It seemed that Natasha's shoulder had become the pillow that kept Maria asleep for more than half an hour.
The redhead had moved from her spot by the window to the seat next to her charge on the couch the day before and with the exception of getting food, going to bed or having a shower, the two of them barely moved. Not long after eating the lone sandwich she would consume for the day, Maria's head would roll to the side and find its resting place on Natasha's shoulder.
When she did this, she woke up less violently from the nightmares but when she began to whimper and twitch, Natasha gently shook her awake with a soft smile and an immediate distraction. Maria didn't want to talk about it just yet and it wasn't Natasha's job disassemble the nightmares, only to protect her in the physical sense.
However, she didn't realise that Maria was beginning to find comfort in the closer proximity with the other woman. There was a sense of safety that she provided and it wasn't just because she could kill a man with her thighs and not have one hair out of place doing it.
Food was beginning to run scarce in the apartment, and Natasha had told herself that when the woman sleeping next to her woke up from her after lunch nap they would head to the supermarket. She was concerned of the Maria's mentality regarding being in an overcrowded, loud and bright supermarket but there had to be a first step somewhere.
Almost like clockwork, the woman asleep on her shoulder because to whimper and grimace through the beginning of a nightmare.
"Hey," she said. Her hand was resting on Maria's thigh lightly while shaking her gently. "Maria, wake up."
It took her a little longer before she woke up and Natasha had to shake her a little harder. Maria's eyes snapped open but she didn't jolt up like she usually did. The light brown eyes took in the apartment and the redhead next to her until she couldn't stop the yawn and rubbed her eyes.
"How long was I out?" she asked, as her head dropped back down to her shoulder shaped pillow.
Natasha's hand hadn't moved from her thigh, and neither commented on it.
"Almost two hours. I think you beat your record," she answered. As usual, she had a distraction ready to rid Maria's mind of the nightmare and turned her laptop towards the half-asleep woman. "I want a new car. What do you think of these?"
With the exception of the reasoning behind Natasha's presence in the apartment, the situation was extremely casual considering that this was the first time the two women had been alone for more than five minutes. Their demeanour read as two people who had been close friends for years, rather than a protection detail assigned at the last minute.
"I like that one," Maria muttered, pointing to a red Porsche. "But in black."
Natasha simply nodded her head and opened up the online specifications for the car. "We need to go food shopping. I know you can eat grilled cheese sandwiches for the rest of your life, but you don't have anything left to make the grilled cheese sandwiches."
Maria momentarily paled. "Ummm…I'm not sure I can do the whole people thing. Just yet. And it's cold outside."
"I understand that. I do," said Natasha. "You can't hide forever."
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing? Isn't that why you are here?"
"This isn't a safe house, it's your home. A place that needs to be restocked." Mara could feel the other woman's eyes on her. "I can't leave you alone to go get food, and you won't go by yourself. So we go together."
Natasha's thumb unconsciously stroked the sweatpants covered thigh beneath, and it was only then that Maria noticed the sensation. Silently, she didn't want the woman to stop.
"You won't separate from me?"
"No," she could see an inkling of fear in Maria's eyes. "We can wrap you up in warm clothes, and I'll keep physical contact at all times so you know I'm there."
It took a few moments of silence before she agreed. "Okay. Just don't leave."
"I won't."
Twenty minutes later, Maria was wrapped up a thick jacket, scarf and beanie to combat the colder temperatures outside, looking almost like an eskimo compared to Natasha's leather jacket and jeans.
It was a Saturday afternoon and the supermarket two blocks over was teeming with parents and small children. Together they walked the aisles as quickly as was comfortable for Maria; her body was tired and sore and still trying to get her energy back. Natasha walked calmly next to her, one hand on the small of her back and the other carrying the basket. If she realised that the brunette was leaning into her she didn't say anything other than to offer her opinions on breakfast cereals and vegetable options.
They were perusing the canned soup when there was a smash in the next aisle and the sounds a child being told off.
"Hey, you're okay," said Natasha.
Maria had grabbed her hand reflexively and was squeezing tightly. Her eyes were shut and her body was giving off slight tremors.
"Maria, look at me." If it was possible, Maria's eyes only shut harder. "Maria open your eyes."
She had to put the basket down to focus on the brunette more and rested her hand on her other arm. Natasha simply rubbed her hand up and down until the breathing evened out and the brown eyes opened.
"I'm sorry," Maria whispered.
"It's okay, really. It was reflex, you couldn't help it," Natasha said with a soft smile. "But you're okay. You're alright."
Maria visibly gulped and nodded, trying to shake off the feeling of inevitable insecurity. Natasha picked the basket up and moved to replace her hand on the small of Maria's back again, but the hand holding hers refused to let go.
"Don't let go," she said quietly. "Please."
"Sure," Natasha answered, simply twining their fingers together instead and coaxing her down the aisle, promising that they could head to the check out. Maria's breathing wasn't quite calm enough for her to be comfortable.
By the time they reached the car and the doors were shut, they sat in silence while she took deep breathes.
"I'm sorry," she repeated.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's a typical response after someone goes through something you did, okay?" Natasha replied. "But you're okay. You're safe. You did really well in there."
"I did?" Maria asked unsure.
"Yeah, you did." She could see the uncertainty on the other woman's face. "Do you need something?"
"Can you hold my hand again?" she whispered. "I know I'm being stupid but it helped. Having something that I could feel, something that grounded me."
Natasha simply reached over the centre console and twined their fingers together once more, and was silently glad that she could drive forward out of her parking space. The drive was spent in silence as the redhead drove with one hand, and she could feel the waves of self-pity and disappointment coming off her passenger.
Not being one to push, Natasha resigned herself to the fact that it would be a talk to continue another time.
"Thank you," came quietly in the silence of the interior.
Natasha offered a small smile as the stopped at a red light, and realised that she was seeing something the woman next to her would never let anyone else see. She didn't understand because she had expected ten foot steal walls with barbed wire and guard dogs to get through before she witnessed any sign vulnerability.
Maria trusted Natasha.
That was enough for her to keep her thumb stroking back and forth.