Just Stay With Me

by cantobycomeoutandplay

AU/AH. Sometimes when we least expect it, the one thing we never knew we needed walks right in the door. Reposted. Posted chapters currently being beta'd. Will be finished

13. Sorry

A/N: All info located in chapter "Over" posting.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

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Bella slowly opened her eyes to find Rose sitting on the bed next to her, threading her fingers through Bella's hair gently.

Bella blinked a few more times and groaned.

"H-How long was I out?"

Rose began to stroke her cheek.

"A little while."

Bella rubbed her right eye and sat up.

A quick glance around the room let Bella know that she and Rose were the only ones in the room. And it was now light out.

Bella rubbed both of her eyes now.

"What time is it?"

Rose started smoothing Bella's hair back from her face.

"6:30, I think."

Bella dropped her hands and looked at Rose who gave her a small smile.

Rose had no make-up on. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was in pajama shorts with a dark tank top. Rose was by all means a very beautiful woman, a goddess even. But, Bella had never seen her look more beautiful than she did right now.

"Where's Em?"

Rose grabbed her hand and began rubbing it slowly.

"He's downstairs, sweetie. Do you want me to get him for you?"

Bella shook her head and looked down at the comforter around her.

She could only whisper her next words. Speaking them aloud, just one word, and she would collapse again.

"So last night really happened?"

Rose lowered her eyes to their hands. "I'm afraid so, sweetie."

Bella nodded slowly.

"And Edward? Does he know...about...J...Ja...?" She closed her eyes in pain. She couldn't even speak his name, never mind think it.

Rose let go of her hand and repositioned herself so she was sitting right next to Bella on the bed. She put a comforting arm around her and held her close.

"No, honey. He doesn't. I don't know what Em told him about last night, but right now, he's more worried than anything."

Bella slowly nodded again.

She didn't want to ask this next question. But...she knew she had to. She closed her eyes and hung her head, taking a deep breath.

"And...him?"

She heard Rose inhale deeply next to her.

"Very worried. Keeps asking to see you, make sure you're okay. He's downstairs, too. They all are, except Ness. She wanted to come in and check on you last night but Emmett strictly forbade it. He hasn't let anyone in. He knew you needed some rest. So after a while, she went to bed herself. And I've been up here with you the whole time."

Bella nodded.

"Rose?"

Rose held her closer. "Yes, sweetie?"

She looked at the woman next to her and tears began building in her eyes.

"Why did he do this to me?"

The tears started to spill down her cheeks at a fast rate and Rose hugged her.

"Shhh. It's okay. Shhh. Bella, look at me, sweetie."

Bella pulled back to look at her, sniffling.

"Sweetie, I'm gonna get Emmett for you. He wanted to talk to you when you woke up. Okay?"

Rose began to get up and Bella held onto her tightly.

"Rose. I'm sorry to ask but can you please just stay here with me? Please?" The tears were streaming again. "I just don't want to be alone right now."

Rose nodded and grabbed her phone off the nightstand next to them instead. Bella saw it was her phone but didn't really care. She just wished she had the presence of mind to destroy it last night before she went all catatonic.

Rose flipped it open, pressed a few buttons and put the phone to her ear.

"Em? It's me. Bella's awake. Can you come up here for a minute? No, just you. Okay."

She then closed the phone and put it back on the nightstand.

She turned to Bella and gave her a warm smile and pulled her back into her arms again.

Bella held onto her tightly. She was afraid if she let go she'd fall apart.

A minute later, a soft knock was at the door.

It opened and in came a smiling Emmett.

He closed the door quietly behind him.

"Hey, Beautiful. I thought you were never gonna wake up there for a second. What, you think you're Sleeping Beauty or something?"

He meant it as a joke to make her smile, she knew that. But the familiar words cut into her and they cut deep. She couldn't control the sobs that tore from her chest as her hands flew to her eyes and she leaned forward towards the bed, out of Rose's arms.

She felt Emmett's big strong arms wrap around her and pull her into him.

"Come here, sweetheart. It's okay, Emmett's here. It's okay."

Bella cried for what must have felt like ten minutes. She couldn't help it. Once it started, she couldn't control it. And each tear was for each memory of her whole affair with Jac-with him.

She had been crying for so long she didn't see Emmett incline his head towards the door at Rose. She didn't see Rose nod in return or give her heaving back a sympathetic look. She didn't even hear Rose get up and make her way quietly out of the room, closing the door softly behind her.

She finally lowered her hands and looked up at Emmett. "Em, what have I done?"

He kissed her forehead and pulled her head down to lay on his massive chest, placing his chin on top of her head.

"You didn't do anything, sweetie. This wasn't you."

She pulled back to look at him in disbelief.

"How can you say that? This was me. Is me. I cheated on my husband, Emmett. I loved someone else who wasn't Edward."

Emmett brought a hand up to her cheek and began to stroke the wet skin gently.

"Sweetie, I want you to listen to your good buddy, Emmett, for a minute."

She looked up at him earnestly, breathing heavily, trying to get herself back under control. The tears couldn't be helped, though. She had no control over those.

"Bella, this was not your fault. Yes, you had an affair. It happens. I know you didn't do it to hurt Edward or to just...get your...rocks off." He grimaced and she smiled a little at his obvious discomfort in the last line. "You're human, Bella. You're not perfect. Nobody is. You fell in love with someone else. That happens. You shouldn't blame yourself for that."

She gave him a disgusted look followed by a scoff.

But before she could say anything, Emmett's other hand landed on her other cheek and he held her face firmly to meet his gaze and not pull away as she was about to do.

"Bella, I asked you to listen to me. We can save the self-deprecating commentary for later. Okay?"

Bella just nodded, staring at him.

He smiled. "You were not told everything like you should have been. Information was withheld from you and I'm sure you were even lied to somewhat."

Her eyes were blurry again with the coming tears. Yes, she already knew this. Was he trying to break her again?

"But Bella, I don't want you blaming yourself for this. I know you and I can bet you're already thinking in that tiny little head of yours that you're the one who fucked up, why didn't you see it coming, yada yada yada."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You think?"

He sighed. "Bella..."

She took a deep breath. "Go ahead."

He nodded. "Thank you. Now, I don't want you to hate me for this. Just know that I love you like a sister and everything I do, I do with your best interests at heart. I would do anything to protect you from any hurts coming your way. You know that."

Bella nodded and bit her lip. That was true. Emmett had always looked out for her.

"So please don't hate me when I say this. But I think you need to talk to him."

Her eyes snapped to his and narrowed. "Are you fucking insane, Em? Have you lost your fucking mind? No! I'm not doing it!" She began to get up off the bed, knocking his hands from her face.

His hands flew to her shoulders instead and gripped tightly. "Bella. Shhh. Come on, hear me out. Come on." He pulled her back onto the bed and right up against him, her back to his chest.

She tried to struggle to get free but he wouldn't let her. Finally, realizing she couldn't escape his iron grip, she huffed and her shoulders gave out, slumping her against him.

"Fine. But talk fast."

She winced at the venom in her own voice. She didn't mean to be so harsh with him. She just didn't want to hear anything to do with him right now. Hell, she didn't want to hear anything to do with him ever again.

She heard Emmett sigh exhaustedly. She wondered if they had all been up, worrying about her. Rose had said Ness was the only one in bed...

"Bella. I can understand why you don't want to. I get it. And if I was you, I probably wouldn't want to, either. But think of this. Regardless of him or how he feels, you love him."

She went to protest but he cut her off.

"Don't even try to deny it, Bella. I've heard you say it to him. It was more than obvious every time you looked at him. And this," He gestured towards her. "Is more than enough proof that you still do."

She spun around and glared at him. "I don't love him, Emmett. I'm upset because I let him use my body." Emmett winced but she continued ruthlessly anyway. "He used my body after sleeping with hundreds of other women. Hell, might have even been during for all I know. My body is disgusting and used and...violated. That is why I'm upset. Nothing else."

Emmett gave her a knowing look. "Bella, you wouldn't have reacted so strongly to the news if it was strictly casual between the two of you. If you didn't love him."

She snorted. "Wrong. I saw him with one of his whores last night. You don't have to be in love with someone to get upset when he was just fucking you an hour ago in some goddamn random bedroom upstairs. Apparently, it wasn't my turn to take it like an animal for him outside this time."

Emmett's eyes widened and he began to huff angrily. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He then opened his eyes to look at her.

"Bella. You're right about one thing, Vict-"

Bella lurched away from him. "I don't want to hear that name!"

Emmett took another breath. "Okay." He pulled Bella back into him and kissed the top of her head. "You're right, she is a whore. Absolutely. Without a doubt. But, I think that you should hear what he has to say."

She began to huff and tried to get away from him once again. But he held her firmly.

"Bella. I'm only saying that because I think it would be best for you. What I was saying before is that whether you want to admit it or not, you love him." Bella turned and glared at him. "You do. No matter what you tell yourself or anyone else, you do. And I think that you should give yourself the option of hearing everything straight from the horse's mouth."

Bella snorted and turned away, crossing her arms. She really did not want to be here right now. Why couldn't she be home, safe in her house, away from all this drama? Why?

"Bella, no one's saying you have to accept it. No one's saying you even have to forgive him. You don't. But, if you're going to close the book on it and close it for good, give yourself the right to some closure. This isn't something you want sneaking up on you years down the road, regretting that you didn't give yourself the chance to hear what he had to say. This isn't something you want haunting you for the rest of your life."

She turned back and glared at him once more. "A little late for that, wouldn't you say, Em?"

He sighed. "Bella, I'm serious. I think you should consider it. For you and no one else. Just you."

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tight. "And if you want, I'll be right there next to you, holding your hand and talking you through it. Okay?"

Bella stared blankly ahead. Emmett had a point. Some part of her did want to hear what he had to say. And she certainly didn't want unanswered questions tormenting her for the rest of her life. She had ruined her body for the rest of it. Might as well get some answers for it.

Bella closed her eyes, letting a breath out. "And you'll be there with me?"

She hated to ask him, she really did. But she knew she wouldn't make it through the first words out of his mouth without Emmett there to hold her up.

He kissed her head. "Absolutely. And I'll even throw in some crazed homicidal looks his way every few seconds as an added bonus."

She laughed a small little laugh. Not quite full of joy but did she really expect it to be?

She took another deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

Emmett turned her around to face him and smiled. "That's my girl."

He kissed her forehead and then pulled back to look at her.

"Okay, kiddo. Now comes the hard part."

Bella winced. The hard part? What could be harder than facing him again?

"Edward wants to see you, make sure you're okay. It wasn't easy but I gave him one hell of a story. So you've got to prepare yourself. So here goes. You got sick last night in the bathroom and you went to find him but couldn't. You couldn't find any of us, either, so you walked back to the house, not able to stay at the loud, overwhelming party another second. You remembered where the spare key was, you let yourself in. You came upstairs to lie down but you got sick again once you changed. You were so sick and burning up so badly, you jumped into the shower to cool down. But you felt so sick; you just sat there, trying to wait for the nausea and head pounding to stop. I might have mentioned that I noticed you had a little more to drink than usual."

He arched his eyebrow at her, giving her his infamous smirk but she ignored it. She wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"Emmett, that's the worst story I've ever heard. He'll never believe it."

Emmett sighed. "I know it is but it's the best I could come up with. It's hard to explain away a crazy lady sitting in the shower in her nightie and not moving while everyone's calling her name, going nuts looking for her and she's behind two locked doors that yours truly had to break down just to get to you."

He had gestured with his fingers when he said the word 'two'. Bella grimaced and then nodded.

Yeah, that was hard to explain.

"But Em, he'll never believe it. No matter what I say."

Emmett stroked her hair gently. "Well, you do have something working in your favor."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What's that?"

Emmett smiled. "He thinks it's his fault, your 'reaction'. He thinks it's something he might have said or did that made you so 'sick'."

Bella stared at him horrified. "And why is that a good thing? Why would you smile about that?"

She felt terrible. Why on earth would Edward be blaming himself? It wasn't him. It was her!

Emmett laughed. "Because, Miss Bella, that means you hold all the cards. He'll believe whatever you want him to. Trust me."

Her expression didn't change. "And again, why is that a good thing? I don't get what you mean, Emmett."

Emmett smiled wider. "Let's just say that he's feeling a little guilty for not being as thoughtful and caring a husband as he should have been. That he hasn't been paying as much attention to you as he should have as of late." He arched his eyebrow at her.

She groaned. "Em, you didn't. Why would you lay a guilt trip on him like that?"

He chuckled and looked down. "Because it works. And besides," He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You come first before anyone else. You know that. So that means your well-being is my topmost priority. And that means before your husband, as well. I do what I have to."

She arched her brows at him.

He smiled. "It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. Someone's gotta look out for you, kid. And that someone's gonna be me." He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead once more. "I love you, Bella. This will get better, you'll see. Let's handle what we can at the moment and leave the rest for later, alright?"

Bella nodded and hugged him.

"Okay, now here's the plan. You go wash your face and I'll send Edward and Rose back up here. You let him see you're okay, tell him you're okay, and then I'm gonna send him and Rose out to go get some breakfast to get him out of the house. I can't do anything about Ness but you, me, and him will go for a walk on the beach and get this thing out of the way. Okay?"

Bella grimaced but nodded. She really wasn't looking forward to this but Emmett had a point. It would be done and out of the way. And he would be with her so she wouldn't be alone with him.

Her stomach began to churn at the image of his face in her mind.

Yes, they would get this over with.

The sooner the better.

~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SWM~~~~~~~~~

Bella had done a pretty piss poor job of convincing Edward that she was okay. But like Emmett had said, Edward was feeling guilty. And he was willing to believe almost anything.

She had felt bad as she lied to him, telling him she had drunk a bit too much. That she hadn't really eaten before the party.

The best part is when he asked her if she thought she might be pregnant. That might explain the tiredness and the nausea and the mood swings.

Not only did Bella want to cry, she wanted to scream and pull her hair out as well.

But she kept her composure miraculously (probably due to Rose's calming presence in the room more than anything) and assured him she wasn't.

That earned her an almost tearful apology and fervent kisses to her hand.

And then she felt horribly guilty.

Again.

At that moment, Emmett saved her (which he seemed to be doing a lot of these days) and asked Rose and Edward if they would mind running out to grab some food so they could make a big breakfast, convinced that Bella wasn't eating enough and had played a huge factor in her "meltdown" from last night.

Edward reluctantly agreed only when Bella assured him she'd be alright in his absence.

A part of her almost wanted to reach out to him and beg him never to leave her. To protect her from what she now had to face.

But it was nothing more than a selfish desire on her part. And Emmett was right, this conversation was necessary. To gain closure for herself if nothing else.

And so, she let him go. He trailed behind Rose out the door and a few minutes later, they were gone.

Emmett came upstairs to collect her.

"Alright Bella, get dressed quick. He's doing the same. We'll leave in five, okay?"

Bella slowly nodded, not looking at him.

He came over and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead.

"Everything will be okay, sweetie. I'll be there. And if it gets to be too much, you just tell me and we'll come right back here. Poof. Conversation over. The end. Okay?"

The familiar words from a similar offer made to her last night now rang throughout her head.

She sighed and nodded.

"Okay."

He had smiled at her and kissed her forehead one more time.

"Okay, kiddo. Get yourself dressed. Rose grabbed your bag out of your room and left it over there on the chair."

He then walked out of the room, closing the door to give her some privacy.

She rummaged through her bag and decided on a pair of loose fitting jeans. Not exactly baggy but not exactly tight, either. And a black long-sleeved sweater-like shirt. Maybe not the smartest choice since she would be outside in the sun but she couldn't imagine wearing anything else.

She didn't want any of her body to show. An irrational need but a strong need nonetheless. She just felt...dirty. And she knew she would feel even more so in his presence. And she just...she just couldn't wear anything else and that was that.

She put her hair back into a somewhat messy, limp ponytail. Even though she had showered after her first conversation with Emmett that morning, her hair just didn't have any life to it. It seemed to be hanging weakly in sympathy, reflecting the current state of her soul.

She didn't even bother with make-up. There was no need. In her mind, this was not a time when she wanted to look somewhat put together, somewhat okay, somewhat attractive. No. This was a time when she really couldn't be bothered to give a shit. And a part of her secretly wanted to repulse him on some sick sadistic level.

She threw some tennis shoes on. No wiggling her toes in the sand and enjoying the beach this time. Nope. This walk was strictly business.

Once she finished, Emmett knocked on the door. She opened it and he smiled at her. "Ready, sweetie?"

She looked down. "As ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

She was a bit shocked to hear how lifeless her voice sounded. Well, it just added to everything that reminded her that she felt slightly dead inside. Voice. Hair. Heart. Soul. Body.

Yep.

Dead.

Emmett kissed her forehead and grabbed her hand.

"It'll be okay, sweetie. I'll be right there with you. You don't even have to look at him if you don't want to. And remember, if it gets to be too much, you just let me know and we'll leave and come right back. Okay?"

Bella nodded and looked at him.

"Okay."

She said it so quietly she was surprised he heard her at all.

He led her down the hallway and down the stairs. He began to move a bit faster than she liked so she pulled on his hand and slowed him down to her pace. He didn't say anything and didn't shoot her any questioning glances. Once they were about to walk into the kitchen, Bella squeezed Emmett's hand and stopped.

She could feel her lungs working hard to pump air in and out of her chest. Her heart was beginning to race and the pain was starting to course its way through her veins. She looked up at Emmett helplessly.

Emmett pulled her into him and threw his arm around her. He kissed her forehead again.

"Sweetie, he's not in there. He's on the deck waiting. And...look at me, Bella."

She did as he asked even though she felt like she was falling apart all over again.

There were no tears yet or blockages in her throat but she was sure they weren't far behind once she finally saw him again.

"I love you. I will protect you, okay? He won't get near you while I'm here. Remember, sweetie? I'm your hero." He winked and she nodded. She knew she should smile but she just couldn't.

"Okay."

It came out as more of a wheeze than anything. She really was having trouble breathing.

He gave her a hug and pulled back, but kept his arm around her. "Okay, sweetie. Let's do this. The sooner we do it, the sooner this whole thing will be over. And I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You'll be okay."

Bella nodded, unable to speak again.

He took that as a cue to continue and pulled them into the kitchen up to the patio door.

She didn't see him anywhere upon first sight. And for a second, she could breathe easier. She secretly began to hope that he had backed out, willing to just leave things unsaid between them.

But she should've known better. He had never been one to back out before and he definitely wasn't going to start now. At least, not that she knew of, anyway. When it came down to it, she didn't really know him at all.

Emmett opened the patio door and stepped outside first, then pulled her out after him.

And there he was.

Sitting at the damn table they had been at only the other night when Edward had found them. He had on a fresh pair of khaki shorts with a grey form-fitting t-shirt. She immediately cast her eyes down and gripped tightly to Emmett's hand, making sure to move slightly behind him.

He looked up at the sound and when he saw them, he immediately jumped up and made his way over to them.

Bella didn't look at him. Maybe it was a cowardly thing to do but right now, she already had one foot over the edge. She was pretty sure if she looked at him, she'd be over the edge altogether.

Emmett had moved to make sure that he was in between them, a little faster than he normally would have in response to his eagerness.

"Let's take a walk."

He didn't respond and neither did she.

Emmett spoke again.

"After you."

Bella waited until she heard him walk away, across the deck and down the steps. Then and only then did she venture a look at Emmett. He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Come on, sweetie."

Bella swallowed, took a deep breath and nodded.

Emmett led them down the same path he had taken. Once they reached the sand, Emmett pulled her out from behind him and positioned her to walk hand in hand with him, but close to his side.

She still kept her eyes down but followed where Emmett led her.

After a few minutes, they stopped.

Bella could hear the waves crashing near them and the demanding calls of sea gulls in the air above them. Somehow that helped to calm her a little. She didn't know why but Rose suddenly popped into her head.

Rose was a strong, fiercely independent woman who took nobody's crap and knew she deserved the best. And she wasn't shy about letting everyone know it, either. Rose was strong. Rose would not put up with his lame ass excuses which she instinctively knew were to follow. Rose would be strong and demand answers. Rose would NOT put up with this shit.

She needed to be like Rose.

It was difficult to do but she forced her eyes up in front of her until they eventually rested on his form. He was staring helplessly at her. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. He hadn't shaved this morning either so she could see a slight shadow on his face. His hair wasn't entirely messy but it wasn't exactly presentable either. Almost as if he had run his fingers through it quickly and tried to spike it up himself. His face looked a shade lighter than the rest of his body, almost as if he were sick.

She felt the old urge to run into his arms and hold him and never let him go. She tried to quell it by repeating Rose's name in her head over and over.

Emmett was right.

She still loved him.

Shit.

Emmett spoke first.

"Okay, Jake. You wanted to talk to her so go ahead. Talk."

Emmett sat down and pulled Bella down with him. He positioned her between his legs, her back up against his chest. She was grateful for it because now she could lean back into him and no matter what, he could hold her up if need be. He was right there as he said he'd be. She squeezed his hand in a silent thank you.

He sat down a little ways away from them but close enough so that they could hear him.

She still didn't have the courage to look up at him.

And then she heard it.

"Bells-"

She stiffened against Emmett and drew in a sharp breath against the sudden pain in her chest.

She hadn't meant to react so strongly to the nickname he had given her, but was he serious?

Apparently she had been more noticeable than she thought because he then changed his approach.

"Bella."

She relaxed somewhat and the pain in her chest stopped throbbing. It was still there but it was a bit easier to breathe than it had been a second ago. She closed her eyes. Rose. Rose. Rose.

And then she opened them with a newfound innate strength that the blonde woman's name had given her and she looked up at him.

She could see the plea there in his dark eyes for her understanding, for her forgiveness, but she ignored it. Emmett squeezed her hand and then began to rub her back with his other hand, letting her know he was still there. The fresh wave of strength surged, fueled by the strong sense of security Emmett had given her, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Talk."

Jake grimaced and looked down. Shockingly, his name didn't rip her insides out when she thought it now. She was grateful for Emmett's presence then. And extremely grateful for the image of Rose's face stuck in her head at the moment.

"Bella, I...I'm so sorry about...about what you...heard last night."

Images of last night tried to invade her mind, to tear her to pieces once again, but Rose chased them all away.

Instead, Rose helpfully injected venom into her voice.

"What is it you think I heard last night, Jacob?"

His eyes snapped up to hers, tight and hard as stone in response to her tone but she didn't back down.

No, he had hurt her. He had lied to her. He had made her believe that he loved her, that she had been the exception to the rule. That she had been special, something different. And that was why he had pursued an affair with her. And not because she had been the next notch on his belt that she didn't even know he was wearing until last night.

No. She would not feel guilty. She would not feel compassionate. She didn't do this. He did.

"You know what I'm talking about, Bella."

Bella laughed. She didn't mean to. It came out all on its own. It sounded bitter and disbelieving to her ears. She can only imagine how it sounded to theirs.

So he added just as much venom to his own voice, huh? She wanted to laugh again. Here he was, caught red-handed, clearly in the wrong, and yet he thought he had the right to give her as much attitude as she was giving him? Unfuckingbelievable.

Rose spoke for her next.

"Understand something, Jacob. I'm only here to give you a fair shot at trying to explain why it is that you lied to me, that you used me, this whole fucking time. But that doesn't mean I need to be here. So do NOT think for one second that you have the right to sit there and be snippy with me or give me any kind of attitude. You're the one who was dry-humping one of your sluts last night outside only an hour after you fucked me inside." She felt Emmett stiffen behind her but she couldn't stop now. "You're the one who fucked up here. Not me."

Jake scoffed and glared at her. "No shit, Bella. That's what I'm trying to do, talk to you. But you don't have to be such a fucking bitch about it."

Bella lost her temper then. She jumped up and began to charge towards him. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Jake jumped up to meet her head on and before either of them could react, Emmett was in between them, holding Bella back.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Enough! Both of you! Right now! Jake, back off!"

Jake's glare was still settled on Bella's own at him but he took a step back.

Emmett relaxed his stance a bit but didn't move.

"Now, Jake, Bella has a point. You're in the hot seat here. Not her. You've been begging me since last night for a chance to talk with her. Do not make me regret giving you that chance."

Jake's eyes didn't leave Bella's but after a minute, he nodded.

Emmett nodded in return. "Okay."

Emmett then turned to Bella. "Now, Bella. I understand you're upset. You have every right to be. But maybe," He put his hands around her face and forced her to look at him. "You can save that for later. We're only handling what we can at the moment and saving the rest for later, right?"

Bella took a deep breath and relaxed. "Right."

Emmett smiled. "Okay, good. Now come on, sweetie, let's sit back down."

Bella closed her eyes and took another deep breath and then moved to where Emmett led her, in between his legs once again. This time he wrapped both arms around her and held her close.

They saw Jake sit down in his original spot and eye them both warily.

"Go ahead, Jake. Pick up where you left off."

Jake nodded at Emmett's request and looked straight at Bella again. She could see his eyes were still angry. Good, she was angry, too. One more outburst like that and Emmett wouldn't be able to save him from her. Who the fuck did he think he was, talking to her like that?

"What I was saying before is I'm sorry for what you heard last night, Bella. I never meant for you to find out that way. I was going to talk to you about it later on."

Bella leaned forward about to say something nasty when she felt Emmett's arms constrict around her and pull her back. He then spoke soothingly into her ear.

"Let him talk, sweetie. And then you can say whatever you want. But let him talk first, okay?"

She knew she couldn't win against him so she slumped back and took a deep breath.

"That's better. Okay, Jake. Continue."

Jake nodded. "I lied to you, Bella."

She snorted. Well, if she couldn't fly at him and slap the shit out of him like he deserved, she was going to show her disgust somehow. Just because Emmett asked her not to speak didn't mean she couldn't make noises.

Jake's eyes tightened but he didn't stop talking.

"I did. And I royally fucked up when I did. There's no excuse for what I've done. But I swear I didn't do it to hurt you."

She refused to look at him. Instead she focused on Emmett's knees on the side of her.

"When you asked me if I had ever had done anything like this before, I freaked out. I got scared what you would do, what you would say, if I told you the truth. I was afraid if I told you, you'd drop me so damn fast and run as far as you could from me, that I'd never see you again."

Bella looked up at him and scoffed. "You think?"

Jake winced and looked down. "Bella...I'm so sorry. I am. I never, I swear, I never meant to hurt you. I meant what I said. I do love you."

He looked up at Bella hopefully and she snorted again. "You don't love me. You never did. I was just some-other dumbass for you to fuck until you got tired of me and moved on. Another-fucking notch on your belt."

She didn't realize tears were streaming down her face as she said this. If she was able to see anything at that moment, she might've noticed her vision was getting blurry. But as it was, all she could see were flashes in her head of how she had acted these past six weeks, the things she had said to him, her husband, his wife. The things she had done, the person she had become when her need for him was so great, her actions last night.

She shook her head. "And now I-I'm just some used up...dirty piece of...trash that you discarded. I'm no good. I'm never gonna be the same. I let you do things..."

Her hand now lifted itself to wipe the tears that were flowing freely down her face. She felt Emmett's arms constrict around her again but she couldn't worry about that right now. She had to get this out. "That I never allowed anyone else to...and I trusted you. I mean...I didn't even...and now..." She let out a breath and shook her head, looking down. "I'm no good anymore. I'm just another one of your stupid ass sluts and I can never take back what I've done. What I did to him. What I've helped you do to your wife. And Edward-oh God, Edward. What if I gave him something? Oh my God. What-oh my God!" She let her face fall into her hands and she began to sob.

Emmett's arms tightened around her and she heard him whisper in her ear. "Shhh, sweetie. It's gonna be okay. Shhh. It's gonna be okay." He began to rock her but she didn't want to hear it.

"It's never gonna be okay, Emmett. I fucked up so badly. He'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive myself." She didn't lower her hands to say it and it came out muffled but she knew Emmett had heard it.

And then she heard him.

"Bella," His voice sounded choked up but she didn't care. She couldn't look at him. How could he do this to her?

"Bella, you're not any of those things to me. I never meant to make you feel that way. I am so fucking sorry. I wish I could take it all back but I can't."

She saw red after that one. She dropped her hands and snapped her head up to glare at him.

"How can you say that to me?!"

His eyes widened and then he narrowed them. "I do, Bella. I wish I could take it all back. Every one of those women before I met you. I do."

She took a deep breath. So that's what he meant.

And then she noticed his eyes were glistening. "But I can't."

She took another deep breath and laid back against Emmett. He kissed the top of her head.

"But Bella, I swear, I haven't been with any of them since I started seeing you. Not even Ness."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What about-Leah?"

His eyes tightened but he didn't break her gaze.

"She's an old girlfriend of mine. What about her?"

Bella narrowed her eyes even more. "Edward said Ness had told him she went through your phone the other day and found Leah's number. If you haven't seen anyone since me, then why is her number in your phone?"

Jake sighed and shifted his legs. "Bella, the reason her number's in my phone is because I just put it in there."

Before he could continue, Bella cut him off.

"Yeah, I know."

He looked at her confused. "How do you know?"

She glared at him again. "Because, asshole, I saw you with her last week. I may have been oblivious to your bullshit but I'm not that fucking stupid."

She felt Emmett stiffen behind her again. "Is that fucking true, Jake?"

Jake narrowed his eyes at her but never once looked at Emmett. "Yes, it's true."

Bella felt a stab of pain in her chest. She began to gasp for air. So he had fooled her, ripping up Leah's card, buying his 'faithful husband' act as the bitch from last night called it. She was very close to the edge indeed.

"What the fuck, Jake?" Emmett sounded angry now and Bella felt him tense behind her, almost as if he were ready to spring.

Jake took a deep breath. "Calm down, Em. Let me explain."

"You better fucking explain."

He now looked at Emmett.

"I will."

She heard Emmett let out a breath and pull her closer into him, kissing the back of her head. That made her feel a bit better. Emmett was right, he would protect her. He obviously hadn't known about that little gem of info.

Jake then looked at her again. "Bella, it's true. I ran into her last week after you and I...met up in the store. I-"

"Did you fuck her, Jake?"

She didn't mean to let that fly out of her mouth but it did. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He then opened them to look back over at her.

"No, Bella. I didn't. I ran into her and we started talking. That's all. She offered me her new number. I didn't want it but she gave it to me, anyway. I'm not gonna lie, I thought about it for a split second."

Bella closed her eyes and leaned back into Emmett further. He kissed her head again.

"But, Bella, it was only for a second. You had just broken it off with me-again." She glared at him but he didn't return it. Instead he gave her a small smile. But she refused to let the corners of her mouth move.

"I was reeling. I was hurt and-angry. I didn't understand why you freaked out on me like that. I-"

"Oh, so it's my fault now?"

He sighed. "No, I am not saying that! Christ, Bella! You want me to be honest with you and I'm trying to be! So let me get this out for fuck's sake! I know I'm completely in the wrong here. I get that. No two ways about it but Bella, you've gotta let me finish. You owe me that. You do. Just like I would give you a chance to explain if the shoe were on the other foot."

Bella shook her head in disbelief and was about to retort with something smart when Emmett spoke for her instead. "So how does all this explain what Leah's number was doing in your phone?"

She placed her hand on the arm around her within reach and squeezed. Thank you, Emmett.

Jake nodded. "Okay. So I had her card in my hand with your phone in my pocket. You had forgotten it. I thought about it for a split second, keeping her number. I really thought this time it was over between us. And as much as I love you, Bella, it's been a hell of a long ride for us. And it hasn't been easy. I was getting tired of thinking up ways to keep you around. I really was. And that last fight we had..." He shook his head and looked out over the horizon. "I felt like I was the only one really invested in the relationship. And yes," He turned to look at her. "It is a relationship. No matter what you said then or right now, it is a relationship. It's not just an affair or a fling or casual sex."

She felt Emmett stiffen again.

"It hurt, I'm not gonna lie, when you just broke it off the way you did. I know we only started recently telling each other this but even then Bella, I did love you. I've loved you a lot longer than that. And that is the reason I've stayed around as long as I have."

Bella scoffed. "So, what? You want some kind of fucking medal for having some staying power in this relationship? You know, you're right, Jake. That will definitely make me forget everything and forgive you when you put it like that. What the hell was I thinking, getting so angry and hurt over you having lied to me?" She scoffed again, shook her head and looked down. "I've got a real prize on my hands. How could I have ever been so stupid?"

He closed his eyes. "Bella, that's not what I meant and you know it. Will you just-" He opened his eyes and looked earnestly at her. "Will you please just let me finish? Christ, you're giving me a fucking headache!"

Bella laughed. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as if in deep thought. "Mmm, kind of like the one I had after seeing Victoria rubbing herself all over your dick."

His eyes tightened and he looked down.

Emmett grabbed her tighter. "You know, Jake. I'm trying really hard here, man. I really am. I know you two have got some things to work out. And some of those things I almost would really rather not hear. But, you're making it really hard for me to be so understanding. You're really pushing me to my limit. The only reason I even let you see her is because you kept telling me you truly cared about her. That you would do anything to make this right."

Jake's head snapped up. "I do!"

Emmett snarled. "Then what the FUCK were you thinking going off somewhere alone with that fucking whore? And what the FUCK was she doing anywhere near your fucking dick?"

Jake roared in frustration and dropped his head to his knees, his hands in his hair pulling.

"I'm getting to that!"

Emmett scoffed. "Well, hurry it up! I'm losing my patience and FAST!"

Bella turned back a little and tilted her head up to kiss him on the cheek. She was thankful she had someone so wonderful like Emmett in her life. Because of him, she now felt empowered to continue in her quest for answers. She gave Emmett a thankful smile and then looked down towards Jake. He still hadn't moved, his head still down.

"Jake."

He lifted his head and looked at her.

"Tell me everything. I won't interrupt you. I'm not trying to make you feel worse here or guilty but you better give me some answers. And they better be good ones or that's it. You will never see me again and I mean it this time. There will be no going back. Ever. Understand?"

His eyes tightened but he nodded.

Bella took a deep breath. "But before you do, I want to say a couple of things first."

Jake nodded and bit his lip, looking down, holding his knees to his chest.

Bella cleared her throat. "Number one. Just because I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself does not mean in any way, shape or form that I am still continuing this relationship. Last night was probably one of the worst nights of my life and as much as I hate to admit it, it really fucked with my head. I no longer trust you. That has been completely," She gestured with her hand. "Wiped off the board. Eradicated. Gone."

Jake nodded once and hung his head in shame, his eyes closing.

Bella bit her lip and sighed. "But...as much as I really am tempted not to and just say throw my hands in the air and say 'Fuck it!', I am going to be fair to you. Because like you said, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would want my chance to explain and I would hope that you would give it to me."

He opened his eyes and looked up at her.

She held his gaze for a minute and then looked away while clearing her throat quietly.

"Secondly, I am going to quickly tell you what I heard and what I saw. I am going to ask you quick simple questions when I'm done and I would really appreciate it if you would answer them and not beat around the bush. No bullshit. Just the brutal truth. And from what Em has told me, we don't have a lot of time for this before everyone comes back. And as much as I may not have cared before if they saw us together, I most certainly do now." She looked at him meaningfully. "So I don't want to drag this out any more than we have to. Okay? Agreed?"

She looked up at him and Jake nodded, never taking his eyes off her.

She couldn't look at him right now. New Bella was still very much there. She could feel her. New Bella still loved him, wanted to know why he had hurt her so much, wanted to know if he really did love her like he said he did or if he was really just using her the whole time. She could feel her anger beginning to fade when she looked into his eyes like that. And she couldn't have that. Not now. So she looked away.

Emmett whispered quietly in her ear. "That's my girl."

She smiled and looked down, biting her lip. She knew Jake had seen it but she hoped he wouldn't take it as a gesture towards him. She looked up at him. He didn't. Good.

She was relieved. So she took a deep breath, cleared her throat for the last time (that damn lump!) and began. "Okay, so here's the deal. Edward told me that you've been cheating on Ness for quite some time now. That's you've had many affairs and flings and casual sex as you so casually referred to it. And most of them have been with women from the company and these...events. He even said that Ness caught you and Tanya in a stock room at the office." Jake didn't break his gaze, didn't indicate to her that it was all some sort of misinformation or exaggeration on either of their spouses' part. He just let her continue. And that, hurt way worse than she ever expected it would.

She waited a minute and then took another deep breath.

"Anyways, Edward was very aware of your 'pattern' he called it. He even knew that you took these women at these events..." She shut her eyes tightly and let out a breath. "Into some closet or unused room to screw them while Ness was busy schmoozing and looking the other way. When I asked him why Ness didn't just divorce your disgusting ass, he said it was because she loved you and she still believed you two could work it out. And that's why she was upset at you more than anything yesterday when she heard that you told me you guys were having 'problems'." She snorted and shook her head, breaking his gaze for a moment.

He parted his lips as if he were about to say something but then he took a breath and closed them, waiting for her to continue.

She smiled wickedly even though what she was about to say didn't give her any real pleasure. "And then he mentioned Leah. Your 'old girlfriend', did you say? He said Ness came across her number in your phone. And I found that ironic after seeing you throw away her card that day and try to give her the brush off." She then put a finger to her chin as if she were thinking. "But then I remembered," She then began to gesture with her hands as if she were trying to figure something out. "That while we were in your car that day, I saw you putting something into your phone. At the time, I just assumed you were texting somebody like Seth and didn't really think anything of it. Guess I should have since you stared at that card for so fucking long I thought it was gonna grow roots and attach itself to your damn fingers! Memorized the digits, did you, Jake?"

He went to say something but she cut him off quickly.

"I am not done."

He shut his mouth and then looked down. She then saw him nod in submission.

"So I made my excuses and I went outside to get some air. I even considered maybe finding you and pulling you out of there like you said. Everything else be damned." She laughed and shook her head, looking out at the ocean. "Buuuut I didn't." She then turned to find him looking at her with a silent longing.

She narrowed her eyes at him until he finally had the decency to look down again.

"And then, as if by some weird twist of fate, like maybe the universe was trying to tell me just how much of a scumbag you really are, I heard you talking to someone. So I peeked around the corner and lo and behold, I see one of your fucking whores all over you, practically launching herself onto your dick!" He flinched but she continued. "And the best part? You were letting her!"

He went to protest but she cut him off again.

"Oh, I know you tried to push her away but really, Jake? Let's face it. You weren't really trying. You were pushing her away as much as a single guy who hasn't been laid in five years was trying to refuse a lap dance in a strip club. And then, she kisses you. And, again, you let her!"

"Bella, that's not true! I-"

"I am not. Done. Yet."

He sighed and placed his arms on his knees. "Go ahead."

"Thank you. So she kisses you. You pull away. And then she kisses you again and this time, you didn't pull away. Not until you heard me and then you ran away from her." She felt Emmett tense behind her. But she went to calm him before he could react. She began to rub his arm. "It's okay, Em. He didn't see me. He just heard my breathing. That's all. He didn't know it was me." Emmett relaxed back into her but not as much as before. Em wasn't kidding. He was losing his patience with this situation and fast.

She then turned back to Jake who was staring at her helplessly. "But the very worst part of all that, Jake? The part that hurt me the most?" She heard her voice getting choked up again. Dammit! She cleared her throat once more but to no avail. "I heard what she said. You used the same words on me that you used on her. And all the other sluts you've slept with, no doubt." The tears started to fall again and she went to wipe them.

She sobbed and looked at him. He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at his knees.

She felt Emmett remove one of his arms from around her and then begin to rub her back.

"How could you do that? If you really love me like you say you do, then how could you ever do that to me? How can you even say to me that you consider this a relationship when clearly your actions speak otherwise? No? Nothing? I'll tell you. I don't matter to you, that's why. I never did. And that is the worst fucking feeling. Out of all this shit, that hurts the most. Because, like the fucking idiot I am, I thought you really loved me." She wiped her eyes and sniffled as she looked down.

"That's not true, Bella. I do love you."

She looked up to find tears slowly making their way down his russet cheeks. He didn't even make an attempt to wipe them.

"I have made so many mistakes. So many, Bella. And I'm not proud of them. I didn't know I was gonna meet you. If I did, those women would have never happened. Never. They meant nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. You are the only one that matters." His voice broke in several different spots. And each time it broke, more tears flowed from his dark eyes.

Bella wiped the new tears from her own eyes and sniffled again.

"You have always mattered to me and you always will. Even if-if you decide you never want to see me again after today." He whispered those last words as he looked down.

But then he raised his watery eyes to hers. "You don't need to ask me anything. I'll tell you everything right now." He took a deep breath and tried to regain some composure. Then he looked directly at her. "Yes, I cheated on Ness many times before I met you. I didn't care. I know how that sounds but there were-extenuating circumstances. Not that that's any excuse but I had my reasons. It's not because I was looking for a better deal. It's not because I was a 'player' or some stupid shit like that. I just wasn't thinking and I wasn't dealing with the real issue at hand. And as much as it kills me to say it, everything he told you is true."

She broke down sobbing when she heard that. She had known it was true. The evidence was overwhelming and irrefutable but still, some small shred of her heart really hoped it wasn't. That it was all just some sort of big, sick, twisted misunderstanding.

She turned and locked her arms around Emmett and buried her head in his chest, turning away from Jake, sobbing uncontrollably. He rocked her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. "Shhh, sweetie. You're okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm here. Shhh."

New Bella, the one that loved Jake, was slowly dying inside her. And boy, did it hurt. It hurt really fucking bad.

She heard Emmett's chest rumble underneath her. "Jake..." She heard the menacing warning in his tone.

And then she heard his voice on the other side of her, next to her.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Baby, please. I'm so sorry."

He was sobbing almost as much as she was.

She heard Emmett speak again, this time with a little more compassion. "Jake. You gotta back up, man. Give her some space. Come on. We had a deal. Back up."

But he obviously didn't listen to Emmett because she still heard his voice next to her.

"Baby, I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I promise, you're the only one. I just want you. I never meant to hurt you. God, I'm so sorry. I fucked up, I know it. I am so sorry. Please, baby."

She could still hear him sobbing. Emmett obviously felt bad for him because she heard him address him with even more compassion than before.

"Jake, come on, man. Just give her a minute, okay? Come on. Why don't you sit down over there and just give her a minute. Alright? Come on."

She heard Jake sob a little louder next to her.

She didn't know why she did it. Surely she wasn't thinking because if she had been she would never have done it in the first place. New Bella jumped up from Emmett's arms in a flash movement, turned around and grabbed Jake and pulled him into her arms. She positioned herself to where she was practically straddling him. She just needed to be closer to him and this was the best position to enable her to get as close as possible, not allowing any space in between them.

He sobbed harder and put his arms around her, burying his face into her neck. He placed one hand at the back of her head and the other at her back and began to rock them. She wasn't sobbing anymore but the tears were still flowing. She laid her head on his shoulder, looking away from them. She saw Emmett stand up next to them and move away, sitting down a few feet away, giving them a minute alone with each other. She closed her eyes and held Jake to her tight.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry. Please forgive me. Please."

She heard his whispered broken pleas sighed into her neck. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry. Please. Give me one more chance. Just one more. Please. I can't be without you. You're it for me, Bells. Please, baby. Please. I'm so sorry."

She opened her eyes and lifted her head, pulling back slowly to look down at him. Tears were still rolling down his face and he was still trying to get his breathing under control. He sniffled and swallowed, looking at her helplessly.

She stared at him for a good minute. No coherent thoughts ran through her head while she looked at him. She just allowed her instincts to flow through her, controlling her actions.

She lowered her head and placed her forehead against his.

"Jake."

He sniffled again and looked into her eyes.

"Things can't be as they were before. I can't go back to that, I'm sorry."

He nodded against her and looked away from her, his eyes closing in defeat.

"But..."

His eyes opened and looked at her.

She sighed.

"I do love you. I do. Maybe against my better judgment but still, I love you. And..."

She swallowed thickly and shook her head.

"I-I can't promise you anything. You can't ask that of me. Not now. But if you're willing..."

He didn't say a word, just kept looking at her. She sighed again.

"Then maybe...we can try to...work...this...out."

His eyes lit up with hope.

"But Jake, that doesn't mean that I'm not still pissed. And very hurt. You lied to me. You had six weeks to tell me the truth and you didn't. Em and Rose even gave you a chance to tell me last night and you still didn't. As much as it would've killed me to hear it, I would have preferred hearing it from you than..." She shut her eyes in pain, opened them and then looked down. "Finding out the way I did last night."

He nodded against her and lowered his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Jake, look at me."

He raised his eyes to hers and she placed her hands around his face.

"Are you seeing anyone else right now besides me? Are you sleeping with anyone else? Tell me the truth."

He shook his head. "No."

"Not even Leah?"

He shook his head again.

"Not even Victoria or Khloe or any of those other women?"

He shook his head one more time.

"No."

She looked deep into his eyes, trying to see if he was lying to her. But all she could see was love and devotion staring back at her.

She took a breath and nodded.

"Did you-" She swallowed again. She wasn't sure she really wanted to ask this. She really didn't know if she could handle the answer. "Did you sleep with anyone else while you were seeing me? And..." She took another deep breath. "And please don't lie to me. Just...be honest with me."

He held her tighter to him. He shook his head. "No. Not even her."

Bella once again looked into his eyes but didn't see any traces of insincerity there.

She then allowed herself to breathe and close her eyes.

"Okay."

She felt his hand fisted in the back of her hair to hold her even more tightly to him.

"Bella?"

She opened her eyes to look at him.

"You were never a 'notch on my belt', honey. You were never one of them."

She winced and lowered her eyes. She knew he was trying to reassure her but the way he put it certainly didn't make her feel any better.

She sighed.

"Jake, how am I supposed to trust you? How am I supposed to know that...you won't just decide to sleep around on me? How am I-"

"Because I love you. And you're the only one I want, Bella. You're it for me. I've known that since day one. And I have been completely faithful to you."

She lifted her eyes to his. "But you told those same things to Ness. And look what happened there." She whispered her fear to him. She couldn't stand to say it aloud.

He sighed this time and closed his eyes. He pushed his forehead into hers more and then opened his eyes to look at her. "You're right, I did. And Bella, believe me when I tell you, there's no excuse for the way I've acted. Anything that's been done over the course of my marriage in no way justifies what I did. I was fucked up and immature and heartbroken. But that doesn't excuse any of it. And I know that."

Before he could continue, Bella cut him off.

"Heartbroken?"

Jake sighed again and kissed her nose. He tightened his arms around her and pulled her into him more. He looked sad and Bella did it without thinking. She lowered her head and kissed his lips quickly before settling her forehead back against his.

He looked shocked and truth be told, so was she. She hadn't meant to do that. He just looked like he was in so much pain...

He kissed her nose once more and then cleared his throat. She felt him start to stroke her hair. "After about a month or so of being married, I found out that Ness was seeing someone else. She had been seeing him well before we were married."

Bella's eyes went wide.

Jake took a deep breath. "It practically killed me when I found out. But rather than lose my temper and call it quits like I should've, I instead begged her to end the affair. To give us a fair chance. I loved her, Bella. I really did and I wanted it to work. She told me she would, promised to work with me to make things better. I wouldn't say I forgave her but I was willing to overlook everything if she made an effort to try to save us, save our marriage."

He lowered his eyes. "But after a while, I could see things were only getting harder for us. She wasn't around as much. She didn't seem to enjoy spending time with me anymore. Even the sex was just...empty. It wasn't pleasurable. There was nothing there."

Bella grimaced but was glad Jake hadn't seen it.

"Sure enough, I found out again that she was still cheating on me. That in fact, she was still seeing the same bastard from before. So, I confronted her about it again. I asked her to please, please break it off and work with me. I really did love her, Bells. She assured me she would but she didn't. And after that, I just lost it. I should have gotten a divorce, should've just seen it for what it was. I should've just cut my losses then and there. But I didn't. I was hurting but I still loved her. And then I made one of the worst mistakes I've ever made."

He looked up at her with those soft pleading eyes.

"I cheated on her, Bells. Just some random girl from the office. At one of those event things. And when we went back home that night, I was so disgusted with what I did, I ended up just telling her everything. She got so upset and she cried, begging me not to hurt her like that ever again. And then she-well-she made love to me that night."

Bella winced and looked down. She knew it shouldn't bother her. It had nothing to do with her. This was before her. But it did.

"Bells, look at me."

She did as he asked and he gave her a tiny smile. "Baby, I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm just trying to be honest with you about everything and explain. Like you asked."

Bella nodded and cleared her throat. "You're right. Sorry. Continue."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead before resuming his story.

"Well, after that, things seemed to change and go back to being like they used to. She clung to my side and made sure to always leave work and come home on time so we could spend some time together. She actually took the weekends off and we'd do anything and everything, just being together. Things seemed to really be working out." His face contorted into a frown. "But then one night, she didn't come home when she said she would. She put all my calls straight to voicemail and didn't come home until around ten o'clock that night. I had been worried sick that maybe something had happened. I was a complete mess by that point. But one look at her told me where she'd been and who she'd been with. And all she could say was 'Sorry,' before going upstairs. I couldn't believe it, Bells. I mean, here we were finally working things out and she goes right back to the same shit! Needless to say, I was hurt but like the asshole I am, I still believed things would work out. I still loved her. And then, I just completely flipped the fuck out and convinced myself that if I just-was unfaithful to her, if she felt even a fraction of the pain she was putting me through that maybe she would finally break it off with that bastard for good and come home to me and...be with me." He shook his head. "I should have known better."

He sighed and looked down. Bella began to stroke his cheek softly.

"For a while, we went through the same pattern. I'd go out and cheat, come home and tell her about it, she'd get upset and cry, we'd make up, things would be golden for a week or two and then she'd go back to her old ways. And always with the same asshole every time. Finally, I just stopped trying to make things right with her. I was so fucking angry and so fucking hurt I just said, 'Fuck it!' and I went out and fucked around with as many women as I could, hoping she'd hear about it each and every time, knowing I wasn't sitting at home waiting for her while she was out fucking him. Most of the women I hooked up with were mostly from the office. I made sure of that. Because I knew those bitches wouldn't keep their mouths shut and it would eventually get back to her. And I was right. She would hear of it every single time. And every single time she'd come home and freak out on me about it, acting all hurt. But instead of us making up, we would just fight and I would tell her each and every time that as long as she continued to fuck the bastard she was seeing behind my back that I would continue to fuck who I pleased. And I did." He had a glare settled on his features but it wasn't directed at her. He was staring off into the distance away from her, seeming to be reliving his own story.

Bella grimaced and shook her head, looking down. "Wow."

He took a deep breath and swallowed. "Bells, I was safe. I never ever took a chance with any of them the way I did with you. I used a condom every time, I swear."

She flinched and looked at him, clearly disgusted and sick to her stomach. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He sighed. "No. I hate even having to say that. But-I need you to know. I don't ever want you thinking that I would treat you the same as I would those other women. That I would ever put you at risk like that. I would never do that to you."

She went to object, to remind him of the words he had used with both her and those women but she closed her mouth, waiting for him to finish the story. She'd save that point for when he was done. She wasn't about to let that one go.

"So go ahead."

She glared at him. She was pissed now and wasn't feeling as compassionate as she had been before.

She heard him gulp and he stared at her. "Anyway, so things continued on like that for a while. And yes, she did catch me with Tanya. I made sure she did. I was out of my fucking mind, Bella. I wanted to hurt her so goddamn bad. And yet, I still loved her. I was completely certifiable. And when I ran into Leah again, I added her to the list. She always knew it was just casual between us but she became an ongoing affair. Just like-Victoria."

Bella pulled back, feeling nauseous again. "Jake, I can't. This is too much. I can't-this is making me sick to my stomach."

Jake looked at her worriedly and prevented her from moving away. "Baby, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm not trying to make you feel sick. I'm just trying to tell you the truth. I don't want anything left unsaid between us. I want everything out in the open for us. I want to come clean and I want you to know everything. You deserve to know. I'm sorry. Please don't give up on me just yet. Please."

Bella felt the hot tears burning at the corner of her eyes. She couldn't even look at him. She took a deep breath and pulled away from him, leaning back as far as she could. The tears were starting to stream down her face again.

She heard Jake whisper to her brokenly.

"Do you want to go sit with Emmett?"

She looked around, searching for Emmett. He was still there, a few feet further away than he originally had been, sitting down, looking out at the ocean. Probably trying to give them some privacy to work things out.

As pissed as Emmett was at Jake and as protective as he was of Bella, for some reason, Emmett seemed in support of Jake. And she had no idea why. Even though he and Rose had both told her it was because of her, they had both known of Jake's past and yet still supported the two of them together. Something was off about it but she trusted Emmett and Rose. Even her own heart was in on the act, telling her to trust him. To allow him to try for them one more time.

She looked down at Jake who looked up at her with glassy eyes once more.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "No. I want you to finish the story."

Jake nodded. "Okay, baby. Okay." He reached a hand up to wipe away a stray tear that found its way onto her cheek.

"That's pretty much it. I mean, those last two were my regulars," His eyes snapped to hers worriedly when he said it. But she forced herself not to make a face or look away. "While I still had the random hook-ups. I was so lost, Bells. I certainly wasn't happy and I-I'm ashamed of the way I acted, the way I was thinking. If I could erase all of that, I would, trust me. It's hard knowing every day that I did all of that, that I did that to myself, became that type of person. Just because I couldn't deal with the fact that my marriage was over like a man and just put us both out of our misery. I really wish I had handled things differently."

He looked down and covered her hands with his. He looked up and gave her a weak smile.

"And then I met you."

Bella stared down at their hands. She really loved the contrast between their skin, his dark and her light. Why, oh why, did she have to love this man?

He raised one of his hands and gently lifted her chin so she would look at him.

"Bells,"

She sniffled and looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

He smiled wider.

"I've never met anyone like you before. And I knew from the first time we spoke, there was something about you I couldn't quite put my finger on. But that was it. I was a goner."

She sniffled again and looked down.

"Literally, Bells. First time we danced, you nearly killed me."

A laugh forced its way out of her chest involuntarily and he chuckled in response. She wiped her eyes once more and looked at him. He began to stroke her right cheek gently with the pad of his thumb.

"And I can't think of any other way I'd rather go."

He had whispered it, mesmerized looking at her. She knew she should still be angry, yelling and protesting his ministrations, knocking his hand away, refusing to believe him. But when she looked at him, really looked at him, she knew she couldn't do any of that. Not right now.

Before she had a chance to think, he leaned in and kissed her softly. He pulled back slightly, keeping their foreheads together, their lips inches apart, his eyes closed, whispering.

"I do love you, Bells. I have since that night. And it scared the crap out of me at first, thinking I could feel so strongly for some woman I just met. And a married woman at that. But I really do love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my past all those times before but I was just so worried that you'd think the worst of me, that you'd hate me, that I'd disgust you so badly, that you would just up and leave, never coming back. I didn't want to lose you and I still don't. I love you, Bella. I swear I do. And if you give me the chance, I'll spend every minute proving it to you. If you let me. I love you. You own me, heart, body and soul. I am completely yours, Isabella."

She didn't say a word. She didn't know if she could even if she wanted to. She just kept her eyes closed and listened to him whisper to her.

"Ever since you and I have been together, there's never been anyone else. Nobody else exists for me. And they never will."

She didn't open her eyes but was finally able to whisper back.

"But then, why would Ness think she was capable of being pregnant?"

She heard him sigh. "I slept with her once more before you and I went out for lunch that day. Like I said before, honey, you scared the crap out of me. When I met you it was like my very life was ending and I was yours from that moment on. You were all that mattered, not even me. It was such an intense feeling, like I wasn't even in control of myself, like I was completely under yours and I didn't even know you all that well. So I tried to go back to my old ways, just once and only with her, to try to shake off that feeling. But it didn't work. I couldn't get you out of my mind. And when I tried to save my marriage one last time, that lunch date being the final attempt, I was still under the delusion that I loved her." Bella internally winced but she knew she had no right to be hurt over that. That was indeed before he and her were ever intimate. And she was his wife. She had no right to any anger or hurt at that one. "But I should have known that it was all bullshit and it no longer mattered. Only you did. And when we went out for lunch that day..." He kissed her nose and lingered there for a minute. "I didn't plan on that happening. But I can't tell you how thankful I am that it did. And then I knew, that was it. I was no longer the person I was before. Everything from my life before didn't matter. You were the only thing that did."

Bella still didn't open her eyes but she smiled. "Wow. I was that good, huh?"

She heard him laugh. "I wouldn't call that good."

Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him in indignation.

His eyes twinkled and he grinned at her. "I'd call that fucking amazing! Out of this world, mind blowing, incredible, best of a lifetime, fucking amazing! That's what I would call it." He grinned wider at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Still not happening."

"Fuck. What's a guy gotta do?" He laughed and so did she.

She felt a little better knowing that they could still joke like this. Her biggest fear was that she really didn't know him, that everything between them had been false and a ploy to use her for personal gain, nothing more than a simple means to an end. That she had given herself over to a man these past six weeks that she really didn't know at all like she thought she had. But as they bantered back and forth lightly, she could see him. He was still the same Jake she had fallen for. The same Jake she had spent all this time with. The same Jake who loved her.

She was hurt. He had really hurt her by lying to her and withholding everything from her. But again, her instincts told her he hadn't done it to hurt her. Her 'flightiness' had been the topic of more than one discussion between them before and the subject of many fights. She didn't know if that's why he really held back or if he knew just how bad it would be when these facets of his past came to light. He had always been able to read her disturbingly well. He could tell what she was thinking even before she thought it. Yes, he knew how she'd react, how she would feel, what she would think. And to be completely honest, she wasn't so sure that if the situation were indeed reversed how forthcoming she would want to be if she had that in her past. She wouldn't want to risk losing Jake over mistakes she had made before she knew him and clearly regretted.

It was this last thought that made her take his face into her hands and look seriously at him.

"Jake, why did you put Leah's number in your phone if you weren't planning on seeing her?"

He sighed and looked at her. After a moment, he leaned them forward, supporting her back with his hand and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. He leaned back and handed it to her.

"Open the phone, Bells."

She looked at him in confusion but did as he told her.

"Go to my contacts list."

She hit the button.

"Now scroll down and look for her name."

She did as he asked. She found the name and truthfully, it stung a bit, but she looked up at him, awaiting his next instructions.

"Call it."

Her eyes widened and she stared at him. He inclined his head towards the phone. "Just trust me, Bells. Call it."

She hit the 'send' button and held the phone up to her ear, staring at him the whole time, wondering what he was trying to prove by having her do this.

The line rang twice and then an automated message picked up. It informed her that the number had been disconnected and asked her to try her call again. She pulled the phone away and hit 'end'. She furrowed her brows at him.

He nodded.

"Alright, now go back to my contacts list. Look up the name 'Brady' and call that one."

She stared at him.

He took a deep breath. "Just do it, Bells. Come on."

She did as she was told, found the name and hit 'send' again, holding the phone to her ear. What was with him having her call these random numbers? She really hoped no one picked up.

Then she felt a vibration in her pocket. She reached inside it with her free hand and pulled it out. The screen showed that Jake was calling her. She snapped her eyes to his and he smiled. He pulled his phone gently from her ear and closed it while she placed her phone back in her pocket. She looked up at him expectantly, waiting for his explanation.

"Bells, I told you. I've-been through this before." He grimaced and so did she. "And I know the signs. Ness has been on my case for the last few weeks. I knew it was only a matter of time before she started her spying crap again. I saw an opportunity and I took it. That's Leah's old number I put into my phone. And before you even ask, no, I haven't spoken to her or seen her since that day at the store and I am not storing her number in a little black book somewhere so I can call her back up anytime in the future. It was the last number I remembered. I called it, got the same message you did and decided to use it." Bella closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes at him. "I knew Ness would end up going through my phone eventually, when I was in the shower or something and didn't have it with me, so I put the number into my phone and made sure to put it under that name. I'd much rather her come across that one and think I'm seeing Leah before I'd ever her want her thinking I might be seeing you."

Bella winced involuntarily. "Why?"

He looked at her confused. "To protect you, Bells. You were very adamant about keeping this relationship a secret and him never finding out. I was trying to respect that. Plus, if she finds out, he'll know within the next five minutes. Ness wouldn't hesitate to call him and let him know."

She narrowed her eyes further, shaking her head and looking down. "But why? I mean, why would she care who you're seeing if she's cheating on you and you've been cheating on her for months?"

He started to stroke her hair tenderly. "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. It's a bit-hypocritical. To say the least. She goes nuts when my infidelity is in her face. But I think it has something to do with why I didn't want to let go of our marriage so easily. I think a part of her still does love me on some small level. It's just not enough for her to stay committed to me. And I guess what he told you last night about that confirms it. Huh."

He looked away, seemingly deep in thought. It scared her and caused her to ask her next question.

She lowered her eyes and whispered.

"Do you still love her?"

Silence passed for a minute and Bella's heart began to race. Again, she had no right to feel pain, to feel jealous and hurt and scared. Ness was his wife. She had no right to hope that he wouldn't still have some small feeling for her. Just like he had no right to hope that she wouldn't for Edward.

She felt his hands grip her face gently and pull her head up to look at him. She gulped quietly.

"No. I love you."

She let out a breath in relief. He leaned forward and kissed her.

He pulled away but not before kissing her forehead, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her to him. She laid her head on his chest, her head right beneath his chin as he rubbed her back slowly.

"And she knows it, too. She knows things are different. I think that's what's got her acting so strange lately, trying to be the perfect little wife, trying anything and everything to please me, to seduce me back into the fold, so to speak."

Bella stiffened and he laughed. "Relax, Bells. I'm not falling for it and I never will. I'm yours, remember?"

She began to relax again.

"So you didn't memorize Leah's new number?"

She felt him take a breath. "No, honey. I didn't. Honestly, when I was looking at that card, I was thinking about everything. With you, about my past, about my marriage. You saw me. I threw it out first chance I got. I have no interest in ever seeing her again. I have no idea what the number even was. I was too preoccupied with other things to pay much attention." He looked down at her pointedly when he said that.

"Then why did she act like she didn't know you?"

She saw him wince and glance back up. "Ness has-spoken to Leah before."

Bella narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

He shook his head and held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. "I wasn't kidding when I said Ness goes nuts when she hears I've been unfaithful to her. And-" He took a deep breath. "I told you, I was seeing Leah regularly at one point and Ness found out and she drank too much one night and found Leah's address and...yeah, it wasn't pretty. I just barely made it in time after Leah called me. I almost wasn't able to save her a trip to the ER with a broken nose, split lip and a black eye. Not to mention fractured ribs." He shuddered.

Bella stared up at him in shock. "Jesus Christ, Jacob! How can you stay married to someone like that? That's fucking insane! This whole fucking thing is insane!" She pulled out of his arms quickly and stood up. She began pacing and noticed Emmett's head had perked up in their direction. She knew he'd be heading over momentarily to make sure she was okay. But she couldn't think about that right now.

Jake stood up and went to hug her but she pushed him away. He was looking at her worriedly.

"I'm sorry, honey. I really am. She's not usually like that. It was just that one time and she was really drunk. It was my fault. I wasn't looking out for Leah and that's how that happened. But it's over, it's in the past. Leah's forgiven it-"

"Oh, I bet she has."

Jake winced and dropped his open arms at his sides, looking down.

Bella came to a stop, facing away from him. She put her head in her hands.

"Jake, how am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to let this all go, start over? How am I supposed to be able to trust you? How am I supposed to put everything at risk, again, but this time risking myself as well? How am I supposed to do this?"

She heard him approach behind her. Then she felt his arms around her, turning her around and pulling her into him.

"I'll do anything, honey. Anything. Anything at all. Just tell me what you want and it's yours."

She sniffled and wiped the two tears that had made it past her tightly closed eyelids.

She looked up at him. She could see his eyes were glistening again.

"I don't know what I want. I really don't. I love you, you know that. So that makes this that much harder. I don't know what to do. I love you, I want you, I don't want to lose you." She looked up at him helplessly. "But I can't forget all of this. I mean, I know you're telling me you love me and I believe you. But what's to stop you from starting up one of your old flings again or hell, even starting up some new ones, if we have a fight and you're mad at me? Or if you're hurt by me? I mean, I am so fucking confused and...fucked up right now, I don't know what to think. And not to mention, we're both still married to other people! I still love Edward, Jake!" He looked down when she said it but he didn't say anything, didn't tense, didn't back away.

"I love you both! And I can't give either of you up right now. And I know that's completely heartless, unfair and selfish of me, but I can't."

Jake nodded.

"I know."

Bella lifted his chin so he would look at her. "What do you mean, you know?"

He sighed and kissed her nose. "I know that you're torn. I also know that all of this stuff doesn't help the situation at all. I know that you love me but that you still love him. I know all of that, Bells."

Bella threw her hands up in exasperation. "Then why do you stay with me? Doesn't this hurt you at all? If it really means as much to you as you say it does?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Because I love you. Because I want you and I don't mean sexually. Although, I'm not saying I don't want that, too. I'll always want that. But Bells, I want you for my own. I've wanted you since I first saw you, since I first talked to you. I meant everything I said to you before, Bella. I meant everything I've said to you always. I. Am. Yours. And with that...comes a not so great but more than willing understanding on my part."

She stared up at him. "Understanding?"

"Yes. Ever since...the beginning of things between us that day, I've gone at your speed. I knew that if I pushed you just one inch too much, you'd run. So I never pushed. I mean, I never pushed for things to get more serious for us until recently. You were never just an affair, Bella. I've been with you and only you, absolutely one hundred percent faithful to you. I've been completely dedicated, invested, committed to, however you want to put it, in this relationship since that day. But I've always gone at your pace. Pulling back even though I didn't want to. Hearing you say you love him over and over, watching you guys be affectionate with one another. It was hard for me but I did it. Not so well sometimes, as we both know, but I did it. That's why I took my time in telling you how I felt about you. I didn't expect to be throwing the 'L' word around for a good long time. So you can imagine how shocked I was when you said it first."

He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back, bite her lip and look down, blushing a little.

"Honey, look. I get that you're confused right now. I don't expect you to come away from this whole thing clear-headed, choosing me and us running off and starting a life together." She looked up at him earnestly. He smiled wider. "Well, not yet, anyway." He winked at her and it did make her smile a little.

He chuckled and then continued. "Look, Bells. You know the very worst things about me. You know all my secrets, all my skeletons in the closet. And yet, you're still standing here, talking to me, telling me you love me still. How can I not be patient and wait until you're ready?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and he sighed. "To make a decision, I mean. Look, I'm not gonna push. I'm not. You know I'm completely dedicated and committed to you. And only you. The only reason I even stayed in that godforsaken marriage was for you. Because I knew if I left her at any point in these last six weeks, you'd think it was for you, you'd get scared and you'd run."

Bella winced and he laid a hand on her cheek.

"Bells, that's the truth and you know it. No bullshit, remember? Tell me, do you really think you wouldn't have?"

Bella grimaced and looked down. "I don't know. A lot's changed in the last couple of weeks. And it's all happening so fast."

Jake nodded. "Right. I know. And that's why I've been trying to keep from adding any extra pressure to the situation. We're already at our breaking point, Bells. Wouldn't you say?"

She looked up at him and nodded. He took a deep breath.

"Bella, I don't want to lose you. I do love you and it'll kill me if I do. But if you need some...space...after everything. If you need some time...I understand and I'm more than willing to give it to you. But I have to ask you one thing. Please. Please don't give up on me. Not yet."

She sighed heavily. "Jake, I told you. I don't want to lose you, either. But...things have to change. They can't be like they were before. You know that."

He closed his eyes and placed his forehead against hers.

"Okay. What things have to change? Tell me."

She took a deep breath but didn't say anything.

"State your terms, Woman."

She giggled and he smiled and kissed her nose, looking at her.

She smiled up at him.

"I love you, Jake."

He smiled even more warmly at her.

"I love you, too."

He kissed her nose once more.

"Now. Speak."

She sighed once more and looked directly at him.

"Well, for one thing. No more sex. At least...not right now."

He groaned but nodded against her. "Okay. No more sex. Add cold showers to daily regimen, keep a Costco-sized bottle of Jergens in the bathroom at all times and buy a wrist guard. Got it. Next."

She stared up at him in horror. She smacked his arm, making him laugh. "Eww."

"A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do, Bells." He smirked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Yep. Glad to hear you have a contingency plan ready to go into effect."

He grabbed her and kissed her hard, leaving her gasping for breath.

"Please. Please don't ask me to give that up. I know I'm on probation but please, Bells. Have a heart."

She swallowed, still gulping for air. "No. No. I don't think we should. Better to take this one step at a time, right?"

He smirked wider down at her. "Right."

She smacked his arm again.

"Secondly, these...four days coming up...I don't know...I'm not sure if..."

Jake's smile dropped and he looked down, taking a deep breath. "Well, truth be told, I was planning on taking you away somewhere. But in light of...our changed circumstances, I can understand if you don't want to do that."

Bella narrowed her eyes at him. "Where were you taking me?"

Jake grinned wickedly. "Uh uh, Bells. It was a surprise."

Bella crossed her arms. "I hate surprises."

Jake grinned wider and wiggled his eyebrow at her. "I know."

She glared at him. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Thinking I'll change my mind and go with you, won't you?"

Jake bit his lip, trying to hold in his laugh, looking down. "Depends. Is it working?"

Bella arched her eyebrows. "Depends. Was it something I would have liked or are we talking an all-out four day sex binge?"

Jake didn't contain his laughter this time. "Well, I don't know if it was something you would have liked per se but it was going to be something just for us. More so for me but I wanted to share it with you. And it would've given us some time to spend together, go a little public without worrying about it."

Bella gnawed on her lip and looked down.

"But Bells, if it makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to go. It's not a big deal. We can go some other time...maybe."

She looked up at him. "So it's the sex binge then?"

Jake chuckled. "Pretty much."

She gasped and smacked his chest this time. "Jacob Black!"

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I was hoping you'd be yelling for most of our time there. What a shame."

She pushed him away forcefully and he couldn't resist her, he was laughing so hard. She began to walk away from him. "You are absolutely despicable!"

He threw his arms around her and pulled her back into him, kissing her cheek. "Despicable? That's a new one." He grinned at her and she gave him a playful elbow to the ribs. "Nah, seriously, Bells. I was just gonna take you somewhere but like I said, we don't have to go. It's not a big deal. It would have required a plane ride, anyway. So don't worry about it." He kissed her once more on the cheek.

"But, I would like it if we could spend some time together during those days. I mean, I have the whole house to myself and I really don't feel like getting carpal tunnel the first two days, know what I mean?"

She elbowed him again, harder this time. "Jesus, Jake!"

"I'm only kidding, baby. Mostly. Seriously though, can I see you at least one of those days? We can play checkers." He wiggled his eyebrow again at her and she laughed.

"Yeah, sure. Wouldn't want you to play checkers all by yourself the whole time, now would we?"

He smiled. "My thinking exactly. So, getting back to business, what other changes did you have in mind?"

Bella's smile dropped and she sighed, leaning back into him. He pulled her in tighter to him and buried his face into her neck, but not before kissing it softly first.

"Nothing. That was pretty much it, I guess. I mean, we're both willing to work on this, we do both love each other, we understand things a bit better now. But Jake, I do have to ask you one thing."

He mumbled into her neck. "Anything, baby."

She turned around in his arms and faced him.

"I need you to be completely honest with me."

He swallowed and looked at her, more than aware the banter from before was gone. He kissed her nose and nodded. "Okay."

She looked down, sighed, and then looked back up at him.

"Why did you use the same words on me that you used on-" She closed her eyes and let out a breath. Then she opened them and looked back at him. He looked...ashamed. She swallowed once more. "The others? If I'm really different, if I'm what you really want like you said, then why? Why would you treat me like one of them?"

Jake sighed and closed his eyes. "Bells, I wasn't trying to do that."

Bella felt a stray tear escape down her cheek. "Then why did you do it?"

He opened his eyes and they tightened when they saw the fresh trail of the single tear. He reached up and brushed it away with his thumb. "Bells. I really wish you hadn't heard that. I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt. You must really think horribly of me, don't you?" He began to stroke her cheek gently.

More tears slid down her face. "That's not an answer. Why did you use them on me? How could you do that?"

He sighed again and closed his eyes once more. "Honestly?"

She nodded. He opened his eyes and wiped the tears off her cheeks with both hands.

"Because it made you stay."

She began to get angry. "What?"

He took a deep breath and pulled her close, most likely knowing she was about to lose it and push him away.

"Bells. It's like I said before. Every time I tried to keep you with me, you freaked and you ran. You would push me away. And..." He took another deep breath. "As fucked up as it is and selfish and unfair, I did whatever I could to make sure you stayed. I didn't want to lose you. So I did whatever it took. If that meant threatening you with Edward, using the whole control factor, 'it's not over' thing, calming you down and keeping you close, whatever it took."

She could feel herself about to explode. She could feel the blood rushing to her face. And he could see it.

"Those words, they always," He gulped. "Worked with the others."

Her eyes widened and she gasped. So he had treated her like the others. She began to struggle to get free from his arms. He held her tightly.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I'm so sorry."

"Let me go!"

"Bella, please."

"Let me go right now!"

"Bella. I'm begging you."

Bella looked around for Emmett but didn't see him anywhere. Where the hell had he gone? Didn't he say he would be there to protect her? What the hell?

"Jake! Let me go! I want nothing more to do with you! That's it! You did treat me like them! You lied to me! You lied! I fucking hate you! Let me go!"

Jake just kept apologizing, holding her to him tighter. She began to hit him. He buried his body into hers, still apologizing, but taking every hit and only holding her tighter. She slapped whatever she could reach, punched.

"You stupid fuck! How could you? Don't you know how much I love you? Don't you see?" She was screaming it at him, hitting him even harder, making him groan in pain but never once breaking his streaming chant of apologies. Tears were pouring from her eyes and she was sobbing loudly. "Don't you see how much? Maybe they don't mean much to you, you fucking prick! But my vows meant something to me! And I broke them each and every time to be with you! To love you! And Edward! Oh God! I gave myself completely to you and you used me!" She hit him even harder and still he wouldn't stop fucking apologizing! "Shut up! You don't mean it, so shut up! You let her kiss you and you didn't push her away! You fucked her, didn't you? You were probably relieved when I was gone from the party, weren't you? You fucking asshole! You fucking lied to me! And now I'm no good! I'm so fucking disgusting, so dirty because I slept with you over and over again, thinking you loved me! I let you inside me without anything! I let you come inside of me! I let you put yourself in my mouth! I let you come in my mouth! Oh God! What if you gave me something and I gave it to Edward? Oh my fucking God! I fucking hate you, Jake! I fucking hate you! I loved you so much you don't even know! You don't care! You never did! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

And with that, she slumped to the ground, Jake falling with her, crying hysterically into her hands.

She didn't have the strength to fight him anymore. She just couldn't.

He held her and rocked her, whispering over and over in her ear. "I'm sorry, Bells. I'm so so sorry. I do love you. Baby, I swear I do. I love you."

"Why would you do that to me?"

He began to kiss her head, her ear, her temple, around her hands, anything he could reach.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I do love you. I fucked up. I'm so sorry. I should have never said any of those things. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry."

She cried out everything she felt. Betrayal, anger, pain, sadness, guilt, shame, love, everything. She cried until there were no tears left. Until she had no choice but to stop sobbing in order to catch her breath just so she could breathe. The whole time he rocked her in his arms, kissing her hair, constantly whispering in her ear, repeating two sentences over and over again. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Eventually, she moved her hands away from her face and slumped against his chest, looking out towards the ocean as he rocked them back and forth. His hand made it into her hair and stroked it gently.

She began to breathe normally again and her cheeks began to dry. But she didn't move from her spot, didn't move period. And she didn't say a word. She was too exhausted, too drained to think anything, say anything, do anything but let him hold her, trying to comfort her.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that but it seemed like forever until she heard her name. "Bella?"

She didn't respond, just waited for him to say what he wanted to say. He was going to anyway whether she answered him or not.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't answer him.

"Bells?"

She still wouldn't answer him. She couldn't. She felt half dead.

He repositioned her so he could look down at her and see her face. But she never took her eyes off the ocean before them.

"Honey?"

She heard the worry in his voice but she couldn't be bothered to respond. She closed her eyes tiredly. She heard his heart beat faintly and she slowly and very exhaustedly moved herself until her ear was right against it. She kept her eyes closed the entire time and settled into him more.

She felt a rumble in his chest. "Bells, please talk to me. Please?"

She still didn't say anything. She was just so damn tired. This weekend was killing her. For many years to come, if anyone even mentioned the shore, she would turn on her heel and adamantly refuse to consider any vacations until new ideal locations were brought to the table. Such a shame because she loved the beach.

She felt him sigh. "Baby, I'm sorry. I really am. I've fucked up so much with you. But I won't ever again. I promise you. I'll do anything to keep you with me. Whatever you want. I love you so much."

She didn't say anything. Just listened to his heartbeat. She started to drift off to the familiar comforting rhythm...