Oh, look, a new update, yay!

Berwald Oxenstierna!
I was listening to something sad, so this turned into a bit of a sad thing. Oops xD

"Berwald.. It hurts.."

His voice rings out inside of my head, bouncing off of the walls and echoing out to torment me. It bothers me when I remember this part of him, this shouldn't be the memories I had when thinking of my sweet Tino.

"Bewald! Berwald, please! Don't leave me here!"

I couldn't do anything to help him, during the accident, his body had been crushed, if we made one wrong move, he'd die anyway.. Either way we chose to help him, he'd end up dying anyway! Human life was so fragile, and I know that now. I had always been so sour to him, I couldn't even bare to look at him as the medics worked in the rubble.

He was in so much pain, crying out like that, calling for me with that heart shattering tone. I felt the pain in his voice, cracked ribs and his lungs were collapsing. If I didn't insist on going out that night.. If I had done something differently.

I cringe, face contorting as liquid pools in my eyes. "Aaah!"

"Ber-wald..."

I was trying to get that image out of my mind, but it stuck there. Every time I would think of Tino, regret pooled in my chest. This was my fault, it was my fault he wasn't in this bed to this day.

"Nngh.. Aaah.." I bring my hand to my mouth, stiffling my weak moans and cries. Pleasure mixed with agony. I'm wrong, thinking of such things... Yet my Tino still looked so beautiful even in all of his pain and suffering. It was why I loved him so, he could be so beautiful no matter what was happening around him.

"Tino..." I gasp quietly, voice filled with shame. It was a side of me only Tino knew. I was normally calm, stoic.. Others feared me, but not Tino. It's why I know he won't shame me for my actions now.

"Aaugh!" I couldn't hold it in any longer, I came with a loud cry, body tensing as I drop my head back onto the pillows on Tino's side of the bed; wetness seeped over my fingers as all of my pain and sorrow seemed to float away with the moment. It was wrong, but this is how I know he wasn't just a dream.

I close my eyes, picturing that sweet smiling face, his pale golden hair, blue eyes. He was a picture of perfection. He was my perfection for only a short time, but just being able to say he was once mine is enough to make my world feel perfect.

"Tino.. You'll always be here with me.." I whisper, my blue eyes opening up half lidded. Tears streak down my cheeks for no one to see, no one but Tino could cause such emotions inside of me.

"I'm sorry.." I whisper to the empty room that seemed to always fill my heart with dread. I got to my feet, cleaning myself up gently before I straightened the bed I had messed. Tino hated messes left in the house. The thought of how Tino use to scold me comes to mind. I'll keep the house neat for him. No matter how hard I try, Tino won't leave my head, this is how my days went about anymore.

Sorrow, memories, I was going crazy. The pleasure was my only escape at times, the only thing that kept me tethered to this world. I don't want to be tethered to the world though, I want to be with Toni, being with Toni would be my greatest pleasure.

"I don't know when we'll meet again, but promise you'll wait for me." I mutter. I could have sworn I felt the gentlest of touches to my hand at my words, as if an invisible being was telling me everything was going to be okay, but I knew it was my imagination as I fill my world with darkness, shutting out my lights and climbing lifelessly into bed, my eyes closing to get me through another night without my lover.