. Not being able to talk to you, to touch you, to kiss you, to give you a damn hug, even. I fucking hate it ALL!"
She didn't remove her hands from her face, afraid to see his expression. She hadn't meant to rant and rave at him. It just all came flying out. She let out a sob as a few tears escaped into her open palms.
"So tell me, Jacob. What could you possibly do or say to fix all of that?"
She only heard silence. And then she began to cry again, cursing herself all the while for her stupid emotional mood swings that she just couldn't seem to get under control.
She heard him take a deep breath and then she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her into a hug. She then felt him place a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
"Baby, don't you know how much you mean to me? Don't you think I hate it, too? That I can't touch you or kiss you or talk to you whenever I want? Do you think I want to have her 'clinging' to me or holding onto me when all I wish is it was you? And don't you think I'm tired of all the sneaking around as well? All I want to do is keep you with me and say 'damn it all to hell'. Trust me, honey, this isn't easy for me, either. I mean, shit, I'm up most nights wondering if you're sleeping, hoping you're dreaming of me just so you're with me somehow, wondering how it would feel to hold you in my arms just once while you do, not be so fucking rushed all the time or worrying that we'll get caught. It's not easy, but we're making it work. But, Bells..."
He pulled her hands away and lifted her head up to look at him.
"Do you really love me? I mean, as much as I love you?"
She pulled her hands from his grasp and looked at him exasperatedly.
"Yes! How many times do I have to tell you?"
He pulled her into his arms again, rubbing circles on her back.
"Okay, okay. I believe you. But listen,"
He pulled back to look at her again.
"The only reason I ask is because as much as I love you, I don't want you to be miserable. And if this isn't..."
He sounded like he was getting choked up and she stared up at him, waiting for him to finish.
He swallowed thickly and then looked at her.
"If this isn't something you want, something that you really want to work out, then...then we should just let this go." Bella's mouth dropped in shock. "I don't like seeing you like this, honey. I don't want to lose you but..." Again he swallowed and looked down. "But if you're happier being with just him, then...I won't stand in your way. I won't keep putting you through this."
He glanced back up at her, his eyes glistening once again, pleading with her for understanding. The tears swam in her vision.
"Jacob Black! Are you trying to break up with me?"
They both stared at each other and then laughed at the absurdity of the question clearly out of a high school cafeteria. Bella smiled and wiped her cheeks and he kissed her forehead, smiling.
"Of course not, Bells. I just said I don't want to lose you but if-"
"But if 'I don't want to get my ass kicked and my balls cut off so I won't dare to mention that again' were the next words to come out of your mouth, Mr. Black, then I don't see why we should have a problem." She glared at him and his eyes went wide.
"Damn." He gulped.
"Uh huh."
He laughed and kissed her forehead again.
"Well, then I guess we don't have a problem."
She chuckled. "I thought you'd see things my way."
He shook his head and pulled back to look at her.
"Yep, I've definitely seen the light, the error of my ways. Never let me mention it again."
He grimaced and she laughed again.
"And that is why, dear Jacob, I love you so much. Because you know when you're wrong and you admit it."
She leaned in and kissed him chastely.
"Which is pretty much always but still."
He growled and kissed her neck.
"I am not always wrong. I just let you think you're always right. There's a difference."
She gave him a disbelieving look. "Please. If that were the case, what would be the point of giving in all the time then?"
He pulled away and grinned impishly.
"Well for one thing, it avoids a fight."
She rolled her eyes. "Okay. And the next thing?"
He grinned wider and leaned in, placing his mouth at her ear.
"It always gets me laid."
She scoffed in disgust and smacked his chest.
"You are a dog, Jacob Black! A filthy...perverted...dirty-minded...dog!"
He laughed and held her close to him.
"Yeah, but you love me. So you must be filthy...perverted...and dirty-minded yourself if you keep company with such an animal." He nipped her neck playfully. She yelped and smacked his arm.
He sighed and buried his face into her neck, hugging her tight.
"Baby, I love you. That's all you need to know to hang in there until tomorrow night." He pulled away and brushed a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "Remember what I said, okay? You promised. And tonight will be okay. I'll make sure of it. And if you get to the point where it's too much for you, the girls or Ness or the party in general, you just flat out come and get me. You matter more to me than any of them. You should know that by now. The only reason I'm even keeping up this charade and not taking you and keeping you with me like I want is because of you. I know you're not ready and I told you I'll wait for you, however long it takes. So, if it all becomes too much, you just come and grab my hand and we'll come right back here, no matter who sees us. And I won't leave your side until we go home. Okay?"
She nodded, feeling a little bit better than she did before. Even though his declaration regarding his staying in the 'charade' was a little surprising. And alarming.
"Jake, what do you mean 'keeping up this charade'?"
He went to answer her but they heard Emmett's loud voice boom throughout the house.
"Nah, Ness, I'm sure he's outside or something. Don't worry, we'll find him. Knowing him, he's just hiding out, not wanting to go kiss ass and make nice with all those suits."
Jake closed his eyes and sighed. He opened them and leaned in and kissed her softly. Then he hugged her and whispered in her ear. "Remember, honey. I love you. That's all that matters. Remember."
She nodded against him and he lowered her down onto the floor and grabbed her hand. He turned the light off, opened the door and stepped out into the dark room bringing her with him.
He let go of her hand and moved over to the bed to grab his shirt when there was a knock at the door.
They both froze and looked at each other.
The knock came again followed by a soft voice.
"Bella? It's me, Rose. Can I come in?"
Bella looked over towards Jake who nodded. She looked at him in horror and he just gave her that smile that told her not to worry and nodded once again.
She huffed angrily and dropped her hands at her side in exasperation. She began to make her way to the door and turned around to see that he had followed her a little. He wasn't even trying to go and hide in the bathroom! He smiled wider and whispered to her. "It's okay. Trust me."
She got to the door and took a deep breath. She unlocked it and then opened it to be greeted with a very annoyed but concerned looking Rose.
"Where is he?"
Bella's mouth hung open in shock and being caught off guard, Rose was able to push her way into the room and shut the door behind her.
There was enough moonlight in the room that they could all see each other just fine without the light on.
Rose narrowed her eyes at him, his bare chest and then back up at him.
"Oh well, that's just great, Jake. You were supposed to talk to her, not fuck her."
Jake got angry and Bella, even though slightly shell-shocked and disoriented from the recent twist of events she didn't understand, made her way over to him and placed her hand on his chest to keep him from rushing Rose like he looked like he wanted to do.
"Hey, hey. It's okay."
He stopped and looked down at her and then his features softened a little and he relaxed.
Rose let out a bitter snort. "Okay, well, Jake, you got your chance. Don't expect us to make any more excuses for you to have time alone with her tonight. And you better pray that nothing happens or Em is gonna have your ass."
Bella's eyebrows mashed in confusion as she glanced back and forth between the two people in front of her. She noticed Jake stiffen under her palm during the last sentence Rose had spoken.
"Rose, I appreciate what you guys have done. But I do not need your help to see Bella if I wanted to. We've been managing just fine without you and we will continue to. But, I suggest that you make sure nothing happens or Em kicking my ass will be the least of our worries."
Bella flinched at the hard edge in his tone. What was going on here? How the hell did Rose know?
Rose didn't look like she was going to budge so Bella turned to him.
"Jake, what's going on? What do you mean, 'Em kicking your ass' if something happens? What, how does Rose know? Or Em? Does he know? Oh God, he knows..." She felt her chest constricting and she bent over, her arms now wrapped securely around it, trying to hold herself together.
If Rose knew, then that meant Emmett knew. And if Emmett knew, then that meant...oh God.
"Bella. Look at me."
Jake was squatting in front of her, trying to pry her arms from around herself.
"Bells, come on, honey, look at me."
She managed to raise her eyes to his but that was it.
"Baby, relax. Come on, breathe. Relax. Everything's okay. Come here."
He pulled her up with him and led her over to the bed and sat her in his lap, both of them facing Rose. He whispered in her ear and rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Relax, baby. It's all okay."
Rose looked concerned for a minute but then a bored tired annoyed expression replaced it.
"Well, this is just great. So nothing's been handled like you told Em it would and now we're back to square one. That's just great."
She walked over to the bathroom and flipped the light on, turning it up and began to move around inside. Bella's breathing started to come back under control and she turned to look at Jake.
"What? How does Rose know? Jake? What the hell is going on? Why didn't you tell me? And Em? Oh my God!"
He kissed her temple and rubbed slower, trying to entice her to relax.
"Shhh, it's okay, baby. Listen to me. Rose overheard us yesterday, that's how she knew. Apparently the shower plan wasn't all that smart. You were right."
He chuckled but she didn't. She was in no mood to laugh right now. She was flat out panicking.
"Baby, come on. Relax. I can't tell you everything if I'm worried that I might have to start CPR at some point. Come on, take deep breaths. Do it with me."
He held her against his chest and urged her to breathe with him. She did after a few tries and she began to calm down.
"Okay, listen to me. Rose overheard us and she talked to Em about it. Em overheard us in the kitchen-"
Her head snapped up and she looked at him, her eyes wide. Please, oh please, don't let Em have heard that.
Jake worked to reassure her right away. "Not that time, honey. The next time. Before you and he went down to the beach, remember?"
Bella nodded and then laid her head down on his chest. If she could just hear his heartbeat, she would be okay. It would relax her and give her peace like it always did. She found it and settled into him. He continued to rub her back. Rose still hadn't come out of the bathroom, still looking for...well...whatever she was looking for.
"He overheard us talking about us staying apart, distant. That's why he asked you about the 'three days'."
Bella began to hyperventilate again and hugged him tighter until his heart beat was booming in her ear. So Emmett had known and she had lied right to his face. Oh God, what Emmett must think of her now!
"Baby, you had to lie to him. You didn't know that he knew. He understands that. He's not mad about it. He still loves you."
She raised her head up and stared at him.
"Really? Why?"
Jake opened his mouth and was about to say something when Rose spoke next.
"Because Bella,"
She and Jake both turned to look in her direction.
"You're like a little sister to him. Nothing you do is ever going to change that. He loves you and he would do anything to protect you."
Rose glared at Jake and he returned it with an equal amount of malice.
What was going on here? She knew Jake and Rose hated each other but this was more than normal. Was it because now Rose knew she and Jake were sleeping together? Wouldn't that make her hate Bella, too, for that matter? Wouldn't she go and tell-Oh God, Edward.
"W-What about...Edward? Why haven't you guys told him? Em's his best friend."
Rose looked back towards the bathroom as if there was something that held her interest in there.
"Because Bella, it's not really our business who you choose to sleep with. And as I said, Emmett loves you and would do anything for you."
She turned and stared at Bella, making her squirm a bit in Jake's arms. Bella wanted to slap herself. She was a big girl that made the very big girl decision to sleep with Jake in the first place and continue to sleep with him, even falling in love with him. It was time to face the consequences. Even if it was only the subtle judgments of Rosalie Hale.
Bella cleared her throat.
"Okay, well as much as I love Em, too, and would do anything for him as well, I don't get why you guys made excuses for us, giving us more time together."
Rose's eyes darted up to Jake's and his eyes narrowed at her.
Bella was so confused. Her head was reeling. "Jake?"
He took his time turning towards her but he did. The anger melted away almost as soon as his eyes made contact with hers.
"Why would they do that? And why didn't you tell me that they knew?"
He sighed and wiped down his face in exhaustion.
"I didn't tell you yet," He glared at Rose when he said this. "Because I didn't want to worry you. Emmett wasn't going to say anything to Edward or Ness. Neither was Rose. We were pretty much covered and with everything going on lately, I didn't want to add any extra stress to the situation. We already had enough to handle without that bit to add to it." He turned and glared at Rose again. Rose was more than happy to return it.
Bella shook her head. "Okay, I get that. But then why did they give us more time tonight? What did Rose mean about talking? Talking to me about what?"
Rose then decided to pipe in.
"Yeah, Jake. About what?"
Jake sent her another murderous glare.
He then turned to Bella, his eyes softening once again. He sighed.
"Look, baby. There was something I needed to talk to you about but it's not that big a deal."
Rose scoffed in disgust earning another scowl from Jake.
"Rose, can I have a minute to talk to Bella alone, please?"
Rose laughed and shook her head.
"Why, so you can gloss it over and then feed her that shit on a fork? I don't think so, pal. I'm not going anywhere."
He moved Bella to the side and began to get off the bed.
"Look-"
Bella grabbed his arm and attempted to pull him back. "Jake, don't. Come on. Stay here with me. Talk to me. Come on."
Jake hesitated but then slowly sat back down. Bella positioned herself into his lap and threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Relax. Take deep breaths. I don't want to worry about performing CPR on you. You're a big guy and I don't think I'd make one dent in that chest of yours. Then again, I could always slap the shit out of you until you wake up. That sounds like fun."
She didn't get the laugh she was hoping for but he did turn to look at her and then lay his head down into her neck, breathing heavily against her collarbone. She gently rubbed his back.
"Rose, would it be okay if I just had a second with him? I'm sorry to ask but I'm not going to get to see him really at this party tonight and I just want to talk to him before we leave. Is that okay?"
Rose looked taken aback that Bella should make such a request. She scoffed and turned on her heel and walked into the bathroom. "Whatever. Don't take too long. She is looking for him." And then she shut the door forcefully making Bella wince.
She felt Jake begin to kiss along her neck.
"Oh no, Mister. You're not getting out of it that easily just because I asked her to leave us alone. Your wily avoidance tricks won't work with me. Spill it."
He lifted his head, his eyebrows arched questioningly.
"'Wily avoidance tricks'? Are you serious, Bells?"
She gave him a wide smile and clasped her hands around his neck.
He grinned.
"There's no such thing."
She gave him a mock glare.
"Are you saying I'm wrong again, Mr. Black?"
He shook his head.
"Nope. You're always right." He gave her that impish grin once again and clutched her tighter to him.
Bella smacked his shoulder lightly. "You are so not getting laid."
He began to lay them backward, his grin widening. "We'll see."
Bella giggled as their heads hit the pillows and he began to plant feather light kisses on her neck.
Rose's voice could be heard over their laughter.
"One minute!"
Jake rolled his eyes and sighed, laying his head back on his pillow.
Bella laid her head on his chest.
"So what did you need to tell me?"
His lifted his hand to rub his eyes.
"Bells, I want to tell you but it's something that can wait until after this goddamn party. It's something that's not gonna change no matter when I tell you so there's no point in rushing it. I want us to just get through tonight and enjoy it a little bit. After that, we can sit down and talk. Deal?"
She lifted her head up to look at him and frowned. "What do you mean, it's not gonna change no matter what? What aren't you telling me?"
He dropped his hand and looked at her. "Nothing that you're thinking. It's from a really long time ago and it's something I need to tell you, no, want to tell you. But, it's something that I'd rather talk to you about when we're not rushed, say, when we're not trying to run and hide before they find us. Okay? But I promise I will tell you. I don't want you worrying about it all night. We have enough on our plate as it is. Agreed?"
Bella looked at him in amazement. "How can you say something like that and not elaborate? By you telling me not to worry about it but it's something we need time and privacy to talk about, something we need to talk about, of course I'm going to worry about it! Geez! How thick can you be?"
He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Bella! I'm not telling you that to get the gears spinning inside that tiny head of yours, okay? I'm telling you because I don't want any secrets between us. Because I want everything out in the open with us. But, after everything that we're going through at the moment, everything we're about to face and deal with, everything we just talked about the last ten minutes alone, I think it's a conversation best saved for another time, okay? Just trust me. It's nothing you need to worry about. Believe me when I say that."
She huffed angrily and sat up. He groaned in frustration and sat up next to her.
A minute of silence passed between them before Jake spoke next.
"Babe, look at me."
She sent a glare his way but he ignored it.
"I'll make you a deal. Get through this stupid fucking party with me and I promise we'll talk about it after. We'll make whatever excuses we need to, swimming, getting lost, hell, sleepwalking, I don't know and I don't care, but we'll do it. And then we'll talk about everything, okay? Deal?"
Bella let out a deep breath and looked at him. He had never lied to her before and she did trust him, she loved him. And he promised he would take care of everything as long as she remembered what he told her. She nodded slowly. "Deal."
He smiled, leaned in and kissed her. "That's my girl. Now, I'm going to sneak out of here and go get ready for this thing. You do the same with Blondie in there and I'll see you at the party, okay?"
She nodded and he kissed her once more. "I love you, baby. Remember what I told you."
He then got up and began to make his way to the door when Rose flung the bathroom door open and stopped him.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
Jake groaned again. "Out and down the hall. Why?"
She stared at him in disbelief. "Because you don't know where everyone is, that's why. They could have been listening to your little lovey dovey crap for all you know."
Jake shook his head and muttered something under his breath. Bella called out to him. "Jake..."
He looked back at her and gave her a small smile. "Don't worry, honey. I won't kill her. Emmett's on my ass enough as it is. And I am not having you fill 'the position' once she's gone. He may have known you longer but you belong with me. I'm better for you than he is." He winked at her making her laugh.
"Yeah, right. Sure you are."
Jake turned and glared at Rose. Bella closed her mouth and looked down.
"Well, Blondie, it seems you were offering your services a minute ago. Care to check, see if the coast is clear?"
Rose glared at him but moved toward the door. "Fine. But this is the one and only time I'm doing it. And it's only because Emmett asked me to. Not you."
Jake rolled his eyes. "Thanks. I'll remember that."
Rose opened the door and stepped out, closing it.
Jake turned to Bella and shrugged his shoulders and she did the same. They both smiled at each other. "I love you."
She smiled wider. "I love you, too."
Rose came back in and waved to Jake. "Okay, you're good to go. But straight to your room. Do not stop, do not make any detours, do not pass go and collect two hundred dollars, got it?"
Jake snorted. "Gosh, Blondie, that was horrible. Did you come up with that all on your own?"
Rose glared and motioned to the door. "Are you going to go when I give you a freebie or are you going to keep your cocky stupid ass standing there insulting me, wasting time so your precious little wifey will come up and find you half-naked in another man's wife's room?"
Jake scowled at her. He then turned and smiled at Bella. "See you soon, honey. Remember what I told you."
Bella nodded and smiled. "See you soon."
He winked and then whisked out the door and down the hall.
Rose closed the door and took a deep breath. "Well, Bella. Let's see what we can do to get you ready for this party. Did you bring anything for it?"
Bella gulped and looked down.
"No. I didn't know there was going to be one."
Rose sighed. "Well, it appears I have my work cut out for me. Let's go down to my room and see what we can do."
Rose gave her a small smile, one Bella had never seen before, one that made her get out of the bed all too willingly.
She followed Rose to the door and was quiet when Rose put a finger to her lips. They tiptoed out of the room and down the hall to Rose's door.
As Rose was turning the knob, Bella could hear Emmett's voice filling the house.
"Yeah, I don't know. Weird. Maybe Jake went for a walk or something. Don't worry, Ness, we'll find him. Edward, you should get upstairs and change. You're not planning on wearing that, are you? How else do you plan to get all those hot chicks all over you?" She heard his boisterous laugh drown out as Rose closed the door.
So Emmett and Rose knew about her and Jake. Not only that but they were keeping Edward and Ness in the dark for them and she had no idea why. And she knew Rose wouldn't be helping her if it wasn't for Emmett. Rose had said so herself. She didn't know why Emmett wasn't looking out for his best friend or why he had his girlfriend helping him to protect Bella or why he hadn't called her out on her lie on the beach. She didn't know much of anything really. But she did know one thing.
Emmett deserved one hell of a hug.
A big one.