Yue's Harem Theater 3000!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. I am making no money off this. Quite the opposite, really. Akemi Homura is awesome, and you know it!

...

Reincarnation 2

Chachamaru blinked at her companions, still trying to sort out he new differences that had occurred in that wave of energy that had undone Kosmo Entelekhia's plans. "Will you please explain all that in order? I am… confused."

Yue, who was clamped on to Makie's face, didn't respond. Makie momentarily pulled back as Yue nuzzled her neck, her voice breathy. "Homura-chan and I will explain later Chachamaru-chan…"

"Madoka…" Yue growled, and Makie was soon incapable of any further dialogue.

"Feh!" Konoka snorted. She pointed the apple she wasn't eating at the two. "GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!" she cried around the apple she WAS eating.

Blank-faced as only a robot could be, Chachamaru turned to the others.

"Hold still, Chachamaru," Chisame said, and for the first time, Chachamaru noted how similar their voices were, if this were, say, an American dub. "I still need to get your new hand adjusted. Honestly, why kind of engineering is this? Give me a good, honest auto-mail…"

"Hmph," Setsuna sniffed. "In my country, when you let someone put a robot prosthesis on you, I means you're married! Ah!" The wind blew, raising her skirt, and revealing that, instead of her usual bike shorts, she was wearing a thong today. "Well, I guess it's panty-shot time!" She then grabbed an electric guitar and proceeded to rock out as she stood on a moving motorcycle.

Asuna narrowed her eyes. "I don't have time for this," she said coldly, taking Yuunagi from where Setsuna wasn't using it. "I need to find a long coat and bring about the will of Jenova…"

Negi smiled at her. "Do you need company? I too must find Lilith, and bring about the third impact," he said, in a creepy, coming-on-to-another-guy-while-naked-in-the-baths voice.

Asuna shrugged. "Why not…"

Chachamaru looked at her remaining arm and seriously considered using it on herself…

...

Meet the Parent

Hakase looked up… and up… and up.

"Chachamaru…" the scientist said, "Will you introduce me to your… friend?"

Chachamaru shuffled nervously. "Mother, this is Slipstream…" Chachamaru said. "My… girlfriend."

Hakase nodded once in understanding, and fell over in a dead faint.

The two gynoids paused.

"She took it better than I thought…" Chachamaru said.

"See, this is why I'm not taking you to meet my brothers," Slipstream said.

...

Family

Urashima Keitaro blinked at the little girl hugging– well, molesting– Motoko. "Um, Motoko…"

"Cousin Motoko!" the little blonde in loli-goth was saying. "I'm here…"

"Tsukuyomi…" Motoko said through gritted teeth. "Why aren't you in prison?"

Tsukuyomi grinned up at her. "I inherited dad's 'breaking out of prison' skills, remember?"

Motoko looked heavenward, muttering something about evil American clowns. "Why are you here, Tsukuyomi?"

"Well, I kinda need a place to stay…"

"NO!"

"Oh, come on!"

"NO!"

"I'll kill Stephenie Meyer for you so you'll have a market for your novels?"

"You can use the spare futon in my room."

"Yay!"

Motoko glared at Keitaro. "Not. One. Word."

He just raised his hands. "Can we throw Urobuchi in too?"

...

Artifact Abuse

No one ever found out that Yue's Artifact also accessed Maginet porn sites "with top level clearance". And she had no intention of telling them.

...

Nerima

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT RELATED TO THIS 'RANMA' PERSON!" Haruna cried as she ran for her life.

It was a LONG chase...

...

A Day Indoors

Emily kicked the dorm room open, glaring at the rather pale-skinned inhabitants. "Will you two come out already! All this staying indoors can't be healthy!" She paused. "Why does it smell like dogs in heat?"

"Hey!" Collette barked. "I am NOT in heat! This is purely voluntary!"

...

Slayer

Asuna blinked at the two women. "Wait, you mean the reason I'm so fast and strong is because I'm one of these 'Slayer' people?"

Willow and Kennedy exchanged looks. "Um, yeah," Willow said. "Why, what did you think it was?"

"I'm a Japanese schoolgirl in a comedic shounen action manga," Asuna said. "I thought it came with the territory."

And so, Asuna was bundled off to train abroad, totally leaving her Negima roots behind. She quickly rose through the ranks of the Slayers, despite somehow losing her powers and character development from before, deposed Buffy for being an evil bitch despite how badly that always worked out in the previous seasons, was totally kick ass and eventually legally changed her name to Mary Sue…

BAD FIC END!

...

Egg Belly

"It's official," Asuna sighed happily, burping. "We've been eating Satsuki's cooking too much."

Konoka looked down at herself and giggled. "I look pregnant!"

...

Out Of Control

"Yue, this is for your own good," Haruna said, nodding at Chisame to begin.

"No…" Yue panted, hands shaking. "No, please… I can control it! don't take it away from me!"

"Yue-chi, you've gotten out of control," Konoka said. "We're doing this because we're your friends. Ever sine you got that iPad, it's just gotten worse! You used to be able to control it when it was just on the computer, but now… sorry, Yue, but we need to do this. you'll understand one day."

Chisame finished typing and pressed the final key.

Immediately, Yue's iPad reloaded. Sorry, cannot access Tv Trope's All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Forum on this server.

Frantically, Yue changed sites, hoping they hadn't…

Sorry, cannot access Fanfiction . net on this server.

Sorry, cannot access Adult Fanfiction . net on this server.

Sorry, cannot access Media Miner on this server.

Yue fell to her knees, throwing her head back and crying heavenward. "N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

"Oh, relax, it's only during class hours," Chisame said.

...

Fang Vice Addiction

"Master…" Chachamaru said diplomatically, "aren't you perhaps overdoing it? You've eaten nothing but Vienna Sausages for the past three days."

"But it's soooooo good…" Evangeline moaned. "MOAR!"

Chachamaru didn't sigh, but only because she physically did not need to. "Yes master…"

...

More Than Fifty-Four Negi and Chisa– er, YUE Threesomes

"…and that makes Fifty Four," Haruna said, making a satisfied notation on the clipboard she was holding. "More with repeats. "

"Surely a cause for celebration!" Tsukuyomi cheered, spinning a noise maker.

Paio Zi wrapped her arms around the naked swordswoman, cupping her breasts. "We should celebrate," the unclothed Chichigami said, gently caressing Tsukuyomi's face as she took her from behind…

Asuna facepalmed, completely un-self-conscious of her nudity. After the evening (and afternoon. And morning. And previous evening. And previous afternoon and morning) they'd had, she sort of didn't see the point. "I can't believe you actually kept track…"

Evangeline leaned back, puffing away on her cigarette. "When's my next turn due?"

Haruna checked her clipboard. "Right after Mami-san…."

"AH! Negi-kun! Yue-sama! I'm reaching Tiro Finale!"

(Akemi) Homura (yes, she's still here in the fic), lay back, a contented smile on her face, (Kaname) Madoka on one side of her, Makie in the other. As good as twins, and Makie was so limber and flexible…

...

Gehenna's Holy Queen

"Hmm…" Yue muttered to herself, checking over her stat box as her new tail wiggled and her wings flapped in the idle animations. "Okay, first order of business: changing this from a Turn-Based Strategy RPG into a Dating Sim. Chisame!"

Elsewhere…

"W-what is this!" Laharl cried. "What happened to my precious stats? Why am I no longer level 99999+? My character-specific techniques! All gone! An what are these things? Romance points? Flag events?"

Etna frowned. "The 'Tsundere Pettanko' path? Hey! I'm a central, important character! It's my inner conflict that drives the whole first half of the game!"

"Yay!" Flonne cheered. "The 'True Love' Ending! Laharl, take this option!"

"Oh, my," Jennifer said. "It looks like I have a new romantic interest."

"YES!" Asagi cried. "I'm the 'Super Steamy Secret Romance' option'! Finally, I show up!"

Demon! Konoka frowned. "I feel that the point has been lost somehow…"

...

Arisugawa's Locket

Yue poked her head inside. She quickly drew it out again. "I think I'm going to need some sort of guide for this... it's too big for any one person to explore completely!"

...

Liquid Heat

"FATE! How many times do I have to tell you, no using that lava spell in the resort!"

...

Taken Day By Day

Konoka and Tsukuyomi stared at each other across the table.

"It's time we resolve this issue," the Konoe heiress said, uncharacteristically serious.

Tsukuyomi nodded. "Agreed," the renegade swordswoman said, uncharacteristically sane.

Setsuna's gave turned between the two of them, sweating nervously. Slowly, both girls put their hands on the table, faces utterly solemn.

"Breasts!" Konoka declared.

"Ass!" Tsukuyomi countered.

They eyed each other, before smiling and shaking their hands in agreement. Then they turned predatory gazes towards Setsuna. The hanyou gulped.

"Set-chan…" Konoka chirped, eyeing Setsuna's blouse.

"Setsuna-sempai…!" Tsukuyomi crooned, gaze locked onto Setsuna's posterior.

Setsuna screamed. And then, her scream changed tone…

Yue looked up as the cry echoed through the dorm. "I hope Konoka found my advice useful…"

"I'm sure she did, Yue-chan," Nodoka panted, caressing Yue's face as she humped her from behind.

Emily looked up from where she'd buried her face and was shaking it from side to side, rubbing it on Yue's front. "I must admit, this is quite an amicable division…"

Collette looked up from beneath Emily, her face between a tanned marshmallow sandwich as she glared at the class rep. "Give me my turn with Yue, darn it!"

"Oh, wait, your turn, bitch," Emily said, going back to what she was doing.

Beatrix said nothing as she gently caressed Emily's back as she took her from behind…

...

- To be continued...

...

A/N: Ah, Vienna Sausages. I remember when they came in foil-packs and were the size of hotdogs, not the little finger-food sizes hat cam in cans…

No offense Shane, but the Locket is pretty intimidating for me, and I used to read though all of Skysaber's works and related offshoots and whatnot, back before I realized what I was reading… Perhaps someday… when I have a free month…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.