So this is an early update. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get one out on Sunday because apparently I'm spending the entire day being productive. We'll see how that works, lol. Anyway, thank you guys for the continued support; it means more to me than you know!
Three days later, Faith sniffles and takes another swig of her beer. Her eyes are red and her face is blotchy, a clear indication she'd been crying. She still hasn't gone to talk to Andrew about that night and really doesn't plan on it. She's just thankful that Cordelia and Amanda decided to take a 'girl's day' and leave her the hell alone. As she swallows down the rest of her beer, she looks over and rolls her eyes realizing that she's just finished off her last one. Finally, she stands and moves to the living room, looking out of the large window down at the city. The sun is shining brightly and it's bothering the hell out of her but she can't help but watch as people walk past with smiles.
Angel tosses the file folder down onto his desk, wishing he could find out some more information. There was nothing in Faith's file to indicate the name of her biological mother. Just that she was adopted when she was two by her father's wife. Hell, he couldn't even find Faith's father, let alone his supposedly deceased wife.
"Faith really is a tumbling weed." He mutters to himself. He almost smiles in relief when his phone rings. "Angel Investigations." He answers quickly. He hears shallow breathing on the other end.
"Angel I…. I'm losin' it man." He hears finally. His smile fades.
"Where are you?" he asks and stands before Faith can even finish the address. "I'm on my way."
An hour later, Angel pulls into the parking garage of Faith's apartment building and parks in the middle. When he'd been choosing an apartment for Faith, he didn't really think about picking one with a covered garage. Now he's glad that he did. It doesn't take him long to make it from the ground level to her apartment and knock. When she opens the door and sad brown eyes meet his, he feels his un-beating heart break.
"I don't know what to do anymore." Faith says after ten minutes of sitting in silence. "I don't… I don't know who I am." Angel reaches a hand out across the table.
"You're Faith." He says plainly. "You've just lost a big part of you but there's more to you than that. You were more than a slayer." He tells her wisely. She snorts.
"Yeah, right." She says wiping at her face. "It's all I was good at and I even fucked that up." she says bitterly. He shakes his head, squeezing her hand.
"But you tried making it right. You can still find your redemption, Faith." He says. She laughs but it sounds hollow.
"And how am I gonna do that? By lookin' over my shoulder when I travel at night wonderin' if the guy who keeps eyein' me is a vampire or a human? Or maybe I can use all of my brilliant job skills…oh wait, I don't have any." She says sarcastically. "The only thing my resume would say is that I dropped outta school, I became a slayer then a henchman then a killer. No one wants to hire that, Angel." She says firmly. Angel watches her, trying to gauge her.
"Faith you ca-"
"The other night, I threw a knife at Andrew's head." She says suddenly. He doesn't show his surprise. "I don't think I'm cut out for this redemption thing. Maybe I shoulda went back to prison." She mutters disgustedly.
"And what good would you do in there?" he asks almost angrily.
"The same good I'm doing out here; none!" she snaps. "I'm not doing anything but waking up, looking for a job and sleeping. Even that isn't an everyday thing!" she stands and paces.
"What about Amanda?" he asks,
"What about the kid?" she responds eying him.
"What are you doing with her?" he continues on. She shrugs.
"Nothin' big. Just workin' on her reflexes and all that shit." She says offhandedly.
"You're helping her with something she didn't want." He corrects. "Faith, whether you realize it or not, she looks up to you. I could see that when you two were about to leave; you're a hero to her." he says patiently. Faith scoffs.
"Kid's got some real issues if I'm a hero." She says bitterly. Angel just smiles.
"You look up to me, don't you?" he asks curiously.
"Yeah, you've got a few inches on me." She says confusedly. He actually chuckles.
"No, I mean," he trails off waving a hand. "In general, you respect what I do and you've said you wish you could be like me one day." He reminds her. She nods, not sure what this has to do with anything. "Why?" he asks.
"Because you're one of the good guys." She says shrugging.
"And so are you." He reminds her.
"But-"
"You're human, Faith. You've made some really big mistakes but you want to do better. You want to make up for them and you're the first person to admit you're not the best role model." He explains.
"Yeah, so?" she asks, huffing.
"That's what makes you a hero to her; that humanity." He says softly. "Buffy is a hero to a lot of people because she saves them. You're a hero to her because you want to save yourself." He says standing. He turns to leave but her small voice stops him.
"So what should I do?" she asks. He smiles to himself and glances over his shoulder at her.
"Find your skills and use them to your advantage. You may not be a slayer, but you are a fighter." He says and breezes from the apartment. Faith leans against the counter, her eyebrow furrowed in concentration.
Faith knocks on the door and waits nervously; she had to get this out of her system. When the door finally opens and reveals a surprised Andrew, she rushes through her apology.
"I'm really fucked up, yunno? I'm unstable, always have been and I doubt it it'll change. But what I did…I won't… I promise never to do somethin' like that again." She says frustrated. "I mean, sure, I'm gonna scare the shit outta ya from time to time but I'm not gonna… I won't try to kill you." She says rubbing her hand against the back of her neck. Andrew watches her silently and she starts to fidget in discomfort. He turns back into his apartment but leaves the door open. Faith stands there for a few seconds before her shoulders droop and she turns to leave.
"Do you prefer periwinkle or lavender?" she hears his voice ask. She turns back around, looking at him in confusion as he holds up two shirts. She looks between them and shrugs.
"They look the same." She says. He scoffs.
"I have so much to teach you, young Faith." He says before waving a hand. "Well, come on in; I want to show you something I built." He says his eyes lighting up with excitement. Faith follows, confused and a little worried. What had that sick little man been building?
As Andrew explained how his mini-tower worked, Faith contemplated what Angel had said. Use her skills? What skills?
"Faith, are you listening?" Andrew huffs. Faith shakes her head.
"Not really." She admits. He glares at her, his hands on his hips.
"Well I guess you don't want to know how I managed to get onto the police frequency without getting caught." He sniffs a little, clearly insulted. Faith opened her mouth then frowned.
"How'd you get good at that?" she asks pointing to the walkie talkie. He shrugs a shoulder.
"It was just something I was good at growing up." he admits. "I used to take apart our appliances to make my own toys. It made my mother quite upset." He muses. Faith snorts.
"I can imagine so." She says dryly. She looks at her watch and stands. "I gotta go. The Half Pint and C are gonna be back soon." She says. She holds a hand out. "We good?" she asks. Andrew looks at her hand wearily.
"Friends." He says finally shaking her hand with a smile. Her face falls,
"Wait, what? No, I was ju-" she sighs at the dejected look on his face. "I don't know how to have friends, so good luck." She offers. He smiles brightly, he could work with that. She makes her way to the door but he remembers her walkie talkie.
"Oh, Faith! Think fast!" he says tossing it. Faith turns in time to catch it before it hits a wall. "That's for you and the other is for Amanda. Your apartment can be command central whenever she goes out fighting the undead ghouls of the night." He says. She nods, catching the second one he tosses to her.
"You're an odd ball, dude." She says chuckling and leaving.
"So you went to apologize?" Amanda asks later that night and Faith can't miss the hopeful tone in her voice. She sighs, looking down at her pasta.
"Yeah, Kid, I did." She says softly.
"Did he forgive you?"
"He invited me in to talk geek so, I'm assumin' yeah." Faith says. Amanda squeals and almost gets up to hug Faith. "The hell are you so happy for?" she asks. Amanda grins, ducking her head a little.
"It's just that…" she trails off. "Well, everyday you're proving people wrong." She says softly.
"How so?" Faith asks putting her fork down. Amana shrugs her shoulders uncomfortably.
"Well, it's just that when you first came back to Sunnydale, I would overhear Buffy and her friends talking. They didn't think you could change." She says softly. Faith closes her eyes; that hurt. "But everyday you're here and you make a mistake and then try to fix it, you're proving them wrong. And from what little time I spent with them I figured out the best way to annoy them is to prove them wrong about something." She adds with a grin. Faith looks at her before smirking. That kid was something else.