Detective Sergeant Vince Korsak thought that he knew why Jane had wanted a partner reassignment after her initial ordeal with Charles Hoyt, but he was wrong. Not totally wrong, Just not totally right. Even with everything he had gone through in his life, everything he had seen and everything he had read he was not prepared to do what he had been ordered to do.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, he popped in a tape and hit play.

Jane's low, bruised, dejected voice filled his kitchen. Korsak closed his eyes and sipped his whiskey. A flush broke out on his forehead as his arms covered in goosebumps. He didn't want to be doing this. He didn't want things to change. He just didn't want to know. The taped session began abruptly, seemingly in the middle of Jane's train of thought.

When I gave my statement, I think I had to make up some stuff. I don't remember everything. Some stuff, but not everything.

What do you remember?

Being stupid, going on my gut and not calling Vince. I just thought I should check it out before I called it in. Mistake.

And?

Being scared when I realized I was in. I wanted to go back out and call it in, but when I saw her…when I heard her I knew I had no choice.

Why?

What if I had gone back out? He might have killed her. It wasn't an option. So I went down those steps. Stupid. But all I could see was how scared she was. I was gunna save her. And then I didn't.

And then what?

I woke up and all I could do was smell him. Then I saw him. He had his pants down. That's what I saw first, then my hands hurt and I couldn't get up. And he stunk so bad. And then he…he…was inside of me. And I couldn't move. I let him. I couldn't fight him. I had no hands. My head swimming and then I threw up. That's when he came. Asshole. And then he was shot, and Vince was pulling my pants back on, covering me with his coat. And I don't remember after that.

What is the next thing you remember?

I just sat there. For days, weeks. Some days I didn't get up off the couch. I didn't take a shower for two weeks, then my ma came over and threw me in the shower. She tried everything for the first few weeks to get me back, but all I could do is just sit there. And when I got up the nerve to go back to work, I thought I was doing good. Made up a story about a vacation and put on a "back to work" face. I thought I could do it, I mean, I was doing it until one day. Me and Vince were going down to the motor pool and I heard these two guys..cops..

What were they talking about?

All I heard was "yeah, I can't believe she's back either, man…he fucked her…stabbed her and fucked her. She's gotta be-" And Vince just tore around the corner and then all I could hear was him yelling, punching and screaming. And the next thing I know, I was back in my apartment.

And slowly, you learned to live with it?

Yeah. I had to. I took an oath to protect and serve. And it's never really left me..Hoyt. What he did. I still dream about it. I still think about it. It makes me mad and scared and then mad again. Some days are worse than others. I don't trust anymore. I don't date anymore. I've tried, but it always comes down to the same thing. I can't. I just can't.

Korsak refilled his glass and took a large swallow, the hot burn searing. He shook his head and switched tapes, letting the voices of Jane and the psychiatrist enter his kitchen once again.

I should have killed him. I justified to kill him. But I didn't. I got too cocky, thought he'd rot in jail with holes in his hands, festering, and I'd win. Thought it would make me feel better knowing that he was suffering.

Why, Jane?

Because I was suffering. Everything changed for me. I just worked. Worked and drank to forget it. Cleared almost all of my cases, got promoted, won awards, but I knew that I still just the cop that got fucked by Hoyt. I saw it in their eyes. Heard it when they talked to me. I lost Vince. I haven't slept with a man since he attacked me. Tried, but it just doesn't work.

Are you still suffering?

Not as bad. Some things make sense again. Sometimes I see light, I see the hope and true goodness in people again. Not everyone is out to get me. Sometimes I feel like I could love again.

What changed?

I met someone. And she won't take no for an answer. She's been my constant. My companion. When I am around her, that part of my life is gone. It's like it never happened. I spend all of my time with her. Work, home, weekends. It's like she was supposed to walk into my life when she did. I trust her 100%. And I never thought I'd do that again.

What is her name?

Maura.