Chapter 3
9:10 AM, Blue Base.
"Hey Tucker did you see this?" Church was looking through stuff in the base's basement area, and he had found something interesting.
Tucker jogged up to Church still nearly in shock from what he had saw.
"Seen what? What is that?"
Church was holding a large package about a foot wide and tall, but about 5 feet long. On the side was the strange word, "SPNKr".
"I have no idea," replied Church, "but it was sent from command like 8 months ago, according to the date on the side.
Tucker sized up the package. "Maybe it's a gun. It looks like a gun. It's pretty long though…OOH! Maybe it's a sniper rifle for me!"
Church just looked at Tucker, who thought for a minute.
"Yeah you're right. The world's just not that fair."
"Exactly," said Church, "now, Caboose, did you get me the scissors?"
Under his helmet Caboose made a funny face.
"Well I couldn't find any and all we had was this." Caboose showed Church a massive pair of hedge trimmers, nearly as big as the box itself.
"You couldn't find any scissors. What a surprise," said Church rolling his eyes. "Alright ya know what, fuck it, gimme those," and took the trimmers from Caboose.
Doing his best, Church half mutilated and half opened the package, but either way, he got the contents out.
"Dibs!" went Caboose.
It was a very large, single-man, shoulder operated, double shot rocket launcher. The Spanker.
Church looked at Tucker. "Dude you got the fucking sword, this is mine."
"Yeah, but you got the sniper rifle also," complained Tucker, "at least that's a GUN, I don't have a cool gun, just my battle rifle.
"I have a pistol and an assault rifle!" said Caboose happily.
"We're not taking inventory Caboose," sighed Church.
"Well if we were, I would have won!" replied Caboose, even happier.
"You know what, I have an idea," said Church. "It won't be anyone's specifically, but if we ever NEED it, we'll take turns using it."
"FINE," said Tucker, "but I'm making sure we use it an equal amount."
9:15 AM, Red Base.
"No. No way."
Simmons literally begged Grif
"Come ON! It's the only way for Sarge not to hear use, and he'll be done cleaning his gun in like 15 minutes!"
"I am NOT pushing the warthog out of the garage. It's fucking uphill! End of story." Grif crossed his arms and turned away from Simmons.
Simmons couldn't think of anything to bribe Grif with. "Grif, if we start the hog in the garage Sarge'll hear it! We HAVE to push it out!"
"YOU could push it out," suggested Grif. All I agreed to do is drive for you."
"I'll pay you."
Those 3 words, for some strange reason, caught Grif's attention.
"What? You will how much? Really?"
Simmons couldn't believe that it had come to this. "YES, I'll pay you. I'll pay you 10 bucks to help me push the warthog out."
"Fuck that!" said Grif. "20 or nothing. NOTHING LESS."
Frankly Simmons would have paid 20 dollars in the first place, but he that then Grif would have probably said 50 or nothing.
"Deal. You help me push the warthog out, and then drive for me, and I'll give you a crisp 20 dollar bill."
9:20 AM, Blue Base
"NO. I get to test it first fucknut."
Tucker finally gave in…but that rocket launcher was so beautiful. "FINE, but I get to fire it twice!"
"Fuck that!" said Church. "Cause I go again right after you!"
"No," said Tucker, "Caboose goes after you."
Church couldn't believe Tucker had just said that. "Caboose? With an anti-vehicle anti-mass-infantry weapon? I don't th – wait a minute…I have an idea…how about we let Caboose go FIRST?"
Now Tucker couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Church…I use to think you were stupid…now, I KNOW you're stupid."
"I get to shoot the rocket lawn chair? Yay!" shouted Caboose.
Church faced Caboose. "Yes. You do. But I will be right beside you, making sure that you shoot in a safe direction, making sure that you don't somehow shoot any of us, and making sure that y…..what is that music?"
Tucker just realized that he could hear faint, Mexican…accordion music? And…a car engine.
Church looked out over the hills, away from Blue Base.
"Oh fuck me."
(More coming very soon, and more with Sister, and for those wondering, Donut will also appear! Yay. Please comment and fav.)
- Urgorn