A/N: I'm baaaack…
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My Little Yue's Harem: Crack is Magic
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Ken Akamatsu. I am making no money off this. Quite the opposite, really. Akemi Homura is awesome, and you know it!
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Artifact Abuse Again
Haruna frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. "I still say this is a bad idea," she said. "Who KNOWS what sort of moves that girl is pulling on Negi-kun! She might be all moe and demure and kind now, but you know what they say about the quiet ones! I bet she actually knows all SORTS of kinky things and—"
"Haruna," Yue said, "Fluttershy is a PONY! I doubt she even thinks of Negi-sensei as a boy, let alone THAT way."
"Chachamaru is a robot, and SHE certainly does," Haruna said. "I walked in on her screwing herself once, and she was moaning Negi's name!"
"Chachamaru's self-identity is basically human," Yue retorted. "Fluttershy's is NOT!"
"Don't be in denial, Yue!" Haruna said, whipping out her Imperium Graphices. Her hand blurred as she drew. "I bet they're doing something like…"
"
"Oh, Negi, you don't have to comb my mane for me…"
"Nonsense, Fluttershy. I like doing it…"
"Oh! Negi, what are you doing?"
"Just combing your tail back here. Now, let me raise it up…"
"Ah! Please don't look at me back there! It's embarrassing!"
"Oh my, what a cute… mark."
"Oh, Negi!"
"Ah! Fluttershy!"
"You're… riding me…!"
Yue watched, twitching, as the 3D animated scene Haruna drew got to the part that was usually edited out. This being a Saotome production, that wasn't happening, showing the following scene in all it's Brain Bleach-y glory.
Finally, Yue managed out a strangled, "Haruna?"
"Hmm?" Haruna said, nodding approvingly at her own handiwork.
"Don't you EVER use that book to show me porn again!"
Haruna perked up. "Hey, that's an idea…"
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Unhealthy Fixation
"This is an intervention."
No one wants to hear those words. It implies a grueling emotional ordeal, lots of possible industrial strength denial, harsh truths and, in some instances, flashbacks to the near devastation of Mahora that time they tried to convince Fate to switch to decaff.
"N-no! It isn't a problem! I can stop any time I want!"
"Evangeline," Chisame said patiently. "I've looked over the computer code myself. There is NO secret code or sequence that can let you keep Aerith from dying and giving Final Fantasy VII an alternate ending!"
"FOUL LIES!" the vampire cried.
"Eva-chan, you haven't bathed in a weak, you've resorted to licking the bottom of the tea pot with cotton swabs after Chachamau refused to keep making you tea, you've been living off Pocky you bought off the Internet and you're wearing a pillowcase!" Asuna cried. "It's not healthy!"
"I'm a vampire!" Evangeline cried, pointing at Asuna. "I'm beyond such puny mortal things as 'health'!"
"Eva, you're pointing at the hat rack."
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Self-Abuse
"Tsukuyomi, you're the only person I know who could suffer blood loss from masturbating."
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Naming Convention
The big surprise was that it wasn't Negi's kid. Or Fate's, for that matter. Fate was a bit confused as to why people thought that could possibly be. Haruna had grinned widely and tried to explain, only for Asuna to dangle her out a window and 'remind' her they swore they would NEVER speak of it again. Yue had just muttered something about alternate worlds, Chao, and someone named Alladia.
"What are you going to name him?" Konoka asked the new mother.
Sextum cradled the small form in her arms. He had inherited her mother's hair and his father's ears. The Averuncus still couldn't believe childbirth had been such a painful process. Still, she supposed it was a mark of the inferiority of beings not created by the Lifemaker. "There is no question as to the name. It is self-evident."
Kotaro scowled. "I still don't know how you managed to convince me to go along with that name."
"As I recall, I began with extensive coitus during my first trimester and as-extensive fellatio for the six months after that," Sextum said blandly.
Kotaro flushed and mumbled something.
Natsumi nodded sagely. "Yes, that sounds about right," she said, cradling her own dog-eared child.
"So what's his name?" Konoka repeated eagerly.
"He is the newest addition to the Averuncus line," Sextum said. "There is only one thing to name him."
She smiled, a small, Ayanami Rei-esque smile. "Everyone, this is Septimum Averuncus."
They called him Timmy.
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Lotsa Les-Yay
"Um," Asuna shuffled nervously. "Konoka, I have a confession to make…"
"Oh, lead me to them Asuna, maybe I can still heal him," Konoka said.
"Konoka, I didn't kill anyone!" Asuna cried. "I… I… I made out with Ayaka!"
Negi held out his hand. Konoka sighed and slapped money into his hand. Asuna blinked.
"Wait, what?" Asuna said.
"Oh, I bet that you and Ayaka would get together before the end of the year," Negi said, counting his money. "Konoka bet Golden Week."
"What?-!" Asuna cried.
"Well, given how much you two've been flirting even more since we got home from Mundus Magicus, it was going to happen sooner than later," Konoka said. "I just wish I had realized Golden Week was later and not sooner sooner!"
"Flirting?-!" Asuna did her Emiya Shiro impression. "What flirting?"
"She's started calling you princess, you've been blushing more, the two of you have gotten more physical…" Konoka ticked off.
"Setsuna calls you 'Oujo-sama' all the time!" Asuna cried.
Konoka sighed dreamily. "Yes, Set-chan is such a shameless flirt."
Asuna growled…
"…and that's how I met your mother," Asuna told the girl sitting on the couch.
Chibi-Asu jerked awake. "Oh, you done mom?"
"Now, as to how I met you father…"
Chibi-Asu rolled her eyes shut and went back to sleep.
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Forgotten
Chigusa looked up at her new cellmate. She frowned. "You look familiar…"
"We have never met. My name is Sextum Averruncus."
"Ah. I know your brother then. Well, welcome to the prison of interesting characters that only show up for a single arc. In the cell next door are the Slime girls."
"HI!" came the chorus from next door.
Sextum nodded and started arranging her things. "When will we be released? I was not told."
"We're NEVER getting out. If you're lucky, some crazy writer will take you whore you out for a while."
"Chigusa! Sereg is here!"
Chigusa stood. "That's my cue. See you for eternity, Sexy-chan."
Sextum watched her go, then turned to look at the camera in the cell transmitting what she was doing over the Internet. "Ah. This will be a while…"
"Hey, new girl, some guy named Overmaster wants you to work with him for something called Decadent Habits!"
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Winter
Fire. Blood. Screams.
When Negi curled into the fetal position whimpering about demons, no one in 3-A invited him to a snowball fight again.
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The World Negi Only Knows
"The Mage of Conquest?-!" Negi repeated, confused.
Zazie nodded, the SD-skull-shaped accessory in her hair wobbling slightly. "Yes. You are more famous than you know, Negi-sensei. In the demon world, it is known that you can capture the heart of any girl, make any woman your conquest and make them fall for you charms."
"Yup, sounds about right!" Chamo said.
"Th-that's not true!" Negi exclaimed, blushing deeply.
Asuna and Chisame exchanged flat looks. "Tell me more about this 'contract' he allegedly signed," Asuna said.
"Negi-sensei signed a contract with the demon world and was assigned to me as my 'Buddy'," Zazie said. "Together, we will function as a unit of the Runaway Spirit Squad, tasked with finding and removing runaway spirits hiding in the gaps of peoples hearts."
Negi frowned. "That sounds important."
Zazie nodded. "You have specifically been chosen due to your talents. Love is the quickest way to fill a gap in a heart, and—"
"WHAT?-!" Negi, Asuna and Chisame exclaimed…
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Greed
Emily caressed Yue's sleeping face, glaring at all the other bodies on the bed, and clutched her possessively. "MINE…" she hissed.
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Fear
Kaede whistled as she opened the door of the dorm she shared with the twins, took one look inside, screamed, and ran.
The twins looked at each other.
"Really, how could anyone be afraid of Kermit the Frog?" Fuuka asked as they went back to watching the Muppet Show…
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Spring
"Ah, spring!" Misa cried, throwing her arms wide. "The season when a young man's fancy turns to pus—"
Madoka slapped a hand over her mouth. "Nuh uh. Too easy."
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Betrayal
"Set-chan!" Konoka cried. "Why would you ask to bathe Asuna all over, touching her wet naked body, but not me!-?"
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Partners
She could feel her heart beating hard in her chest. This was it. With this contract, all her dreams would come true.
She took up the pen and signed her name.
Chao grinned. "Congratulations! We're in business… partner!"
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Science
3-A and the science teacher peeked over the desks they'd dived behind, cautiously looking up from cover.
"And THAT," Hakase exclaimed, grinning maniacally, "is how you make weapons-grade Viagra!"
Ayaka shuddered, eyes wide. "Such power…!"
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Laugh
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!-!-!-!-!"
Dynamis, face impassive, held up the score card. 7.5
"What?-!" the Joker cried, throwing down his microphone. "You wouldn't know a good hammy laugh if it bit you in the ass!"
Koyomi winced. "Wow. Dynamis-sama is a tough judge. That's the Mark Hamill-Joker…"
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Homework
Fate's face was completely impassive despite the very real threat of Asuna throwing her desk at his head. "My holding you hostage is no excuse for not doing your summer homework."
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Chastity
Haruna frowned, crossing her eyes as she tried to understand. "I don't get it," she said. "Are you sure you're speaking the same language?"
Yue sighed, and tried to explain the concept once more…
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Oblivious
3-A thought trying to forge a relationship with Negi was tough. But the Springfield had NOTHING on Fate…
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- To be continued...
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A/N: I've just discovered the Manga The World God Only Knows and cried when I saw how pathetic the offerings of its fanfic section were. Therefore, I will try to rectify this!
Have also been writing Tales of Fluttershy's Harem and a My Little Pony/Codex Alera crossover. Yes, really. Hey, it's me, what do you expect? Please check it out.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.