That morning I woke up out of my bed. I went to fucking McDonald's for breakfast that fucking morning because that motherfucker fucking cockroach was still there. Ugh I hate cockroaches. I didn't even know that they flew until last night.
Once I got back with a bloated stomach I took out my cell phone and called up him. He came over and we had sex again.
Once we were done, I looked up into his sexy blue eyes. Man, he was so handsome.
"Okay dude, don't get me wrong, you're like sexy and fun and all, but I find this whole you-coming-to-my-house-fucking-me-then-leaving-thing like really disparaging to my soul," I told him, "We need more variety in this."
"Oh really?" he asked all surprised.
"Yeah, can we do something else please?" I requested. He looked away from me for a bit but then once he faced me again he smiled.
We got in his ah-mazing redtotallysuperduperreallyexpensivesexysportscar and he drove us to his big mansion, (haha you jelly yet?). It was so big! We then went into the 2,000 square foot master bedroom and engaged in coitus on the bed. I then masturbated his fellatio and he proceeded to ejaculate on my face.
After the sort-of-date was over, Ian drove me home in his ohsosupersexyredcarthatlookedreallyniceandexpensiveandithinkitmighthavebeenaferraributimnotsure. I'm not that into cars you see.
It was amazing! This was perfect! I looked over at him. This was the first time I had ever really talked to the guy. He actually had a really great personality, and a sexy smile. It was all SO perfect! Well it WAS until I dropped my iPhone..It made a loud thud as it fell on to the floor and it fell down behind his seat. And it was right after I had sent an important text to my BFF Natalie! He NEEDED to stop the car.
"Hey Ian, can you get-" My sentence was cut off because the moment he heard that, he sort of gasped and lost control of the steering wheel, and then slammed on the brakes in total shock.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DICK HEAD?!" I shrieked at him.
"Oh...my...god..." he said to himself as he slammed his forehead on the idle steering wheel.
"WHAT?"
"MY NAME IS GREG YOU IDIOT!" he yelled at me.
"Well, well now, let's try to use nicer words here!" I said trying to calm him down.
"OH MY GOD, HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW MY BLOODY NAME? WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR A MONTH!" he shrieked in complete disbelief.
"Okay, okay! Look, I understand why you're mad but seriously it so not my fault!" I explained to him as calmly as I could, (which I guess was not really all that calm because then he got even angrier).
"How the fuck is this MY FAULT you dumb bitch?!" he asked me.
"Oh my god, seriously? Why are you mad at me? Don't take it personally, I'm just like really, really bad with names! You never even told me your name bastard! And I never asked because people get like all fucking mad at me when I've known them for more than like, two weeks, and I ask them what their name is! And plus, our whole entire relationship has consisted of us going to each each other's houses and hooking up, it's not like we really cared what each other's names are!" I started crying.
"Yeah you're right bitch. It's not like we can discuss day-to-day topics when your tongue is halfway down my fucking throat YOU SLUT!" he shouted angrily.
"Whatever asshole, just keep on driving!" I said with tears running down my face. He got out of the car and opened the passenger side door.
"Come on, do you even know my name?"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CAR EVELYN!" he ordered me as he threw my iPhone at me. I walked on out into the cold night back to the doctor's house.
That was the end of that one. Oops.
I went back to Doctor whos house all by myself. Whatever, Ian had a small penis anyways.
Then I heard a knock on my door and answered it. Greg was standing there and then he took off his head.
It was revealed that he was an alien!
He had green scarlet skin and he looked really gross. He had a hideous address on that looked like something Stella McCartney would design. He also looked very angry.
I screamed and slammed the door and phoned Doctor Who. I was so scared!