The drive home was filled with an awkward silence and the occasional sniffle from the passenger seat.
Their hands were joined the same way they had been on the drive to the hospital; Maria didn't want to let go but at the same time felt too ashamed to warrant having her hand held. Across the back of her hand, Natasha's thumb was stroking back and forth soothingly for the entire drive. At red lights, she would wait for the brunette to lift her head from staring at her lap and offer her a gentle smile.
"You don't have to be embarrassed, Maria," Natasha said. She had parked her car and killed the engine a few minutes before and they had sat in silence in the warm interior.
"No one has ever seen me like that before. You're the first," she whispered. "I don't like being seen when I break down."
"Has it happened before?"
"A handful of times."
Maria looked at their hands joined in her lap and found comfort in the fact that this simple gesture was keeping her calm. There was still a weight on her chest and on her shoulders pushing her down, but it was easier to keep standing now that their hands were joined.
"Would you tell me what happened over there?" Natasha asked quietly. When Maria's head snapped up she thought the woman might have another panic attack, and immediately backpedalled. "Not right now. We can do anything other than talk about that especially if you don't want to, but before your appointment with Meyer maybe telling me first might help you be able to talk to him."
"Can I think about?" Maria asked hesitantly.
"Of course. I'm not going to push you to tell me if you don't want to. But the offer is there," Natasha smiled and gave Maria's hand a squeeze.
"Can we just sit on the couch for a while, and watch trashy daytime TV or talk or something?"
"Sure."
Natasha hopped out of the car quickly and ran to the other side to help Maria out before guiding her into the apartment building with a hand on the small of her back. The brunette leaned into the warm body next to her as they rode the elevator up to the top floor. Both women changed into comfier clothes the moment they were inside before settling on the couch.
"Come here," Natasha whispered. Having their fingers tangled didn't seem like enough to comfort the woman who had been distraught barely half an hour ago. She was holding her arm out for Maria to curl into her side, who did not hesitate to tuck her legs under herself and couldn't help but relax into the arm around her back.
She felt safe.
"I can't sit in silence," Maria muttered into Natasha's neck. "What kind of things do you like to cook?"
Natasha smiled gently and thought. "I like trying new recipes, but I have some basic meals I like to make. Baked salmon, a lot of Italian food like all the pasta dishes. I like Italian food. I like to bake sometimes too, cookies are my specialty. Are you going to eat some lunch?"
"No, I'm hungry," Maria answered.
"If I made spaghetti for dinner would you eat some? You said it was your favourite," Natasha teased softly.
"Maybe a little bit. You would do that?"
"Yeah," Natasha agreed and winked when the brunette looked up. "I haven't had spaghetti in a while."
Maria's hand came to rest on Natasha's stomach. Natasha smiled and relished in the intimacy of the situation. She didn't want to move.
"Your turn. You ask something," Maria prompted.
"You want to play twenty questions?" the redhead joked. She could see the woman next to her beginning to relax and forget about her earlier breakdown. Natasha wanted to be the reason for that despite the high probability that
"I want to continue our conversation from breakfast," she answered. "It was nice being able to be so relaxed, calm and casual. It's nice talking to you, getting to know you."
"It's nice getting to know you too," Natasha whispered. "Um, okay. What kind of music do you like?"
"All kinds. I love classical. Comes from all those years of playing piano," Maria answered with a reminiscent smile. "Old school rock, a little bit of country, there are recent songs that I like, a few that I love."
"How old were you when your grandfather taught you to play?"
"I think I was six. It was the summer after my first year of school."
"Why slow dancing?"
Maria's smile dropped slightly. "He taught me that too. He used to take my grandmother out once a week for dancing right up until she died before I started middle school. After that he used to take me every week."
"You were close?" Natasha asked, letting her hand float back and forth over Maria's ribs.
"Yeah," she answered. "I got along with him better than I did with my parents. Going with him was the favourite part of my week."
A comfortable silence settled over the two of them as they sat closely together, watching the TV. Natasha snatched the remote off the cushion next to her and flicked through the channels until she found what she was looking for: the classical music channel.
"Show me," she said, removing herself from the couch to stand up.
"What?" Maria asked, suddenly curious and nervous at the same time as Natasha pushed the coffee table towards the TV to make room.
"Something else you won't find in a file about me: I've never slow danced before," she smiled. She held her hand out. "Show me?"
Her voice was gentle and the smile on her face was genuinely kind.
"It's been a long time since I've danced with anyone," Maria admitted, reaching out to taking Natasha's offered hand.
"I won't judge you if you step on my toes." Natasha smirked as she pulled Maria up. "But you may have to teach me a few things."
"Okay," Maria chuckled. "Put your hand on my waist, just like that. And our hands sit together like this. And we have to stand a little closer."
Natasha followed the instructions easily enough and fought hard to keep the smirk off her face as Maria's hand settled on her shoulder. She drew Maria in closer with the arm around her waist, careful to avoid the covered burns beneath her top.
"What next?" Natasha smiled.
"You literally just rock back and forth, sway on the spot. Easiest kind of dancing there is," she answered quietly.
Natasha watched Maria closely. She couldn't stop herself from studying Maria's face, her eyes gazing at the lips in front of her. She drew the brunette in a little closer to press their bodies closer together with a smile as they continued to sway. Maria bit her bottom lip and Natasha almost had to supress a groan. The brunette could not only feel the tension between the two of them, she could see the tension on Natasha's face.
"What's wrong?" she whispered.
"I'm not sure I should say," Natasha replied.
"Tell me. Please?"
They stopped swaying just as the song stopped.
"I, uh…" Natasha gulped. "I really want to kiss you."
Maria wore a genuine look of surprise. She had managed to convince herself over the course of the day that it was one sided on her part, simply because of her trauma she was recovering from and the fact that Natasha was the one there with her. She pressed her forehead to Natasha's.
"You do?"
"Yes," she answered honestly. Maria brushed away a stray part of Natasha's vibrant red hair that had escaped her pony tail.
Slowly they inched closer to one another, until they could feel the others breath on their lips.
There was a knock at the door.