What Are We Supposed To Be?
CH 16
Notes: apologies I know it's been forever but I hope you didn't mind too much!
Stiles parked next to the black Camaro and stretched his limbs as he looked around the mostly deserted parking lot.
He walked quickly through the park and finally spotted a slumped figure, a baseball cap on his head slung low over his brow sitting underneath the same tree they had sat under a few weeks ago.
"Hey" he began gently as he crouched next to his boyfriend.
A pair of red eyes looked up at him. "Hey."
"People were getting worried about you" Stiles continued gently, sitting down next to him, their knees touching.
"I just needed some time alone."
Stiles nodded for a moment, not saying anything.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Derek shook his head somberly and pulled his baseball cap further down to hide more of his face. Stiles rolled his eyes and squirreled his way into his boyfriend's lap, pulling his hands around him so that he was enclosed in Derek's embrace.
"It's my constitutional right as your boyfriend to make you feel better. And give you kisses" he spoke landing a peck on Derek's lips.
The corners of his boyfriend's mouth curled up slightly and Stiles grinned back
"There's a smile."
Derek's arms tightened around him and he rested his chin on Stiles' shoulder. They didn't say anything for a while, just sat there, cuddled up in silence, listening to the water in the lake lap against the shallow shores. Stiles was beginning to drift off into a pretty delicious nap when Derek finally spoke.
"Nothing makes sense anymore"
"What do you mean?" Stiles mumbled waking up immediately.
"School, baseball, you…It's so, I dunno. Derek took a breath. "Before everything was normal..."
Stiles wanted to analyze the statement before speaking, but his mouth was already 100 steps ahead.
"Were you happy before? Being normal?"
Derek shrugged.
"No one in their 20s or 30s has it together completely. Let alone anyone in their teens. That's what makes life…life." Stiles followed up carefully.
"I mean if you want to plan hour by hour and not have any spontaneity then I'm all for it, if your happy." He paused again.
"Do you want to take a break?" Stiles followed in a smaller voice, his gut telling me that his deepest fears were on the money after all.
"Why would you say that?" Derek's voice rose in shock.
It was his turn to shrug. "I don't seem to fit into your plans, right?"
Derek pulled Stiles closer than he thought possible so that he could hear the beat of his boyfriend's heart through his ribcage.
"Meeting you has changed everything in my life. And I'm happy that it has. It's just like someone shook my life like one of those snow globes, I feel like things haven't stopped spinning."
"I'm freaking out" Derek finished with a sigh.
Stiles smiled trying in vain to blink a stray tear that escaped the corner of his eye. "It's ok to be freaked out. Being freaked out is good sometimes." He reasoned quietly.
"What is going on up there?" Derek continued running a hand over Stiles' head.
"I guess." Stiles remembered the pictures and what Dean had said. "I think that you'll meet some amazing person, and….yeah."
"Do I ever look at anyone else when I'm with you?" Derek mumbled against his skin, nuzzling his neck and leaving him with some serious stubble burn.
"No it's just." Stiles sighed. "When I got to college I just had a series of supposed relationships with people who were just in it for the nookie. There was Mark the water polo player with a body like a Greek god and Terra the insanely hot MFA grad student. And then there was your brother. I don't know. It's like anyone I want to be with finds something better."
"They're idiots." Derek affirmed. "And I don't want to hear you and my brother in the same sentence. Ever." He growled nipping at his neck.
"Hey! That's going to leave a mark." Stiles scolded playfully.
"Damn straight. And since when did people start using nookie again?" Derek chuckled.
"Shut up." Stiles smiled despite himself and Derek smiled back. Stiles leaned in and initiated a kiss that slowly made way for a highly inappropriate make out session in public. When he finally came up for air, giggling as he was pulled into Derek's rock hard chest and nuzzled warmly, he spoke with a shiver.
"Ok so. Now that we got past all that. How are we going to get you back on the team?" He emphasized with a poke. "Boyd said we have to file the petition within 48 hours to get priority for a committee hearing."
Derek looked out into the distance as the sun slowly made its way towards the horizon.
"I'm not going back."
Stiles heart stopped.
"Say what now?"
Derek shrugged again.
"One injury is all it takes to destroy everything. What's it all worth?"
"This is your dream Der. I know it's scary but you got to try."
"I don't know if it's my dream anymore."
Stiles stared at him for a moment not knowing what to say. He wanted to say that the opportunity would be missed but at the same time he knew that Derek had to make the decision himself.
"You sure?"
Derek nodded. "Yeah."
"Alright" Stiles replied slowly, partially feeling like he had somehow derailed his once super motivated boyfriend off the tracks.
XXXXXXX
The sun had just set as they walked to their cars. Stiles leaned against his jeep, texting back almost everyone that he and Derek were in fact fine and hadn't run away together for whatever strange reason Scott had assumed. He looked up in time to see his boyfriend inches away from him.
Derek spoke in a low, earnest tone, sending chills down his spine. "I'm not going to say it, because when I do I need you to say it back."
Stiles nodded, feeling relieved that his boyfriend knew that he wasn't ready for it to go there yet. A rush of emotions swept through him and he was sure Derek could feel it too.
"So what are you going to do now?" Stiles asked quietly his words muffled against his boyfriend's chest.
Derek released him. "I dunno." He shrugged. "And it feels" he let out a breath. "It feels strange, but in a good way."
Stiles' stomach dropped slightly. Great he had turned the seemingly perfect college athlete into a hipster wannabe.
"I just need to find myself."
"Ok." He replied staring.
"I'm going to go home for a bit." Derek announced looking as the last rays of sunlight faded in the distance.
"What about school?" Stiles inquired slowly.
"I'll figure it out." Derek supplied nonchalantly, heading towards his car.
"Uh. Do you. Want to come back to my place first?" Stiles offered wondering why it felt like the earth had shifted on its axis.
"Nah. I'm gonna go pack up some stuff and see Boyd and the guys. Is that ok?"
"Yeah. Totally" cool Stiles nodded, shrugging.
"Text or call me when you get back and let me know you're safe ok?" Derek responded before getting into his Camaro.
"Alright." Stiles replied getting into his Jeep. He watched as the black car drive out of the parking lot. His phone buzzed loudly in the silence of the interior making him jump. Scott's name appeared on the caller ID.
"Hi" stiles answered quietly.
"So? Did you find him or do we need to put out a missing person notice?" Scott urged.
"Yeah I found him. "
"And? Allison says the office of petitions and registrations is closing in an hour."
"It's fine."
"What's fine?" Scott asked, sounding really confused.
"He's not going to fight it."
"Why not?" Scott repeated sounding like a broken record.
"He wants to figure himself out."
"Huh?" Came the response.
"What? What did you mean by that?" Stiles asked defensively
"Nothing dude." Scott responded in bewilderment
"Do you think that I made him leave the team?"
"Stiles calm down. I'm not accusing you of anything."
"No. I'm not going to calm down. I wish people would stop telling me how I should feel." Stiles continued his frustrations rising.
"I know how I feel, alright?" I l...I like him, and I'm so in like with him it's kinda not funny."
"Stiles what are u talking about?" Scott bleated in a confused tone.
"Oh." Stiles returned to earth. "Nothing. Sorry." He mumbled as his stomach growled suddenly.
"You want to come over and split a few large pizzas?" He asked quietly.
"Hmm. You want to do it at Allison's?" Scott countered.
"Sure." Stiles nodded starting his car.
XXXXXX
He texted Derek that he had arrived at Allison's and was surprised not to hear his phone buzz in response. He shrugged and curled up on Allison's couch as Scott made the pizza order.
"Two Hawaiians and a Meat Lovers please." Scott added cheerily hanging up he was done.
"I can't believe he's not going back" he added as he sat down next to Stiles.
"I know. It's crazy."
"Not crazy, just different. Right?" Allison added from the kitchen, carrying three soda cans in her hands.
Stiles nodded.
"He's still the same person you fell for dude." Scott added slowly.
"Maybe." Stiles grinned, leaning back into the couch.
"Alright team, what are we watching? Allison added opening a huge bag of chips and popcorn.
"How about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" Scott asked.
"No!" Stiles and Allison responded in unison.
XXXXXX
Stiles was sitting in a bean bag chair in Allison's apartment while nursing a cup of hot coffee, he thought of all the things that had transpired, his hair still damp from the shower. The night before had been dedicated to a comedy movie marathon, each of them passing out well into the early morning, making noon their wake up time.
"Hello, Earth to Stiles. Anyone home?" Allison mused as she sat down opposite him with her own mug of morning elixir.
Stiles smiled, turning his attention to his friend.
"So what's going on?" Allison nodded, both of them listening to the sounds of the shower running in the bathroom as Scott finally got ready for the day.
Stiles sighed. "I don't know what's going on with the whole relationship thing." he responded awkwardly.
Allison opened her mouth to respond but was cut off as Stiles spewed out more "I mean we've only been dating for four months. Four months! And he's talking about the L word. And then all the drama with his ex and his team mates. It's a lot to handle."
Allison opened her mouth to speak but Stiles continued.
"Like. Seriously Allison, what are we supposed to be? We got together because his girlfriend cheated on him with my supposed boyfriend. And he was in love with that girl, he was asking her to move in. That's practically an engagement ring"
Allison gave him a discerning look
"Well fine not an engagement ring, but it's like a symbolic one, you know what I mean, it's like if we can stand each other in the same space day after day then yeah. We're going to go down the aisle."
Allison nodded. "It is a lot. But you don't have to make it so complicated Stiles"
"The situation sounds pretty complicated to me" Stiles retorted defensively.
"Don't take this the wrong way Stiles but your life sounds like the plot of some over the top teen drama on MTV." Allison replied with a grin.
Stiles was about to say that his life was nothing like a teen sitcom slash drama with awful writing when Scott yelled "What's on MTV?" as he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hands as he dried his hair quickly.
Allison gave him a look of pure consternation "You're still dripping babe."
"I know but you guys can't have a heart-to-heart without me" he gestured between the two before plopping onto Allison's bed.
"Is that coffee?" He pointed to Allison's mug "Yeah. Knock yourself out." Allison returned surrendering the hot cup of java over to Scott's eager hands. Scott grinned and thanked her with a peck on the lips before sipping on his poached coffee.
"What's going on bro?" He asked cheerily, turning his attention to his best friend.
"You know the usual. School. Research. My Dad's diet. Derek."
"Yeah? Are you also applying for early consideration like Allison?" He continued, starting at the top of the list while sipping on his morning brew.
"Early consideration for what?" Stiles raised an eyebrow.
"Med school Stilinksi. If you want to be profiler with full psychiatric knowledge and clearance, you're going to have to go to med school some time." Scott spoke, sounding very knowledgeable on the subject.
"Shoot. That's this month?" Stiles cringed.
"End of this month. You still have some time. I thought we planned on this together?" Allison returned slowly.
"I know. I've been a little preoccupied." Stiles sighed.
He watched as the two exchanged a knowing glance.
"What? What was that?" Stiles pointed.
Allison shrugged giving him a look that would serve her well in a few years as a licensed psychiatrist. "It's nice to see you with someone who cares so much. And someone you care so much about"
"Yeah man." Scott added on. "I mean after Lydia you seemed to, you know."
Stiles hadn't expected that. Bringing up that name was weird, especially for him, knowing his past so intimately. Lydia wasn't on the "not to be talked about" category but his years of pining and being led on had colored his view on relationships.
"What? Lydia and I are fine. We're even friends." He spoke slowly.
"Yeah but she was the precursor to all of your relationships Stiles." Allison added with a empathetic look on her face.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well." Allison began slowly. "After Lydia you seemed to form a pattern where you dated people who were more or less not looking for a real thing."
Damn. She was good. She was really going to be a world renowned leader in people reading.
"Are you afraid he's leading you on? That you're going to wake up one day and say you're not good enough? Because Stiles you're worth it. So worth it bro." Scott added making Stiles realize how much the two had rubbed off on each other.
Stiles nodded, unwilling to let his emotions get the best of him, even with Scott's cheesy additions.
"I just think it's going too fast. It's like my life is so different you know? It scares me." Stiles managed, downing the rest of his coffee so he wouldn't have to speak.
"Well that's what your head is thinking. What do you feel?" and Stiles was glad she didn't say 'in your heart' after it
"Yeah what does your gut say?" Scott continued.
"It…It feels really good." Stiles admitted, blushing.
"Awwww" Scott and Allison cooed together causing his blush to deepen.
"Oh my god shut up! This is lame." Stiles groaned falling back into the bean bag and wanting to bury himself underneath it.
He finally looked up to see Scott giving him those puppy dog eyes
"you guys are gross" Stiles whined slinging a cushion at him.
"Derek's a good dude bro." Scott returned, dodging it. "I feel good about you guys."
"Even though he is a tad bit violent." Allison glanced over. "He got into a cafeteria brawl."
"Hey. He was defending me." Stiles justified realizing that it felt kind of nice knowing that someone would defend his honor.
"Uh huh." She grinned. "Didn't know you like the warrior meat head type."
"This Is Spartaaaaa!" Scott yelled loudly in his deepest voice which made them all break out into a crazy fit of laughter.
"Why are we talking about feelings? This is weird."Stiles moaned when they had finally settled down.
"Hey I told you almost everything when we got together" Scott smirked glancing over at Allison.
"I hope not everything" Allison countered.
"Well" Stiles made a face and they laughed as she groaned into her hands.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Notes: aaah! Did this chapter make up for the long time gone? Leave comments!
Notes 2: Thanks for reading – updates soon I promise!