A/N: And we're back!
Special thanks and assistance from Over Master and Rikalous
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Attack on Yue's Harem!
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Akamatsu Ken. I'm not making any monetary gain form this story.
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Reality Ensues
Misa rubbed her eyes. "All right, one last time! No nitpicking about how unrealistic the magic is!"
"But fireballs don't work like that!" Anya protested. "In an enclosed hallway, the flames would spread a lot farther than just twenty feet! And don't even get me started on oxygen consumption…"
"The rules don't account for the water's conductivity!" Negi said. "Look, the giant spiders are all standing on salt water, so obviously if I electrocute one I get them all!"
"A wind spell would be stronger and more focused in such an enclosed space!" Yue said. "That means I should calculate the damage in d10s and not d8s!"
Setsuna sighed as Konoka began arguing about how easy it was to cure poison and so she should have only expended a low-level spell slot. "I told you, never invite mages to play D&D."
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The Twilight Zone
"Asuna, while we can probably get away with getting our room recognized as the official embassy to Ostia, I don't think we'll get taken seriously if we call it that," Negi said.
"But Rod Serling was so hot…" Asuna whined.
An annoyed Konoka stuck her head out of the kitchen. "Asuna, can you turn off that soundtrack? It's too whiny!"
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Negimaru: When They Cry
"So…" Emily said, annoyed. "What are your names again, so we can add you to Yue's sleep schedule? And this time, only ONE of you is allowed to call herself Beatrice!"
In the end, they had to narrow it down to Beato, Evatrice, Agnetrice, and having everyone else duel it out. By the time they eventually settled on who actually got to call herself 'Beatrice', they had come up with Green Testimonies, Orange Cross-Examination, Pink Flattery, and Whiskey Ice-Cream. Witches REALLY didn't like being bored.
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How Kissing Saved The World
It was a bit nostalgic, Negi considered as he walked into the room. Fortunately, no one had decided that laying a booby trap for the teacher was a good idea. The people inside were an eclectic mix, although they mainly fell into a big category: hapless middle school to high school everyman. Most looked nervous and extremely out of place, although one seemed to be ignoring everything and playing on a PFP.
"Good evening," he said as he got to the desk, and laying down his briefcase. "I'm Negi Springfield and welcome to 'Solving Problems With Kissing 101'. Before we begin, how many are here against their will due to outside forces? Government organizations, tsunderes, girlfriends?"
Almost everyone raised their hand.
Negi nodded. "When this class is over, they will be regretting that. Okay, lesson one: Kinds of problems that can be solved by kissing…"
+.+.+.+
Negi looked proudly at the the letters from his former students. While many had been reluctant to during class, they had all learned their lessons well and had gone on to greater things. Itsuka-kun was working for Ratotaskr as a spacequake mitigation technician (that's what they called him in the books), while Katsuragi-san, who had proved surprisingly knowledgeable about theory, had gone on to be a highly placed problem solver for New Hell. Others had managed less lucrative success. Yamada-kun was apparently his school's official witchhunter, for one, while Takamachi-san had taken his lessons and had somehow combined them with high-powered combat magic. Orimura-kun had done the same with his IS. Both had reported success in their careers, and wrote about their many female comrades.
It only got Itou-kun killed, though. Negi never figured that one out, and always regretted it, although he had no way of knowing more than kissing had been involved…
Kaname-san walked out halfway through the course, after what would no doubt have been a screaming argument with the teacher if the two of them were less polite. Negi couldn't fault her results, but something just seemed wrong about replacing kisses with hugs and handholding.
Pamela Isley-san was promptly expelled from the course. Negi said she understood the basic principle, but never the correct approach to the subject…
And that's how kissing saved the world! Multiple times!
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Card Club
Mutou Yugi coughed delicately, rapping on the table. "This meeting will now come to order."
Silence descended in the room, thick with mutual dislike. The spikey technicolors, as they were known, glared at everyone and proudly wore their dueldisks as if they were actual weapons and not, you know, fancy card holders with attached flashing lights. The Kamen Riders of the First, Second and Third Rider War smirked at them mockingly, their card holders much easier to take seriously since at least one used it as a fully functional gun. Kinomoto Sakura looked out of place and mildly upset at all the antagonism, not helped by the fact she was sitting between the Goseigers and Megaforce, who were glaring at their respective counterparts and making mocking comments at each other. Negi Springfield and his harem occupied their own large part of the room, glancing suspiciously at the Tamers next to them. Renamon had no idea why those girls kept eyeing her suspiciously.
"Fellow practitioners of The Way Of Power Through Cool Cards!" Yami Yugi said after a quick switch. "I know we have had our differences over the years– "
"Your hair sucks!" someone yelled.
"Quality over quantity, Tsukasa-san," Yami said. "We have always had our differences. But now we must come together to overcome a threat to our very way of life. Over the past few year, heretics had arisen that no longer just imitate The Way Of Power Through Cool Cards, but seek to overthrow our very way of life!"
There were murmurs at these words.
"In the past, we have tolerated wannabes like those Chaotix weirdoes from the west and the so-called," and here there was a sneer in his voice and face, "''duel masters' who ape those greater than themselves. It was a flattering acknowledgment of our power, so we let them be. But now…!"
He took out an envelope and with the dramatic skill acquired from years of hamming up the act of pulling a card from a deck, he flung them dramatically across the table. "Keys! USB memory sticks! Little tubular things! Now there are locks too! And so-called 'medals', which are really pogs trying to sneak their way back in!" He glared as the Kamen Riders and the Goseigers, as did everyone else. While not directly to blame, they all knew whose franchises were at fault for this. "They mock us! Alread they claim to be part of The Way To Awesomeness Through Really Cool Keys! That Lucy girl teamed up with those space pirates just yesterday! Something must be done!"
Sakura raised a hand tentatively. "Can't we just get along?" she asked hopefully.
"No!" everyone chorused.
"We must make an example of these upstarts so that they know their place," Tsukasa, the most dickish in the room, said. "I vote we destroy their world."
"No!" Negi opposed. "It was constitutionally agreed that cards were for world-saving purposes only, Tsukasa-san!" Everyone nodded in agreement. You used cards to save the world. That was just self-evident fact.
In the end, they decided to gang up on Fourze. Because switches sucked. The end.
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Over Master Omake: Card Club Auditions
"— so, how do you use them, then?"
The shifty looking, yet handsome man with the oddly dark eyes smiled as he played with his deck. "Well, mon ami, I charge zem with my mutant power and then use zem as extremely dangerous explosive projectiles… Tres impressionant, oui?"
Negi blinked. "— and that's it?"
The man blinked back. "What do you mean it's not enough?"
Negi sighed. "Next, please…"
As the mutant in the long trenchcoat walked away muttering, the clown in purple got up and followed him, tossing his hands up. "Never mind. Mine are only razor sharp. I knew I shouldn't have bothered!"
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Parks and Recreations
After the 34th time the Narutaki twins were caught having sex in the trees along Sakura lane, they decided it was best to just cut them all down and put up a nice park instead.
After the 15th time the Narutaki twins were caught having sex in the bushes, they decided to just get rid of anything that wasn't grass.
Chisame wasn't sure how the heck they kept managing not to get expelled.
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Names
Koyomi stared at Shiori blankly. "'Fatettes'? Ala Alba calls us 'Fatettes'?"
Shirabe sniffed. "What, are they implying we have no other drive and characterization beyond our attachment to Fate-sama, and are merely extensions of his will?"
Homura (NOT THAT ONE) sneered. "That's rich coming from a bunch of pampered children who only joined in with a shota mage because they're trying to get into his pants!"
"Like us?" Tamaki said.
There was a pause as the other girls glared at her.
"We're nothing like them!" Homura (NOT THAT ONE) declared. "We are selfishly working to create a better Mundus Magicus were no one will ever have to suffer what we went through again! They're just rude schoolgirls who are getting a pass on attending a prestigious school and all look funny!"
"Didn't Fate-sama spring for us to go to school in Ariadne?" Shiori asked.
"That's nothing like the same at all!" Koyomi declared.
"Still, we cannot let be called 'Fatettes' stand," Shirabe said. "While I have no objection in being in a position beneath Fate-sama…"
There was a group-wide pause as their minds momentarily gave them the dirtiest possible mental image those words could invoke.
"… er, the fact of the matter is we need our own official name to supersede the nickname thrust upon us," Shirabe said, wiping the drool off her chin.
After several hours of discussion, they ended up deadlocked, as they couldn't think of any group name without 'Fate' in it…
And in revenge, they ensured that their enemies would be known to history only as "Ministra Negi."
Joke was on them when they weren't even granted an official name, and Fate decided he preferred Tsukuyomi's eternal company over theirs. They decided to settle down and raise six-armed orphans in a Shinto shrine instead. The Fatettes ended up with Paio Zi. Arms for everyone, and never a dry, distant day.
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Mahora Rider Gaim
Setsuna looked down at the belt at her waist. "Yes, yes, I'm a fruit, so of course I become a fruit samurai, haha, let's all have a big laugh at the poor girl struggling with her sexuality," she said, sighing. "Really, is a bad pun all you have to work with?"
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Wangst Club
"Ojou-sama! Ojou-sama! I am unworthy! What will I do? Am I good enough for Konoka-chan?" Setsuna cried.
"Father! Master! I'm a bad teacher! I'm a bad Magister! I'll never become a Magister Magi!" Negi cried.
"I'm normal! I'm normal! I'm normal! I don't like being in this weirdness!" Chisame cried.
"I have no worries! Why can't I think of any worries? Why don't I have worries?" Makie cried.
"Do I have a soul? Am I worthy of Negi-sensei? Am I an independent sapient being, worthy of respect as my own person? WHO'S TAKING CARE OF MY CATS WHILE I'M GONE?-!" Chachamaru cried.
"And that's basically how it's done," Asuna, as the newest and therefore most junior member, said to their new applicant.
"So... you just hang out and whine together?"
"Yup," Asuna said. "I'm still working on my whining. I used to have being amnesiac and Takahata-sensei to whine about, but that's kinda resolved, so I'm down to the sleeping thing."
Kuromaru nodded. "When do I start?"
….
- To be continued…
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A/N: and we're back! Kirie and Kuromaru are awesome.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.