You're gonna cry, cry, cry and you'll cry alone,
When everyone's forgotten and you're left on your own.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry and you'll want me there,
It'll hurt when you think of the fool you've been.
You're gonna cry, cry, cry -Johnny Cash
Once-ler loved his Daddy. He loved him. He treasured nothing else more than his son. Once-ler was only five when Daddy died. He left him two things: his guitar and grey fedora.
The happiest memories Once-ler had were with his Daddy. He was a musician. Even as a baby, he loved being with his Daddy. Whenever he woke in the middle of the night, Daddy would scoop him up out of the bassinet and coo softly, bouncing him. He always felt soothed when Daddy held him. Daddy would feed him and stay up late to make sure he got back to sleep. Once he fed baby Once-ler, he'd place him back in the bassinet and pick up his guitar and sing to him, plucking and strumming the strings. He'd fall right back to sleep. Sometimes Daddy would fall asleep with his infant son, cuddling with him.
Of course, Once-ler loved his Momma, Isabella. She hardly held him...only when Daddy wasn't home, then once he walked in the door after work, she handed him off to him. She was too exhausted from taking care of the rambunctious four-year-old twins who demanded her constant attention.
Even Daddy loved Brett and Chet, though they were not his, he did like they were his own. Isabella was a teenager when she got pregnant with the twins. The twins' Daddy was rich and disappeared the day she told him the news, leaving Isabella broke and alone.
Daddy often went off to do music gigs at night. Five-year-old Once-ler really wanted to go. Momma said it was fine as long as he got home for bed and that he listened to Daddy. Once-ler promised to be a good boy.
Daddy took his son to in town to an open mic night; his guitar in hand, he told Once-ler to sit in one spot and stay there. Don't talk to strangers. If you get hungry or thirsty, just order something and Daddy would pay for it. Once-ler was always a good boy.
The small boy sat and watched his Daddy play some tunes by Johnny Cash, especially Ring of Fire, Cry, Cry, Cry, Walk the Line. He did a few by Elvis and various rock folk artists. The response often was a small mingle of applause, some people tossed money in his open guitar case...most of them shook their heads or rolled their eyes, saying he was just another big dreamer trying to make it. Once-ler always clapped the loudest for his Daddy.
When Daddy was done with his performance, he sat down next to Once-ler.
"Daddy, that was the best!" he said with a huge smile on his face. "You're the best musician of all!"
Daddy would smile as he heard him say that. He may not be the best to others, but hearing it from his son always made him happy to know someone appreciated his talent.
"Daddy," said Once-ler. "Will you teach me guitar? Please!"
His Daddy ruffled the messy mop of black hair, looking into those blue eyes and the smatter of freckles on his cheeks. Once-ler loved to learn new things...
"Sure, son," he said. "First thing in the morning. We gotta get home though. It's late. We promised your Momma we'd be home for your bedtime."
The boy lit up with the widest smile as he heard his Daddy's promise. He couldn't wait.
Once-ler had fallen asleep in the truck when they got home. He carried him inside and saw Isabella was waiting for him. He knew this wasn't good. He laid Once-ler in his bed and tucked him in, stroking his hair and kissed him good night and murmured that he loved him.
Then the arguing began. Once-ler bolted awake when he heard Momma and Daddy arguing. He grasped the sheets, frightened. It always seemed every time Daddy came home, they argued. He didn't know why they did. He wished they wouldn't since it was scary.
The yelling seemed to go on for hours. He heard the sound of glass shattering, which made Once-ler twitch. He buried his head under the pillow to drown out the noise, whimpering and let a few tears fall.
His nine-year-old twin brothers knocked at his door and they came in their pajamas, clutching their stuffed animals. They were scared too. They huddled together, crying...they hoped it would stop soon.
Of course by morning, Daddy kept his promise with the guitar lesson. He sat the small boy in his lap, showing him how to hold the guitar. He taught him simple chords, guiding his small fingers on the neck and strings and showed him how to strum. Once-ler did whine a bit that it was hard.
"Don't worry," said Daddy. "You'll get better. I want you to practice all the time."
"I promise," he said.
Daddy made him a small toy guitar so he could practice on it. He said he'd get to play Daddy's guitar once he was older and got better at playing.
"Daddy, how come Momma isn't happy with you playing music?" asked Once-ler.
Daddy looked sad. "I have dreams, son. Dreams I hope I will make you and your Momma happy. But she...she wants more, I guess. I'm trying the best I can."
"I think you're the best. You always make me happy."
Daddy smiled painfully as he felt his heartstrings being tugged as he heard those words from the small boy. The words that meant everything to him.
"Well, if you ever have dreams, Once, I want you to hold onto them. Don't let anyone say you're a failure. Follow your dreams, even if everyone says you can't."
"I will, Daddy," said the boy.
"Are you kidding?!" scoffed Isabella with an eyeroll. "You're teaching him guitar?"
"Bells," said Daddy. "C'mon. He asked me. This is a good skill."
"Yea...for a loser who can't make it big."
Daddy sighed, looking embarrassed. He told Once-ler to go practice while Momma and Daddy talked. The boy nodded, grabbing up his toy guitar, hearing them argue again.
"Dammit, I said I'm trying!"
"Not hard enough."
Once-ler shut out their shouts and focused on his practicing. Then he heard a car engine start up and he ran to see Daddy was leaving. The shock hit him and tears streamed down his face.
"DADDY!" screamed Once-ler, running after the departing truck; the dust kicking up. "COME BACK!"
Many hours later, Once-ler sat on the porch, waiting for Daddy to come back. It seemed like the longest time. He only went inside when Momma called him in for meals. But other than that, he wouldn't move.
Soon it was dark...Once-ler was still sitting there, watching the road, hoping Daddy would come back. As soon as he saw the headlights split the night, he lit up. There was Daddy. Once-ler's heart pounded as fast as a hummingbird's wings as he ran and jumped up into Daddy's arms, crying.
"Daddy!" he sobbed. "Don't ever leave!"
Daddy hugged the boy, feeling his tears and the heavy hot breath on his neck as he cried, arms and legs wrapped tightly around him, trembling. He cupped his head, running his fingers through his son's thick locks of hair. He felt his own tears coming as he held his greatest treasure. Nothing else mattered but that small boy he held in his arms.
"I ain't leaving," he said. "I'd never leave you, Once. If I do, just remember that I'll always come back...for you."
"Promise?" said Once-ler, tears in his big blue eyes, which Daddy wiped away.
Though Daddy hated to tell the boy that being with his Momma had become unbearable, he couldn't leave him.
"Promise," Daddy said, cupping his face.
Another tight hug from Once-ler. He pressed his cheek on Once-ler's wet one. He silently promised to God and himself that if he truly left Isabella, he'd take Once-ler with him. God help him if he broke that promise. He couldn't live with himself nor without this rare and wonderful gift he had.
Daddy often left for several hours and then he came back. It would be late at night. Sometimes in the daytime. Sometimes he left at night after he and Momma got into a fight. Momma always screamed at him for being a loser and not making enough money while Daddy said he was trying, but Momma was spending it too much. When Daddy left, Once-ler would sit on the front porch and wait for Daddy to come home...even late at night until Momma screeched at him to get inside to bed. He would reluctantly obey and always fell asleep waiting up for Daddy.
One day when Daddy left, something was different. It was a grey cloudy day. When he woke up, he found Daddy's guitar and his grey fedora in his room. Once-ler thought this was strange. He never left with either of those. He went out on the porch as usual, hugging his knees and his blue eyes darted towards the path where he often saw his Daddy come up every day. He played with the hole in his hand-me-down pants, which were too big, exposing the scabbed, bruised knee that he got from rough play with his nine-year-old brothers, Brett and Chet.
It was now dark. Daddy still hadn't come home. Where was he? Did he forget his promise? Once-ler shivered a bit as it got cold and darker. Yet he still kept his eyes on that fence and the path.
"Oncie!" said his Momma. "Come inside. Why are you sitting out there, you dumb boy?"
"I'm waiting for Daddy to come home," he said. "He always does."
"Daddy isn't coming home," she replied. "Just get your skinny little butt inside."
"But why? He promised!"
"He's dead," said Momma bluntly.
The shock of it took a while to settle in as the five-year-old heard what his Momma said. His blue eyes went round and he stared blankly. He was confused. But...he had just only talked to him yesterday. Tears flooded those blue eyes. His lower lip quivered as he began to cry.
His Daddy was dead.
Momma just stared with no emotion as she looked at the skinny little shit that looked like the man who she once loved...and left for good. She hated him. Yes, he was dead...to her. He was gonna come back and take Oncie, but she warned him the next time he left, he wouldn't be allowed to come back...and don't even think about taking their son. The court would always side with her since she was the mother.
"Just...tell Once to be a good boy," Daddy said to her defeated. "And I love him."
She just slammed the phone down. Then went out to drag that little shit inside. There was the spitting image of the man who left her: he small boy with tousled dark hair, big wet blue eyes, his round speckled cheeks, dressed in hand-me-down clothes that hung off his skinny frame.
Little shit. Just like his Daddy. She hated the boy even more.
"Get inside, Oncie," she said.
"No!" he said petulant.
"Oncie, you get in this house...right...now!" she hissed, grabbing his skinny arm and dragged him towards the door.
"I DON'T WANNA!" he yelled, digging his heels in the porch.
Momma's cheeks flushed angry as the impudent little boy spoke to her that way.
"Don't you EVER speak to me like that, mister!" she snarled. "I will paint your back porch red! Now get inside!"
"NO!"
She yanked his oversized pants down, exposing his bottom to the cold night air and swatted him harshly. Once-ler screamed in pain; there was a HUGE red handprint left on the soft flesh. Momma tried to drag the boy inside, but he continued to resist. The swats and screams continued until Once-ler's bottom became sore and angry red and Isabella grew tired of dealing with the stubborn, petulant boy.
"Fine!" she spat, pulling his pants back up. "Stay out here and freeze, you good-for-nothing!"
She slammed the door. When he heard the door click, the shock of the realization of being left outside all alone hit him. He turned the handle, finding it was locked. Desperate and frightened, he pounded and rattled on the door.
"Momma!" Once-ler screamed. "Momma, lemme in!"
"Good for you, Bells," said Aunt Grizelda with a smile. "Teach the boy a lesson so he'll remember never to disrespect you."
The twins heard little Once-ler screaming and poked their heads to see. They were confused.
"Momma," asked Brett. "Why is Once-ler outside?"
"He's being punished," said Isabella.
"What did he do?" asked Chet.
"He was fresh and disobeyed his Momma. That's what'll happen to you if you do the same. Now get back to bed."
The twins flinched and went back upstairs to their room. They didn't want to be punished. Uncle Ubb heard the boy's screams and went to open the door.
"Don't you dare!" hissed Isabella. "He needs to learn a lesson."
"But..." Ubb protested. "Bells, it's getting cold. I think he's learned it. Just let him in."
"Shut up!" growled Grizelda. "If you so much as touch that door, you'll wish you never set foot in this house."
Ubb lowered his head, defeated. It was two against one and there was nothing he could do. He heard his nephew's screams turned to pleading sobs and slowly walked away from the door.
"Momma, please! I'm sorry! Lemme in! Pleeease!"
Once-ler fell to his knees, pounded until his fists hurt and his voice was hoarse, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He gave up, whimpering and he hugged himself to keep warm. He shivered as he was all alone outside in the cold and dark with a sore bottom.
He knew where the barn was and darted as fast as he could, frightened of the dark. He got comfortable in the nearest haystack, nestling in the scratchy straw. He was much warmer now. The sounds of animals that resided in the barn soothed him a bit. At least he wasn't all alone. He grabbed an armful of hay and hugged it tight. He let the last of his tears fall as he mourned for his Daddy. The man who really loved him was gone forever.
AN: I don't own Johnny Cash nor his songs here mentioned. I bow to the late Mr. Cash for his creativity