A/N: It's back! Now with actual Yue!
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Return to Yue's Harem
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: Negima and all the other good stuff doesn't belong to me. I'm only using them for a little while. I'll put them back, I swear!
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The Melancholy of Saotome Haruna…
My name is Hasegawa Chisame... and I am in hell.
"My name is Saotome Haruna! I don't like normal people! All aliens, time-travelers, espers, magical girls, robots, vampires, werewolves, wizards, princesses, psychos, demons, half-demons, ghosts, ninja, and sliders, come to me! Everyone else, buzz off!"
Really, almost literally, in hell.
"I'm afraid I must be honest with you, Chisame-chan. You see, I am actually a time-traveling alien from the planet Mars who is descended from our English teacher..."
Which is grossly unfair, because I'm not even Christian.
"I am Dark Evangel, mortal. Beware my power!"
I'm sharing a classroom with a bunch of lunatics...
"Ahh! Chisame -san, I'm afraid I'll have to erase your memory! If anyone finds out I'm a wizard, I'll be turned into an ermine!"
And the most depressing part is...
"Hello, Chisame-san. Would you like some tea?"
Is that the biggest lunatic of all...
"Chisame-san, -poyo. We need to talk-poyo."
Who's looking for all the other lunatics...
"Chisame -san... I'm afraid I can't let you get between me and Setsuna-sempai! "
IS BOTH TOO INSANE AND STUPID TO NOTICE THEM!
"GAH! Why is the word so BORING!-?"
Cousin Kyon... Any advise?
Some time later…
Dear Chisame
I feel your pain. Welcome to hell…
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Meet and Greet
"I can't believe it," Nanoha said, shaking her head in disbelief, adjusting her uniform as she and her friends walked. "An entire world, an entire civilization of mages, right under our noses for ten years, and we didn't notice. Did you notice?"
Signum raised her eyebrow at the other woman. "Why are you asking us?"
"Well, you and the other Wolkenritter have some skill with finding people with magic, I figured…"
"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Signum sighed.
"You could have just asked," Fate said. "You could have just told us when Nanoha was asking Vita all those times. It's not like she never gave you the opportunity. I mean, every other word she said when she talked to you was 'talk to me!'."
"Oh, stop it you two," Hayate said over her shoulder. "We're almost there."
The next hour or so was filled with pomp and circumstance. The ambassadors from the nations of Mundus Magicus arrived in their strangely fish-like vessels. The revelation of their existence was still a shock to the TSAB. The nerds were still going nuts about the discovery of a whole different way to do magic.
Fate, Nanoha and Hayate were there as a public relations stunt, to show how the TSAB had links to Earth as well. It didn't seem to be having much effect, and the three really hadn't expected it to. After all, the three of them were basically nobodies on Earth.
As Nanoha smiled and made small talk with the Twilight Imperial Princess of Ostia– the girl looked to be in her mid-teens, at most, though she was apparently much, much older– she heard a surprised squeal from Hayate, and turned in surprise. Hayate was holding hands with a young girl who looked barely in her teens, and Nanoha recognized Queen Yue the First of the Queendom of Yue, formerly Ariadne, though she was apparently sixteen herself.
"So this is where you've been!" Yue was saying, while her body guards looked flustered and uncomfortable. "Is this why you stopped emailing me?"
"Ah, sorry, Yue-chan– I mean, your Majesty!" Hayate said, correcting herself. "I couldn't tell you that, well…"
"That you were a mage?" Yue said, smiling. "Yes, I've been there myself. Earth's a tough place to be a mage. I was fourteen when I became one. You?"
"Nine," Hayate said.
"You poor thing," Yue said.
As Nanoha looked between the two of them, and the various top brasses began whispering, the Twilight Imperial Princess said, "Eh? You know her, Yue-chi?"
As Nanoha blinked at the familiarity of the address, her Majesty turned to the Twilight Imperial Princess. "Yes, Hayate-chan and I were pen pals. We met during a meet and greet of the Library Club."
"Huh," the Imperial Twilight Princess said. "What a coincidentally small universe."
"Oh, don't be like that, Asuna-chan," Yue said. "It doesn't suit you. Leave it to Chisame-chan."
"Someone mention my name?"
The group turned to see a dignified, practically icy woman wearing a rather nice dress. An embarrassed looking Vita was with her, looking too mortified to try and break from the woman's grip.
"Hey, Chisame-chan," the Twilight Imperial Princess said, waving a negligent hand. "Who's this?"
The woman, who Nanoha was surprised to realize was a high-ranking adviser for the Prince of Ostia, tugged Vita forward. "I've finally found her. I've found Sanada Mikoto!"
Most of those around them perked up, recognizing the name of the writer of the popular fantasy epic "Knights of the Sky Queen". It was one of the few pieces of literature from Earth that was popular in the TSAB worlds, although it was unknown how they were circulated.
"What?-!" Yue and Hayate chorused, staring at her. "How?"
"Oh, I've known what she's looked like for years," the adviser said smugly. "I hacked the publishing house. I've just never found her. Until now." She made a flourish towards Vita, who looked like she wanted to die. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present Vita Yagami, a.k.a., Sanada Mikoto."
Everyone blinked, staring at Vita. She looked longingly at the toothpicks on a nearby tray of food, as if she wanted to jab them into her eyes and kill herself that way.
Yue coughed. "Miss, my city is desperately in need of someone of your literary skills. How would you like to be one of my sobame?"
"Over my dead body," Hayate said sweetly. "I saw her first."
Yue thought this over. "You know, we could use an official ambassador to the TSAB…"
"Yue!" the Adviser and the Imperial Twilight Princess both cried. "Not every problem can be solved by recruiting someone to your harem!"
Yue shrugged. "It's worked for me and Negi so far…"
...
The Courtship of Paio Zi and Tsukuyomi
It was a difficult relationship. Paoi Zi had to change her diet completely so that her blood replenished faster, and Tsukuyomi had to deal with the whole new issue of looking for some cream to relieve soreness on her breasts.
Still, everyone they knew weren't too surprised to hear they were getting married. Ala Alba was surprised to get invitations though.
After the wedding, Konoka, Setsuna and Nodoka disappeared. When they finally turned up again, the latter two absolutely refused to talk about what happened. Konoka just smiled enigmatically. The only thing anyone ever found out was that Yue noticed strange handprints on Nodoka's breasts, and Konoka was heard collecting information on a honeymoon resort in the Hellas empire…
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Know Fear. Conquer it.
"You know, we really should have seen this coming," Chisame said philosophically as explosions happened in the background.
Ako nodded, making sure her safety helmet was on securely as they huddled behind some rubble. "She was always good at operating even when she was afraid."
"Utterly terrified," Chisame said serenely. They both lowered their heads as a bus passed by overhead, barely missing them.
"How's it going?" Ako asked.
Chisame pulled out her pocket mirror and angel over their shelter. "Yue's about to break out her bombardment-type ice-storm spells, Negi's down– looks like Sinestro ground him into water while he was in lightning form– Kaede's clones are trying to revive Chachamaru–"
"Hakase really needs to put that reset button somewhere other than Chachamaru's breasts," Ako said.
"– Asuna's trying another charge–"
"She still hasn't realized she's not negating that yellow ring of his?"
"– and… and, there we are. Honya-chan's gotten pissed, and… yes, she just used that new green ring of hers to summon some kind of Lovecraft's things."
Terrified screaming began to echo in the air.
Ako shook her head. "Never mess with a librarian who reads a lot of scary shit…"
"Or lives with Haruna," Chisame said. There was a meaty sound of impact as Superman flew over their hiding place.
"That's the same thing," Ako said.
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Ah, My Sanity!
Madoka was, unknown to her, one of the few remaining normal people in her class. While others had luck-bending powers to rival, say, Matrim Cauthon, were either ghosts, ninja, vampires, robots, some degree of magic user or another, rich or were turning into pornomancer-Magic-Knight-Genius-Bruiser-librarians, she's been enjoying a mostly ordinary life.
And then, the day before her first week of high school, while her roommates were away and she was philosophically contemplating how she seemed to be drifting apart from her classmates, she decided to order some take out…
CLICK!
"Hello, this is the Goddess Relief Office. Please stay where you are. One of our personnel will be along shortly to process your wish."
It would later turn out that wishing she had 'More in common with her classmates so she could relate to them more and not drift apart from them' turned out to be a really bad idea. Skuld was not amused. Though she eventually learned to deal with being a magical girlfriend...
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Butler Troubles
Asuna stared at Ayaka. "Say that again?" the red-head said slowly, unsure if she'd been hallucinating. After all the knocks to the head, induced unconsciousness and general messing of her memories she'd gone through in Mundus Magicus, it surprised her it had taken her this long to lose a few marbles.
"I wish to hire you as my butler," Ayaka said.
"That's what I was afraid you'd said," Asuna said. She eyed the blonde. "What are you up to? I might have lost my paper route, but I'm not desperate enough to take a job as your personal butt monkey just to make ends meet!"
"Nothing of the sort!" Ayaka said, sounding genuinely offended at the notion. "I wouldn't stoop to such base and abusive methods. Do I look like Luviagelita Edelfelt to you?"
In Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya 2Wei! Luvia sneezed.
"Then why?" Asuna asked, more curious then annoyed now, but she had an image to maintain.
Ayaka seemed to understand, ignoring her tone. "I have need of a butler," she said. "Craig-san is retiring soon, and until his proper replacement arrives, we need one. Craig-san would wait for the replacement to arrive before retiring, but last week he had to deal with some Yakuza trying to kidnap some of my maids, and wrenched his back, poor man. So I'll need a temporary butler in the meantime."
"Again, why me?" Asuna asked, frowning.
Ayaka looked like someone was pulling her tooth out via her rectum. "I trust you," she ground out.
Asuna blinked. "Sorry?"
"I trust you," Ayaka repeated herself, sounding like she'd ground off an entire layer of enamel. "And you are the only one I know strong enough for the position."
"Huh?" Asuna asked.
"Look, you want the job, or not?" Ayaka demanded.
"What's in it for me?" Asuna demanded, trying her best to hold on to as much of her 'tsun-tsun' as possible.
Ayaka held out a check. The last number was very far from the decimal point.
"I'm in!" Asuna cried. "What do I do?"
What she does…
"I hate my life," Asuna ground out. Really, she hated her life.
"Butler Hayate, there are several robots trying to flank our position from behind," Alfred Pennyworth directed, not looking up from his map, which had been drawn from memory on the underside of a serving tray. "Jeffrey, please deal with the ninja about to descend upon us. I believe your experience with your employer Mr. Chuck Norris will assist you there. Norman, I believe you can best deal with those giant robots approaching us. Noel, I believe your weaponry can assist there as well. Space Butler, Sasuke, those killer rabbits please. Asuna, I would appreciate it greatly if you will deprive those rather badly dressed gentlemen of their wands. Flandre, Hiro, assist her. Rin, Miyu, you may take those on our other side."
"I hate Japan," Bruce Wayne sighed.
"Go Hayate!" Nagi cried. "Show them all that Sanzenin butlers are the best!"
"Can you please be quieter, Sasuke?" Kuno Tatewaki said. "I am trying to read."
"I wish Nanoha were here," Suzuka sighed. "Would anyone like some biscuits?"
"I'll take some," Ayaka said. "Does anyone have a napkin?"
"Here," Bruce said resignedly, offering his.
"How noisy," Princess Lillianne said, glancing up briefly from her chess game with Luvia.
"I am terribly sorry about the barbaric conditions, ladies, sirs," Alfred apologized. "Our arrival might be a bit delayed."
"I HATE YOU, AYAKA!" Asuna cried. "I HATE YOU!"
...
Meet the Parents
Natsumi had been expecting Kotaro to… well, not to put to fine a point to it, but she and everyone else had always assumed he was an orphan. After all, taking on bounty hunting jobs at his age wasn't exactly a good sign of a supportive family. So it completely threw her for a loop when he suggested they go visit his parents.
That had led to her second assumption about him she assumed they'd be somewhere in the countryside, in some isolated house outside an equally isolated village where half the people were secretly youkai.
Not a temple in Tokyo.
As Natsumi awkwardly introduced herself to the residents of the Higurashi shrine, she wondered what else her boyfriend hadn't told her…
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- To be continued...
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A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.