A/N: so few reviews last time… hope that changes with this…

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Yue's Harem 33 1/3

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. I am making no money off this. Quite the opposite, really. Akemi Homura is awesome, and you know it!

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Exorcism

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have you now, foul spirit! No longer shall you desecrate this class with your presence! With these Ofuda, I banish you!"

"No! Please! Have mercy! I don't want to move on! Can't I just be left alone?"

"Too late! Any last words?"

"Ah! To think I would have to go through this on top of dying a virgin!"

"Ah… well, I don't want to be cruel. It is a priestess' job to bring relief to spirits. Come here…"

"Oh! Oh! OH!-!-!"

The door to the classroom opened, and Kazumi walked. "Hey Sayo, you wanna go to the—" She stopped dead.

Mana looked up from where she lay bound and naked on the ground, wearing one of those ghost-cap things. Above her, Yue knelt, also naked, some playing cards in her hand.

"I'll come back later," Kazumi said.

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Chosen

"Yue!" Haruna called as she opened the door. "I've found another one that says you're a chosen one!"

"Again?" Yue said, her Kampfer bracelet clattering as she tried to pin the transformation brooch somewhere it wouldn't fall off or clash with her Millennium Puzzle and Digivice.

"A little higher, my master," Raging Heart advised.

"No, lower!" Ring-chan said.

Khaji Da chittered something that came out approximately, "To the left!"

"No, to the right!" Keroberos said.

On the bed, Renamon, Luna, Yuuno, Rukia, Vita, Shamal, Signum, Zafira and Harakiri Tora were busy negotiating who got to sleep where while the ghost of the former Unlosing Ranger Pirohiko set up a date with Sayo, as, in the corner, the Scythe of the Slayer leaned against Excalibur, Talatsu, Kusanagi, Esperacchius, the Colt, a pure black wooden staff, a bag labeled 'Atium' and an umbrella.

Yue sighed. "How the heck did this happen again? I can't be EVERYONE'S chosen one! What am I, the Dragon Reborn?"

"Yeah, about that, some chick named Lanfear wants to talk to you too," Haruna said.

Yue sighed, then looked at the white creature in Haruna's arms. "And you are?"

"I am Kyubey. Make a contract with me…"

"Please take a number, I have to have sex with Mab and Titania first…"

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Consequences

"My daughter!" Hakase wailed. "Doing that to herself! Treating her body like… like… like an amusement park!"

Chachamaru endured, staring blankly and trying to keep too much heat from her face. "Mother, please. Can you reactivate my eyes now? Being blind is troublesome."

Chao suddenly appeared out of thin air, looking frantic. "CHACHAMARU! WHO DID IT? WHICH BOY WAS IT? I'LL KILL HIM!"

Chachamaru sighed. Hypocrites.

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Doctors

"I can't believe Hakase is actually on a date," Sakurako muttered. "Totally wouldn't have bet on that."

"Why?"Misa teased. "Jealous?"

"Heck no, I'm doing Yue-chan."

"Aren't we all," Haruna snickered.

They watched as Hakase met her date…

"HEY! Isn't that the famous doctor? Madaraki Fran?" Haruna said.

"The one Chisame gets twitchy over for being 'a crime against nature'?" Misa said.

"Yeah, that's the one," Veronica said. "I can't believe she's going through with this. The last time she went on a date, the poor boy ended up a girl."

"I heard they had to cover it up with…" Misa trailed off, staring at the girl with an X-shaped stitchmark on her face. "Who are you?"

"I'm Veronica, Fran's little sister," the dark-clad girl said. "Yo."

"You wouldn't happen to know anyone named Chachazero, do you?" Haruna asked.

Veronica brightened. "Is she here? Did she say something about me? She's here, isn't she? Gah, I knew I should have put on cologne, I smell like formaldehyde…"

"…Okay…" Sakurako said slowly.

"So that's what that was…" Misa murmured.

Fran and Hakase got up from the table, still chatting amiably.

"Bet you they end up naked in a motel," Haruna said.

"You're on," Sakurako said.

A few days later…

"Negi-sensei," Chachamaru said. "As you know, my mother recently remarried, but before they went on their honeymoon, she and my new stepmother added some upgrades to me."

"Oh, yes," Negi said. "Congratulations! Though I keep wondering why Fran-san keeps asking me if she ever made me an Aura-gland…?"

"Thank you. However, Fran-mama said I should have you test out my new equipment…"

''Elsewhere…"

"Ah! No, Zero…" Veronica said, blushing. "We mustn't! We're in-laws now…!"

"So?" the little doll said, cutting. "Who gives a crap?"

"OH! CHACHAZERO!"

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Too Sexy

"Yue, I'm back!" Nodoka said, entering the room and slipping out of her shoes as the two figures having sex on the lower bunk froze.

Sextum, lying beneath Yue, seemed annoyed by the interruption, while Yue was bright red. "Um, Nodoka, I can explain…"

Nodoka began to take off her clothes. "Will her older sisters be joining us?"

Yue blinked.

Nodoka smiled benevolently. "You get used to this, " she said, slipping in under covers with them…

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Slayer

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have you now, evil undead! No longer shall you desecrate this class with your presence! With this stake, I slay you!"

"No! Please! Have mercy! I don't want to die again! Can't I just be left alone?"

"Too late! Any last words?"

"Ah! To think I would have to go through this on top of dying a virgin!"

"Heh he heh… prepare yourself, dark spawn, as I plunge this long, hard wood into your dark places!"

"Oh! Oh! OH!-!-!"

The door to the classroom opened, and Kazumi walked. "Hey Sayo, this time can you go with me to the—" She stopped dead.

Eva looked up from where she lay bound and naked on the ground, her body covered in glitter. Above her, Yue knelt, also naked, a dildo in her hands.

"Didn't we do this already?" Kazumi said.

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It Finally Happened

"A horse, Yue?" Chisame said, face twitching. "Really?"

"Pony, " Twilight Sparkle corrected.

Not for the first time since this conversation began, everyone twitched.

"Who I am intimate with is none of your business, " Yue said primly, or as prim as one can be while still wearing a jockey helmet and a strap-on.

"Are we SURE she's not a 'vampire'?" Evangeline asked, air-quoting the words. "With a name like that…"

"Yes, Eva-san, we're sure, " Konoka said, still holding her stake. "She's not a vampire horse—"

"Pony!"

"Pony, " Konoka corrected.

Haruna straightened, having checked out the undercarriage. "Not even hung… Yue, maybe this is going too far…"

And thus it was discovered that Lust was Magic too…

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Super

"I blame you, " Chisame said levelly

Chao slumped. "I know."

"What you have done has no excuse, " Yue said.

"I know."

"The world is doomed, " Fate said. He held up a Great Grandmaster Key. "Anyone want to join me in Kosmo Entelekhia?"

Negi was crying. "All my hard work… what happened to the Unspoken Plan Guarantee?"

In the distance, Rakan cracked his knuckles. "All right! Competion number 373158! First one to end world hunger!"

Silver Age Superman smirked. "This will be easy with my Superfarming…"

"KING RAKAN END WORLD HUNGER PUNCH!"

"Why is this happening…?" Godel said numbly. "Why? What sick mind can concieve this?"

In the All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread…

Chizuno Masuto: This is the last time we let this happen.

Kazemaru Arashi: agreed.

Senou Kaede: Hey, wanna do a crossover together?

Prime Time: sure. but dinner first.

Superboy Prime logged out and looked at the audience. "What? He likes me."

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Embarassing Secret

"Yue, " Emily said, putting down some DVDs on the table. "I found these in the toilet tank."

Yue looked and paled. "They're not mine, I swear."

Emily gave her an 'unamused girlfriend' look. "Yue…"

"It's not what it looks like! I only watch them for the stories!"

Emily shook her head. "My girlfriend… watching straight porn! I can't believe it!"

"No, I swear, it's really only for the stories!" Yue protested. "You know Negi-sensei's is the only man I like!"

Emily sobbed. "Admit it Yue! You're really straight! Why else would you watch straight porn?"

"I means nothing!" Yue pleaded. "It's just a little taboo pleasure… most of my regular porn is girl on girl and… hey, this is NAGI-impersonator porn!"

Emily blinked. "Oh! So they are…"

They stared at each other.

"Is this from the upstairs toilet or the downstairs toilet?" Yue asked.

Emily coughed. "Oh, it's not really important, Yue-chan. Hey, how about I pretend to be a pony and you break me in…"

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Rule of Three

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have you now, Miss Lane! No longer shall you foil my plans with your presence! With this Kryptonite dagger, I shall kill you!"

"Hah! Do you worst, Luthor! I'm not scared of you!"

"We shall see! Any last words?"

"Screw you!"

"Heh he heh… maybe later. Prepare yourself, you nosy reporter, as I use this…"

"Not so fast, Luthor!"

"Curses! Supergirl!"

The door to the classroom opened, and Mana walked in. "Hey Sayo, do you know where—" She stopped dead.

Kazumi looked up from where she lay bound and naked on the ground, wearing a fedora with a press pass. Above her, Yue knelt, also naked, a dildo in her hands, her hair under a bald cap. Sayo, just as naked, had a red towel tied around her neck.

Mana took all this in impassively, then started stripping. "Ah, there you are. Any room for Wonder Woman?"

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- To be continued...

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Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.