Since their discussion earlier, Natasha had done whatever she could to steer Maria's thoughts away from anything scar related.
It had taken them a few hours but eventually they had dragged themselves out of bed for a very late breakfast when Maria's stomach had grumbled unhappily in need of food. As usual, she drummed her fingers across the top of the piano on her way to the kitchen. Behind her Natasha flicked the TV on for the gentle hum of the music channel to avoid the silence. Neither of them could handle it very well.
"Holy shit your hands are cold!" Maria froze in front of the coffee machine before scrambling to get out from underneath Natasha's hands. Natasha had come up behind her without any warning to rest her hands on Maria's waist, just under her top.
The redhead was smirking from her newly acquired seat on the kitchen counter. "You're adorable."
"That was mean," she said, making her way back to her coffee cautiously.
Natasha was a good four inches shorter than her but the height she gained by sitting on the bench helped when she reached out with her feet to pull Maria in.
"Let me make it up to you," she muttered huskily against Maria's lips who did not protest.
So far they had simply tested the waters, finding what was comfortable for the two of them which had been not much more than kissing. Natasha understood Maria's mentally was in a state of limbo; she knew what she was comfortable with but the fresh experience of long-term torture made her question what she was willing to try and thought she could handle. As a master of being able to read people and know how to react in order to elicit the right emotions and answers she wanted, Natasha took her cues from Maria's responses but still didn't try to push her away by pushing too hard, too fast.
Pulling her in with her feet didn't push any boundaries and Natasha was more than willing to do that as often as she could.
This time when the toaster popped, neither of them pulled away out of surprise. Instead Maria deepened the kiss slightly before parting with a small sigh of sadness.
"What's going to happen when the protection detail is over?" she asked.
Natasha leaned in, letting her arms wrap around Maria's shoulders. "Whatever you want."
"What if I want you?"
"Then you get me. I'm sure we can figure out a way to make it work," Natasha smiled. She paused. "You really want me?"
"What do you mean?"
"With everything that I am, with as fucked up as I can be, the bits you haven't seen but only heard about, with my history and what I do for an income, you really want me?"
Maria smiled gently, "yes. You're nothing like what I thought you would be like, what I thought you were. You have this sense of humanity about you that is beautiful despite everything you've gone through. I want you, Tasha."
"Really?"
"Really really."
"I'm going to take you on a date after this protection detail is over." Maria simply beamed and Natasha kissed her soundly with a smile. "Okay. You should eat your toast before it goes cold. I need a shower."
"Aren't you going to have breakfast?" Maria asked, a piece of buttered toast halfway to her mouth.
Natasha commandeered the slice to her own mouth for a bite before dropping from the counter with a smirk and heading back up the stairs. For the purpose of not wanting to leave Maria alone too long, Natasha declared that it would be a short shower.
With the gentle hum of the music channel in the background, Maria let herself lean against the sink as she finished her coffee and toast. Her mind drifted slowly and anyone looking from the outside would see her as having zoned out. Now that there was nothing to specifically to distract her, like the feeling of Natasha next to her, Maria couldn't stop her mind from sinking back into her month in captivity, her rescue, the uncomfortable beginning of the protection detail and then the transformation into whatever it was that they were.
They had yet to define themselves and for now that was fine.
It was late morning, and the sun was surprisingly out for a rare appearance.
It was the middle of week and the street outside was humming with activity. As a truck rolled down the street, the side panels caught the suns reflection and sent a flash of light into the apartment.
Unable to stop the automatic shudder and flinch, Maria had a flashback to one of the first times her captors started the blow torch. The coffee cup slipped from her hands, dropping to the floor to smash into pieces, the last of the hot drink spilling over her feet and the floor.
She didn't scream, only jumped when the mug hit the floorboards.
When she picked moved to pick up the biggest piece, cursing herself for jumping, Maria wasn't watching and cut her hand.
This time she screamed but only out of pure reflex. Within seconds she could hear footsteps hurrying across the landing upstairs.
"Ahhh," she groaned as she slid her bleeding palm under the cold stream of water in the tap. "Be careful. I dropped my coffee mug. It went everywhere. Ow."
Natasha's hair was wet and pulled up haphazardly into a pony tail, and there were the odd droplets across her pale skin. She was wearing a sports bra and carrying her t-shirt in her hand. Maria was pretty sure that those were her sweat pants but she wasn't complaining because the sight of the woman in front of her was distracting her from the pain in her hand.
She gulped and was brought back when her hand shifted, catching the stream of water at a different angle.
"What happened?" Natasha asked, tiptoed through the kitchen over the debris to inspect her hand. Maria explained and cursed herself again. "Stop. It was an accident and you couldn't help it. Maria, it was an accident. It's just a cup."
"That's what I feel like," Maria whispered.
Natasha's heart clenched. "Baby, you're not broken."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. You are not broken, just bent. But we will get you back to where you were." Maria simply nodded and glared at her hand. "Let's get you cleaned up."
"Can you at least put a shirt on? You're beautifully distracting," the brunette muttered, her eyes drifting from her hand to the redhead's body.
"Well in that case I think I might leave it off for a little longer." Natasha smirked and pulled Maria up towards the bathroom. "At least while I clean you up."
"Maybe you can leave it off for a little longer," Maria whispered against Natasha's lips, when the redhead had finished wrapping her hand with gauze and had moved to finally slip her top on.
Natasha could see a curious fire beginning to spark in Maria's eyes as they grew dark. There was a moan into their kiss and Natasha could feel hands settle themselves on her back and pulled her closer. She let herself be directed back to the bedroom, and could hear the voice in the back of her head telling her that this was a bad idea. But it wasn't until she landed on her back on the bed and Maria had already settled on her lap that she spoke up.
"We should stop," she whispered breathless.
Maria could feel a weight beginning to pool and pull beneath her stomach, and all of a sudden she wasn't sure that she could stop but at the same time she wasn't sure that she couldn't keep going.
She pulled back to sit back on Natasha's thighs. "You don't want this?"
"Believe me, I do. I want it a lot," Natasha whispered, sitting up and pressing her lips to Maria's once more. Hands settled on her shoulders while her own drifted to Maria's waist holding her in place on her lap. Admittedly it was a comfortable feeling.
"But?"
"I don't want to push you until you're comfortable with your body, or think it's what you should do."
Silence settled over them while neither moved.
"Is it always going to be like this?"
"Like what?"
"That what happened to me will get in the way of me being able to do things, like…..this?" she motioned between the two them.
"Not forever, just while you're healing. And believe me, I really want you." Natasha kissed her, before making a suggestion. "We can still make out though."
Maria chuckled and happily pressed her lips to Natasha's.