That Friday morning I headed on over to his manor with my Louis Vuitton duffel bag filled with my shit.

"Hey Evelyn, are you sure you're going to be okay all here by yourself?" Doctor Who asked me concerned.

"Yeah of course! Believe me, I can definitely handle my own!" I replied confidently. He still looked worried and looked around his house in dread.

"Um okay? Are you sure? Because no offense, but you're a bit retarded," he said.

"Shut up cunt! Hey did you leave any emergency numbers?" I asked him.

"Yeah they're on the fridge," he said pointing to them, "Oh and don't screw one of your stupid boyfriends when I am gone!"

"Oh I won't," I lied. He then picked up his little dog to take to the kennel. He then left me so trustingly. I almost felt guilty. Almost, oh but I didn't. And that is why I had the audacity to call up the really smoking hot sexy guy that I met the other day. Haha, aren't I just the worst?

He then came over to the mansion and we copulated all over the fucking place. Then as sunset approached I forced him to leave.

"Wait? What? Please, can I stay?" he begged.

"No!" I yelled out. Then he left and I slammed the door shut behind him.

I was now in the large home all alone for the night. I could do this! I am a very independent person believe or not, I can just be a little bit clumsy at times.

I was innocently watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" in the front room, (which is a television show by the way you buffoon).

Then I was in the middle of watching a fight between Kourtney and Scott when I when I saw it on the ground and screamed bloody murder. There was a large cockroach crawling on the ground in front of me! Normally I would have asked somebody else to get it for me, but nobody else was there because I was in the home alone.

I ran straight out of the room, but I would be in this house in fear until I killed that cockroach. I grabbed the newspaper and then I went for it.

I went into the living room where the stupid-ass cockroach was and I prepared my arsenal. I swooped in suddenly and determinedly.

I picked up the cockroach with my newspaper, and I was squealing as I did it. "EW EW EEWWWWW!"

All of the sudden, I heard a buzzing sound and I screamed when the bastard cockroach suddenly flew into my face.

"AAAHHHHH!" I screamed. "NOOOOOOO! IT FLIIIEEEES!"

I ran out of the house and down the street and around the block. I was so fucking scared.

After about 10 minutes I walked back. I saw a police car outside of the front of the house. A police officer was knocking on my front door and seemed like he was planning to knock it down.

"Hey police officer! What the fuck are you doing outside of my house?" I asked him angrily.

"We were called in after a neighbour heard a girl shrieking," he said all professional-like.

"Yeah fucking right! AS IF I was that loud!" I yelled at him.

"That's exactly why I am here darling," he said.

"Man, sorry my stupid fucking neighbours called you guys and wasted your damn time! They have real sensitive delicate ears I guess," I said with a chuckle.

"Yes, they are pussies," he said. He then drove away eating a doughnut.

I then got into my pajamas, went back into my house and went to bed.

I woke up in the middle of the night and heard the sound of a large rock being thrown at my bedroom window.

"What the fuck is it now?" I yelled angrily. I looked outside and I saw Ian or Roger or Adam or whatever the fuck his name was outside of the bedroom window in the front yard.

He was carrying a large boombox in his arms with his strong sexy arms. He looked so romantic, but it was the modern day age. What the fuck was he doing?

He then started playing "Numa Numa" and singing along to it. I slammed the window shut angrily. Why the fuck would he wake me up at these delicate hours? How DARE he! I was so angry. I then went back to bed.