Kate enters the basement of the Old Haunt for the first time since their case last year and notices that while Castle has made some subtle changes, he has mostly left it just as she remembers. Though, she is already enjoying his decision to fix up the exterior entrance they discovered was in the back room. A private entrance takes away some of the worry that's coursing through her system.
"Beckett?"
Castle's voice calls from the staircase, the sound of his footsteps followed closely by the addition of more light as he finally comes into view.
"It seems you have your own little Batcave down here."
"Except, I've purposely tried to not put anything down here that would be considered a distraction."
"Castle, this place is underneath a bar. That in itself is a distraction."
"Strangely enough," he says in his defense, "sound doesn't travel as well as Brian led us to believe. While I'm sure something like a gunshot would be noticeable, it's more difficult when people are actually in the bar."
Kate understands what he's trying to tell her-that they don't have to worry about people hearing them upstairs. A Thursday night in New York City might as well be considered part of the weekend, and the bar has a good deal of patrons upstairs.
Castle moves past her over to his desk, tossing his keys on top. She is spellbound as he shrugs off his blazer, hangs it over the chair, and then proceeds to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. If he was paying any attention to her, he would probably have no problem seeing in her eyes the desire she feels for him. Truth be told, the desire has been there since the day they met.
Turning away, God forbid he does see before they talk, she finds herself staring at the framed article from The Ledger about the fundraiser Castle threw in honor of her mother last spring. He had thrown the event together quickly, but it was very successful, and the reporter even did a nice side piece on Castle's involvement with the NYPD. She'd known, even though she was still with Josh at the time, that her life was leading her right to this moment.
"I love that article."
His voice is soft from across the room, and she turns to see him seated on one end of the couch. She takes a deep breath and has to stop herself from just jumping him, as she reminds herself that they need to have a talk first. She has a few sins to confess to him before they can even hope to start something that has any chance of lasting.
"You framed it." It's not a question. The proof is right in front of her. But his decision to do so speaks volumes.
"I hope you don't find it creepy or pompous of me. I'm just...proud. Of what you and I have accomplished together, I mean."
Kate smiles at his sincerity, a characteristic he's shown her more and more over the last couple years. "You should be proud, Castle."
"That means a lot, Kate," he says, leaning forward on the couch, his eyes on her. "But I don't think you're here to assess my decorating decisions. Here." He pats the seat next to him, his wish clear.
The thought of sitting next to him warms her, and she recalls the feeling from less than an hour ago, her body cuddled into his side as he held her to him. She wants that again-always-but she also doesn't trust her reactions to his nearness.
"You mind if I stand?"
"Hoping for a quick getaway?" he asks, and the quick response makes her eyes fly to his immediately.
"God, no! Why would you think that?"
"Forgive me, Beckett, but you don't exactly have the best track record when it comes saying what's really on your mind." She can see Castle getting more and more agitated as the conversation moves along, and she starts to feel like they will be arguing their way through this, that maybe they need to express all the hurt they've caused each other before they can move forward.
"This from the guy who called me last night to ask 'What Would Nikki Do?'"
"At least I called-something you conveniently forgot how to do for three months."
He has a point, and it's one that Kate can't deny. Because as she stands in the middle of the room, her eyes focused on an angry man who just a few minutes ago looked like he wanted to melt into her just as much as she did, she has to fight the urge to find a quick exit out of this.
She isn't the same person she was a year ago, though. And, if nothing else, she needs to prove that to him.
Her lack of response to his last claim thickens the already-present tension in the room. Castle doesn't get angry-really angry-often, so the sight of his brows furrowed and his hands fisting at his knees isn't a pleasurable one. She turns her eyes to the floor, takes a deep breath, and decides that they have much more to talk about than she originally thought.
"When I told you earlier today that I didn't want to fight," she says softly, hoping that her tone of voice will cool the anger she hears in his, "I meant it. I don't want to fight with you. But I'm done running and talking in code."
She makes eye contact with him, but he doesn't respond. But his hands are no longer fisted on his knees, and she sees that as a good sign.
"I think...do you remember the fight we had last year the night before Montgomery was killed?"
"Unfortunately."
Kate waits for him to say something else, expand on his recollection of that night in her apartment, but he says nothing. The look on his face makes her nervous though, so she starts to pace around the open space of the room as she continues her explanation.
"I hated it at the time, but so much of what you said that night was true."
"Beckett, I-"
"No," she says, stopping her continuous loop and holding up her hand toward him to keep him from feeling like he has to apologize. "I'm trying to say you were right. We never talk, and that's our main problem. For one reason or another, we always find a way to shove everything under the rug, hoping that it will just disappear and take care of itself. But I understand why you never wanted to say anything, Castle."
"It still doesn't excuse-"
"Castle, please." Her words come out louder than she intends them, and she has to take a breath to calm herself. The last thing she wants is for their emotions to be used to trade pot-shots with one another to decide who is more responsible for their situation. "I think the worst part of this is how far back it actually goes. I don't even know where to start."
"Usually we start by establishing the timeline." Castle's tone is still serious, but there's a slight lilt in his voice that tells Kate that he's trying to make her feel comfortable.
"You want to compare our relationship to a murder investigation?"
"If it helps us get all the skeletons out of the closet quickly, then sure. Just...establish a timeline. Start at the beginning and fill in as many blanks as possible."
Kate agrees silently, going back to pacing around the room while she tries to think of a good place to start. The first time they had a major breakdown in communication. And then the answer is there.
"Demming."
"Demming?"
"Yes, Castle. Demming. He's not at the beginning of the timeline, but he's a good place to start. You were jealous of him."
"I had good reason."
"And yet, you still invited me to go to the Hamptons with you." She remains moving, but looks over to the couch to see Castle's reaction. He looks defeated, but the worst part is that she doesn't know if it's the first time he's shown her this look or if it's just the first time she's noticed.
"You turned me down."
"Initially, yes." She pauses, watches for his reaction. He doesn't disappoint her, his eyes going wide and his mouth falling open upon hearing this new piece of information-something she's never divulged to him in the almost two years since it happened.
For a brief moment Kate wages a war with herself about keeping a distance from him while they talk. But she's about to come out and give him the first indication that she has feelings for him, and she doesn't want it to be from across the room. She wants to look into his eyes and let him see the sincerity in his eyes and voice. She doesn't want to leave any room for doubt.
"Initially?" He clarifies her words, and she doesn't waste another second, walking over to the couch and taking the seat next to him. She turns in toward him, her hand covering his on the top of his knee.
"I broke up with Demming after the case closed. And when we were talking in the bullpen after the case, I was going to-"
"Oh fuck!" Castle falls back on the couch, his hands covering his face before running through his hair in frustration. "You were going to go and I took Gina instead because I thought you…"
"I didn't exactly give you reason to think otherwise." Kate leans back on the couch, her legs tucked up under her body, her body tilted into him slightly.
"True." Castle turns his head toward her, an apology in his eyes. But then his expression changes, and he throws them forward once again. "And then you started dating Josh."
"He was, if nothing else, a good distraction for a while."
"Distracting you from what, exactly?"
"So many things." Her short answer gets him to look at her, and before she knows it, the words are pouring out of her mouth. "That I was within a few words of confessing to you that I felt more than friendship, that you went to the Hamptons with your ex-wife for the summer, and that I couldn't stop looking at your empty chair next to my desk in the precinct without thinking that I missed my chance with you."
Castle doesn't react directly to her words, instead repeating to himself, "I'm such an idiot."
"You're not an idiot, Rick." She uses his first name, something she rarely does, and it gets the reaction she desires from him.
"When did he stop being a good enough distraction?" He asks suddenly.
"What?"
"You said he was a good distraction for a while. When was it not good enough anymore?"
The answer comes to her immediately, but she can't find the right way to say the words to him. Truthfully, it's not one event but a combination of events. And if the evening hasn't been enlightening already, it certainly will be when she tells him this.
"You kissed me. And then we got locked in that storage container." She waits, watches his reaction for clues, and finds it safe to continue. "Those two things were distracting in themselves, but it took you pointing out that we never talked about it to really mess with me."
"Which means what, exactly?"
Castle grins at her, that devious smile he usually flashes when he wants her to admit to something. And because her admitting things is what this whole evening is about, she decides to shove her embarrassment aside and tell him what he wants to hear.
"Okay, Castle. Let's talk about that kiss."
So much love to K, not only for the beta job, but for also letting me bounce ideas off her. Also, my sincere thanks to everyone who has read and left reviews. I've never had a story receive so many reviews before, so I thank you all for your support. I didn't have time to respond to reviews this time, so my apologies.