I am very proud of this chapter. It has some of my better writing in it. It really showcases my ability, I think.
New Ground
Betrayal, that's what I feel. Which is ridiculous, because he hasn't betrayed me, and, unless everything I've known for almost two years is a lie, he isn't going to. But the shock still covers my face and forces its way down my throat, forming a rock in my stomach. I want my fury to escalate, but the stone weighs it down. I'm also a little disappointed. My anger is grounded. I realize too late that I must be on camera. I try to disguise my emotions, hoping that no one will think me weak.
Cato laughs at Edward. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he says, though it doesn't sound very sincere. I hear what sounds like a slap, and I know Cato gives Edward a pat on the back.
"Come on, Cato," I hear Clove say. Her voice doesn't sound cold and calculated like she did in her interview, and I suddenly know that I'm hearing something from the real Clove and not her evil counterpart. "Let's head back to the woods. I caught scent of some wolves earlier. . ."
No. No. NO! Don't go after the wolves! I think at them furiously.
"I've seen some pretty big wolves in my time— the kind that can kill us, too," says Edward. "And this is the Hunger Games. I don't think we should risk it."
"Well, what you have us do?" she asks.
"I am still in favor of climbing the mountain," Glimmer volunteers. Everyone seems to ignore her.
"Um..." says Lucius. "Climbing the mountain would give us a better view of the place. We could see the denser tree areas. We could probably tell where the Tributes are hiding!" he pauses, then chuckles, "We have built in telescopes for a reason, you know." Everyone exchanges a tense laugh. But not as tense as me.
"Maybe Luc" — Lucius grows — "Alright, Luke is right. We could get a better view. Which is always a good idea. And I can't smell anything up there. Maybe someone's hiding," Cato says reluctantly, like he doesn't want to accept someone else's advice. "Uh, isn't that a good idea?" He has his hands out in what could be a friendly position, but palms up in front of him to indicate that he wants you to "pay up."
"Uh, yeah!" Marvel, who thought up the idea in the first place, says quickly with fake enthusiasm. "Great idea, Cato!"
Cato looks smug.
Then, as they begin ascending the mountain, I realize that I have to get out of here. I look around for a few moments. Behind me is a nearly straight drop to the other side of the mountain. Another mountain peak is a couple hundred yards from here. Or maybe that's the same mountain? Either way, it's lower than this one. I don't feel like taking the low ground, so I back up to the very edge and run at it full speed. When I get to the other side, I push at it with every bit of force I have. I know that they'll be here in less than five minutes. They won't take their sweet time, and they certainly won't stop to hunt.
I fly through the air. I don't land fully on the plateaued peak, instead I slam into the side of the cliff with my fingers keeping me hanging. I tighten the grip and pull myself up, swinging my leg. I glance behind me. I can't see Cato and the others yet. I roll my eyes at myself. Of course I can't. But I do hear Cato shout,
"Did you guys hear that?"
"Sounds-like some-one's up-there," Glimmer half-sings, popping the p on "up." Cato chuckles.
"Come on!" he whoops enthusiastically. Then I hear quickened footsteps.
I have to run. I can't stay here, either. I don't want to take the low ground. I can't see it from here, and that scares me. What isn't too far away is tree covered. I've no idea what horrors lurk down there. I look for another mountain to fly to. There's one close by. I can't jump straight to the summit— it's higher than this one— but I can get to a lower point. It's one of the higher ones in the range, taller than the first one. It takes me a few seconds to calculate my flight. I back up all the way to the ledge of this rocky plateau and leap into the oblivion of midair.
I land face down in the soil, my head against a now cracking shrub. I look up and nearly scream. I'm nose to nose with a squirrel holding an acorn. Wide-eyed, it stares at me and makes a clicking sound. It glances down at the nut in its hands. No, I don't want your nuts, I think at it. It can't read my thoughts, of course, so it hisses and pulls the acorn to its chest. I roll my eyes. If I wanted the acorn, which I don't, I would take it, the squirrel's claws and hisses be darned. If I wanted the squirrel's blood, which I don't, I would take it, the claws and hisses be darned. The only reason this annoying animal isn't dead right now is because I'm thinking of Ice Age.
"Squirrels," I mutter.
This mount is craggier than the last one I climbed; it will be a little harder to make it to the top. I look down and see a ravine. If I jump into it, will the distance and water disguise my scent? No, of course it wouldn't. I have to get up to the top. There isn't really a direct path— it's too steep— so it looks like I have to run up in slowly ascending circles to get to the top.
In the utter panic, it only takes me about thirty seconds. I still hear the others whooping and laughing from the others. I doubt Edward has realized that he's tracking me. But he will. Soon. Will he be able to hold them off? Will he go after me? He's an experienced fighter. And he's fast. Unless the Capitol's... something has affected him, too. I realize that my breathing is quickening and I'm still standing still.
My eyes scan for another peak. I find one, the peak smaller than the others, just barely big enough to comfortably stand on. I throw myself into the air. I've never felt more free. The cry of exhilaration is involuntary as the wind rushes past me. I land in a crouch, one knee in between my arms and supporting my bowed head and the other planted in the ground. I look up from the snow and into the wind, my locks flowing freely behind me.
It feels like something from a fairytale, an unearthly creature of great beauty and strength flying from mountain to mountain in the midst of this snowy night. I almost feel the camera locking onto me. Let them see, I think, Let them see how powerful I am. I feel the corners of my lips flinch upwards. I smile.
"There she is!" I hear someone shout. I barely turn around to see the six figures standing on the mountaintop. Their words are faint, but somehow I hear them. Maybe it's the fact that they're speaking in my direction.
"How did she get there so fast?" asks Glimmer, very softly, as if she only intends for Marvel to hear it. I see his silhouette shrug and there is a brief moment of silence.
"She jumped," Clove speculates, much louder. I hear her leap into the air and land on my first mountain. "See? It's easy, really!" she shouts unnecessarily.
I stand on the precipice and scan for a new location. This mountain range doesn't go on forever. I can only do this for so long. I take flight one last time and land on a plateau of a much lower mount. I can't find anywhere else from here. My best bet would be to risk the low ground. I dart to the edge of the cliff and prepare to jump. I gaze below. Trees, trees, trees, and a beautiful, crystal clear stream. The Capitol is being ridiculous. On one side of the mountain range there's a snow covered forest. On this side it's a rainforest. No, that's not the right word. It's an alien one, and it feels odd on my tongue. Jungle.
Jungles can be dangerous. I imagine the killer monkeys, snakes with fangs strong enough to break through our skin, giant gorillas, pits of vipers... I can only imagine the traps the rainforest must be rigged with, the ancient temples it simulates, and the awful dangers and mysteries waiting to be unsolved. Oh, dear Capitol, if you want excitement then you have really outdone yourself this time.
Cato comes to the edge of the ledge. The rest of them stand behind him. They see me preparing to jump and they know I will. I'm glaring at Edward right now. I can see him perfectly, even from this far away, so I know he can see my scowl. He swallows and looks apologetic. Apologetic! He's just led these people here to kill me and he expects a simply "I'm sorry" to fix that? I've been running all day and worrying that the Careers killed him.
And now he's gone and allied with them. Granted, it was probably join or die. And Edward chose not to die. Like any other being with a sense of self-preservation. But I'm not about to go over to the Careers and let them rip me to pieces just because Edward's now a friend of that stupid Cato. Without knowing what else to do, I take a few steps backwards. That's all it takes to send me hurtling into the jungle.
The trees are taller than I had expected. I fall straight through what I thought to be the ground and plunge further into the dark. I'm momentarily caught in a branch in the canopy, my ankle wedged between an upwards pointed branch and the trunk. My momentum carries me and I swing backwards, suspended only by my foot. I try to bend my knee to sit upright, but the small motion of toe-wiggling sends me flying, well, falling to the forest floor. I groan, more out of frustration than pain.
I landed in a soft patch of leaves— the smooth, tropical kind— so it isn't like I'm worried about making an impact crater. I brush myself off and briefly glimpse my surroundings. It's a web of green. Everything here is living. Insects gather on the ground, animals swing from trees, water drips of plants and waters the plants beneath my toes. The place is lush, verdant. An alien world where one thing sustains another, and no one needs anything. Birds of a thousand colors. Flowers bursting into bloom. It's beautiful. Monkeys, sloths, things I can't identify. And pairs of yellow eyes in the dark— dozens, hundreds of them— glare back at me.
I feel the danger instantly. For the first time since I was changed, I'm cold. Shivering. I stay as still as a statue. Anything could set them of. I glide forward slowly, soundlessly. Careful not to disturb them. I breathe slowly as I move forwards into a darker part of the forest. The creatures' eyes follow me, and there are still more, peering out of hiding places. Some of the eyes dare to venture towards me. Stay calm, stay calm. I know they can sense my fear, now. I tell myself that it's nothing. They're just animals. I hear the beating of their hearts, smell the scent of their blood. But that's what scares me. The thrum of their pulse is hard and loud. They're predators. The smell of their blood is nauseating. My senses know that I'm supposed to avoid them.
Thrum, thrum, thrum. The largest one yet. I hear the padding of its paws as it marches in my direction. It reeks almost like smoke— a warning on the horizon that something foul is afoot. Fetid, putrid. Like the smell of charring flesh and rotten eggs, potent and sharper than the acrid stench of sewage and garbage. I clench my teeth. That thing is not natural. It's a Capitol bred Mutt. And I have absolutely no idea what it is or what it's going to do to me. So I hold still and wait.
The acrid scent becomes stronger and I know they're gathering. Thrum, thrum, thrum, thrum. Thrum, thrum, thrum, thrum. Like war drums. The nausea becomes very real, my stomach
Something hits the ground with a thud behind me. I gasp and spin around. The rest of the Careers, Edward included, land next to Cato. That's enough to send the Mutts into a panic. They're as ugly as their scent would have me believe. Foot long talons, gray fur standing straight up, covered in spikes, razor sharp teeth, and coiled muscles that must be harder than granite. These things are made to kill vampires. I think I'm going to die.
The beasts pile onto the Careers. They leap from trees, from bushes. The swarm covers them and knocks them to the ground. One latches onto my leg as I sprint. Another one leaps at me from the side. I try I jerk my knee but it's no use. I reach down and drive my fist into the animal. My fingernails. I squeeze it as I go until it finally goes limp and I pluck it away. It burns like flesh held to flame, like boiling acid on my calf. I plunge further into the jungle.
Screeching, they hiss and growl at me as I plunge through the forest.
I zig zag, I duck up and down, I run through thorns, which tears my clothes to shreds. Something heavy lands on my back with a feral screech and tries to dig into my neck, into my chest, into my skull. It's heavy, it's so heavy, I'm not strong enough to fight all of them! I kill one, then another, then another, throwing them into trees, flinging them into the ground, stomping on them with all of my force, but another one leaps in to take its place. Hundreds, thousands of them, all screaming and throwing themselves onto me. They rip at my hair, tear at my flesh... screeching, they hiss and growl at me as I plunge through the jungle. But I'm not exhausted and I never will be. I'm beginning to think I can do this indefinitely.
And then one bites my wrist.
Hot, hot. Much too hot. Pain. Singeing. Smoldering. Charing. Searing. Scorching. Burning. Exploding. Erupting. Fire! My arm is on fire! My legs pull to a halt and my other arm beats at the source of agony, of torment, trying to quench the flames. The torment, the pain. I squeeze my wrist, tear the furry beast off of me. I slap the flesh, the flames are still there. The fire. Why isn't my arm torn to pieces?! Why hasn't the explosion destroyed it?! Why does it still hurt?!
It only increases, it only hurts more and more, like picking up the wrong end of a curing iron, like holding the sun itself. But I can't drop it. So I scream, listening to the sound of other cries of agony, letting the sound rip out of my mouth, hoping that releasing it will make the pain stop. But it doesn't stop, the anguish, the torture, the tribulation. I can't handle it. I can't handle it! My arm is being sawed off of my body, being hit by a bus, submerged in lava. It's bewildering.
I can't make sense of it, I can't make sense of what's happening. The sea of fire raging inside my arm is peaking beyond what I knew to be possible. I shouldn't be screaming, I should be dead. Kill me, kill me, please. Make it stop scalding me! I want to claw the arm off of my body, anything to make it go away. I would kill for morphling, I would slaughter the Capitol for that drug. I would stand in fire for it. Because I am being dunked in acid.
I come to enough sense to realize that the pain is spreading. A lick on my neck as it crawls up my spin, scalding every inch of my back.. I feel the razors digging into me and the liquid fire plunging into my skin and suddenly I know where the pain is coming from. I knock the animals off of my limbs and I remember that I'm supposed to be running. But I don't know why and I don't know which way I came from. Through the haze of fire and the red tinging my vision, I stumble, unsure of where to go.
It's impossible to think clearly. Thoughts come in streams and floods, pouring into my head like a torrent. But my body reacts without my brain when it comes to pain. Instinct is enough to get away. The pain doesn't lessen, but the will to survive takes over. I'm not really running through the forest anymore. I'm stumbling away from the animals. Their assault isn't ebbing, either. They're programmed to attack until I'm dead, not weakened. Can I die from this? Or will they just drive me to madness?
I hear a screaming sound again, and for a moment I think it's coming from me. But as I listen, not daring to stop, I hear that it's from behind. It takes longer than it should to identify the bell-like voice. It's Glimmer. I realize that the Careers are under attack, too. Glimmer's cry for help becomes little more than a feral shriek, a bloodcurdling sound of utter agony before she goes silent.
I'm nauseated, and I want to vomit. I double over from the pain, but I'm not human and blood isn't about to spatter from my mouth. My stomach twists from the pain and the putrid smells. The pain hasn't lessened, either. It accelerates through my body. The agony digs underneath my skin, burning me to the core.
I'm not really running— my legs are shaky and weak—but falling through the trees. Down, down, down, into a valley. One leaps at me from the side, another from above. With a panicked gasp, I tear them off of me. More come at me from the back, from below, the dozens of them at my feet try to cling to my legs. I stomp on the ones underfoot, I throw them into trees, I wrap my hands around their oily necks and squeeze. I don't hesitate to kill. I survive.
The incline downwards steepens and another Mutt bites me, followed by another. Razors rip apart every cell in my body. Vipers nip at my stomach from the odor. Fangs dig into my neck and I feel the venom dripping down my back. Is it real acid? Is it actually burning me?! It feels like someone has kicked me in the back and I fall forwards, trip over a rock, and tumble down. Mutts follow me. Chunks of hair are torn off and I feel myself becoming weaker. I stand again, vainly try to brush them off, and keep running.
But it continues, on and on and on, still in the darkness. The animals are swifter than I and I know I won't be able to outrun them. This, like the wolves, can't go on forever. I'm knocked to the ground and struggle to find the will to return to my feet. Why should I fight? I twist around. A new creature, a new twist on the same game.
Oily, greasy, like a giant black dog, made strange by its triangular head, bathed in oil and coated in a thin, soapy membrane. It has severe jaw underbite, its lower fangs raising upward and then pointing away from the creature itself, as if to stab someone. Repulsive. This is why I should fight.
I reach my hands around its neck and push myself onto it. The small beasts land on my back. The strange creature writhes and tries to stab me with its teeth. I twist the neck and it finally goes limp, a liquid of a poisonous red color seething from its mouth. That's when I realize that it must be venomous, too.
I tear off through the trees, hoping to somehow numb the pain. I saw a river somewhere, didn't I? When the burn peaks and escalates beyond what I know how to handle, I fear for my life. Perhaps it is burning me. Maybe it's already killed me and now I've gone to Hell.
A dog lunges at me. I narrowly miss its poisoned teeth. The smaller animals are still flying at me from every direction. I swat one into the dog. Ha. Two birds with one stone. The giant dog howls in pain and collapses. I run as fast as I can as the creatures leap and fly at me. I dispatch them without second thought. Kill or be killed. That's it.
Dodging trees, dodging animals. Narrowly averting certain death. This is my existence as I fly at top speed through the forest. Pain still shoots through me, the scalding haze threatening to render me senseless. Again. I think I'm starting to make progress when I see the same trees that I was running by a few minutes ago. The animals are trying to turn me around. Drive me back towards the remaining Careers. They want us, as broken as we are, to fight each other. I should try my best to circle around. There should be a river, a relief from the burn and hopefully from the animals.
I see that the animals have retreated somewhat, but I sense that this isn't over yet. The Gamemakers are giving us a brief break before something even more horrible hits us. I pause to sniff the air and listen for the sound of water, but stillness makes the agony return. It sears through my entire body, shaking me with a wave of fire more intense than I thought possible. My stomach churns and flips in impossible ways, my bones are surely cracking. This volley of searing, screaming pain makes me feel detached, like it's squeezed me out of my skull and now I'm hovering over my body, watching as she contorts from the sheer shock and anguish of the inferno. She doubles over in pain and nearly falls to the ground. My sobbing gasps are involuntary.
I try to move forwards, but it's like I'm using a puppet. My quivering limbs don't respond immediately. The strings only move my legs, anything not commanded is limp and dead. I start to run again. I try bounding rather than running, my feet rarely touching the ground. I start to think I'm halfway out of the dark.
I rush forwards at top speed.
And then something stabs me through the stomach. I cry out, the sobs sounding more like strangled whimpers. The fangs of the dog go almost straight through me. My hand comes down on the beast's skull and crushes it. I tear out the tusks, but it's too late. The thick, cherry red liquid is already seeping out of the wounds. I know without thinking that a human would already be dead. The holes don't begin to heal as I know they should. I'm immediately woozy, and the pain is impossible. Beyond impossible. I don't scream or yell or cry in my defeat. There's no point.
The agony increases to far beyond what I've come to know. But something keeps me staggering, now wobbling uncontrollably, forward, knowing how hopeless I am, as the attack comes to a close. I hear the sounds of struggle and pain from the Careers, and I know that the fight over there is far from over. But I don't think the Gamemakers are done with me yet. They've given me torment beyond anything I could imagine but they've also spared my life. Why? Why did they spare my life? I don't want it anymore. It isn't worth it.
I find strength in me somewhere. I stagger back into the midst of the attack, now listening for the trickle of a brook and, further off, the roar of a river in the distance. The animals try to attack me. Despite the pain, I fight them off. They start disintegrating into ash in my hands. At first I'm not sure what's wrong, but I slowly realize that I'm hallucinating. Could some of this pain be imagined, too? I discover how far gone I am when a bird turns into winged fire and lands on me. I don't die, so I assume that it's nothing and move on, still struggling from the searing that now throbs through my entire body, enveloping me into an impossible form of torment. I didn't know that it was even possible for a vampire to have these sort of dreams. Then again, the Capitol can do anything it wants. If they want me to be trapped in an illusion, I will be.
The sounds of the fight from the Careers have become less loud. Either there's no one left, they've scattered, or this attack is over. I run at top speed, which isn't much, towards the water, hoping for some relief from the agony. It slowly increases, again, until I feel like I'm completely submerged in acid. Another fiery bird flies at me. This one balloons to the size of a house and then shrinks as it lands on me, wrapping its talons around my shoulder and beginning to peck at me.
I laugh, though I don't know why. "Silly bird," I coo at it before another wave of fire strikes me with the force of a wrecking ball, hitting me exactly where I was stabbed and knocking the wind out of my chest. It continues through me, like I'm being slowly sawed in half. I'm hovering over myself again, only this time it feels frighteningly real, like I really am disembodied. I watch myself crumple, my body convulse and my face contort in agony, but I don't feel it. It's like reading a book or watching a movie. It isn't me.
She screams and gives a blood-curling shriek that pierces my soul. The sound of anguish, of hopelessness. She writhes in agony, her fingers fruitlessly clutch at the air, as though she is trying to find a loving hand to grasp. The world around her begins to glow. My vision becomes brighter and brighter until I can see no more than just a silhouette of the suffering girl, who, in this fragile state, looks suspiciously like a child. She screams again and doubles over. Her hair pools around her, and she starts to lift up, like someone surfacing from the water.
Then my vision goes completely white and I open my eyes to find that I am the one resurfacing from the black pool of agony, then submerged again, forced to endure something that I know I cannot.
The birds are still gathering overhead as I move through the forest. Though I can't feel anything but pain, I somehow stay at vampire speed, melting through the jungle as nothing but a blur. It must be the promise of water. The birds liquify and turn to blood while the trees are reduced to ashes. Before the blood can reach me it becomes blackened dust. It lands on me, magically materializing into more birds. I wonder where the fire is as I dart through the forest. With horror, I realize that I'm the one burning, that all of this pain is coming from me. That's the only explanation for this feeling on my legs. I start swatting my legs, trying to extinguish the fire.
I look down and I'm swathed in a silken crimson dress, flames licking at the skirt. How odd. Parts of the dress seem to be made of fire. It's so beautiful that I gasp, the pain somehow becoming irrelevant. The gown is absolutely radiant, perfect in every way, fitting my form and yet somehow staying modest. If being on fire is the cost of wearing this, it's worth it. I smile, wondering how silly I look to the cameras. I wonder what the audience thinks of my dress. I glance up and see a mirror. I stop to look at it. The alien in the mirror couldn't be me. She's stunning, absolutely perfect. Her face and makeup and hair... oh, the Capitol must love me. I only stop to admire her for a moment before I continue running, the silk of my dress and my brown tresses flying out behind me. I grin and laugh. How wonderful. Absolutely perfect.
I finally reach the river, though the trees don't end. In the distance I see a replica of a temple. I glance down to the water to see a reflection of the world. But something's wrong with it. I'm not wearing a gown. I have a moment of realization, and that's all it takes for the pain to return, worse than ever before. I look up and see black spots in my vision. I feel birds clawing at me, an entire flock trying to kill me. The world bulges in unreal, unnatural ways. I have no dress, my hair is in tangles, my real clothes are tattered. I'm a mess.
Another wave of pain brings me to my knees. The flock of birds has sent me to the ground. I'm shaking like a leaf, my muscles quaking like never before. For a moment I writhe in it, fully giving in. Now, as a vampire, an all-powerful creature of the night, I realize that I have never been weaker. I sob into the ground, the searing in my stomach crawling its way up my throat, the flames licking my face, my mouth. I cry out for help, and the resulting choking sound causes a shiver from head to toe. The shudder creates tendrils of pain, fire warping itself into a cage around my spine and making movement impossible. I would scream if I could. Instead I only gasp for air.
I choke it down, swallow it. Perhaps it can stop the fire. Every time I gag it in, the flames within force me to heave it up again. I don't know how long this lasts, the sobbing sound of a dying child.
I thought the fact that vampires don't need air would be a good thing, but it isn't. Humans can reach out to the air that they're surrounded by when they need strength. But no matter how many times I choke down a breath, I don't feel any better. I start to realize that the sobbing isn't going to do anything to help me. Every movement causes agony. I force my convulsing muscles to stay still, I impel my burning lungs to stop. And I lie there, waiting for the pain to leave me. It doesn't.
With a groan and a grunt of determination, I reach out my good arm, the one part of me untouched by animals, and claw my way towards the water, dragging myself along. It's like pulling a carcass. As soon as I resolved to stop, my body locked. My muscles are stiff, and I know I couldn't use them if I tried. Somehow my lungs are working again, and before long the uncontrollable sobs are back. The water is still so far away.
Somehow I manage to reach it, immersing myself in the liquid. I plunge deep into the cold water, the searing of the fire leaving me. It relieves the pain instantly. I can feel it leaving my body and flowing away in the current, as if it was a tangible thing. Perhaps it was. Agony turns to pain, pain turns to discomfort, and even the discomfort leaves me alone. I exhale a final breath and let myself settle on the riverbed. I don't need the air... I could stay here. I'm happy, finally. If the poison is still going to kill me, I don't care. This isn't a bad place to die.
I open my eyes. The water flows above me, clear as crystal. Fist swim by. I lie in sand, waiting for my wounds to close. That won't take long, will it? I realize that only the pain from the poison is gone. The cracks themselves still ache, throbbing slightly at the edges. I push every last bit of oxygen from my lungs, watching the bubbles as they float up to the surface. I'm happy here. I really am. But then I gasp, not caring that inhaling water isn't exactly the best thing for me.
Edward. Oh, no.
I shoot upright, my quaking limbs strong again. I feel powerful, although quite fragile. I clamber out of the water. "Edward!" I call, shouting for him at the top of my lungs. I don't hear a response. "Edward!" I shout again, starting back into the forest. The thrum of the animals' beating hearts is gone. We're alone.
The pain is gone but the hallucinations are as powerful as ever. As I plunge back into the trees, the world spins around me, turning upside-down and sideways and right-side-up again. Trees melt, fire burns, the sky turns red and blood pours like rain, soaking my silk dress. It happens all too quickly, but then I'm human again, my stomach wounds bleeding like they should, coating the dress in the red liquid. I'm terrified as the world bulges. I scent things that can't exist. Every sense I have is betraying me. Nothing is real. I follow my own path. What other path is there?
I have to find him. I have to find Edward. He'll be maimed by the animals. He was in the heart of it. I have to bring him to the water. I can't let him suffer. I can't let him stay with the Careers. I have to save him. I have to save him. I have to save him. What if the fire can kill?
The world starts to turn odd colors. The criminals who assaulted me in Seattle offer me a ride on their motorcycle.
"You look thirsty, Sweetheart," says Haymitch behind me. "Can I get you a drink?" I spin around to hiss at him. When I turn back around, everyone in the Capitol stands before me. They clap and I realize that I'm on stage. This is the Victor ceremony, I realize with dismay.
"Congratulations, Isabelle Swan! Happy Hunger Games!" Caesar Flickerman shouts, grabbing my hand. I tell him he isn't real and run back int the woods. But some part of me still feels like I'm in front of the audience, applauding me. They chant my name. They throw black roses that bleed when they hit me. I feel almost triumphant, but still lost. And all too alone.
"Where's Edward?!" I demand. They laugh and clap some more.
"May I present to you Isabelle Swan! The sole Victor of the 74th Annual Hunger Games!" he calls. Oh no. No, this can't be happening.
But it isn't, and for that I'm glad. I drag myself away from the vision. I won't let that happen. I'll never let that happen, that's why I'm going after him. But my guilt rises. I've killed him, I know it. I abandoned him to the Mutts. What if it's too late? What if he's been burned and he's gone? I know it could happen. I still see Caesar, smiling at me. And Cinna grins at me with adoration and pride. Haymitch is sober, for once. He's... happy. Effie Trinket just grins as she puts her hands together and raises them above her head. This could happen. I know it could. And that's why it's so horrible.
Dreams are only illusions. They can't hurt you. But what about a nightmare on the verge of becoming reality?
"Edward!" I shout as loudly as I can, my voice warping until it sounds almost like laughter. It's coming from the Capitol. Effie Trinket sniffs at me. Is the Capitol real? Have I won the Hunger Games? Am I only in denial about Edward being dead? Caesar Flickerman returns me to my seat and begins interviewing me.
And yet, at the same time, I am running through the forest. Is the jungle a mere flashback in my mind, a vision brought on by post-traumatic stress? Or is the interview all in my head? The forest is warped, butterflies become airplanes and a tree becomes a palace. A mockingjay freezes into solid ice, cracking from glowing flame inside. A frozen emblem, long buried underneath political murder and legislative massacre, is being resurrected and reborn as the fire of a revolution. Every revolution begins with a spark.
I stumble through the forest, pain returning. I feel myself weakening. My vision is going dark. The hallucinations are solidifying, becoming real. I'm having a hard time remembering that none of this is real. I don't know true and false anymore, and guilt is overcoming me. Dawn is breaking but this is my twilight
I finally find Edward, lying in the grass. His shirt and jacket have been completely torn apart by the animals. He lies unconscious on the ground, still flinching at the unseen. Cato has managed to escape to somewhere. Glimmer and Leona are in pieces, already smoldering. I was right about the substance being capable of burning us. Clove, Marvel, and Lucius are gone. But they're none of my concern. I have to stop my vision from becoming reality.
Or is it reality? I carry Edward, completely limp, through the forest as I tell Caesar that I am not the only Victor, and I will prove it. How strange it is to be in two places at once. Caesar narrows his eyes at me.
"Now Bella," he says. "I've already explained this to you. He's gone. He's dead." The Capitol is laughing at me and I bolt upright.
In the jungle, I shake Edward awake. He's apparently conscious, just lost in hallucinations beyond coherence. I beg him to stay with me. I've seen what these poisons can do. If he looses will he'll start to burn. I need to get him back to the water. I have to, and soon.
Back on stage, I sit back down. "I'm sorry, Caesar. It's just so hard to be alone in this." I burry my face in my hands and he rubs my back with a smile, trying to narrate. He makes a joke and everyone laughs. I find myself chuckling, too. Maybe life without him won't be so hard. I can handle myself, I'm older now. Edward is dead. And I'm... accepting it. It's time for me to move on.
But in the forest I'm nearing the river. Edward is getting harder to carry, and the number of unreal possibilities multiply. Blood, snow... the jungle becomes everything I know it cannot be. This can't be real. The Capitol must be. This isn't real, I know it isn't...
I tell Caesar about what's happening in my head and explain how ridiculous it is, how I'm just in denial that the Games are actually over. The Capitol agrees that it's ridiculous. I tell them that I think the Games will go on like this for the rest of my life and they cheer. I say that their Games are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've learned to stand on my own.
But I'm not on my own! I'm not on my own! I stumble forwards, the river finally in sight. I hear Edward coughing and trying to speak. I shush him with a finger to my lips and tell him that it's ok, that we'll be safe soon. The river keeps approaching. He moves his feet and tries to be a little more than dead weight. I'm grateful.
I conduct a long conversation with Caesar, and then President Snow comes down and places a lone crown on my head. He tells me congratulations. Then I'm brought in a limo to the President's mansion. Apparently I'm human again, because the delicacies lining the room are the most decadent and flavorful I've ever had. People, wealthy sponsors, take their pictures with me. I don't need Edward. Right now? I feel... needed. I feel loved. I don't want this to end.
I growl at my vision. Defiantly, I step onto the bank of the river and help Edward lower himself into the water. With a cry of pain he stands on his own and falls underneath the current, his fingers still laced in mine. The hallucinations taking over, I slip beneath the liquid, every ounce of pain fading, my mind wandering. I settle on the riverbed, gazing up at me longingly. Before the endless sea of dreams fills my mind, I stare at the sunlight playing on the surface above and feel the dazzling light on my own face. My eyelids droop, illusions filling my mind. A drop of sunlight drapes out from behind a cloud. Before it can disappear, I shut my eyes, pretending I'll carry the drop of sun with me as I plunge into darkness.
So, what did you think? Too long? Too angsty? Too uncomfortable? I originally tried to spit this up, but I kind of like it this way.
Sorry for not updating Wednesday. I'm really sorry about this, but I don't think I'll be able to update twice a week anymore. This thing... something... happened... and now I'm a bit depressed. My writing becomes an allegory for my life when I get in this mood. The story gets worse and worse and worse and finally collapses in a heap of wangst whenever I try to write in my current state. I don't want this to happen to this fanfic, so I'll just take it slow. I am NOT taking a break. I am taking it slow.
See you soon?
~Sun~