Chapter 2: Down the rabbit hole
Skye
"Hi director," I greet Coulson with a huge, cheesy grin, laughing at his wince as he instantly indicates that I should take the praise for his promotion down a few notches. Truth be told, it's Coulson and my other friends on the team who keep my head above water while my heart plumbs murky depths. I need to try and get that old spring back in my step, throw myself into some new task I can do to help our cause. I have to remember who I am and put Ward out of my mind for good.
"Good morning, Skye," Coulson says with a quiet smile. He has settled into his office in the secret bunker where we've set up shop while we work on reassembling SHIELD. "I wanted to talk with you alone for a few minutes. There's an important mission that only you can complete."
"Yes!" I crow, pumping my fist as I sink into a swivel chair. This is just what I need. "This must be my lucky day."
"Try and hold onto that can-do attitude. The next part, you're not gonna like. The mission involves Ward."
I can tell by Coulson's no-nonsense expression that he isn't kidding. Lucky day? Not so much.
Though I grimace instinctively at the sound of my quasi-ex's name (me and Ward? We were almost in a relationship, and it was complicated), I nod anyway. If it is something we need to do to rebuild SHIELD and kick Hydra ass, I'm on board. Fried nerves and hammering heartbeat be damned. "What do I need to do?"
"We've received new intel on a gaggle of Hydra agents who are planning an attack on American soil. They want to make moves against the government, get one step closer to taking over. We know where the cabal is currently holed up. Now, these agents don't know about Garrett's death. No one outside of our team knows where he is right now - which is, of course, blown to smithereens."
"Nice shot," I congratulate him heartily.
"Thanks. So anyway," Coulson continues, sliding a folder across the desk to me, "Ward can get in there. Through him, we can find out what Hydra's next play is. And because of your former...association with Ward, I believe you are the agent best suited to be in charge of him on the trip. He will remain in cuffs almost until the moment he enters the Hydra lair, and will be placed back into them once you have gathered your information."
"How do we know Ward won't turn on me the second he's back with his old cronies?" I am feeling dubious, to say the least.
"First of all, and I'm sorry to have to take advantage of this fact, but we both know he won't turn on you because it's you. Your own safety is guaranteed by virtue of Ward's-"
"Don't say feelings," I implore.
"Fixation?" Coulson tries. I shrug uncomfortably.
"Okay, but what if he cuts me loose but still rejoins Hydra and gives them intel on us?" I can foresee a million ways for this thing to go sideways in a flash.
"I'm sending Trip with you two," Coulson says. "He will pretend to have been in on Garrett's schemes all along, and he will keep Ward firmly in check."
"So why don't you just send them?" I don't get it. "Why is it so important that I go?"
"We can't offer Ward any deals," Coulson explains, "when he returns, it's back in the cell until the next time we need him. But the offer of a few days on the outside, interacting with you? That's the hook that will bait him."
"I would much rather be valued for my technical skills than as a chess piece used for emotional manipulation," I complain, fuming a little bit.
"Skye, we'd be lost without your skills," Coulson assures me, handing me a flash drive. "We need you to suck the Hydra computers dry of every secret they contain. It won't be easy to get past their password protections and encryptions."
"Finally, something I can get excited about," I mutter, still a little deflated.
"Skye, I hate that we have to play on Ward's obsession with you to get this done. If there were another way..."
"I get it," I snap, too angrily. I squeeze my eyes shut for a sec and let out a long sigh. "No, really," I add, looking up into Coulson's sympathetic, apologetic eyes, "I understand. I'll do it all."
"Be very careful," Coulson warns me, dead serious. "Ward's gonna try to get inside your head, coerce you to release him."
"He can't get inside my head. I won't let him." Brave words. If only I believed them. But even if Ward does have some bizarre ability to throw my emotions into a tailspin, I would never endanger the whole freaking world by letting him off his leash. And if there's one thing I excel at, it's concealing my own….fixation on Grant Ward. Shudder.
"Good," Coulson says, looking convinced.
I glance down at the folder with the mission details inside and make note of the letters scrawled on one side in red sharpie: "Confidential."
"Don't you have one of those big stamps?" I ask, referring to the handwritten label.
"Would you believe they don't sell those in the standard office supply catalogs?" Coulson grins. "Anyway, that information is top secret." Right. Meaning that just me, Coulson, and Triplett know about the mission. I have a feeling May would be vehemently opposed to the mere idea of such a gambit, so I doubt she'll be in the loop on this.
"Got it," I confirm and turn on my heel, grateful that a small moment of shared humor at our simplistic amenities has punctured the tension that seemed to fill the air as I pondered the mission. But as soon as I get outside the door, I feel the pressure mounting once more. Can I get through this?
I have to. This is the best way to prove that I can forge on, past the whole problem of Ward, using him as a means to an end just as he used all of us.
Boarding a small plane the next day, I have my doubts. We'll be flying over the location in D.C. where Hydra's lair is located, then parachuting down. I settle into my seat across from Ward and avoid those big brown eyes that seem to have x-ray vision into my soul. Why does he have to look so pure and good, his chiseled features much more suggestive of the dedicated patriot and selfless soldier he seemed to be when I first met him? It's a mean lie, a deception that has left ruined lives in its wake.
"Don't you worry about a thing," Agent Triplett reassures me from his own seat. "I've got my eye on this S.O.B. and he won't be pulling any fast ones today."
"I'm sitting right here, guys," Ward points out, rolling his eyes at Trip but then winking at me.
"This isn't a pleasure cruise," I remind Ward, annoyed beyond belief already. This does not bode well for our ability to work together long enough to get inside Hydra and retrieve what we needed. "Sit back and shut up."
Directly disobeying me, that glimmer of mischief alive and well in his eyes, Ward leans forward and speaks to me conspiratorially. "What do you say we ditch this loser and go elope somewhere?"
Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "You're not exactly marriage material, Ward. Offense intended. And anyway, I'm not the marrying kind of girl." Hey, why did I tell him that? It's personal. I need to distract myself, so I open my tablet and stare down at something, anything to get the message across that I am done talking.
"We can change all that," Ward suggests. But in spite of his confident swagger, there's that awful emptiness apparent in everything about him that reminds me he is a fundamentally broken person. For whatever reason, since shedding his "Grant Ward, Agent of SHIELD" persona of being gruff with a heart of gold, Ward's go-to defense mechanism seems to be acting as if he has the world on a string.
He clearly wants everyone to believe that everything that he has been a part of, from his traumatic childhood (I can tell he wasn't lying about that) to his tutelage by Garrett and all of the horrors that brought about… that everything is just fine by him. Even though his smile is forced and the aforementioned gorgeous brown eyes contain a desperation I bet even Ward himself can't figure out or get a handle on. Even though I wonder if there is a part of him, however small, that wishes he really had been on the level with the team. That he had not allowed the mindset of years spent being manipulated by Garrett to lead him to kill Victoria Hand or Eric Koenig. Or to hurt Fitz and Simmons.
But this is just speculation on my part, urged on by that silly piece of me that still wants to believe there could be good in Ward. I'm fooling myself, but this is one deception that comforts me - in a twisted way - too much for me to let it go. It's a masochistic way of thinking, and I'm hoping that eventually, it will simply fade away.
Once we hover above our destination, I slip my parachute on and watch anxiously as Trip removes Ward's handcuffs. Though a gun is obviously not an option to keep Ward on good behavior while we are up here, Trip does have a blade bared and at the ready in case he acts up, while I step forward and hand Ward a chute.
"See you on the ground," I nod to Trip right before he steps nonchalantly into open air. I'm terrified for this sky dive myself, but having Ward here kind of makes jumping less scary than staying in close quarters with him. So I urge him forward and once he's clear, I make my own exit.
My heart pounds as I float downward in a deceptively slow way, and I feel an immense relief as soon as I am able to pull the cord and feel the safety of the chute opening to guide me smoothly down. However, glancing to one side, I see that Ward's chute never opened. He's just heading downward in a freefall. Without a second thought, I begin trying to urge my body towards him so that he doesn't fall to his death, and finally, painstakingly, it becomes possible and my fingers clutch at his jacket. Ward's eyes flit upward and he accepts the assist, wrapping his arms around me as we near the ground.
His weight drags us both downward in unison, as he stumbles backwards and falls onto his back with me above him, the parachute fluttering softly around us like a shelter from the outside world. Oddly, Ward's face is calm and peaceful then, despite the danger he just went through, and he reaches up wordlessly to move a strand of hair out of my eyes.
"That was incredibly stupid," I accuse him. "Why didn't you pull your cord?"
"Of course I pulled my cord," Ward insists, "the chute must've been defective. It never opened. You saved me, Skye. You're the only one who can save me."
"Whatever that means," I reply tersely, bewildered by the chaotic tumult of what has just occurred.
"I have a better question, actually," Ward states, lapsing from seriousness to smirking once more. "Why are you still on top of me?"
Frustrated, I get up and release the chute from my back, willing my heart to stop hammering quite so ruthlessly and praying that I can get through the rest of this mission without any more close encounters with Grant Ward. Leaning back down, I replace the handcuffs on his wrists, which he reaches out voluntarily.
"Skye," Ward says, standing up beside me, "Do you think we can actually pull this off?"
"I think that me and Trip can pull it off brilliantly," I answer briskly. "And you're just here for decoration and because you don't have a choice, or a life left anymore for that matter. So let's get this over with." I grab his elbow and move him towards where Triplett is waiting a short distance away, wishing that I truly felt the hatred for Ward which rolls so easily off my tongue.
At any rate, it's time to put my personal reflections aside and focus on the mission. The hideout is nearby and we can't waste time.
"Let's do this," I say, marching forward resolutely.