On her next day off she finds that Zoey is working. After Jackie takes a shower, and gets dressed she finds herself feeling completely overwhelmed. She sits down on the end of the bed. Her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. She lies back. Her hands rest on her stomach. The baby dances inside of her. She thinks about the nursery, and how all she wants to do is sniff the paint, or cover the walls with wallpaper so she can huff the glue.
She thinks about going outside, and smoking a cigarette, not that she has any handy, but it still crosses her mind. She thinks about all of the places that she has hidden pills around the house. She wonders if there are any she has forgotten about. Her back feels like someone is sticking daggers in it while someone else kicks it from the other side. She just wants the pain to go away. She really wants a pill, or two, something just to take the edge off. She could snort a line of Adderall to give her the energy that seems to be non-existant as of late. Maybe a bottle of booze to drown all of the recent events. A kick to the ribs brings her back to reality. She stares at her round stomach, in total disbelief.
She sighs.
"Look kid, I am probably never going to be mother of the year. I am not even entirely sure that it is a good idea for me to keep you. I will probably completely fuck you up. No matter how hard I try I always find a way to screw things up. I am good and ruining lives. My own, and those of other's too. I hope that you turn out halfway normal. That is more than I can say about myself. I don't know why I am rambling on, and on, it's not as if you're going to answer me."
She climbs out of the bed, and goes into the nursery. She stares at the room for a few moments, and then leaves the room, closing the door behind her. She heads down the stairs to the kitchen. She pours herself a bowl of cereal. As she pours the milk into her cereal she looks down at her baby bump. Her glance returns to her bowl of sugary cereal.
"Obviously I am trying to get you hooked from the get go." She dumps the milk into the sink, and tosses the cereal in the trash. She finds something healthier to eat.
She doesn't take a seat at the table, as it's too difficult to get back up. She simply leans against the counter, with her stomach sticking out in front of her. She finishes her food and puts the dishes into the sink.
"I would like to apologize now for the fact that you won't have a father in your life. I am a fuck up, and so is he. You don't need both of us in your lives."
Zoey enters the kitchen with a cocked eyebrow, "Who are you talking to?"
Jackie looks at her, "Where did you come from?"
"Work."
"Is it time for you to get off, already?"
"Yeah, what did you do all day?"
"Laundry."
"And?"
"Dishes. That was all I managed to get accomplished. I just now got out of my pajamas and had a shower."
"Jackie it is six o'clock in the evening."
"I am busy trying to feed a parasite," she explains.
"While you're talking to it."
"Don't judge me," she warns.
"Of all of the things I have seen you do, you are worried that I will judge you for talking to your unborn child?"
"Point taken."
"Can we go for ice cream?" Jackie asks out of the blue.
"You just got done eating, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"You're hungry again?"
"Not particularly, I just want ice cream."
"I will take you to get ice cream. At least it isn't beer now."
"And I want some pears," she adds.
"Jackie pears aren't in season."
"I want pears."
"Lovely. You are losing your freaking mind."
"I told you it is this parasite."
"It's eating your brain?"
She's sitting at a table, as Zoey gets their ice cream. She heads towards the table. Jackie watches her. Zoey is half way to the table when Jackie notices someone walking in the door. Zoey continues to walk, focused on not spilling the two gallons of ice cream. Jackie turns towards the wall. Zoey sits the ice cream on the table. She shoots Jackie a questioning look.
"What are you doing?"
"He just walked in," Jackie whispers.
"Who?"
"Cruz."
"Oh."Jackie sits as still as a statue as he orders his ice cream. She doesn't move a muscle, despite the fact that it takes every ounce of restraint for her not to dive head first into her ice cream. She silently prays that he won't eat his ice cream in the shop. He turns to leave, and she breathes a sigh of relief. Then he turns, and comes her way. He stops in front of their table. She is as close to the table as she can be. Her stomach is strategically hidden under the table top.
"How are you ladies doing?'
"Fine."
"You have enough ice cream for four," he comments.
"The girls are joining us in a couple of minutes," Jackie lies.
"Oh. It was nice seeing you."
"Nice seeing you too," she lies.
"Well I'm going to go before my ice cream melts."
"Ok," Jackie nods.
He leaves the ice cream shop. Jackie watches the door, until it closes. She turns and looks at Zoey. She shakes her head, reaching for her ice cream.
"Not one word," she warns.
"I didn't say anything," Zoey admits.
"And you shouldn't."
"You could have told him," Zoey is unable to restrain herself.
"In the middle of the ice cream shop? That is where you wanted me to tell him? In front of all these people?"
"Jackie there are like six other people here. All of them saw you waddle in here. They all know you're pregnant."
"This is not Days of Our Lives, I am not going to announce it to the entire ice cream shop."
"Are you ever going to tell him?"
"We have already discussed this. You know that I am not."