A/N: this isn't the last chapter. I think it will be the next one? Actually, no... I think there will be two more...and then an epilogue. (Because I want to do this one thing...shush...and I still need to tie up loose ends...okay.)

I'm sorry about the delay...blah blah blah, you know the drill.

Anyways. Thanks for the reviews, you lovely, beautiful people, you. I don't deserve them...at all. I love you guys. MWAH! (did i just do that? sigh)

But no, really, I love you all very much. I hope you like this chapter. :) Also, I am planning on putting a flash back in on their meeting... I'm just...behind. Also it's 4AM so I'm really sorry if this is crap.

Chapter 26

Making Everything Go Askew

Day 24

Hanna left a few days ago. She claimed the house still reeked of pot, but would suffer through it. Spencer didn't smell anything, but she figures Hanna was just trying to make Caleb feel worse than he already does about it. Their relationship can be strange sometimes.

With Hanna gone, she thought she would see Toby more. When Hanna was at her apartment, it was very strange having Toby over. He only came over once, but Hanna made sure to make it as awkward as possible. "You guys are doing it, right?" "Can you tell me more about high school and how you two hated each other? I feel like Caleb always over exaggerates it." "I just think it's so funny, you two. I can't process it still.", and other obnoxious comments and questions like so. She knows Hanna thinks the relationship is a joke. Spencer can picture her and Caleb betting over how long it will last, the prize being some sexual act they will do for each other. It's just like them.

But Spencer hasn't' seen Toby since Hanna left. It's only been three days, but it feels like it's been more. He's been really busy with the tour planning, and everything. She understands. She has weeks where she completely secretes herself from the social spectrum and only focuses on her studies. She gets it. He's busy.

But she really wishes he'd call her back. She's just been getting texts. It's annoying. Does he really not have time to just talk—to actually talk to her for a few minutes? She can't help but feel like he's avoiding her.

Tonight she's seeing Caleb. She hasn't really seen him since the wedding. The only time she's really seen him is when he dropped off Hanna at her doorstep.

She knows she shouldn't ask Caleb about Toby. Pull him into this relationship that seems to already be uncoiling—this relationship that Caleb isn't exactly holding up a foam finger for, but she can't help herself. Caleb is his best friend. Maybe he knows something. Maybe Toby talked to him.

She has always been good at getting things out of Caleb. He's always been easy for her to break.

"Have you talked to Toby at all?" she asks casually as they sit through the trailers in a movie theater. They are seeing some comedy, something Caleb picked out that Spencer doesn't even know about, really. All she knows is that Hanna wouldn't see it with him. She doesn't know what to get from that.

Caleb doesn't look at her. His fidgety, maple eyes stay planted on the movie screen. "Not really."

She glares at him, exhaling through her nose silently. She turns her head towards the screen.

Maybe she is just being crazy. She bites her lips as she watches the trailer. She tries to concentrate on it. Tries to enjoy it, but she can't.

"What's going on?"

Her eyes snap back to her best friend. She sighs. "It's nothing."

"Spencer…" he tries. "We both know that ball of anxiety is only going to get bigger. Neither of us will be able to enjoy the movie. And I did not pay ten dollars to sit through a movie I'm not even going to be able to enjoy."

"Fine," she sighs. "It's…just, Toby. I feel like he's been avoiding me…" she admits in a low mumble.

"Why do you say that?"

"He's just… he hasn't called me back. He's just sending me texts…"

Caleb sighs, a grim line forming on his face. "Toby's just avoiding his problems."

"So what? I'm his problem?" she exclaims a little too loudly for a movie theater.

Caleb makes a grimace, his face crumpling up with regret. "No, no that's not it. It's just—" he pauses, "in a way," his shoulders drop, his scared eyes peering over at her.

She glowers at him.

"He's just—he doesn't know what's going to happen between you two!"

She rolls her eyes, "And I do? That doesn't give him the right to ignore me."

"Look, I know. I know. I just, the last relationship Toby was in screwed him over. He's just…scared. It's not his fault. Try to cut him some slack."

Spencer grits her teeth together, moving her hard, copper eyes over to the screen. "Why can't he just tell me that though? Why can't he just talk to me about it?"

"Toby probably thinks that you'll be offended, or something. I don't know. Don't put me in the middle of this, Spencer."

"What did he say to you?" she glares at him.

"Just that he doesn't know what to do!" he throws his hands up in defense. "I'm just telling you what I know about Toby," he claims. "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is just busy. Look, Spencer, don't…this wasn't supposed to make you feel bad."

"I don't feel bad. I'm just… annoyed."

"Well, it wasn't supposed to do that either."

She huffs out a breath. "How am I supposed to feel, Caleb?" she deadpans.

"Just…try to give him some understanding. I don't think it's cool that he's avoiding you—if he's even avoiding you, that is—but you know, he's just…" Caleb shrugs, trying to find the right word, "been through this before. And it didn't work out the first time."

"I know that, okay. I just… why does he assume that I even want to do the long distance thing? It never works out. Everyone knows that."

Caleb's eyebrows furrow a little, "so…are…are you saying that you're going to cut ties with him?"

"I don't know what I'm doing. I just want to talk to him," she states breathily, not looking at Caleb. "Is that too much to ask?" she flicks her eyes up at the baffled Caleb.

"No, it's not," he offers.

"Thank you."

Spencer doesn't really enjoy the movie. She can't shut her brain off. She laughs at some parts, and follows the plot, but she isn't fully engulfed in it like usual. She doesn't see things ahead of time like usual. She's too distracted.

After the movie she decides to just try Toby's loft. It's kind of out of the way, but she doesn't really mind. It's not that late and gas isn't really an issue. She doesn't know if he's home. She doesn't want to ask because if he is avoiding her, then he'll either lie or tell her he's too busy working on new music for her to visit. Maybe that's true. Maybe she is just being really crazy. But it just doesn't seem right that she has gone three days without hearing his voice—without having an actual conversation with him. Even if it was just ten seconds, that would be better than nothing.

Her knuckles rap at the door for a few seconds before it's being pulled open. Toby stands there, looking baffled.

"Hey," he greets after moment, opening the door wider for her to come in. She precedes forward, Toby closing the door behind her.

She puts her hands in her pockets. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" she puts forth, trying to keep her voice level.

"Uh, no. I just—no," he offers. "It's fine."

She nods, staring at her feet. She doesn't know if she's being crazy. She feels like she is. But if he's not doing anything right now, why couldn't he call her? She sighs a little.

"Spencer…?" he takes a step closer to her.

She looks up at him, stifling a breath. She didn't realize how close he was.

"Is something…wrong?"

"I just," she flickers her eyes down for a second. "I don't know." She puts the words forth solidly, meeting his eyes. "I just—I feel like you're avoiding me."

His eyes scamper down, his lips releasing a tiny, almost unheard sigh. "It's—it's just, complicated."

She bites her lip, staring at the wall. "I know that. I just—did you find out when you're leaving?" she exhales, locking eyes with him.

He puts forth an apprehensive nod, his blue eyes shimmering with guilt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands in a groveling whisper. Hurt leaks through the words.

"I just—it's sooner than I thought."

"How soon?"

He sucks in a breath, "three weeks."

She gnaws on her inner cheek, snapping her fidgety eyes away from him quickly. She didn't' expect it to be that soon either. She thought they would at least have a month to figure this all out. Three weeks is just about how long they've been dating. Why, oh why, does their timing have to be so horrible?

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks again, this time a little bit more confidently.

"I told you."

"No. That's not why," she decrees. "Why?" she demands.

He frowns, his soft, gloomy blue eyes going southward. "I don't… I've been thinking about…" his voice fails to produce any coherent sentence.

"When you're going to break up with me? How you're going to do it?"

"Spencer."

"You can't just avoid me. You can't just ignore me and hope I go away. I'm not a fly!"

"That's not what it was."

She crosses her arms, tightening her lips. Her hard eyes leave his, unwilling to share a gaze. She wasn't being crazy. He really was avoiding her.

He touches her arm, but she quickly flinches away, taking a few steps back from him.

"If you want to break up with me—just do it. Just say it."

"Spencer, that's not even what I'm thinking about right now!" he exclaims.

Silence.

"Is that what you want?" he implores. "For me to break up with you so you don't have to do it?"

"What?" she finally looks at him—her stone like eyes full of wrath. "No. Why would you even think that?!" she hisses out. She shakes her head, feeling the beginnings of hot tears fill her eyes. "You avoid me for three days, and you're trying to turn this on me?" she glowers at him in disgust. "That's bull shit, and you know it."

He sighs, sucking on his lips, looking away.

"Well, I should go. I don't want to keep you. You probably have more important things to do, right?" She has given him glares before—many times. But this one is different. This one reminds him of the one she gave him when she thought he ruined her physics project back in high school. It's one consisting of hurt and betrayal, disguised as wretched anger.

She goes for the door, but he catches her wrist.

"Please stay," he pleas gently. "Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have ignored you."

She doesn't look at him, but she doesn't move either. Her eyebrow forms a little wrinkle. She's thinking.

He lets her wrist go with a sigh. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, all right? I…I don't want to break up with you. I..I—I like you a lot," his voice is faint. "I…" he starts, but stops himself. "I don't know what to do. Long distance—it screwed me over last time. It's really hard. And I don't think you'd cheat on me, really I don't, that's not it… I just…" he sighs. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just a jackass," he looks down for a moment.

When he looks back up, she's staring at him.

"I just—I understand that," she states, hurt still laced in her words. "I just wish you would have talked to me about it instead of avoiding me."

He bites his lip, staring up at her hopefully. "I know. I know that." He pauses. "I'm sorry," he professes, meeting her copper eyes.

He hesitantly takes a step forward, opening his arms out. She doesn't dodge him. She doesn't do anything to stop him. He goes forward, wrapping his arms around her slowly. She doesn't hug him back for a moment. She just stays still, letting him feel her—letting him embrace her. But then she moves her hand to his back, and then her other, and soon she is completely falling into him, letting everything she has go into him.

He wraps a few strands of her hair over and under his fingers, not saying anything. He's already apologized several times. What else can he say?

He inhales deeply, smiling at the waft of her scent he breathes in. He really doesn't want to let her go. He doesn't want to stop knowing her smell. He doesn't want to stop experiencing her. He hasn't had enough of her yet. But he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know the correct way of going forward.

She sighs. "I'm sorry, too. I accused you first of wanting to break up," she mumbles.

He rubs circles on her back. "I wish I knew what to say," he breathes into her. "I just. I don't. I wanted to have something to say for you. I wanted to be able to have something to offer."

She pulls away from him, her once hard, cocoa eyes now melting like fondue chocolate. Her fingers gently caress the side of his cheek before running through his honey locks. "You don't have to figure it out on your own. Don't feel guilty. I—that's the last thing I want."

A small, tender smile alights on his features. "This would be so much easier if you still hated me."

A grin pops up on her face. "Vice versa."

He chuckles a little. "So, will you stay?" he requests, rubbing her back still.

She inwardly purses her lips before nodding. Slowly at first, but then quicker. "Yes. I would love to stay."

An ample smile spreads out across his face before he delivers a chaste kiss to her lips.

Day 28

"So, what? You guys are just not having the conversation?" Caleb kicks his feet up on Toby's coffee table. Toby is too busy tuning his guitar to really care.

"I mean. No?" he glances at his friend. "We haven't really talked about it since we both agreed on not knowing what to do."

Caleb gives him a look of disbelief. "That doesn't sound like Spencer," Caleb starts. "She over-thinks things. She doesn't procrastinate. She doesn't just wing things."

Toby shrugs, not really paying attention to his best friend. He agrees. It does seem unlike Spencer, but then again, she did partake in a relationship of over six months that had no labeling. No talk on what they were. "Yeah, I know. But I mean… I think we are both just trying to decide what we want."

"What do you want?"

Toby purses his lips, pondering on the choices before staring up at Caleb. "None of the above?" he offers, cracking a smile.

Caleb rolls his eyes.

"Why are you suddenly so interested? You hate our relationship," Toby puts forth defensively.

"It's growing on me. Slowly, but gradually…" his voice trails. "And also, you guys are my best friends. I'm hoping to see neither of you miserable. I don't have enough energy in me to deal with another post-apocalypse-Toby-break-up."

Toby shoots him a glare, before shining his eye back down at his guitar. "So, what are you suggesting? You think long distance is a bad idea."

"Toby, I told you last time, and I'm telling you again, long distance is a terrible idea. Why put yourself through that again?"

"You really think Spencer would cheat on me?" he deadpans, glaring again.

"No. But cheating isn't the only thing that can go wrong. When you're in long distance, you want to break up with the person, but you feel terrible about it, so you don't because you vowed that you'd stick together with this person through this long distance crap, and it's just a couple more weeks. But by the time they get back, you're not even into them anymore."

"How do you even know about this?"

"Remember Layla? We dated in high school? She went to France to visit her uncle during summer break?"

"That was high school." Toby points out. "It's different."

"Well, how long is the tour exactly? Because, yes, you're right it is different. It's going to be a lot longer than three months. A lot longer than you and Cheyenne were separated. Spencer's one of the most loyalist people I know, but even if you were in a relationship with a German Sheppard, you'd be freaking out because, sorry to break it to you, but Cheyenne fucked you up!"

Toby stays silent, silently seething as he plucks at his guitar strings.

"I know it sucks, but that's life. This tour, it's got to be at least like four or five months, right?" he questions. "That's a long time."

"It's four and half," Toby reluctantly admits.

"Okay, well, that's a good two month difference. Cheyenne was only gone for two and half months, right?"

Toby groans, "can we just stop talking about Cheyenne?"

"I'm just saying," he puts his hands up in defense. "Look, I don't know, maybe break up now, and then if you're both still available and interested when you get back, you get back together."

"I don't want to go to that place again," Toby mumbles. "The in-between."

"Well, you are low on options," Caleb shrugs. "It's the best bet. That way you don't feel obliged to still be into her. You won't have to feel guilty."

"I already feel guilty, Caleb." Toby grumbles, "this is amazing, really, but I just—the timing really sucks."

"I know," Caleb offers, sighing. "I'll tell you what? How about we go to the bar, get a few beers. No Spencer talk. Or…the other one," Caleb smirks a little.

Toby laughs, looking back at his guitar. "I don't know. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to go play at this college for some fundraiser concert, and I'm supposed to make an impression; convince them all to buy tickets for this tour."

"Using a fundraiser for your own personal gain? Don't tell me this is just the beginning of you being some self righteous, shallow ass wipe?"

Toby chuckles. "It wasn't my idea. It's Kenzie's. She's actually being a manager, and forcing me to do things I don't want to do. Not that I don't want to play at a fundraiser," he quickly defends, "I just—the appeal thing, and everything."

Caleb just snickers. "I'm just messing with you. I get it," Caleb fans him off. "But c'mon. Just one or two beers. It'll be fun. Hanna's out with Emily. And Spencer's with Aria, which means you don't have her tonight either."

"It's nice to know I'm your last choice of companionship."

Caleb rolls his eyes. "Your first choice is that guitar of yours, anyways. Then probably Spencer, and then me. So, you know, it's fair."

Toby smirks as he plucks at the strings.

"Seriously, I've been just watching you play with it for the past hour."

Toby chuckles a little before giving into Caleb's wishes. "Fine. I'll have one beer."

Day 29

"You didn't have to come."

Spencer playfully rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I didn't, but I wanted to," she smiles. "I'm a college student. These are my people."

He shakes his head, grinning a little, "These are undergrads," he points out.

"Wow, you're right. God, can you just take me home actually? I can't possibly breathe the same air as these undergrads," she jokes, grinning at him after. "Stop being so…annoying," she decides, leaning over to him from the passenger seat, a smile decorated on her features, "and get over it," she advices before smashing their lips together in a passionate kiss.

"Okay, fine," he tells her after the kiss. "But…you don't have to be in the crowd. You can stand on the sidelines if you want, you know back stage?"

"A VIP pass?" her sparkling mocha eyes pop from their sockets teasingly. "How lucky am I?"

"Very lucky," he entails before stepping out of the truck. She follows suit. "In fact…you're so lucky that you have a song written about you."

"What—are you—are you serious?"

"Surprise," he offers in a casual matter, his eyebrows bouncing upward.

He goes to the bed of the truck, pulling up the padding, and throwing his guitar over his shoulder. They have everything else on stage. He's not the only one performing.

"Toby!" she rushes over to him. "What—what—you didn't."

"It's in inspiration of you," he explains.

"What—can I hear it before you—is this why you didn't want me to come?"

He laughs a little, shrugging. "I guess I'm a little bit more nervous than I usually am with you here," he sets a hand on his truck.

"I—why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugs. "I was planning to. It just—I was afraid of your reaction."

"What does that mean?" she narrows her eyes on him slightly.

"Nothing," he perks up a smile. "I just—it's all gushy, and stuff."

Her eyes examine him with curiosity. "Gushy? You wrote a gushy song about me?" she gapes, raising an eyebrow.

He sighs, looking away for a second. "Yes. Sort of. In a way. I wrote it the other night, after our argument—the lyrics at least. I spent the days after that coming up with the chords, and stuff."

"You said you slept."

"I did," he nods. "For thirty minutes," he provides in a low mumble.

She laughs. "I'm…I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Just listen. I don't really know how I feel about it yet. I didn't even show it to Kenzie. She doesn't even know I'm playing it."

"That seems…wise."

He cracks a grin. "She'll be fine," he fans the woman off. "If she's not, I'll just blame you. Say that you demanded I write a song for you, and sing it to dozens of college students."

She narrows her eyes on him, which makes him laugh. "Really, it's fine, Spence. She's cool."

"I just don't want you to get into trouble," she plucks a string on his guitar absently.

He kisses the top of her head, wrapping an arm around her. "It will be fine. Promise."

"Whatever you say…" her voice trails. "So, what song should I be over-analyzing?" she smirks at him.

He chuckles. "It'll be the last one."

Spencer spends most of the concert with Toby's manager, Kenzie at her side. She saw Toby perform live before, but back stage is a completely different matter. It feels more personal. It feels more real. She is able to see how hard he is working, and the amount of energy he is putting into this all.

Toby announces it will be his last song, receiving excessive "boo's" from the college kids, but it quickly quiet downs when he starts to strum away at his guitar. She listens intently, ready to absorb the music. It's the song he wrote for her. It makes her feel light headed. No one's ever done anything like that. She's never been a muse.

"What is this?" Kenzie gets a look of panic on her face. "I don't recognize this."

"He wrote it the other day," Spencer provides, unsure if it would have been better if she just kept her mouth shut.

"What! Why didn't he tell me about it?" she growls, shaking her head with tight lips. "God, I swear to God your boyfriend will be dead by the end of the day if this doesn't go well."

Both of them keep silent as he begins to sing. Spencer can feel her heart fluttering in her chest. How the hell is she supposed to analyze any of this with her mind and body going absolutely berserk? She'll need lyrics. She'll need a sheet in front of her for her adept brain to work. She is too awestruck to think straight. Too in love.

I'm indecisive,

These brain waves just can't get through,

Not with this beating heart making everything go askew

Oh, tell me where my decision lies

Tell me where to go

Because all I hear in my head

Is the sorrow between me and you

The crinkling heart beats faster

Demanding to be answered

But nothing is decided

Nothing can get through

Not with this beating heart making everything go askew

After Toby finishes his set, and tells everyone to follow him on tour with Underground Utopia, he joins Spencer and Kenzie backstage. Spencer is ready to throw her entire body at him, coating him with kisses and affection, but Kenzie pounces on him first. She has him by the collar, dragging him towards the back. Spencer follows shortly behind them, impatient as ever.

"You cannot just pull that! You need to tell me these things, I am your manager!" she begins the mantra. She says this repeatedly throughout their fight, Toby trying to defend himself, but failing. The woman's short, but boy oh boy does she have a voice. Spencer would normally find this amusing—Toby getting yelled at by his tiny manager when he had claimed everything would be okay. But she's too anxious to get him to him herself. She almost feels like a groupie. But how can she not? He wrote a song about her. She had inspired him to create that beautiful piece he had just showcased for the college campus. She had revved up an explosion of creativity and imagination from within him. It feels fantastic. She feels fantastic. She feels loved. She hasn't really ever felt this before. Not really, anyways. And he hadn't even mentioned the word "love" in the song, yet it was just…there.

Kenzie ends the argument with a pat on the back, telling him he is lucky that he had written such a great song before letting him go.

Spencer flings herself into his arms when Kenzie is gone. He catches her easily, giggles of both him and her bubbling in her ear as their bodies press together. She clings to him tightly, nuzzling her head into his shoulder.

"I'm a little sweaty…" he warns after a second.

"I think can handle it," she giggles again.

He kisses her neck, head, then shoulder before burrowing his face in her hair. They stay like that for a minute—just wrapped into each other's arms, both bathing in affection. They keep hold of each other, inhaling and exhaling breaths of love and adoration. She thinks of this moment not happening—of her irrational hatred towards Toby still existing today—of never knowing this feeling of being entangled in his embrace. She knows you cannot miss something you never had, but she cannot help but feel a certain sadness over it.

"I'm guessing you liked it," he pulls from her, their hands linking together.

"I loved it, it was beautiful. You're amazing," she spurs out excitedly. "And I —," he giddy voice fades into something more serious, "I love you." Her heart pounds radically with the words, beating intensely as her mocha eyes flicker against his azure ones.

His mouth moves up and down in bafflement, unsure what to say.

Regret crashes through her, breaking her down into tiny, castaway pieces. Why did she say that? Why, why, why ? It will just make things more complicated. More hard. Those words will ruin the time they have left. Those words—

"I love you, too," he states in almost awe.

She beams at him for a moment, completely forgetting all her thoughts from before. It doesn't matter. None of those things matter. Not right now.

Her lips are instantly making contact with his, her hands cupping around his face eagerly. She feels overwhelmed. Overcome with love and adoration. She's never felt this way before. She's never felt this kind of lightness. It all feels so empowering. So endearing. So incredible. She feels like she could do anything right now.

She can't lose this feeling.